I STOMPED down the stairs so heavily I thought my boots might snap the steps in half.
What the hell? I’d done exactly what she wanted me to do. I’d talked to my dad, been honest about my feelings, came to her with a good offer—just like my dad said!—that meant she could stay in Cherry Tree Harbor and we could still see each other.
Okay, maybe I hadn’t given much thought to how she’d take the whole keeping it secret thing, but dammit! I’d practically come right from my dad’s house to her door. I hadn’t had a chance to think everything through. It’s not like I was embarrassed of her—I just needed to figure out the best way forward.
But she’d shot me down, so that was that.
“Fucking hell,” I grumbled as I crossed the yard. “I should never have hired her.”
Because now I loved her.
And I couldn’t fire my fucking feelings.
The following week was utter torture.
Veronica and I weren’t speaking. The kids caught colds and were tired and cranky. Xander was on my ass about installing the bar top. The truck blew a tire. On Friday morning, my dad complained about chest pains at work, and I called an ambulance, then followed it to the hospital in the truck. On the way I called Xander, and he met me there.
We were sitting in the waiting room drinking cardboard cups of terrible coffee and awaiting test results when Veronica arrived. As soon as the elevator doors opened, she flew over to us, her expression tormented. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine right now,” I said. “They’re running some tests.”
“Oh, thank god.” She put a hand on her chest. “I was panicked.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Xander texted me.”
I glared at my brother. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I’m glad he did,” said Veronica. “What can I do? I don’t have to pick up the kids from camp for another couple hours. Are you guys hungry? Can I bring you some food?”
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” my brother replied, looking at his coffee cup. “This coffee sucks. I’d give my right arm for a good dark roast right now.”
“You got it,” she said. “Austin?”
“I’m fine.” I continued to brood into my shitty coffee.
She stood there for a moment, then turned around and went to the elevator. From the corner of my eye, I watched her hit the button, get on, and disappear behind the doors.
My leg began to twitch, waiting for my brother to start in on me. His silence was driving me crazy. Finally, I broke down.
“Just say it,” I snapped.
“Say what?”
“That I’m a fucking idiot. I know it’s what you’re thinking.”
“Seems like I don’t need to say it.”
“Well, you’re wrong. I asked her to stay, and she turned me down.”
He looked at me. “You asked her to stay?”
“Yes,” I snapped.
“And she said no?” Xander’s surprise was evident.
“Exactly. So you can stop being so smug—you were wrong.”
“What did you say?”
“I said that since I’m starting my own business, I’d need a nanny during the school year.”
Xander dropped his head. “Jesus. Of course you did.”
“Look, she said she was looking for a reason to stay, I gave her one, it wasn’t good enough.” I took another sip of the watery garbage in my cup and winced. “Fuck. This is so bad.”
“Should have told her to get you something better.”
“I don’t want to ask her for anything, okay? She rejected me.”
“She didn’t reject you. She rejected your stupid job offer.”
“Fine with me,” I said bitterly.
“No, it isn’t. You’re just too stubborn to say the thing you should say to change her mind.” He shook his head. “As usual, you’re standing in your own way of being happy. So what’s the excuse this time?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I got up and went over to the trash can to throw away my coffee. When I returned to my seat, he started up again.
“I’m not saying it’s easy. I have no idea what it’s like to be in love.”
“It’s some bullshit,” I said. “Remember when I got hit in the face with that line drive you hit, and my eye was black and blue and swollen shut and my cheek blew up and I couldn’t eat or talk or sleep or even breathe right?”
“Yeah.”
“This is worse. I can’t fucking wait for it to end.”
“And you think it will end when she leaves?”
“It fucking better.” But I knew, even when I couldn’t see her every day, that I’d only be more miserable.
At that moment, Veronica came out of the elevator again, a drinks carrier holding two large coffees in one hand and a white bag in the other. Xander and I both stood up as she approached.
“I got you both large dark roasts,” she said. “Austin, this one labeled with the A is yours—it has a little almond milk in it. And in this bag are a couple egg sandwiches. That’s all they had at the coffee shop downstairs.”
“Perfect,” Xander said, taking the cup with the X on it and the sandwich bag before sitting down again. “You’re a saint.”
She handed me the other cup.
“Thanks,” I muttered stiffly.
“You’re welcome. You’ll let me know about George?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” She turned to leave, then suddenly spun around and threw her arms around me. “It will be okay,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes and held her close, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. She let go too soon, and without saying anything else, hurried over to the elevator and got in. As the doors closed, I could see her wiping her eyes.
I stood there for a moment, my heart telling me to run after her, my feet refusing to budge.
“I just have one more thing to say,” Xander said.
I sank down beside him, figuring he was just going to insult me again. “If you’re going to call me names, fuck off.”
“I wasn’t going to call you anything. I was just going to remind you of what Dad would say if he was here—it only happens once.”
They kept my dad overnight for observation and released him on Saturday with a couple new medications and instructions to take it easy. Xander and I took turns staying with him over the next few days, and on Thursday evening, Veronica and the kids came to stay with him for a bit while Xander and I brought the new bar top over to his bar.
After installing it, we stood back and admired the way it looked. I had to admit, Xander had been right—it was perfect.
“Thanks, brother.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “It’s exactly what I wanted. I swear I’ll pay you for your time as soon as I can.”
I shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”
He glanced at me. “How are you?”
“This week has been rough,” I admitted.
“When does she leave?”
“Saturday morning.”
“And you’re going to let her go?”
“It’s her choice,” I said, rubbing my stiff neck.
“But to be fair, she’s not making an informed decision. She doesn’t know how you feel about her. You need to get over yourself and tell her.”
I clenched my jaw. “What’s the point? These things never work out anyway. What if I tell her and she stays and then later, she’s sorry? What if she gives up everything to stay here with me and she realizes it was a mistake? What if I just keep fucking things up and saying the wrong things and failing her?”
“Aha,” Xander said knowingly. “There it is.”
“There what is?”
“The reason not to do the thing that would make you happy—fear. Only in this case, you’d make her happy too. And my guess is the kids as well. But . . .” He thumped my back again. “You do you.”
On Friday night, I took the kids out for dinner. I thought about inviting Veronica, but I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing her across the table from me. We hadn’t spoken more than a few words to each other all week, and when we did, it was only about the kids or my father. There was a text from her on my phone that I couldn’t even bring myself to read. The first few words were You don’t have to drive me…
She probably thought she was doing me a favor by getting another ride to the airport. Maybe she was. It’s not like I was looking forward to goodbye. Or maybe she just didn’t want to see me again. Fine. Good. Great.
She just needs to go, I kept telling myself. Once she was across the country, I’d work on getting over her.
At dinner, both kids were quiet and withdrawn. I’d given them some quarters to play video games, but neither of them had gotten too excited about it. When we got home, the lights in the garage apartment were off, and I wondered if Veronica had already gone to sleep. I pictured her sleeping, and the fierce longing to hold her struck me in the chest.
I would never hold her again. Never kiss her. Never touch her. Never be the one to keep her warm or safe, or make her laugh, or put a mark on her skin.
The realization hit me so hard, I nearly doubled over on my way up the stairs to put the kids to bed. Someone else was going to do all those things. Veronica was gorgeous and sweet and sexy. And maybe she guarded her heart, but she’d let me in, hadn’t she? She could let in someone else, and that someone else might fucking hurt her.
My brother was right—I was a total fucking idiot. And as soon as I got the kids in bed, I was going to go over and talk to her.
When I was tucking Owen in, I noticed a new stuffed toy under his arm—a green apple with a face on it. “What’s this?”
“It’s from Veronica. Because she’s moving to the Big Apple. She said this will remind us of her, and if we miss her, we can hug it.”
“That was nice of her.”
“I’m sad about her leaving,” he said. “I don’t want her to go.”
“Me neither, buddy.”
“She told us she wished she didn’t have to leave,” he said. “Can you make her come back?”
“I’ll try.”
In Adelaide’s room, it was more of the same, this time with tears. “I’m going to miss Veronica so much,” she said, hugging her apple—a red one. “It was so sad to say goodbye.”
“Well, she’s not gone yet.” I tapped her nose. “Maybe we can convince her not to go.”
“But she is gone. She left.”
My heart stopped. “What?”
“That’s why I’m so sad.”
“Her flight is tomorrow,” I said, my entire body suddenly on high alert. “I was supposed to drive her to the airport.”
“This morning, she said Ari was driving her. And she was leaving tonight.”
What the fuck?
I jumped off Adelaide’s bed and raced out of the room.
“Daddy! You forgot to give me a kiss!”
“Fuck,” I muttered, halfway down the stairs. I took them up two at a time and ran back into her room, dropped a kiss on her forehead, then bolted down the steps again.
Locating my phone on the kitchen counter, I read Veronica’s full text.
You don’t have to drive me to the airport. I changed my flight, and it leaves late tonight, so Ari is going to drive me. The kids will be in bed.
I just want to say that I’m sorry for the way things ended with us. I never intended to make a mess here. I just wanted a fresh start. But I had so much fun with you and the kids and your family that I got a little carried away.
It felt like home, like a dream come true. But I’m awake now, and I know it wasn’t real. At least you all showed me what’s possible.
Take care of each other. I will never forget you. And I’ll always wonder.
I love you, Austin.
“FUCK!” I roared. “No!”
I called her. No answer.
I found Ari’s number and dialed. No answer.
I texted Veronica.
Please don’t go. I have to talk to you.
Holding my breath, I waited for her reply. Nothing.
“Dammit!”
I dialed Xander. “Hey,” I said when he picked up. “Did Veronica say anything to you about leaving tonight?”
“No.” He paused. “But come to think of it, she was a little clingy and emotional when she said goodbye to me and Dad last night. She doesn’t usually hug me.”
“Dammit!” I yelled, bringing a hand to my head.
“What’s wrong?”
“She changed her flight and snuck off to the airport tonight without telling me!”
“Shit. Why?”
“Because I’m an asshole!”
“Okay. Stop yelling. I’m on my way over. I’ll stay with the kids. You can go get her.”
“What if I’m too late?”
“You can’t be that far behind her. When was the last time you saw her?”
I heard Xander’s car start, and his phone switched to Bluetooth. “When I got home from work. Around six or so. Then I took the kids out for dinner, and I think she was gone when we got back.”
“How’d she get to the airport?”
“Ari.”
“Did you—”
“No answer.”
“Shoot Ari a text and explain that you need to talk to Veronica, and anything she can do would help.”
“Okay.”
“And Austin—figure out what you’re going to say to Veronica if you get the chance.”
“I know what to say,” I told him. “I just need the chance to say it.”
With shaking fingers, I texted Ari.
Where is she? PLEASE tell me.
I fucked up and I need to talk to her before she leaves.
Ari I’m begging you.
If I have ever been like a brother to you, please tell her to call me.
“Daddy?”
I turned around to see the twins standing there in their pajamas, both hugging their stuffed apples.
“We heard yelling,” Owen said, his expression worried.
“I’m sorry, guys. I just realized I made a huge mistake, and I’m—”
My phone buzzed. It was a message from Ari.
Hey. She’s here at Moe’s. But she
I didn’t even bother reading the rest of it. I grabbed my keys and told the kids to get in the car.
“So here’s the thing,” I told them as I sped toward Main Street. “I’m in love with Veronica.”
“You are?” Owen asked. “Like you want to kiss her?”
“Yes.”
“Gross!”
“I don’t think it’s gross,” Adelaide said. “I think you should be in love with her. I think you should marry her and she should live with us.”
I started to choke. “One thing at a time.”
