Two days later, I was having my morning coffee when a text notification lit up my phone. It was from Dr. Will Danger.
How about dinner tomorrow night?
I pondered my reply. It would probably do me some good to take advantage of a distraction from Justin. Since our talk the other night, things had been more cordial between us. At least he was no longer avoiding me. After he performed last night, we actually drove home from Sandy’s together. It was a quiet ride, but it was a step in the right direction. So, things were as good as they could have been.
The problem was me. I still couldn’t curb my attraction to him and didn’t know where to draw the line on my emotions. I thought about him every second of the day. We’d be going our separate ways soon, not to mention the not so insignificant detail of his committed relationship with Jade. I would never do anything intentionally to jeopardize that. But I still couldn’t control my feelings.
My fingers forced out a response to Will.
Tomorrow night sounds great. Just let me know what time.
Justin’s deep morning voice startled me. “I see you made coffee fusion.”
I jumped, quickly putting down the phone.
He snickered. “Oh. Did I interrupt something? You texting a boy?”
“No.”
He glared at me suspiciously. “Liar.”
A nervous laugh escaped me. “Want some coffee?”
“Trying to change the subject?”
“Maybe.”
“So, who was it?”
“Will.”
“Dr. Danger?”
“Yes.”
“Ever heard of stranger danger?”
“Yes.”
“They created that term about him.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure. Yeah.” He poured himself a mug of coffee and turned to me again. “Seriously? Dr. Cheeseball? You’re gonna go out with him?”
Nodding, I said, “Tomorrow night. What’s your problem with him anyway?”
“He’s disrespectful.”
“In what way?”
“That guy was eye fucking you before he even confirmed we weren’t together.”
“Maybe he’s just perceptive.”
“How?”
“He sensed your disdain toward me. It was quite obvious.”
“Where’s he taking you?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“You should find out.”
“What does it matter?”
“In case you go missing, I’ll know where to tell the police to start looking.”
***
Evening rolled around, and I had absolutely no clue what to wear. Will said he was taking me to this restaurant on the water in nearby Tiverton. It was going to be a humid night, so I opted for a lightweight floral tube dress that I’d bought one afternoon while out shopping with Jade earlier this summer.
I could hear Justin panting from down the hall.
Not again.
I didn’t dare go over there to assess the situation after what happened the last time I found myself witness to that jerk-off jamboree. After several minutes, what sounded like punching was added into the mix. I broke my vow to stay out of it and marched out of my room to check things out.
It turned out that Justin was in the exercise room beating the shit out of an Everlast punching bag.
Beads of sweat were dripping down his sculpted back. The room smelled of sweat mixed with his cologne. His hair was drenched. He had earbuds in, and I could hear the music blasting through them. Gritting his teeth, he hit the black rubber contraption harder and harder. My heart beat faster with every punch.
When I inched cautiously closer, he growled, “Get out of the way.” I flinched as his arm swung dangerously close to me.
I backed up but stayed watching him from the corner of the room. I’d seen him working out before but never like this. He was like a beast, so strong and virile. It occurred to me that with Jade gone so long, he must have been sexually frustrated. Maybe that was why he was taking it out on the punching bag. Whatever the reason, I was transfixed by the energy he was expending and found myself unable to take my eyes off him.
He suddenly stopped, took out his earbuds and moved over to the doorway where he’d set up a metal bar for pull ups. My eyes followed the movement of his body as he lifted his own weight, his rock hard abs tightening and curling with each lift.
He jumped down from the bar and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Nothing better to do than to watch me work out? Aren’t you supposed to be getting dressed for a date?”
“I am dressed.”
“That’s Jade’s dress, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s the same one she has, but this one is mine. We both bought these from the same shop on clearance the same day.”
“It looks normal on her. On you…it looks ridiculous.”
My stomach sank. “Are you saying I’m fat?”
“No, but your body is different than hers. That dress looks obscene on you.”
Looking down at myself, I suddenly felt naked. “What are you talking about?”
“You want me to spell it out?”
“Yes.”
He came up behind me, grabbing my shoulders and positioning me in front of the full-length mirror on the wall. Shivers ran down my spine from the feel of his rough hands on me.
“Look. Your tits are busting out of it. Your nipples are poking out of the middle of those daisy flowers.”
My mind was in a fog because all I could see was me in the mirror with Justin’s hot, sweaty body behind me. Then, he flipped me around fast and his stare was burning into mine. He was too close for comfort, and my legs felt like they were going to collapse under me from the surge of sexual awareness. “Look at your ass in the mirror. The material can barely wrap around it. You think Dr. Doolittle is going to be able to look you in the eyes when you’re dressed like that?”
“You really think this looks that bad?”
He suddenly walked away from me and returned to the pull-up bar. My nipples were tingling. I just wanted his hands on me again.
“I think it makes you look like a whore, yes,” he said before doing a few more reps in silence. He hopped down, the weight of his body causing a large thump against the wood floor. “You really are that oblivious, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You never did have any clue what kind of effect you have on people.”
“Be specific, please.”
“When we were younger, you would sit on my lap, put your hands on me, run your fingers through my hair, hug me all of the time with your massive tits pressed against me. I spent half of my teenage years walking around with a fucking hard on that I couldn’t do anything about. The entire time you apparently had no clue.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now. And you have no idea how many times I had to defend you behind your back. Guys talking about your body, saying sexual things about you right in front of my fucking face. Do you have any clue how many fights I got into because of you?”
“You never told me.”
“No. I didn’t. Because I was trying to protect your feelings. I tried so hard to fucking protect you from shit, and that was the one thing that bit me in the ass in the end.”
“I’m sorry.”
He held his hands up. “You know what? Never mind. My bad. Let’s not do this again. I told you we were done talking. And we are.”
“Okay.”
“I’d like to continue my work out in peace if you don’t mind.”
“Alright.”
Back in my room, I could hear that he’d returned to the punching bag in full force. Still reeling from his words, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Maybe I was really just a clueless person. But he never exactly expressed his feelings to me back then, either. Was I supposed to be a mind reader? I felt like I needed to make that point. It was bugging me. I returned down the hall and spoke through his violent hooks to the bag.
“The other night you asked me why I never told you how I felt. Well, clearly you didn’t have the balls to tell me how you felt, either.”
Justin stopped punching but kept his arms on the bag, leaning against it. He took a few seconds to catch his breath. “I thought it was understood. How much more obvious could I have been? All the fucking songs I wrote you? Did you ever even see me with any other girls?”
“No. But you did admit to kissing someone before that night at Brian’s.”
“I did kiss one girl before that night. Wanna know why? Because I didn’t want to be clueless as to what the fuck I was doing when I finally got the courage to kiss you. I never considered it a real kiss. I wanted my first real one to be with you. I wanted everything with you. But I was afraid you were too young, so I was waiting. I didn’t want to rush things and ruin it. But you’re right. A part of me also didn’t have the balls to tell you how I felt.”
“I wish you had. You were being careful, and I was just clueless. Together, we were…careless.”
“Careful plus clueless equals careless? Did you just make that up right now?”
“Yes.”
“That’s pretty fucking cheesy.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“You’d better get ready for your date with Trapper Con M.D.”
I laughed, relieved that he was smiling about things now. “Will you help me?”
“Help you? What the fuck do you need help with?”
“Help me pick out what to wear. Because I think you’re right. This is a little skimpy.”
“A little skimpy? Hustler would be calling you tomorrow if I sent them a picture.”
“Alright. A lot skimpy.”
“You can’t figure this shit out on your own? It’s pretty simple. You cover your tits and ass. Done.”
“Yeah. But I still want to look good. You know I have a tendency to pick weird stuff. Potato sack couture and all. I feel like I go from one extreme to the other, and I don’t know how to dress in between.”
“Fine.” Justin let out an exhausted breath and followed me to my room.
I started to take dresses out of my closet, throwing them on the bed one by one. “How about this?”
“Slutty.”
“This one?”
“Sluttier.”
“Okay. This?”
“You got Birkenstocks to go with it?”
“Alright…this one?”
“Well, that would be one way to get rid of him.”
I covered my face. “Aargggh! This is so frustrating.”
“I know a solution.”
“What?”
“Don’t go on the date.”
“Because I can’t figure out what to wear?”
“Yeah. I think you should stay home.”
“You just don’t like him.”
“You’re damn right.”
“Again…why?”
“He just wants in your pants, Amelia.”
“Well, he’s not getting in my pants.”
“You sure about that?”
“I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.”
He lifted his brow skeptically. “You’ve never slept with a guy on the first date?”
“Well…”
“Exactly.”
“Even if I wanted to sleep with him—which I don’t—it wouldn’t be tonight.”
“Why is that?”
“I stabbed myself again.”
He shook his head and chuckled when he figured out I was referring to my period. “I see.”
“Why do you think that he’s only interested in me for my body anyway?”
“It was his eyes. I don’t trust them. You can tell a lot about someone by the look in their eyes. His gave me a bad vibe.”
“Well, I have more going for me than my tits and ass. So, hopefully you’re wrong.”
“You’re right. You have nice deep-set dimples when you smile, too.”
My body felt flush from the compliment that had come out of the blue. I didn’t know how to respond, so I simply said, “Shut up.”
“Just be careful,” he said seriously, reaching into his back pocket. “Speaking of which…take this with you.” It was his old red Swiss Army knife from when we were younger.
“You still have this?”
“I’ll never stop needing this.”
“You really want me to take this with me?”
“Yes.”
Taking it from him, I said, “Okay.”
“Are we done here?”
“We still haven’t picked out what I’m wearing.”
Justin walked over to my closet and ran his hand slowly along the lineup of outfits, eventually stopping at a simple black sleeveless dress that was far from revealing. It looked more like something you could wear to a funeral. Actually, it was the dress I had bought to wear to Nana’s funeral before I realized she had explicitly written that she didn’t want one. She wanted to just be cremated with her ashes thrown in the ocean without any fanfare.
“This one? Really?”
He held the dress in his hand. “Don’t ask for my help if you’re not gonna listen.”
“Okay. This one it is.” I took it from him and watched as he made his way out the door. My eyes focused on the rectangular tattoo on his back. Even though I always thought it was sexy as hell, I was never able to get a good enough look at it for some reason until now.
“Justin.”
He turned around. “Yeah.”
“What is that tattoo on your back?”
His body stiffened. “It’s a bar code.”
“That’s what I thought. I always wondered. Does it mean anything?”
Refusing to answer my question, he simply said, “Get dressed. You don’t want to be late for Dr. Dick.”
***
Will was supposed to be picking me up in about twenty minutes. I sat on the kitchen counter sipping a glass of white wine to relax. The black dress that Justin had chosen actually looked pretty nice. There was no unnecessary skin showing, and that was probably the way it should have been. I ended up putting my long, dark brown hair up into a twist.
A waft of his cologne prompted me to look to the side. My heart clenched at the sight of Justin standing in the entryway. I hadn’t noticed him until I smelled him. He seemed to be observing me without my knowing.
He’d just showered after his workout and looked so incredibly hot in a simple black shirt that hugged his muscles. The jeans he was wearing were the ones that always displayed his ass in the best way. Even though I had the night off, Justin was supposed to be playing at Sandy’s. The women were going to go apeshit over him tonight.
He walked over and pulled up a stool next to me. My nipples perked up at the closeness of his body.
He examined my face and said, “You don’t look too excited.”
“I’m not sure how I feel, to be honest.”
“You’re not nervous about going out with that jackass, are you?”
“A little.”
“Why? He’s not worth your nerves.”
“It’s the first date I’ve been on since Adam.”
He sucked in his jaw almost angrily. “That’s the guy that cheated on you…”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“Jade told me.”
It surprised me that they’d been talking about me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Justin knowing about Adam.
“Oh.”
“Don’t let what happened with that asshole make you think you should settle for the first Tom, Dick or Harry that comes along.”
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
He hesitated before he answered, “Yes. I’m not proud of it. I was younger then, though. It’s not something I would ever do today. The way I see it, if you want to cheat on someone, you should just break up with them. Cheating is for cowards.”
“I agree. I wish that Adam had just broken up with me.”
“I’m glad you’re not with him anymore.”
“Me, too.”
“He was trying to have the best of both worlds. He’ll end up doing it to the other girl, too. Watch.”
“Jade is lucky to have you, to be with someone who is loyal.”
His expression darkened before he said, “Temptation is natural. That doesn’t mean you should act on it.” He seemed to be pondering his own words in an attempt to convince himself of that very fact.
“Right. Of course.”
Justin swiftly changed the subject. “You got your pocket knife?”
“Yes. I’m not going to need it, but it’s in my purse.”
“Good. You have my cell phone number?”
“Yes.”
“You should be taking your own car.”
“Well, I already agreed to have him pick me up.”
“If he tries anything funny, call me. I’ll come get you.”
“But you’ll be in the middle of performing.”
“Doesn’t matter. Call me if you need a ride.”
“Okay. I will.”
His protectiveness reminded me of the old days. Having someone looking out for me was a really good feeling. In fact, I hadn’t felt it since running away from home all those years ago.
I took another sip of my drink. Before I could place it down on the counter, I felt Justin’s hand on mine as he intercepted, taking the glass from my grasp and gulping down the rest of the wine.
My voice was practically a whisper. “I didn’t know you liked white wine.”
“I’m in a different kind of a mood tonight, I guess.” He took the glass over to the small bar area and refilled it before sitting back down and placing it in front of me.
We quietly drank out of the same goblet, passing it back and forth to each other, making silent eye contact. Whenever he licked the Chardonnay off his lips, it was utterly arousing. I felt so guilty for feeling that way, but it was beyond my control. Like he said, temptation was natural, right? Knowing that I couldn’t and wouldn’t act on it, made the feelings that much more powerful, though. The fact that he was unattainable made it all-consuming.
If I were being honest, no part of me really wanted to go out with Will tonight. Every part of me, on the other hand, wanted to go watch Justin perform, especially since we were coming upon the final days before he would return to New York.
The knock on the door was loud and confident. Justin rubbed the back of his neck to massage the tension there. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was the one nervous about this date.
When I hopped down from the stool to answer the door, he said, “Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“You look really nice. I think that dress was the right choice.”
My heart fluttered. “Thank you.”
My heels clicked on the tile as I walked over to the front door.
Will was holding a small bouquet of flowers. “Evening, Amelia. God, you look stunning.”
“Hi, Will. Thank you. Come in.”
Justin’s arms were crossed. His body language was more like an armed guard at a bank rather than a man standing casually in his own kitchen.
“You remember my roommate, Justin.”
“Of course. How are you feeling?”
“Very energized at the moment, Dr. Danger.”
Will seemed annoyed at Justin’s mispronunciation. “Dan-ger,” he corrected.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to anger Dr. Dan-ger.”
Will wasn’t amused. “No problem.”
“Where are you kids going tonight?”
“The Boathouse. You been there?”
“Right on the water. Smooth. Putting out all the stops.”
Grabbing my purse, I said, “Well, we should get going.”
Justin held his hand out. “I’ll take care of the flowers.”
Somehow, I wondered if they would end up in the trash the second the door closed behind us.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
When we got outside, Will turned to me. “Your roommate likes to butcher my name. He’s a bit of a wiseass.”
“Yes. He can be.”
Will opened the door to his Mercedes and let me in the passenger side. The conversation was easy on the way to Tiverton. He asked me about my teaching career, and we spoke about his time at the University of North Carolina Medical School at Chapel Hill.
My phone vibrated.
Justin: Those flowers were from the supermarket.
Amelia: How do you know?
Justin: He left the orange sticker on. What a tool.
Amelia: It’s the thought that counts.
Justin: Look in the backseat. I bet you’ll see milk and eggs.
Amelia: Don’t you have to be at Sandy’s?
Justin: Heading out now.
Amelia: Break a leg tonight.
Justin: Stay out of Danger. Better yet, keep Danger out of you.
Amelia: You’re a goof.
Justin: Order the lobster. At least you’ll get something out of tonight.
Amelia: Goodbye, Justin!
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Sorry.”
He looked over at me. “So, what were we saying? Oh, you were about to tell me when you’re planning to head back to Providence…”
“The last week in August. I have to get my classroom set up for the beginning of September.”
“I bet your students really dig you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I wish I had a teacher that looked like you when I was in middle school.”
“Well, I like to think they appreciate me for other reasons.”
“Oh. I’m sure they do.”
When we arrived to the restaurant, it was already dark out, so the waterfront view wasn’t as great as it would have been during the daylight hours. It was starting to get chilly, so we opted for a window seat inside but overlooking the water. Lights from some of the sailboats illuminated the dark ocean. White Christmas bulbs hanging inside the restaurant made for a cozy ambience. The smell of fresh seafood filled the air. I laughed to myself, thinking of how Justin would probably say the place smelled like dirty snatch.
I ended up ordering swordfish with mango salsa while Will opted for Chicken Marsala. The conversation while we were waiting for our food was pretty mundane. We spoke a little bit about the upcoming presidential election. Will was a republican while I was a democrat. I also told him the story of how I came to inherit Nana’s house.
My phone vibrated.
Justin: How’s it going?
I didn’t want to be rude and answer him. So, I ignored the text until Will excused himself to use the restroom.
Amelia: Aren’t you supposed to be singing?
Justin: It’s my ten minute break.
Amelia: Everything is fine.
Justin: Just checking to make sure you’re still alive.
Amelia: I have not had to use the knife, no.
Justin: Did you order the lobster like I told you to?
Amelia: No. Swordfish.
He didn’t respond, so I assumed that he was done texting me, which was good, since Will was headed back to the table.
Our food arrived, and the waitress brought me a second glass of wine. We ate in comfortable silence when I could feel my phone buzz on my lap. Figuring it was Justin, I was curious to look down but didn’t want to seem rude. After I was halfway through my meal, I decided to excuse myself to go to the bathroom so that I could check my phone.
In the restroom, I leaned against the sink as I took my phone out.
Justin: You were right.
What did that mean?
Amelia: Right about what?
After waiting for five full minutes, I decided to head back to the table.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.”
“I was thinking we could drive back to Newport, maybe take an evening walk down Main Street and stop for coffee or ice cream, whichever you prefer.”
Truthfully, I wanted to go home, take off my heels, and soak in a nice hot bath.
“That sounds great,” I lied.
My phone vibrated again. This time, I looked down on my lap to sneak a peek at Justin’s response.
Justin: I didn’t stay because of the gig at Sandy’s.
Justin: I could have gone back to New York.
Justin: I wanted to stay.
Those words ensured that I was a complete goner for the remainder of our time at The Boathouse. I didn’t respond to the text, but that was mostly because I didn’t know what to say. He may not have necessarily expected a response. My heart just felt inexplicably heavy.
Back in the car, we’d just gotten back to Newport when Will said he needed to run into a convenience store for a minute. Out of nowhere, my nose started running. I badly needed a tissue, so I opened the center console in the hopes of finding something to wipe my nose with. While I didn’t find a tissue, my hand did stumble upon something: a men’s gold wedding band.
What the fuck?
My heart started to pound furiously.
Are you kidding me right now?
The asshole was probably buying condoms for a tryst with me. Without thinking it through, I got out of the car and slammed the door. I wasn’t in any mood for a confrontation and honestly didn’t care enough to ream him out. All I cared about was going to see Justin. Looking down at my phone, I realized he would still be playing the last set at Sandy’s, which was about a half-mile walk from my current location. Running in my heels, I panted as I made my way across downtown Newport.
I stopped to catch my breath before entering the restaurant. Because it was cooler tonight, Justin was performing on the inside stage. I snuck inside and hid in a corner where he couldn’t see me but where I could still watch him. This had to be close to the end.
His voice suddenly vibrated through the mic. “This last song goes out to all the people who’ve ever had a certain kind of friend who drives you crazy—the kind that gets under your skin and stays there even when they’re not physically present. The kind with dimples you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid. The kind with seafoam green eyes you get lost in. The kind that’s confusing as all hell. That kind. If you can relate, this song is for you.”
Oh my God.
Justin began to play a cover of a song I recognized. It was Realize by Colbie Caillat. Attempting to listen to the words, I couldn’t decipher it all because I was too transfixed on the way he was singing it. The lyrics were mostly about realizing true feelings and how sometimes they could be one-sided. During most of the song, his eyes were closed, even though he was playing the guitar. He didn’t know I was here, and I was pretty sure he was thinking of me. I didn’t know whether I should leave. It felt like I was invading his privacy somewhat. It was doubtful that he would have chosen to sing this song to my face.
When Justin finished the song, he thanked the audience and immediately got up. Ignoring the bevvy of women trying to approach him for an autographed CD, he instead just took off to the back of the restaurant. I needed to decide whether I was going to make my presence known.
Still in the corner of the room, I felt my phone vibrate.
Justin: Done for the night. Heading home. Everything kosher?
Amelia: Not exactly.
Justin: ???
I opted to pretend that I hadn’t heard the song or what came before it. None of it was meant for my ears. Making my way back outside, I typed.
Amelia: I’m fine. I just got to Sandy’s. I’m outside.
Within ten seconds, the door opened, and Justin was outside carrying his guitar.
The anger was written all over his face. “What the fuck?”
“Hi to you, too.”
“What happened?”
“Your suspicions about his character were correct.”
“Did he try to touch you?”
“No. He didn’t lay a hand on me.”
“What did he do then?”
“He neglected to mention that he’s married.”
“What? How did you figure that out?”
“I found a men’s wedding ring in the center console of his car.”
“Fucker.”
“Thank you for looking out for me.”
“I guess old habits die hard.” He stared up at the starry sky. “Anyway, I’m sorry you wasted your night.”
“The only thing I’m sorry about is missing your performance. I left him at the Cumberland Farms convenience store and ran here as fast as I could but didn’t make it in time.”
“You didn’t miss much.”
“Why is that?”
“I felt a little off tonight.”
“I bet that’s just your perception.”
“No. I was distracted.”
A group of girls came outside and lingered around him. One of them approached him with a CD. “Would you mind signing this, Justin?”
“Not at all.” He was very gracious about it.
She squealed before scurrying away with her friends.
I chuckled. “So, you think I could bum a ride off a local celebrity?”
“I don’t know. Your house might be too far out of my way.” He nudged his head. “Come on. I’m parked in the lot across the street.”
I loved riding in Justin’s Range Rover because his intoxicating smell was tenfold inside of it. Leaning my head against the seat, I closed my eyes, so incredibly happy to be with him. It hit me that there were really only a matter of days left before he’d be gone back to New York. I’d be closing up the house, and I wouldn’t see him every day anymore.
When I opened my eyes, I realized that we were going over the Mount Hope Bridge. He was driving off the island.
“Where are we going?”
“We’re taking a little detour. That okay with you?”
Excitement filled me. “Yeah.”
Forty minutes later, we arrived in Providence, the city where I lived and where we grew up.
“I haven’t been back here in ages,” he said.
“You’re not missing much.”
“It’s more like I try not to think about what I’m missing.”
We drove through our old neighborhood and eventually made our way down the packed streets of the city’s East Side. When he turned onto a particular side street, it finally hit me where he was taking me. As if it were reserved for us, there was an open parking spot right in front of the little red theater. Justin parallel parked and turned off the ignition.
He sat there for a few seconds then turned to me. “It looks open. You think they still have a midnight show?”
“I haven’t been here in years. We could check it out.”
I never expected this trip down memory lane.
Justin walked up to the scruffy old man behind the counter. “You still showing indie films?”
“Whatever you want to call them.”
“When’s the next movie?”
“Ten minutes.”
“We’ll take two tickets.”
“Number one to your left.”
“Thanks,” Justin said before leading me into the dark theater.
Looking around, I said, “I’m so glad you thought of this.”
“Do you remember this actual room?” he asked.
“I do.” I pointed to the middle. “We used to sit right about there. It smells worse than I remember.”
“It does smell pretty raunchy.”
There was only one other person in the theater, a man sitting diagonally across from us.
The lights dimmed, and the feature presentation started. Within a few seconds, it became abundantly clear that while the little red theater looked physically the same, everything else had changed.
The opening sequence featured a musical montage of women sucking different men off. It seemed our little red movie house had completely lost its innocence in the years we’d abandoned it. It was now a porno theater.
When I looked over at Justin, he was laughing so hard he was practically crying.
I whispered, “Swear to me you didn’t know.”
He wiped his eyes. “I swear to God, Amelia. I had no clue. Did you even see a sign…anything?”
“No. But there never really were signs indicating what was playing, so I just assumed…”
“You know what they say about assuming things…”
“You make an ass out of you and me?”
“Close. Sometimes when you assume things, you accidentally end up in an adult movie theater watching anal.”
He pointed to the screen, which displayed nothing but a gigantic ass getting screwed. “Our little red theater has been corrupted, Patch.”
To make matters worse, the only other patron in the place seemed to be jerking his hand up and down under a blanket. We both stared over at the guy then erupted in laughter.
“Do you think that’s our cue to leave?” I asked.
“It might be.”
A new scene suddenly popped up on the screen. It wasn’t as hardcore as the other and seemed more cinematic, like an actual film as opposed to a cheap triple X video. The music was softer. The snippet featured two guys going to town on a girl slowly and sensually. She was giving oral sex to one while the other guy was going down on her. We were supposed to be leaving, but I felt frozen in my seat, unable to take my eyes off of it. I knew Justin was watching it too because he was quiet. The entire thing lasted about ten minutes.
When it was over, I looked over at Justin who was just staring at me. Had he been watching the movie, or was he watching me watching the movie? Did he know I was aroused by it? In any case, he didn’t make any snide remarks, and he certainly wasn’t laughing at me.
When he finally spoke up, his voice sounded strained when he whispered in my ear, “You want to stay?”
“No. We should go.”
“Okay.”
When I started to get up, he put his hand on my arm to stop me. “I need a minute.”
“Why?”
He just stared at me like I should have known why.
I figured it out. “Oh.”
I didn’t know what turned me on more, watching that scene or knowing that Justin was hard from it. It was all too much for me. He closed his eyes for about a minute then looked over at me. “It’s not going down.”
“Staying in here isn’t going to help.”
“Probably not.”
“Let’s just go.” I didn’t mean to laugh, but it was pretty funny.
We both got up and exited the theater. I tried really hard not to look down, but my eyes betrayed me as they wandered to the bulge straining through his jeans. Dirty thoughts flooded my mind. I wished things were different because I could think of a million ways I could help him take care of it.
The ride back to Newport was quiet. The sexual tension in the air was thick. My nipples had turned to steel, and my panties were soaked knowing that he was probably still hard. It occurred to me that certain situations could be even more arousing than sex itself, those situations where you wanted something so badly but couldn’t have it. My body was experiencing an impossible state of arousal.
We pulled up to the house. When he shut off the ignition, he leaned his head back against the seat and turned to me, looking as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.
Breaking the ice, I said, “Thank you for attempting to make my night better.”
“Attempt is the operative word. It was an epic fail.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t? I accidentally took you to see a porno and got a boner in the process. What the fuck…am I fifteen?”
“I was turned on, too. It’s just not as obvious.”
“I know. I could tell. That was what…” He hesitated and shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Well, anyway. It was still better than the date with Dr. Danger.”
“I can’t believe that asshole. I should go to the hospital and beat the fuck out of him tomorrow.”
“He’s not worth it.” I glanced out the window. “Anyway, we should go inside.”
“Yeah.”
Back inside the house, we lingered in the kitchen. I wasn’t ready to go to sleep, even though it was well past one in the morning. Neither of us budged.
“Jesus, it’s so late, but I’m not tired at all,” I said.
“If I make some coffee fusion, will you have some?”
“Yeah. I’d love some.” I smiled.
I watched his every move as he prepared the coffee.
I love you.
God, the thought had just come out of the blue from my subconscious mind. From time to time, those three words would just play in my head when I was with him. I did love him, just as much as I always had. But I needed to control these feelings, otherwise I would be setting myself up for major disappointment.
His back was to me when he said, “Jade is coming back in a few days.”
My heart sank. “Really? Are you going back to New York with her?”
“No. After she leaves, I’ll stay an extra few days to fulfill my promise to Salvatore.”
“Oh.”
He placed a steaming hot mug in front of me. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
Over the past forty-eight hours, it seemed that something between us had shifted. Maybe his change in attitude was a result of the impending end of summer.
Sipping the coffee, I said, “I don’t think either one of us will be going to sleep anytime soon after this.”
“Might as well just stay up.”
Over the next two hours, Justin and I just talked, opening up about the things that we’d missed in each other’s lives. I found out that before he moved to New York, he’d actually completed a semester at Berklee College of Music in Boston but couldn’t afford to continue. His parents had refused to fund his education if he chose to major in music. Instead, he moved to New York and took odd jobs and gigs until he eventually went back to school, majoring in business with a minor in music. He told me he met his ex-girlfriend Olivia a few years after he moved there. They lived together for a couple of years and stayed friends even after he broke up with her. She’d been his only serious girlfriend before Jade. He said Jade believes that the ex wants to get back with him, even though Olivia’s with someone else now. In between those two relationships, he’d slept around with his fair share of women. I appreciated his being candid with me, but it still hurt to hear that.
I told him stories about my time at UNH and how I chose to major in education because it felt like a solid choice, not because it was something I was passionate about. I admitted that even though I enjoyed teaching, it felt like there was something missing, something else I was supposed to be doing with my life that I hadn’t figured out yet.
Amped up on the coffee, we had literally talked through the night. I was still wearing the black dress from my date. At one point, I went upstairs to use the bathroom. When I came back down to the kitchen, he was sitting on a stool by the window, tooling around with his guitar.
The sun was starting to rise over the ocean. His back was facing me as he started playing Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. I leaned against the doorway, listening to his soothing voice. The more I paid attention to the lyrics, the more they seemed metaphorical. The past decade had been like a long season of darkness and regret when it came to Justin and me. This reconnection was really like the sun coming up again for the first time in a long time. Of course, he’d probably just chosen to sing it because the sun was literally rising. Still, I couldn’t help where my mind travelled, especially on no sleep.
Stop falling in love with him again, Amelia.
How exactly was I supposed to change how I felt? I couldn’t. I just needed to learn to accept that Justin was with Jade. He was happy. I needed to somehow figure out how to be his friend again without getting hurt in the process.
When the song finished, he turned around and saw that I’d been watching him.
I walked over to where he was sitting and gazed out. “The sunrise is beautiful today, isn’t it?”
“Really beautiful,” he agreed, except he wasn’t looking at the sun at all.
