Memories of Dash and I walking countless times through the lobby of our building flash like a colorful and bright kaleidoscope before my eyes. My heart would burst, giddy with excitement and a rush of desire, knowing he was waiting upstairs. He would surprise me by coming home early and cooking for us. How fickle are human emotions. You can look at the same memory and either feel happy or sad. It’s the last emotion running in my veins.
Memories are the absolute worst.
One moment, they make you feel like you’re at the top of the world.
And the next moment, they taunt you with a reality of what will never be. Will never last. Was never meant to be.
“Bianca.”
A hand shaking my arm yanks me to the present. I look up to see my friends watching me with concern. The elevator has stopped at my floor.
“We can do this tomorrow, Bee.”
“No.” I tuck my hair away and walk toward the end of the hall. “I want to do this before he returns. If he returns.”
They follow quietly, having my back no matter their protests. With shivering fingers, I insert the key, only for the door to be yanked open from the inside. Startled, I almost stumbled backwards from the force of it. My heart slams against my ribs when my eyes connect with Dash’s.
A broken and lost version of him.
I drag my gaze down and realize he’s still wearing last night’s clothes while dark circles mar his dull eyes—he looks like hell. Like me. His appearance screams he went to the ends of the earth for a glimpse of me.
When they finally land on mine, his chest expands as he roughly exhales and runs his gaze all over me.
“Kitten?” He rasps, “Where did you run off to? I couldn’t find you.”
Words get lodged in my throat and I stagger at the stark pain in his voice. The anxiety. He looks like he hasn’t slept. I’m hauled backward when he tries to touch me and a fuming Rosa comes in his path. His sad eyes don’t stray from mine and I look away.
“Please, kitten. Give me a chance to explain.”
“You had your chance, Stern,” growls Rosa. “Leave her the hell alone.”
“This doesn’t concern you, Rosalie.” Looking over her head at me, he begs, “I’m not going anywhere unless you talk to me, kitten.”
“Will you leave after?” I ask, knowing he’ll never leave me alone unless I listen to him. Besides, he at least owes me an explanation.
Torment darkens his features as he wars with himself over the choice. Ultimately, he only has one. His shoulders hang as he replies, “Okay.”
“You don’t owe him anything, Bee.”
“It’s all right, Iris.”
Rosa reluctantly steps aside and I slide past her. The door closes, leaving us alone. Both of us soak each other in, as if we spent a lifetime apart even though it’s only been one night. But the distance in our broken hearts might as well be oceans wide.
A wayward tear falls down my cheek and in a flash, he crosses the distance.
“I’m sorry.” His thumb swipes another tear that manages to escape my eyes. “For everything.”
“I hate you.”
“I hate me too.”
“You wanted to talk. So talk.” I push him back and he watches me, like I took away his lifeline. “Why did you lie, Dash?”
“Because I never thought you’d mean so much to me, Bianca. At first, I stupidly thought I could sate my obsession for you and walk away once our arrangement ended. I didn’t realize I was fooling myself until it was too late and by then, you sunk deeper into my skin, my veins, and my heart, than I thought possible. Every day I didn’t tell the truth, it killed me.” He roughly exhales before running his hand through his already messy hair. Tortured eyes connect with mine and he shakes his head with a broken smile. “All my life, I just drifted and swayed without an anchor. I never had anything permanent. I’m always searching for one place to call my own. To call my home. Because I never had one. But then you came along and I realized I was searching for the wrong thing. My home wasn’t a place. It was you, kitten. Your heart is my home.”
My heart cracks into tiny pieces at his broken confession. My arms ache to reach and hold him without letting go, but the sting of his betrayal and lies outweighs it. The second the same realization grips him, the flicker of hope dies into ashes right in front of me. When I speak, it disappears completely.
“It’s too late, Dash.” My tone is sad. “They’re nothing but empty words now.”
I go still when he’s suddenly surrounding me again with his arms caging my body against the door. Our breaths mingle when he rests his head on mine.
“I vowed to kill myself before I ever hurt you again but I failed. Terribly. I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning but I was afraid to lose you. Only, I forgot you don’t lose what you never had.” Tilting my chin with the tip of his finger, he roughly confesses, “I know I’ve lied to you, but never about how I felt for you, kitten. Every moment, every word, every touch, every feeling… all of it was real and I’m not just talking about the past couple months. I was yours long before I knew what belonging to someone meant.”
“Stop,” I whimper, his confession bringing a raw pain to my chest. I turn my head, letting his grip fall, and push him away. His scent, which was beginning to feel like home, now felt like gasoline on my open wounds. The ones he inflicted. “Let me go.”
“Let me hold you a little longer if it’s the last time, kitten,” he begs me, and I taste his tears on my lips. “Please.”
I let him because I’m not strong. This isn’t how I imagined us to end.
One of my hands winds into his shirt as I hold him one last time, memorizing the feel of him, just like I did seven years ago. I stare down in confusion when he presses something small and cold into my palm.
A heart-shaped key.
“I saw you watching the couple in Paris, kitten. When I heard about the love lock tradition, I thought it was silly but seeing you sitting there pretty and the smile you gave me when I caught you staring, I finally understood the desire. I knew I couldn’t leave without doing it. So I went back, bought one, and locked it for us. Except I couldn’t throw away the key.”
Oh my god.
Suddenly, I remember him making an excuse and running to the restaurant. He went for this.
“Why didn’t you throw it?” I whisper, making him look at me with a smile.
“Because my heart belongs to you. The only lock where I want all my love to be safeguarded for eternity is in your hands. The key belongs to you, kitten. If I’m not with you, then I want you to have a piece of me. I might’ve stolen your body seven years ago but you’ve stolen my soul.”
“I love you.” His lips ghost over mine. “Goodbye, Bianca.”
The door opens and closes after he leaves. I stand in the same spot with my fingers wrapped around the key. Just like that, he’s gone.
Like he promised.
The same day, I sent him signed divorce papers to his office and the engagement ring.
The next day…
They return signed and sealed.
