Today is off.
It started off.
I was supposed to have breakfast with Mum, but she said she has work at the party and can’t get together.
Then Helen brought me the packet I ordered. I dislike ordering online, only because I prefer seeing things, trying them on, and touching them before buying them. But desperate times, right?
I couldn’t possibly risk going to a pharmacy for a pregnancy test, so I ordered one, along with a bunch of makeup and clothes that I’ll probably never wear just to cover the initial purchase.
I have my own bank account, and since I turned eighteen, neither Papa nor Mum have the right to see my statements without my approval, so this is merely a precaution.
“Thanks, Helen,” I tell her, helping with the pack.
“What have you gotten in here, darling?” She drops the box on the bed. “It’s so heavy.”
“Just stuff.”
“Don’t take long. Breakfast is ready.”
“Okay.” I kiss her cheek, then lock the door behind her. I also close the balcony’s door for good measure.
As soon as I open the box, I rummage through the rubbish I bought until I find the test.
My fingers tremble as I clutch it.
You can do this. You’ve got this.
I read the instructions carefully before I go to the bathroom and follow them. As I wash my hands, I keep staring at the test.
Two lines means pregnant.
One line means not.
The instructions say I have to wait for five minutes. It’s been ten seconds and I’m already freaking out.
It took me some time to buy this test. As in, more than a couple of weeks. I kept thinking that if I didn’t know for sure, then nothing would happen. In a typical running from responsibility kind of way. Every day my period doesn’t show up, I freak out more.
During all this time, I’ve been letting Cole fuck me slow and deep until I think I’m going to faint from the amount of softness he actually possesses.
Other than that, weird stuff has been going on all around us.
Like when Uncle Jonathan took me to the Meet Up so he could announce to Elsa that I’m engaged to Aiden. There was a whole shitshow that involved her father and a lot of other things.
I wanted to run from there, and I did as soon as I could. Aiden is still after my head because I didn’t warn him about his father’s surprise visit, but fuck him. He made me believe Cole fucked Johansson when he never had sex with anyone else but me.
A small smile tugs on my lips at that thought and I gently bite my lower lip.
Cole was a virgin until me. It’s hard to believe that he never had sex until our parents’ wedding day.
I’m Cole’s first and last.
I frown at that. Last?
That can’t be possible. Not with the situation we’re in. That’s why I got the test. I need to figure out what to do about what’s growing inside me.
I glimpse at the timer, then at the test. Three minutes to go.
Letting my head fall into my hands, I pretend to play “Moonlight Sonata” in my brain.
I’m not here. I’m in another universe where I get to be with who I want without any restrictions.
Then I can even have this baby. I can be a mother and promise not to throw my emotional baggage on to him.
God. I sound like a bitch about my parents in my head.
The timer goes off and I release a breath as I peek from between my fingers.
Two lines.
Pregnant.
I’m pregnant with Cole’s child.
Holy. Shit.
I apologise to Helen, pretending I have a meeting with Summer and Veronica so I can’t have breakfast at home.
If I sit at the same table as Cole or Papa, I’ll eventually crumble, and I can’t do that.
My head is in complete chaos during the entire day. I can’t focus. I can’t play the piano. I can’t even take two steps without being in a daze.
It’s like I’ve been pushed out of my own skin.
I know I’ll eventually have to make decisions. I have to go to the doctor and either ask him about the baby’s health or tell him to kill him.
Tears prickle into my eyes at that second option.
I don’t want to kill my own child. I don’t care that I’m eighteen and that the father is my step-freaking-brother. Why does an innocent soul have to pay for that?
Every time Cole is in sight, I act cool, then run away.
He’ll know I’m avoiding him. He always does, the wanker.
Besides, I can’t possibly fall asleep without him reading me one of his boring books now. He’s so snobbish about paperbacks, I gave up trying to make him read to me from my Kindle.
The thought that I’ll lose all of that once the truth of what I’m carrying comes to light makes me sick to my stomach.
Maybe I can crash at Mum’s for a few days until I figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
Unless she finds out and kind of kills me.
And Papa.
He’s so old-fashioned and conservative. He’ll be so disappointed in me if he finds out I haven’t only been fucking my stepbrother under his roof, but I also fell pregnant.
I call it a day as soon as the last class ends. Usually, I’ll linger around the football team’s practice and pretend they bore me out of my mind while I secretly ogle Cole.
What? He looks hot as hell in his football jersey and with that captain band around his thick bicep.
All the girls are head over heels for Aiden and Xander because they’re the strikers who scores the goals. Or Ronan, because he makes a show out of everything he does. But Cole is the secret weapon.
I think only the coach and the players themselves understand how important his position on the team is. Ninety per cent of the assists that lead to goals are made by him. All the possessiveness of the ball in the midfield is also ensured by him. Most of the attacks are orchestrated by him. The defence is literally his bitch.
He’s the only one who gives one hundred per cent in both defence and attack. Ronan might be midfield too, but he goes forwards more. Cole goes forwards and back.
Cole is the strongest player on that team and people are idiots for idolising the other three.
Just because he’s silent and doesn’t brag, doesn’t mean he doesn’t work hard.
But then again, it’s not like I want everyone to idolise him.
I’ll crush every last one of them.
And yes, I learnt all that football rubbish since Cole started to have an interest in the game. I’ve always pretended I didn’t care about it, and I don’t, not really, but I care about how he plays.
How he owns the field and everyone in it without them noticing. He’s the master behind the game because he plots everything to a T.
Today, though, I won’t stay and watch. I need to gather a few things from home and flee to Mum’s before he returns.
I’m about to get into my car when a shadow creeps up behind me. I startle, turning around.
“Hey, Silver.” Adam smiles at me. His eyes are bloodshot and his shoulders seem tense underneath the uniform. A waft of alcohol comes from him.
The hell is he doing here?
I haven’t received a text from him in more than a week, and he’s been keeping his distance at school, so I thought he finally got himself together.
I don’t like the look on his face. Not one bit.
“Hey, Adam.” I try to sound distracted, even though I’m on the verge of a panic attack. “I’m in a hurry so —”
He grips my arm so hard, I smother a squeal. “Why the fuck do you always do that?”
I try to wiggle free, but his hold is like steel, fingers digging into my flesh. “Adam, let me go. You’re hurting me.”
“Hurting you.” He barks out a laugh. “You know how to be hurt, Silver? Because you’ve been stomping on my heart over and over again.”
Shit. Shit.
Swallowing, I watch my surroundings, searching for help. There’s no one here — of course.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Adam.”
“You mean you pretend you don’t know.” His other hand caresses my chin. “You know, I’ve been in love with you for such a long time, but you keep playing hard to get. I’ve done everything for you. When that bitch Kimberly was bothering you, I mock-confessed to her and spilt paint on her head. I’ve done everything to protect you.”
My mouth hangs open.
He’s a psycho. I can’t believe he did that to Kim because of me. She was hurt so badly, it pushed her into a Nazi-style diet that’s been sucking the life out of her.
There’s no telling what he’ll do to me. God, I should’ve told Papa about those texts since I first got them. Why did I have to fill my emotional gap with them? Just how stupid could I be?
“Go out with me, Silver.” He smiles like a maniac. “You and I are meant to be.”
I squirm away from him, pushing back against the car and wrapping a hand around my baby.
“Back off. Don’t mistake my silence for weakness.”
“Do you know how long I’ve dreamt about this?”
My insides are about to liquefy with terror, but I keep the harsh tone I learnt from Mum. “Back off or I swear —”
“Shh, shut up. Shut the fuck up.” He jams his fist at the roof of the car beside my head.
My eyes widen as I try to keep my calm. I’m Sebastian Queens and Cynthia Davis’s daughter. I will not break.
Taking a deep inhale, I speak in a slightly cracked voice, despite my attempts to keep it neutral, “Adam. If you don’t stop, I’ll tell —”
“Shut the fuck up, Silver.” He punches the car again.
“What’s going on here?”
I release a breath as someone approaches us. Elsa. I’ve never been happier to see her in my entire life.
“Fuck off, bitch. This is none of your business,” Adam snarls at her.
“Silver?” she asks me carefully.
I slightly shake my head and mouth, “Cole.”
For some reason, he’s the only one I want to see right now. Besides, I know he can keep Adam’s claws off me.
And I need Adam’s damn claws off me.
Elsa retrieves her phone, shoulders pushing backwards. “Back off right now or I’ll call the principal, Adam. Maybe it’s his business.”
He takes a step towards her.
She jams her hand in her backpack. “Come any closer and I’ll blind your fucking eyes with pepper spray.”
Adam’s gaze roams over me one more second, and I hold my breath, only releasing it when his attention breaks from me as he snarls at Elsa, “Stupid fucking bitch.”
Elsa keeps watching him with that rigid posture and determined look until he gets into his vehicle and leaves.
I fall back against my car, hugging my stomach.
It’s going to be fine, baby.
It’s over.
It’s all over.
“Are you…okay?” Elsa stops in front of me.
I can’t believe she, of all people, helped me. After all the drama I’ve brought to her relationship with Aiden, I would have expected her to beat me up again or something.
At least, that’s what I thought when she caught me vomiting in the bathroom the other day.
Instead, she asked me if I needed help.
She’s the polar opposite of Aiden, and maybe that’s why they fit so well.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I whisper. “I…I need to go. Forget what I said earlier. Don’t mention a word about this to Cole.”
If he knows, he’ll blame me, not Adam. He’ll come after me for hiding this from him.
I need to talk to Frederic about it. He’s a PR genius, he can tell me how to deal with this in the best way that won’t hurt Papa.
He’ll also want to murder me, but I’ll take that.
I wish I could also tell Frederic about the pregnancy, but he’d tell me to get rid of it. That’s what everyone would say.
Cole included.
And that hurts more than I’d like to admit.
“You should tell Aiden,” Elsa says.
“What does he have to do with anything? King didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Whatever. It’s not my place.” I open my car’s door and slide inside. “I won’t say anything until you talk to him.”
“About what?”
“What do you think?”
After what she did for me today, I might consider Aiden’s order and actually confess it all.
What’s the point of holding on to this engagement if he won’t take responsibility for the child?
As I drive out, I place a hand over my stomach and a tear slides down my cheek at the thought that I might be forced to lose this life after all.
