My door slamming open jolts me awake, and I blink into the darkness to find Beau standing there.
“What time is it?” I ask.
He ignores my question. “Perfectly un-normal?”
It takes me a second to remember I wrote that. All I know is that this week, I’d needed that connection with him, even if we didn’t see each other, and getting those cranes back made my heart feel full. “Ah, yeah …”
“Even when I’m nervous and don’t know what to say?”
“Of course.” It’s adorable.
“And when I ask strange questions?” His voice cracks as he steps closer.
The intensity in his stare has me answering. “They’re entertaining.”
“And when you find I’ve taken over the living area with every piece of furniture in the house?” Beau’s final step brings his thighs into contact with my bed.
My heartbeat kicks up a notch, and I find myself answering honestly. “I think moments like that are my favorite.”
Beau doesn’t respond. He isn’t nervously fidgeting. He’s … calm. Certain.
He leans forward and crawls on my bed. The air is humming between us. “I want to kiss you.”
Fuck, I want that too.
“Beau …” I want it so much more than I can ever tell him.
He lowers himself so his chest rests on mine. He’s warm. Solid. His breath puffs against my lips. “I’m going to kiss you. Unless you tell me to stop.”
“I …”
“Yeah?”
“I should tell you that.” But my lips are already tingling with anticipation.
He brushes his nose against mine. “So say it.”
“Beau …” My skin feels too tight. Too tense. His scent is filling my nose and sending rational thought from my brain until all I can concentrate on is the thrumming need racing through me, begging me to get closer to him. Goddamn him. “I can’t.”
His mouth slams against mine.
My grunt is immediately swallowed by the heated kiss. I need this. Every part of me has been begging for it. Just another taste, another touch, another night with his skin against mine. Only this time I want to make it a whole night. This time I want to be pressed against him everywhere.
I tighten my arms around him and flip us so Beau is on his back. The sheet falls off my waist, and this time when I cover him, our bodies line up exactly.
Our kissing turns deep, hungry. I can’t get enough of his mouth. I have enough self-control to pull back long enough to shove his T-shirt over his head, and then I’m on him again. I bite his plump, pink lips, making them look swollen and wrecked. Marking them as mine. My tongue surges into the back of his mouth, and Beau’s fingers tighten in my hair, the arm around my back holding me closer as he wraps his legs around my waist and pins me to him.
“I need these off,” I growl into his mouth, and I yank at the waistband of his sweats. There are too many clothes between us.
“I’ll lose these if you lose your boxers.”
“Deal.”
I push onto my knees and shove my underwear down as Beau wriggles out of his remaining clothes. He flops back onto the bed, and I hungrily drink in his long, manly body, hairy thighs, and hard cock. He’s fucking beautiful.
I want to devour him.
But even as lust drunk as I am, there’s still that niggling voice in the back of my mind, warning me to be careful with him. “You sure this is okay?” I ask as I slide off his glasses and set them on my nightstand.
“Ask me that again and I’ll sac-whack you.”
I laugh despite myself, then lie over him again. We both let out a soft moan as skin meets skin. Beau’s eyes are sleepy, looking at me with that same hazy focus as last time. It drives me wild to see him like this. I shift so our cocks line up and give a roll of my hips.
“Holy shit that feels good.”
I lower my mouth to his neck and trail openmouthed kisses down to his shoulder, where I suck a mark into his skin.
“More,” Beau says.
“Yeah?”
“Cover me in them.”
I don’t question him, because his answer goes deeper than wanting to remember a hookup. And if I’m honest with myself, it does for me as well. With every mark I suck into his skin, each bruised circle I leave behind, I’m hit with a surge of satisfaction at making him mine … and also a twinge of regret that he’s not really.
Beau is … perfectly un-normal, which makes him fucking perfect to me. He deserves someone who can give him the world, and while my feelings are building to a point I can’t deny them anymore, I’m so worried I’m getting them confused with a rebound. Then we’ll hook up a few times, and that will be it for me.
I don’t have a lot of regrets in my life, but hurting Beau would be the biggest one.
Things are still too messy.
My emotions too fragile.
I want to be able to tell Beau I’m all in, but I’m not there yet, and I’m scared I never will be, no matter how bad I want it.
“Tell me what you want,” I murmur, licking his nipple.
“I want you to fuck me.”
“Oh, shit yes.” I crawl back up the bed to give him another long, filthy kiss. “Can I taste you first?”
He whimpers and nods fast, looking as desperate for it as I am.
I kneel up and grab his hip, rolling him onto his front. I haven’t had the chance to notice Beau’s ass, but I’m sure as hell noticing it now. It’s firm and round, a perfect bubble I want to sink my teeth into, so I lean down and do exactly that.
Beau hisses.
I bite him again.
Then suck a bruise there too, and then another. I leave a trail of them over his ass cheek until I reach his crease, then bury my face in his ass. Beau twitches, then immediately parts his legs and arches up toward me. It’s the sexiest fucking sight to see him offering himself like that, and I can’t hold back. I pull his cheeks apart, exposing his hole, and then close my mouth over it.
“Holy shit, Payne …” His words come out on a long whine, and it only spurs me on.
I give his hole all the attention I can manage, getting high off the feeling. My cock is begging me to get on with it, to sink inside him, but while I can’t wait to fuck him into the mattress, I’m also pretty goddamn eager to get him to make more of those needy sounds for me.
I lick and suck and nip at his flesh until he softens enough for me to work my tongue inside. I moan, fucking loving this. It’s been way too long since I’ve been so consumed by another person.
I should have known my marriage had issues well before I did. He never responded to me like this.
Beau reaches around to grasp my hair as he rocks his hips back. “I think … I think … I think …” His rough voice is high-pitched and needy. Desperate. I love that he can’t get his words out.
I withdraw my tongue and replace it with my finger instead. “Tell me.”
“I think you need to stop,” he begs.
“Why?” For a hot second, I’m worried I’ve gone too far when he replies.
“Because I’m so goddamn close, and I want you inside me when I come.” He scrambles away from me, yanks open my dresser, and tosses my lube back to me.
I snap it open and pour some over my fingers, filling his ass with two this time, and he continues to search. “Where are they?”
“What?”
“Your condoms.”
I freeze. “Fuck. I forgot about those. I don’t have any. Where are yours?”
Beau face-plants into the bed. “I think you’re underestimating how long it’s been since I had sex.”
Oh, fuck no. “Should … should one of us duck out, or …”
I go to remove my fingers when Beau makes a noise of protest and grabs my wrist.
“I … I used to be on PrEP. Back when I was hooking up a lot. I’ve had tests since, and they were all clear.”
Is he … does he mean … “Me too. Since I found out about … you know. I got tested. Twice. All negative.” Plus we hadn’t had sex for a while before it ended.
He peers back at me over his shoulder, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “I’m fine with it if you are.”
I press another finger in, and he gasps at the intrusion before pushing back to meet me.
“I’m ready.”
I grab the lube again and cover my cock as Beau repositions in the middle of the bed. I blanket his body, chest to his back, and press my nose into the hair behind his ear to greedily inhale his scent. “Any man you’ve ever dated would be lucky to be where I am.”
“I never wanted any of them. Not like this.”
I almost agree. Almost tell him that I’ve never had someone respond to my touch the way he does. I’ve never had another man driven completely crazy over being with me. There’s lust, and there are hookups with hot sex. Some of it is exaggerated, some of it isn’t. But as soon as it’s over, that neediness disappears.
It’s not like that with Beau.
Because the need isn’t all physical.
But I can’t lie and say it wasn’t like that with my ex, at least in the beginning. Though it’s been so long now, it’s hard to remember.
And right now, all I want to focus on is Beau.
I guide my cock toward his hole and slowly sink inside. He’s so tight my toes curl, and my teeth latch onto his ear. When I bottom out, I need to pause for a minute, otherwise things are going to be over before they get started. If I’m lucky, I’ll have a round two in me tonight, but since it’s not a guarantee, I’m going to make the most of this.
I start out slow, each rock of my hips gentle and deliberate, feeling the way Beau’s body grips me and sucks me back in. My lips find his neck as I take my time, drawing out every second from this moment and trying to make it last. I love this feeling. Filling another man. And knowing it’s Beau makes this moment deeper than it should be.
Then he reaches around and slaps my ass.
“Argh.”
“Fuck me like you mean it.” His sexy rasp pools in my balls.
“Gladly.” I grab his hips and pull him up onto his hands and knees, then let loose.
Beau takes my pounding by meeting every thrust, and I fuck the most delicious sounds out of him. His hands have tightened in my bedsheets, sweat is prickling along my spine, and the pornographic noises that fill the room are making it hard to concentrate on anything other than the need to blow my load.
The sight of him bent over and taking my cock, head thrown back and tilted so I get a glimpse of those puffy, parted lips, is sending me crazy. I never want this to end. I’ve never been so thankful I learned origami in my life.
I have no idea if we’ll do this again after tonight, but if Beau offers it, I’m there. Because how the hell do I say no to this man? For anything? Ever?
And somehow, this feels a thousand times more intimate than anything I’ve ever done before.
I slide my hand over Beau’s ribs, then pull him up against me. My arms wrap securely around his torso, and I plant one foot on the bed. Then I grind deep inside him.
“You love this, don’t you?” I ask.
“Mmm …”
“Tell me how much you love taking my cock. How much you love me fucking you.”
“It’s … I never … never … umm, shit. Wow.” He’s panting, babbling words that don’t make sense.
I hold up my hand to his mouth. “Spit.”
He does without question. Then I hold him tight with one arm across his chest and wrap my other hand around his cock.
Beau’s head drops back on my shoulder with a moan. I stroke him in time with my thrusts, this time aiming for his prostate and pegging it over and over. His string of nonsensical words is fucking music, and I beg my body to hold out. Just a bit longer. A bit longer.
“I’m … I’m so close …” he pants.
“Me too.” With a last rush of energy, I give him everything I have. My balls slap against his ass, and I’m getting sweaty, overheated, and so damn close.
Beau picks up speed, fucking himself desperately on my cock, and I jerk him as fast as I can until his cock pulses in my hand, and he unleashes. His ass clamps tight, sending me off rhythm as pleasure races from my spine to my balls, and my orgasm crashes into me. I grip Beau close and bury myself as deep as I can while I spill my load inside him.
It feels in-fucking-credible.
Slowly, my breathing returns to normal, and we collapse onto the bed, me gripping him tight so I don’t slip out.
“What are you doing?” he asks, wrapping a hand back to play with my hair.
“Waiting to see if I can go again.”
