Things come faster when you’re dreading them. Tonight was Lucas’ last night before he leaves for his cabin trip. We decided to spend the day together, just the two of us. There was a lot of fucking…and I mean a lot. He said he wanted to get his weeks worth and when he returned, he’d do it again. My legs are completely useless to me right now, having been ravished by the sex god I get to call my boyfriend.
We were talking about small silly things on the couch now. Trivial matters to keep the conversation light. We were trying to stay happy and positive, even though it felt like Lucas was taking a piece of me with him. I know I’m being dramatic. It’s only a week, but still. It’s a week and we haven’t been apart since his accident. There’s a big difference when you go from seeing someone every day, to not at all for a week.
‘Favorite memory?’ He asked me.
‘That’s a hard one,’ I said, tapping my finger on my chin. ‘The time I snuck out of my house and met a friend. We looked at the stars and spoke about our futures for most of the night. It’s the night I decided what I wanted to be. The sky looked so beautiful then, too.’ I admitted. I didn’t want to say who the friend was, worried Lucas might be jealous of Ian.
‘I’ll have to thank Ian for setting you down this path. Otherwise, we would have never met. However, I plan to take the best memory spot soon.’ He winked at me.
‘How’d you know it was Ian?’
‘I’m in your junior year in your journals now. I’ll be taking those with me on the cabin trip, too. I plan to be in your senior year when I return.’ I was surprised by the sheer number of journals he had read already. ‘I’m getting closer to my journals,’ he sang excitedly like a child.
‘You really are. I better start writing more while you’re gone.’
‘I like the sound of that.’ He smiled.
‘What’s your favorite memory?’ I asked him.
‘Hmm, that would be the night Ivy helped my mom get away from my dad.’
My chest tightened at his answer. He had a whole life before me, one where he almost married this girl. I am sure they would be happily married if she hadn’t died. I squeezed his hand comfortingly as he looked down. So much for keeping the mood light.
‘She sounds like she was a wonderful person, Lucas.’
‘She was, she really was.’ He nodded his head. We fell silent for a moment before I broke it.
‘How many kids do you want to have?’ I asked the next random question.
‘I would like two or maybe even four,’ he told me. ‘Can’t be an uneven number.’
‘I want two. Would you want a boy or a girl first?’
‘Girl, cause she’ll look like you.’ His answer made my cheeks burn red. He was thinking of kids with me, whereas I had been thinking of kids in general. Now I can’t stop picturing it. I hope they will come out as cute as him. Hopefully, not with my flaming red locks. I am not sure they’d care for it.
‘You want to have kids with me?’ I asked him, surprised.
‘Of course I do. I told you I’m not letting you go ever again. I’ve tied my life to you already. I want to marry you, have kids with you, and grow old together. We’ll retire together and live on some tropical island where we spend our days drinking out of coconuts, watching the waves roll in.’ I imagined it as he spoke, painting a beautiful picture in my head. I want the same thing.
‘That sounds perfect.’
‘Then we’ll make it happen. Wait and see, Rose. I’ll make all your dreams come true.’ He kissed me before I could say anything, and I knew exactly where this was headed. This time he bent me over the couch and let the slap of our skin and my moans fill the air. Every time I think I am done, he finds another way to rile me back up. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of him.
**Song suggestion: “Love of My Life” by Avery Lynch**
‘Good morning, sleepyhead. Ready to see me off?’ Lucas woke me with a kiss reminding me he was leaving today. I frowned, not liking the fact.
‘No,’ I pouted, making him laugh.
‘Sorry, Rose, but I’d like to be said goodbye to at the airport.’
‘I know, I know. I am going. I wish you didn’t have to leave,’ I said as I got up and off the bed.
We got ready, and then headed out once we were sure Lucas had everything he needed, even the journals. We took my car so I could drive it back from the airport without having to worry. I hated having to say goodbye, but I walked him to his gate and did so.
‘Be good. Spend lots of time with your mom and Lisa. Please be careful up there, and make sure to text me often. Send me pictures if you can, and call me at night. I’m going to miss you terribly. You are my everything. This week can’t go by fast enough. I love you.’ I confessed, wrapping my arms around his neck.
‘I love you too, Olive. Be careful while I am gone. Don’t let your dad see you when you go check in on your future sibling. Make sure to have fun with Hailey and Leo on Thanksgiving. Text me pictures too, as often as you like about anything at all. I’ll miss you, Rose.’
He kissed me sweetly, leaving me wanting more as he pulled away. I didn’t take my eyes off him until I couldn’t see him any more, disappearing into the crowd of holiday travelers. He’s out of my field of vision and away from my side for the next week. I drove home, trying not to cry. It’s over dramatic, but God, did I miss him already.
I got back home safe, immediately grabbing one of Lucas’ hoodies and putting it on, enveloping myself in his scent. I began to work on my projects, papers, and any unfinished work I needed to get done. It helped take my mind off my melancholy heart. It took me pretty much all day to finish my project and write one of my papers. Tomorrow I’ll finish the rest and then head back home to Portsmouth, New Hampshire.
I decided to grab a small suitcase and pack enough for a couple of days. I don’t plan on staying there more than one night. I packed myself what I needed, and a little extra in case of an emergency. You always want more than you need. I forced myself to eat dinner at least, but I was beginning to think I had caught some kind of stomach bug, because I was feeling kind of nauseous again.
My Knight: Made it.
Lucas’ first text to me came through with a picture of him and Lisa. The cabin behind them glowed from the warm light pouring through the window. It was covered in snow making the two siblings pop out more. They sported large smiles, and it warmed my heart to see.
Olive: Have fun! I miss you already.
My Knight: Hard to have fun without my Rose :’( I miss you!
I sent him a picture of myself sprawled on the bed with my books all around me.
Olive: I dare say you’re having more fun than me.
My Knight: I wish I was there with you. I miss you in my arms.
Olive: I know what you mean, but try, and enjoy yourself with your mom and Lisa. I know they could both use your happiness.
My Knight: Then I should have brought you.
I smiled like an idiot at his text.
Olive: Are you saying I’m your happiness?
My Knight: Isn’t it obvious by now? You’re my happiness, Olive Brewer. Now go to sleep. It’s getting late, and you have a decent trip ahead of you tomorrow. No driving while you’re sleepy!
Olive: Yes, sir! Don’t worry, I’m a safe driver. Good night, my Knight. I love you.
My Knight: Goodnight, my Rose. I love you!
I moved my books off the bed and got myself cozily in bed. It felt odd sleeping without him by my side. I was happy knowing he was with his family safe and sound. I fell asleep thinking of him, allowing myself to dream of him. Tomorrow I go home.
I woke up throwing up again. I hate stomach bugs, especially when I have a long drive ahead. I’ll probably have to pull over a lot more if I continue to stay nauseous. This better stop before Thanksgiving because I refuse to not feel well enough to eat Hailey’s family’s cooking, or Leo’s.
I grabbed my suitcase and headed towards the amazing car mom left me. She made sure I was taken care of before she left, maybe as her way of making up for those long years without her. I threw the suitcase in the trunk before taking my seat. I had to adjust the driver seat, since Lucas drove last. I wish he was driving me now. Maybe next time I go, I’ll take him with me and he can see where I liked to hang out.
I started the playlist I created this morning for the road trip. It was a mixture of energized music and soft melancholy tunes. I wanted to wallow in missing Lucas, but also needed to not get tired. I forget how beautiful the drive home can be with the foliage of fall. I wished I could put the top down and enjoy the sun against my skin, but the crisp cold air of New York’s November told me it was a terrible idea. The drive was relaxing, and I only had to pull over once to throw up. It wasn’t too terrible considering. I need to go to the doctor when I get back.
Welcome to Portsmouth
The familiar green sign with white border welcomed me as I entered my hometown. The historic buildings of downtown came into view as I drove into town. Nothing changes much here. The ice skating rink at the Starwbery Banke Museum was open again, littered with kids who were out of school this week in preparation for the holiday.
The owner of the music hall must have had the sign fixed since I was last here, having all of its letters flash brightly again. I headed to the Water Street Inn. It’s far enough away I won’t risk running into dad, but close enough so I won’t be driving an hour away to get into town. The historic house came into view, with its beautiful landscaping.
“Good afternoon,” I was greeted as I entered the door. “Do you have a reservation?”
“Yes, it should be under Brewer.”
“Ah, yes, welcome Ms. Brewer. We have you booked in room 2.”
After some finagling of the computer she grabbed the key and led me to the room. I placed my suitcase on the bed and began to unpack my things. I decided I’d go pay Joe a visit first. He is the only friend I have here. If you can even call him my friend. He’s more of my therapist/tattoo artist, and if you ask either, they can’t be your friend. Maybe I’ll have a session. I’ve been itching to ink my sink more.
I grabbed some lunch before heading to the Iron Works Tattoo parlor on Congress Street. The small shop between Jumpin Jay’s and The Goat Entertainment came into view. Its welded sign still hung over the shop. The glass was always clean, letting me peer in before entering. I could see Joe, leaned over a woman working his magic on her ankle. I opened the door to find a new face behind the counter.
“Welcome to Iron Works Tattoos. What can we do for you?” she asked me. She screamed hardcore chick with her multitude of piercings and neck tattoos. She had her hair dyed a faded blue with large gauges on her ears. She didn’t smile much, looking at me like I shouldn’t be here.
“I’m here to see Joe. I’ll wait.” I answered her, taking no offense to her presumptions.
I scrolled through my phone trying to find something good to add onto my numerous torso tattoos. I know in the end Joe will do what Joe wants. About 10 minutes later, the woman Joe had been working on paid and left. Joe was busy cleaning his instruments, still not noticing me. He was always very oblivious when he was focused on something.
“Joe, you got a customer!” The blue-haired girl called back to him.
Joe was a big guy, not necessarily the one you would pick to do your tattoos. His looks made you believe he didn’t know the definition of gentle, but you would be very wrong, as Joe is the gentlest man around. I have never so much as felt a jolt of terrible pain when he’s worked on me. His thick dark brown eyebrows, which were a shade darker than his brown hair, furrowed as he turned. He seemed upset by the fact someone had interrupted his routine. His rich hazel eyes looked almost green with flecks of gold today. He smiled as he recognized me.
“How is my beaut?” He asked about the tattoos he had made. I lifted my shirt to show it off, impressing the girl behind the counter. “Pause, that’s not mine.” He pointed to the pink ribbon with a scowl.
“Yeah, I know. I needed it, and you weren’t exactly a close drive.” I shrugged. He narrowed his eyes as he approached to investigate it further. His rough large finger traced over the ribbon as if he were trying to imagine how the tattoo had been done. He shook his head in disappointment, clearly not happy with it.
“Come on, I’ll fix it. She deserves better than this.” He pulled me to his table without letting me say a word. My chest tightened at his words. He knew who it was for. He saw the name, recognized the symbol, and noticed the date.
“Thank you, Joe,” I whispered as he got to work on my side.
“Start talking. I know you’re dying to tell me everything that is bothering you,” he said as his needle made contact with my skin. I started by telling him about Hailey and how she helped me. I then moved on to Julius and how I finally lost my virginity. He scrunched his nose in disgust at the revelation.
“Didn’t need to know that part, Cherry Bomb.” I hadn’t heard him call me that in a long time. Sweet as a cherry with the explosive anger of a bomb, he’d explained it to me when he first gave me the nickname.
“Too bad, now you know. Anyway, I’m not done so shhh.” I continued on with my story, telling him about Lucas, then Leo. I told him about mom, then Lucas some more.
“Moved in already?!” He arched his brow, surprised I would be so reckless in his eyes.
“Yes, moved in. It was right for us, so fuck everyone else’s timeline of how things should go.” I nodded with determination.
“Alright, way to blow up the norms. Continue.” I told him about how dad is having a baby with some new girlfriend. I then asked him to watch out for her and let me know if he sees anything suspicious when it comes to her health.
“I’m not some secret agent for you, Cherry Bomb, so I’m not going out of my way to check on this girl, but if I see anything I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks, Joe.”
“Alright, all done. Here.” He handed me a mirror to look at it. He’d outlined the ribbon in black and added flowers to come out the center top. They were her favorites, orange tulips. He then wrote one of mom’s favorite sayings from the movie Forest Gump, the one about the box of chocolates.
“It’s perfect. Thank you, Joe. However, how you know these things about my mother astounds me.” I arched a brow at him curiously.
“Did she never tell you?”
‘Tell me what?’ I propped myself up on my elbows, extremely interested now.
‘I was the one that helped her leave, kid.’ He grabbed the white gauze as he dropped that bombshell on me.
‘You?’
‘Yeah, me. We went to high school together, and we were once close friends. She was the one that got away.’
‘Fucking shit, Joe.’ My mind was reeling, refusing to process the words that came out of his mouth. The one that got away. I guess I have one of those too.
“Did you know where she was all this time?”
I couldn’t look at him as I asked, keeping my eyes on the ceiling, trying to hold back tears. I’ve poured my heart out to this man many times, trusted him with everything, and he never once told me he knew mom. He never once stopped me and told me ‘I know, Cherry Bomb. I know it all’. He let me complain about how she abandoned me and how dad was an ass.
“No, I didn’t. She didn’t know where she was going when she left. I helped her get out and hide her steps along the way. I hid the money she saved to escape as well as a go bag. She asked me to look out for you, to save you if his fists ever turned to you in her stead. How do you think you ended up on my chair without permission at 17?” he asked me, like it should have been obvious.
“I don’t know. I thought I was charming, or maybe you pitied me enough not to care.” I wiped at the side of my eyes where a tear had rolled out. “Thank you for helping her, Joe.” I whispered with my voice cracking.
My emotions poured out of me like a river. My tears couldn’t be stopped, keeping my wrists over my eyes and wiping them continuously. I wanted more time with her… needed more time with her. I wish she could have told me about Joe herself. There’s so much I still don’t know about her, pieces of her I am still learning about. I tried to imagine her and Joe in high school, but it was a hard image to picture.
“Come on, Cherry Bomb, let’s go get a cup of me and talk more.” I laughed at his pun, a cup of joe.
“Okay, I expect all the details about you and my mom.” I pointed at him as I got off his table.
“I’ll be back later, Vicky, taking a lunch break.”
Blue-haired girl, apparently named Vicky, nodded at him. Her eyes roamed my body, assessing me like she still wasn’t sure of me. I returned her gaze, showing her I don’t shy away just because someone was looking at me. She could have fucking face tattoos and I would still return her gaze. She’s not hard.
Time to fess up, Joe
