FUCK.
MY CHEST tightened and my heart pounded as I watched Preston disappear into the crowd. Goddammit. I knew I’d caught Rodney’s hand too late, but to see the hurt in Preston’s eyes was like taking a knife to the chest.
Where was he going? What was he thinking? I searched the dance floor for Serena, trying to track down the one person I knew would go after him to make sure he was okay. But when I caught her laughing and spinning around the ballroom with her friends, a bead of sweat popped out on my brow.
“Isn’t that right, Archer?”
At the sound of my name, I brought my attention back to the group surrounding me, and as they stood there staring at me expectantly, their faces began to blur.
Jesus. Was I having a heart attack? I was forty-two—it could happen.
“Archer?” The concern in Rodney’s voice was obvious, but as my vision began to clear, so did the façade I’d taken part in tonight.
I didn’t want to be here with Rodney. That wasn’t his fault. I should’ve canceled this date long before now. I should’ve canceled the second Benoit reminded me about it.
Instead, I’d made a colossal fucking mess out of everything. Now everyone on the Upper East Side was speculating on whether we were a couple, when the one person I wanted by my side had just slipped out the door.
Slipped away from me.
“Can you hold this?” I handed Rodney my whiskey tumbler and felt a pang of guilt over what I was about to do next. But I didn’t have time to think about that now.
“Uh…sure. Are you okay?”
No. But I will be when I find Preston.
“Yes. I just— I need to go check on something.”
I didn’t bother waiting for a response, excusing myself and heading to the bar where Preston’s crew was holding court. I needed to find Preston, but I had to be careful. None of them knew what was going on between us, so whatever I said here needed to be stealthy. Something I was usually good at—when I was in my right mind.
As I weaved my way through the crowds, I did my best to appear jovial, thrilled with how the night was going as the president of the Elysium. But deep inside, all I wanted to do was rush out the door and make sure Preston was okay.
I ran over several excuses I could use to ask about his whereabouts, and just before I reached the bar, Daire—who, I’d noted earlier in the lineup, was sporting a black eye—moved into my path.
The scowl on his face made the fading bruises seem darker than they were as he crossed his arms and looked at me as though he wanted to punch me in the face.
“No.” That one word was the last thing I expected to hear as I stopped opposite him.
I slipped my hands in my pockets and forced a smile as I looked around at the crowded hall, making sure no one was watching us. “Excuse me?”
“No, we’re not gonna tell you where he went.”
If I thought the no caught me off guard, then those words were downright shocking.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lies. Everything out of my mouth tonight felt like a fucking lie.
“Sure you don’t.”
I gritted my teeth, trying for patience as I did my best to acknowledge passersby with a polite smile or nod.
Nothing to see here. Nothing going on. Just me, about to stroke out, at the Winter Ball.
“I was just coming over—”
“To find out where Preston went.”
“I…” Wait a second, how did Daire know that? I could’ve been checking on Serena. I could’ve been coming to get a drink. I could’ve been doing a whole host of presidential activities, but no, he’d zeroed in on the one thing I shouldn’t be doing.
I reached for my bow tie and tugged at it a little, feeling as though it was strangling me.
“Don’t bother lying. You look as shit as he did.”
Fantastic. This night was going from bad to worse.
It was clear that Daire knew exactly what the hell was going on between me and Preston, and while that thought triggered alarm bells, the more pressing issue right now was where Preston had gone.
“Where is he? Did he go home?”
Daire looked past my shoulder, and I knew exactly whom he was looking at without bothering to turn. “Why do you care?”
I’d just about had enough of this. I wasn’t about to stand here and argue with one of Preston’s friends because he was in the mood to play protector. This was between me and Preston, something Daire was about to find out real quick.
I stepped forward. “If you don’t tell me where he went and then get out of my way, I’m going to give you a matching accessory for your face.”
The feral smirk that curled Daire’s lip looked slightly unhinged. “Said he needed some air.”
That was all I needed to hear. I took off toward the exit and hoped like hell he was still out there. The cold air was like a punch to the face as I burst out into the snow-covered alley.
“Preston!” I called out, rushing into the middle of the street. “Preston, are you out here?”
I couldn’t see him anywhere. The lights over the many side exits of the Elysium showed nothing but empty alcoves, the white powder on the sidewalk undisturbed.
Fuck. Had I missed him? Was he already gone?
“Archer?”
I spun to see Preston stepping out from the opposite end of the street. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and his shoulders hunched forward in an attempt to ward off the chill, but the falling snow made that close to impossible.
Relief flooded my body as I jogged over to him. But as I got closer and caught a glimpse of the frown worrying his brow, that relief turned to unease, and I remembered the reason I was out here in the first place.
“Preston.” The cold air puffed out of my mouth as I came to a stop opposite him. “What are you doing standing out here? It’s snowing.”
Preston looked up to the sky, snowflakes catching on his long lashes. The idea that I’d hurt him again gutted me worse than anything I’d ever experienced.
“Preston?” He brought his gaze back to mine, and my breath caught in my throat. He looked beautiful. No, he was beautiful. “I said it’s snowing. Aren’t you cold?”
“No. I don’t feel anything.”
The double meaning was as obvious as the white flakes falling around us. I moved closer, but he took a step back.
“Isn’t that what you want to hear?” he asked.
“What? No. Why would you ever think—”
“That you want me to stand in a room full of people, talking about you and your new boyfriend, and smile and act like I’m not dying a little every time someone mentions it? Maybe because that was my only option tonight.”
“What other option could there be?” I fired back. “Do you really think I like what’s going on in there? I didn’t expect people to care one way or another if I brought a date.”
Preston’s eyes widened. “Seriously? Were you not listening the other day on our date? Most eligible bachelor in the city. That ringing a bell? Of course people were going to talk if you brought a date.”
He was right—I hadn’t been thinking about that at all. “But I thought we decided that this was the only way it could be.”
“Right.” He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re right. This is what we decided. But talking about it and actually watching him touch you, Archer…”
Preston shook his head and started to pace the empty alley before he whirled around and pointed to the door of the Elysium.
“It should be me in there.” He bit down into his lip as it began to tremble, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or something more. “I should be the one standing beside you in there. Holding your hand and laughing with you…”
He looked away from me, his eyes welling as he whispered, “It should be me.”
I crossed over to him, unable to stay away, and at the sound of my approach he glanced up. But if he wanted to move, he was out of time, because there was no way I couldn’t touch him. Not when he was standing there pouring his heart out to me.
“Archer, don’t—”
“What?” I took hold of his face and angled it up toward mine. “Don’t tell you that you’re right? That I knew the second you stepped in the building tonight because I could feel you in every single part of my body?”
“Yes.” His eyes beseeched me to stop. “But I don’t want to hear it.”
“I need you to know.”
He put his hands on my chest and gave a gentle shove. “Not when you’re going to go back in there to him.”
He was right, of course. I did have to go back in there to Rodney. But that could wait. This couldn’t, and I wasn’t leaving until I knew he understood how desperately I wished things were different.
“If I could have had you at my side tonight, I would’ve proudly stood there with you. But this isn’t as easy as showing up as each other’s dates, Preston.”
He pulled my hands from his face, that same sad smile from the yesterday returning. “Your date’s waiting for you.”
“And he can keep waiting. Don’t leave like this.”
“Don’t ask me to stay.” He took a step back, his entire demeanor resolute in his decision. “I’m going home.”
“We’re not done here.”
“Aren’t we?”
His words were like a sucker punch to my gut. So final, so unexpected, because I knew he was talking about a whole lot more than this conversation.
“Let’s face it, Archer. He’s perfect for you. The right age, the right pedigree, the right look. I know when I’m in over my head, and I’m drowning here. Thanks, though, this has been…fun.”
He turned on his heel and began to walk away from me, but I grabbed his arm and hauled him back to face me.
“Fun?” I said. Preston grunted as I took both his arms and dragged him off the street and over to one of the alcoves, desperation and frustration flooding my body. “You did not just say that to me.”
He couldn’t have. Not when this had been everything to me.
“He’s the right fit. He’s—”
“Not. You.” I slammed my mouth down on top of his before he could start up with any more of his asinine reasoning. Preston groaned and opened for me, which felt like a major victory when he’d practically just broken up with me.
I plunged my tongue in deep, staking claim over him the only way I could right now, and Preston dug his fingers into the sleeves of my jacket, pulling me closer. His tongue curled around mine as I muscled him back against the cold brick wall and flattened my body up against his.
God, how stupid had I been to think that I could go all night without touching and tasting him this way? I’d somehow convinced myself that I’d be able to keep control, that I’d be able to stay away from him and just be content watching from afar. But having him so close and not able to touch had been torture. Absolute fucking torture.
He was here with me now, though, caught up in this moment of insanity and passion, as he slipped his hands beneath my jacket and down to my ass, spreading his legs for me to get in between.
I shouldn’t. I knew better. Anyone from the Elysium could step outside. Any one of his friends could come looking for him. But not even the threat of discovery could stop me now.
“Preston.” I groaned and entwined my fingers through his hair. But before I could tell him there was no one else for me but him, his mouth was back on mine, silencing me.
The time for talking was done. I rocked my hips forward, and his desperate whimpers told me just how fucking good he felt. I dragged a hand down between us and popped open the button of his pants. As I unzipped the material and slipped my hand inside to stroke his thick, covered cock, Preston stiffened and ripped his mouth from mine.
“Stop.” He panted and buried his face in the shoulder of my jacket. “Please, you’ve got to stop.”
My hand froze where it was, my breathing matching pace with his. Then I turned to kiss his temple. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” Preston lifted his head, his eyes glazed over with arousal. “This… We… Not like this. Not when I’m leaving without you.”
“Preston, I can’t leave.”
“I know. But would you, if you could?”
I grazed my thumb across his kiss-swollen lips, never feeling more defeated and helpless in my life. “In a heartbeat.”
Preston swallowed and reached down to zip up his pants. “Then that will have to be enough.”
He slipped out of the alcove and back into the street, and I stepped off the sidewalk to watch him go. The snow began to fall a little harder, and the night air seemed all the more chilly, as our moment of passion and insanity came to a silent, bitter end.
