Cole stares at me with that unnerving silence that nearly splits me open.
Nothing changes on his face.
Absolutely nothing. Almost like he’s in numb state of mind.
Out of all the times he could’ve been blank, this is the worst. Why does he have to be so unreadable?
I’ve known him forever, so I’m usually able to reach behind that mask and get a glimpse of what he’s hiding.
Not now though.
Peeking at him through my lashes, I watch with bated breath, waiting for his reaction.
He says nothing.
Not even a word.
Maybe he hates me. Maybe he’s disgusted with how I’m ruining his future with this news.
The flight attendant comes to our side again, her presence interrupting our non-existent conversation. “Are you okay, Miss? Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m fine,” I murmur.
“Water with honey,” he says. “Lime, too, if you have it.”
She nods before disappearing to where she came from.
So he does have a voice. He just doesn’t use it to speak to me. He continues observing me as if I’m an alien who’s come to occupy the planet.
“Are you going to say something?” I meant to snap, but my voice comes out quiet, almost scared. “Anything?”
“Did you go to the doctor?” he asks.
“No.”
“Then how do you know you’re pregnant?”
“I took a test.”
“You should go to the doctor.”
“I can’t just go to the doctor, Cole, okay? What if someone recognises me? Sebastian Queens and Cynthia Davis’s daughter at the OB-GYN. Do you realise how scandalous that would be? I couldn’t even go buy the freaking test and had to order it online.”
“Would you stop thinking about the scandals and your parents and start thinking about yourself?” Cole snaps. Whoa. He never snaps. “This is your health, your life. You’re carrying a baby inside you. Do you think that’s a game? Or that they won’t eventually find out?”
Tears sting my eyes and it takes everything in me not to break down right then and there. I feel like a kid being yelled at for idiotic behaviour.
“You think I haven’t thought of that? I have. For weeks. I suspected this for damn weeks before I finally took the damn test, Cole. I’m the one living with this reality day in and day out, picturing all the possible scenarios and hating the fact that I might have to kill this life. So don’t sit there telling me I’m not taking it seriously, because I am. More than you’ll ever know.”
He narrows his eyes. “You’ve suspected it for weeks and didn’t tell me?”
I lift a shoulder, staring out of the window.
“Why?”
Because he could say the words that scare me the most. That I should abort.
Instead, I say, without facing him. “Because I hate you.”
“Silver…” he warns, seeming to rein in whatever emotions he could ever show.
“Just forget it, okay? I’ll figure it out.”
He grabs me by the chin and spins my head around. My eyes are filled with tears and it’s taking superhuman power for me to keep them at bay.
“We will figure it out. Both of us are responsible for that life.”
“Cole…” A tear slides down my cheek and he wipes it away with the pad of his thumb.
“You thought I would abandon you?”
“No, but I thought you would be against it.”
“It’s already happened. I can’t exactly be against it.”
I pull away from him. “So if it hadn’t happened, you would be?”
“No, but you would be.”
“What?”
“If it were up to me, you’d be fucking mine in front of the entire world, and yes, I would be planning to put a football team worth of babies inside you so you’d always be glued to my side. But you constantly think about your parents and your image and everyone else’s fucking opinion, so it’s you who won’t let anything happen. Not me.”
My lips tremble as I face away from him again.
Damn him.
He lifts me up just so he can bring me down soon after.
The attendant delivers the cup of water he requested. He takes it from her hand and thanks her.
I don’t miss the way she speaks in sultry words when she says to call her if he needs ‘anything’. I’m going to tell Lucien to fire her.
What? Flirting must be against her code of work ethics.
When Cole offers the glass to me, I refuse to drink.
“Drink it.”
“No.”
“Stop acting like a baby,” he says.
“Oh, wait. Is that because I have a freaking one inside me?” I mock. “No thanks to you.”
“Drop that attitude and drink the fucking water, Silver.”
“Or what? You’ll make me?”
He wraps a hand around my nape and pulls me closer. I gasp and he uses the chance to make me drink. When I close my mouth, he holds my nose, forcing me to breathe through the only other opening.
Cole doesn’t let me go until I finish the entire glass.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, glaring at him. “You’re a brute.”
“And you hate me and you wish you’d never met me. I know the mantra.” He slides his gaze up and down my body, and I feel self-conscious at the intense way he’s watching me. “I’m also the one who put a baby in you.”
“That’s not something to be proud of.”
“Maybe it is.” He smirks.
“Can’t you see what it’ll do to us? It can destroy everything.”
“Well, here’s the thing, Butterfly.” He leans over and brushes his lips against my nose. “I don’t mind self-destructing if it’s with you.”
As soon as we land, Cole tells the driver to take us to an address he gives him.
It’s an OB-GYN he looked up on the internet when we were flying.
I begged him not to take me to the doctor, because the driver will tell Lucien who could tell Mum, but all my protests fall on deaf ears.
Cole speaks in French to the receptionist. I speak it, too, but his accent is the best with foreign languages. It’s barely there. I sound like an English snob when I speak French.
The doctor, Dr Qasim Laurent, is an older man with olive skin and light green eyes. After he does the test and asks me a few questions, he says we should wait.
Cole tells him we want to make sure the baby is fine. After the doctor leaves us alone, me on the table and Cole standing beside me, I swallow. “Why do you want to know if the baby is fine? Are you…thinking about keeping it?”
“Are you?”
“I asked first, Cole.”
“You never come first, Miss Number Two.”
“Dick,” I mutter.
“What was that, Butterfly?”
“Come on, answer me.”
“You had better chances of getting an answer before reducing me to my dick. I know you love it, but, well, it doesn’t work in such situations,” he teases.
“Cole!”
His expression returns to the serene blankness. “I do want to keep it.”
If my heart could burst into pieces, it would’ve been all over the white room by now. “Really?”
He nods.
“But we’re…you know…I’m your sister in front of everyone.”
He gives me a dirty look. “You’re not my fucking sister. I hate that word.”
I hate it too.
I thread my fingers into his. If he and I want to keep it, then we can figure something out, right?
He watches me peculiarly for a second, his intense gaze sliding from my face to my abdomen and then back again. His eyes aren’t only seeing me, but they’re tearing through my flesh and peering into my soul.
“What?” I whisper.
“Did you… I mean, were you pregnant when Elsa beat you that time?”
The memory of that fear of being alone and not being able to protect my baby assaults me. I nod.
“I’m so sorry, Silver. I wouldn’t have stood still if I knew. I would’ve protected you.” He lifts our interlaced fingers and brushes his lips on the back of my hand, eliciting sharp tingles.
“I know.” My throat closes around the words.
“You do?”
“Yeah, you were a dick, but you made up for it when you showed up at the park. I heard when you told her not to beat me again in the Meet Up.”
His lips tug in a smirk. “Eavesdropping, Miss Prim and Proper?”
“Shut up. You’re lucky I forgive you.”
He kisses my fingers again.
We remain silent after that, just interlacing our fingers together and Cole caressing the back of my hand with his thumb. It’s like we can’t figure out what we want to say.
So I imagine Cole and me living in a faraway country. Well, not that far away — somewhere like France. Actually, no, it’s still too close to home and can reflect back on our parents. We can go to Asia or Africa or even Australia.
By the time the doctor returns, all sorts of scenarios have formed in my head.
“Alors.” Dr Laurant clears his throat and speaks in a thick French accent. “You have an ulcer that can be treated with des IPP. That’s the reason behind the vomiting and nausea. You’ve had stressful times, yes?”
I nod. “But what about the pregnancy?”
“Is the child okay?” Cole asks.
“There’s no child.” The doctor smiles in an impassive kind of way. “You’re not pregnant, mademoiselle.”
Not pregnant? What does he mean I’m not pregnant?
“I took a test.” I stare between him and Cole. “I took a test and it said positive.”
“It’s rare, but it can be… How do you say faux positive? Ah. A false positive.”
No, no, no…
“How many tests have you taken, mademoiselle?”
“One.”
“A false positive then. If you had taken another one right after, it would’ve come out negative. If you take tranquilisers a lot, that can alter the test. That’s why we recommend you take multiple tests.”
“What about my period? It’s weeks late.”
He flips through his pad. “Yes, from the form I can see that you used to take the birth control pills to regulate it. Since you haven’t been doing so lately, it affected your cycle. Again, stress and tranquilisers play a part.”
“So, I’m really not pregnant?” My voice breaks at the end.
“You’re not. Your blood test shows normal HCG levels — that’s the pregnancy hormone.”
“Can’t it be wrong?”
“No. Blood tests are the final verdict.” He scribbles something on his pad. “I’ll give you something for the stomach aches.”
I stare at Cole.
He appears as dazed as me. As speechless as me.
I’m not pregnant.
It should make me happy, but all I want to do is cry.
