“DON’T BE A COWARD,” Mare spits. Her lips tremble as she tries to push against me again. “Say it to my face, Cade. Tell me right now you don’t love me, and you’ll never have to worry about me again.”
It’d be easy to tell the truth. I’m so in love with her that I already can’t breathe at the thought of losing her. I don’t want to go back to the ranch without her. Sadness courses through me when I think about returning to all the places we’ve made memories together without her. But it’s something I have to do.
I sigh, wishing I could be honest and tell her I think she’ll be the only person I love my entire life. I think the ghost of our memories will haunt me on the ranch. It’ll be bittersweet to watch her make every single one of her dreams come true without me in her life.
Her fingers wrap in the fabric of my T-shirt once again. She clutches them so tightly I fear that her grip is the only thing keeping her upright.
“You can’t,” Mare sobs. “You can’t tell me you don’t love me because I know this isn’t all in my head. Love like this doesn’t have to be talked about. It’s so much more powerful than words. It can be felt and I feel that you love me like I love y—”
“I don’t love you,” I interrupt. The words taste vile coming from my mouth.
Her head rears back like I’ve hit her. “No,” she whispers. Fuck, there’s so much anguish in her voice. I hate myself for doing this to her. I hate myself for being weak and letting anything happen between us. I fucking hate that I’m having to lie to the woman that owns my entire fucking heart.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t love you the way you want me to,” I lie.
She sobs, the sound is loud and obliterates my bruised and broken heart. I want to hold her, comfort her, and apologize for having to do this to us. My feet stay planted. I know the comfort from me won’t do anything. Not if I won’t take back the worst lie I’ve ever told.
Her falling tears soak the collar of her shirt. She attempts to wipe under her eyes, but the moment she pulls her hands down her tears fall again.
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve been it for you. That I could’ve felt that way…”
She lets out a choking sound, and the noise has me way too close to giving up the charade. I’m seconds away from telling her I’ll risk her hating me later if it meant she didn’t hate me now.
I’m in too deep. I’ve broken her. I can see it in her eyes. There’s no coming back from this. I’ve ruined us. If I just remind myself that one day, when her books are sold in every store and her name is known to thousands, that she’ll thank me. She’ll appreciate the fact that she didn’t let a man hold her back.
It doesn’t make it hurt any fucking less.
Mare’s chest shakes as she tries to suck in air. She hiccups, looking at her two suitcases at my sides. “I think it’s time I go.”
“Yeah,” I answer sadly.
Her eyes search my face one final time. I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I held her back and asked her to stay.
“I think you’ll regret this,” she says, attempting to keep her shaky words steady. “One day, I think you’ll realize that what we had together was the realest thing you ever had, but you were too scared to fight for it. I won’t be waiting around for that moment.”
I can’t help it. I pull her body into mine, needing to feel her pressed against me one last time. My arms cling to her desperately. I want to keep her in my grasp forever and never let go.
She’s the first one to pull away. I let her, afraid of things I’ll confess if she stays in my hold much longer. Before she’s fully out of reach, I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. My eyes close, my mind filling with all the things I wish we could be.
“One day you’ll forget all about me,” I tell her. “I’ll just be a boy you thought you loved once.”
Mare grabs both her suitcases and backs away from me. I think that’ll be the end of it—the end of us—but she meets my eyes one final time. “You’re not just a boy to me, Cade Jennings. You never will be.”
Then she leaves.
I tell myself that if she looks back, if she still has that same devastated look on her face that I’ll come clean.
I’ll tell her that she owns me. That I’m hers in every way, and that I’ll do anything to be the one she comes home to at the end of the day. I’m ready to unleash everything…if she’d just look back.
She never looks back.
