Every day that passes is like a ticking bomb.
Every time Papa or Mum say they want to speak to me about something, I jump in my own skin.
Every time Helen brings me food, I wince, thinking I’ll get morning sickness.
Every time Frederic and Derek tell me ‘Good morning, Miss’ or ‘Good evening, Miss,’ I’m screaming inside, They know!
I spend the entire week with Mum so I can avoid Cole.
At first, he corners me, demanding I tell him what I’m hiding and threatening that I’ll pay if he has to find out himself.
His form of payment isn’t toying with my body as I wish. Instead, he completely tunes me out.
For the first time since we started whatever we had, Cole isn’t speaking to me.
He says he won’t unless I tell him what’s going on.
Whenever I pass him by and he pretends I don’t exist, I die a little inside. Cole has a perfect blank face, so he can make you feel like you’re no different from the dust on his shoe.
It hurts.
It makes me sleep with tears in my eyes every night.
But what hurts the most is the thought of what he’ll do when he finds out I’m carrying his baby.
Today, I turned down a dinner date with Mum and Lucien. Usually, I love the Frenchman’s company. He’s cool and charismatic and reminds me of Uncle Jonathan — without the frightening ruthlessness. As long as he makes Mum smile and forget about her demons, I approve.
Despite Lucien’s pleasant company, I decide to return to Papa’s house, hoping, praying Cole will actually sneak into my room.
He doesn’t.
He doesn’t pay me much attention at dinner, as if I’m not sitting right there in front of him. Even Helen asks me if Cole and I are going back to the time we couldn’t stand each other.
I guess we are.
Why did he give me all those moments just so he’d take them away? We were doing fine being at each other’s throats before the wedding.
Who am I kidding? I hated the times from before. He was always far.
Just too far.
I scroll through both Ronan’s and Aiden’s Instagram accounts, hoping to catch a glimpse of Cole’s picture like a bloody fool.
Aiden made fun of how Cole’s not speaking to me. That arsehole doesn’t deserve the huge favour I did for him.
A few days ago, I told Elsa the engagement and everything in between were fake. Although she won’t completely forgive him yet, my freely-provided confession is a start.
I’ve turned so soft over the days.
My phone vibrates and I sit up, excitement whirling inside me. Is it Cole?
Unknown Number: Meet me.
I gulp. That’s the first time he’s ever asked that. Is it because of what happened in the car park a few days ago? It’s a new number. He keeps changing them as if playing hide-and-seek with Papa’s team’s security measures.
Unknown Number: I’m behind the fence of your house.
Unknown Number: If you don’t come out, I’ll post a naked picture of you for the world to see.
I can call his bluff and tell him he has no such picture, but what if he does? I can’t risk Papa’s campaign or Mum’s reputation.
Tears prickle my eyes as my chest closes in on itself.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I find myself in screw-up after screw-up? First Cole, then the pregnancy, and now a damn stalker.
Could I be more of a disgrace to my parents?
I was always a good girl. When did I start losing myself? When did I become this damn loser who sees a failure in the mirror every morning?
Swallowing my tears, I type with unsteady fingers.
Silver: Why are you doing this, Adam?
Unknown Number: Because I love you. Remember when that bitch Elsa was bothering you? I’m the one who pushed her into that pool. For you, my love. For your beautiful blue eyes.
Unknown Number: I know you broke it off with Aiden for me. Because you’ve always loved me too.
Oh. God.
He pushed Elsa for me. She could’ve drowned and died.
I have to see him and put an end to this.
Stumbling from the bed, I run out of my room, only to be halted by a broad frame.
Cole.
We’re standing in front of my door. He’s wearing a hoodie and cotton trousers. His chestnut hair falls all over his forehead.
“Where the fuck are you going dressed like that?”
I stare down at myself and realise I’m only in a see-through oversized T-shirt with nothing underneath because I wanted to seduce this bastard.
“N-nowhere.”
He narrows his eyes on my face, then on my hand, and I subconsciously hide the phone behind my back. He snatches it away and when I try to fight him, he uses my finger to unlock it.
I didn’t even exit the chat.
He keeps it out of reach and his eyes darken with every passing second.
Damn it.
“So it was Adam,” he says coolly, with almost no emotion at all. This side of Cole has always scared the shit out of me.
I can never tell what he’ll do next — whether he’ll rage or leave. Though I’ve never seen him rage, not really.
“That’s what you’ve been hiding from me, Silver?”
I hate when he calls me by my name.
“I have to meet him,” I murmur. “He’ll post a picture and there’ll be a scandal.”
“He won’t.”
“How would you know that?”
“If he had it, he would’ve attached it to the text and threatened you with it. He’s bluffing.”
“What if he isn’t?”
He grabs me by the arm and pushes me inside my room, then slams me against the door, keeping me pinned in place. “He won’t. Even if he does, you’ll only make it worse if you meet him.”
“But —”
“Shut up.”
“Cole…” I plead.
“Shut the fuck up, Silver. I told you I won’t be lenient if I find out on my own.” He retrieves his phone and puts it to his ear. “Frederic. How are you? I think there could be an intruder near the back garden. Can you have one of the security guys check?”
I fidget with my back glued to the door, my toes curling against the floor before I release them.
“Won’t he get mad if we provoke him?” I whisper.
Cole places a finger against my mouth, shushing me. My brain has other thoughts, though, like kissing that finger and telling him everything bottled inside me.
“I see,” he says to Fredric. “Thank you. Have a great night.”
“So?” I ask as soon as he hangs up.
“There was no one. He must’ve left.”
“What if he didn’t?”
“What are you going to do about it? Go out like that and meet him?”
“No. I was in a hurry. I didn’t think.”
“You don’t seem to be doing a lot of that lately.”
It’s more like I’m thinking too much.
“I’m confiscating your phone. Go to sleep.”
I peek at him through my lashes. “You won’t sleep with me?”
“I thought you hated me. Why would you want me to sleep with you?”
Ugh. The arsehole.
I huff as I climb under the covers, pulling them to my chin. He pulls out my chair and a book we’re reading for literature and sits opposite me.
“You can go. I don’t need a babysitter.” I try not to sound frustrated that he prefers the chair over me.
“Considering you were going out to meet your stalker in fuck-me clothes, you obviously do,” he says without lifting his head from the book. Wuthering Heights. Fitting.
“What do you care? I thought you weren’t going to talk to me.”
“I’m not.”
“Well, you clearly are right now.”
“Go to sleep. You’re confessing tomorrow.”
“Confessing? To whom?”
“To Elsa, who almost drowned because of you. Because you were self-centred and enjoyed having a stalker say you’re beautiful.”
Tears prickle my lids and I hide farther beneath the sheets. “You know that’s not the case.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You think I want to hurt other people? What is wrong with you? Are you crazy?”
“Watch that fucking attitude, Silver.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Go to sleep,” he repeats quietly.
I do, with tears in my eyes and emptiness in my chest.
For the first time since he moved here, Cole doesn’t hug me to sleep.
For the first time, he’s so disgusted with me, he doesn’t want to touch me.
I hate myself for hating this.
And I hate him.
I hate him so much, I dream of him hugging me.
In the morning, Cole takes me to the Meet Up.
More like, he drags me.
He’s still not speaking to me and I’m starting to feel pitiful.
I loathe being pitiful. It brings back memories from when I was a child and every single one of my parents’ friends gave me that look.
Poor Silver.
Since then, I’ve built walls and a whole new persona so no one would give me that look again.
Cole and I are sitting in the small cottage, and I recall the pain I felt when I thought he’d lost his virginity to Miss Goldman.
So what if it didn’t happen? He made me believe it.
Well, I made him believe I lost my virginity to Aiden, so there’s that.
Ugh. I hate this tension.
I sit on the chair, waiting for Aiden and Elsa. Cole stands right behind me like the Grim Reaper.
True to his Grim Reaper image, he’s not speaking either.
I’m too scared to look behind me, so I murmur, “Are you going to keep up the silent treatment for long?”
“Not a word, Silver. I don’t want to hear your voice.”
I pretend he didn’t slash my heart open with that and mutter, “Screw you, Cole.”
The door opens and Aiden and Elsa come inside.
She watches me as if I’m a freak while Aiden appears mostly annoyed. “What are you doing here, Queens?”
“Ask Cole,” I speak low.
Elsa steps inside, observing Cole and me carefully, as if we’ll jump her. “Hey.”
Cole offers her his signature polite smile that he offers to everyone. The good boy image. The good son, good stepson, good freaking citizen.
But I know Cole the best. I know the image he puts out and the one he keeps tucked underneath layers of practice.
He’s a gentleman in public. A monster in private.
With me.
He’s being a monster to me right now and I hate how much it hurts.
“Elsa,” he says. “Sit down. There’s something you need to know.”
Aiden throws his weight on the sofa and she settles beside him, still watching us closely, as if she’s trying to get a read on the situation.
I wonder if she sees the pain in my eyes.
No one should see your pain, Babydoll. Your pain is yours, not for the people. They will only use it against you.
I inhale deeply, remembering Mum’s words.
“Tell them,” Cole orders in a low, calm tone. “If you don’t, I will. Do you want them to hear my version?”
He’ll tell them I wanted Elsa hurt. I wanted Kim hurt.
That I’m scum.
That I disgust him.
“Get it over with, Queens,” Aiden says impatiently. “I don’t have all day.”
I lift my head and focus on Elsa. “I don’t know why we keep getting involved, you and I.”
She gives me a look that says, Same.
“This is my final warning.” Cole’s merciless voice cuts through my head like a knife. “Talk or I will.”
Taking in another deep breath, I speak in the most composed tone I have, “Remember Adam?”
“Did he hurt you again?” she blurts.
Shit. Why did she have to mention that?
“Again.” Cole’s voice lowers. “So it’s happened before, yes?”
He won’t let me live this down, will he?
Aiden grips Elsa by the shoulder, hard. I can almost imagine the tightness I’d see in Cole’s jaw if I were brave enough to look at him. “How do you know about that, sweetheart? Hmm?”
“He was bothering her in the car park; I stopped him,” she says.
“You stopped him,” Aiden repeats. “How did you stop him exactly?”
“I just threatened him with calling the principal and using pepper spray.”
“You don’t have pepper spray.”
“He believed I did. What are you so agitated about?”
“What am I so agitated about?” His words are clipped. “Why do you fucking think? He could’ve taken both of you to God knows where in his state. Do you have no sense of self-preservation?”
“I only did what I thought was right. Okay?”
“Not okay. It’s not fucking okay to throw yourself in danger like that.” He glares at her and she glares back, unyielding.
I respect that about Elsa. Aiden is a psycho, but he’s met his match in her.
During their entire exchange, I try to ignore the gloomy energy at my back but fail.
“Very well, Silver. Very well.” Cole’s voice is the equivalent of being stabbed with a thousand knives. “Tell them why we’re here.”
“I only found out yesterday.” I stare at my nails. “Adam came over and…well, he said a lot of shit.”
“Say it,” Cole whips out his order.
“Adam said that…” I lick my lips. Damn. Why do I feel so guilty about this? “He was the one who pushed Elsa in the pool.”
Elsa’s blue eyes double in size, but she stays silent.
“He did, huh?” Aiden drawls.
“Go on,” Cole urges. “Tell them why he did it.”
“He said he did it to get in my good graces, okay?” I slide my gaze to Elsa’s. “I swear I had nothing to do with it. I only just found out myself. If I’d known, I would’ve told you.”
“But you knew Adam’s intentions.” Cole digs the knife deeper. “And apparently, you’ve known about them for a long time.”
I swallow. “Cole —”
“Not a word.”
“Cole —”
“Go wait in the car.”
Ugh. Seriously. Why does he keep doing this?
You know what? Enough is enough.
I jerk up, throwing my hands in the air. “Come here, Silver. Go there, Silver. What do you think I am? Your fucking toy?”
He remains motionless as he repeats, “Go wait in the car.”
Then I do something I’ve never done in public before. I flip him off.
I flip Cole Nash the bird.
And because I’m somewhat of a coward, I storm to the entrance.
Before I reach it, I stop, recalling something important. I face Elsa and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
I slam the door shut behind me, but I don’t leave. The thing is, this door isn’t soundproof — most likely because it’s old. I discovered it once when I came here and listened in on Levi, Aiden’s cousin, having sex with his girlfriend, Astrid. But I ran away before they could discover my perverted tendencies.
That was my first voyeurism experience. Well, it was just audible, but it counts. That was when I started to think that maybe I enjoy things on the edge.
Maybe that’s why I became entangled too fast with Cole. Not only does he not judge me, but he also shares those tendencies with me and he’s not at all apologetic about it.
“Let’s meet later,” Cole says — to Aiden, I assume.
“I’ll get in touch,” the other dick replies.
“And, Elsa?” Cole calls.
“Yeah?” She sounds distracted.
“She only learnt this information yesterday. Don’t beat her up again.”
My heart nearly bursts at Cole’s words. I can’t believe he just said that when he’s mad at me.
“Says the guy who watched while she was beaten to a pulp.” Aiden scoffs.
“She brought it on herself that time.”
And he had to ruin it.
Doesn’t matter, though. He stood up for me.
Before he comes out, I run to the main street and walk for some time before I catch a taxi.
Yes, I’m a coward and I really don’t want to deal with his wrath right now.
I know I’m only delaying the inevitable, but he’ll eventually cool off.
Right?
