After a follow-up breakfast meeting with the venture capitalists that lasted well past lunch, I headed straight to Gem’s office. She hadn’t responded to my ‘let’s talk’ text. To be fair, I had wasted time responding to her. I didn’t want to waste any more time.
“She’s gone out for coffee,” Maggie said as she spotted me. Hopefully, I wasn’t too forlorn looking as I stared into Gem’s empty office.
“She should be back soon. Want me to tell her you were looking for her?”
It took a few moments longer than it should for Maggie’s words to sink in. I was ready to camp out and wait for her. But CFOs did not wait for Social Media Managers, no matter how sexy they were.
“Yeah, that would be great.” I nodded and headed back to my office.
I reviewed my texts, having missed a few last night and this morning.
“Welcome back to the States. New linens are on the bed. Dinner is in the fridge. Your choices are manicotti or green chicken enchilada. Instructions on the containers. I will email your meal plan for the week for approval before I go shopping. I’ve delivered a new tub of chocolate protein builder to the gym.” I read the first message from Tanner. It came in last night.
I hadn’t even noticed that I slept on new sheets. I made a note to review and approve the meal plan. Tanner did the shopping for the cook, coordinated my meals with the cook, and even acted as a go-between with the gym’s nutritionist. Without him, I wouldn’t have a skincare routine, and I’d shave with disposable plastic razors.
There were more messages from this morning.
“The cleaner told me to tell you no more rose petals on the carpet. They get ground in. Slick move BTW. Let me know if you still need that mattress replaced.”
In the last one, he wrote, “Your favorite Tom Ford suit is at the cleaners. You didn’t try the new coconut roast coffee. It’s decaf.”
“That coffee smelled too good to be the fake stuff.” I sent back. I stopped myself from requesting him to order condoms. Tanner might buy my toilet paper and deodorant, but there were some things a man took care of himself. I always sent my own flowers, and I bought my own condoms.
“Shit,” I yelled.
“Is everything okay, Mr. Campbell,” Sandy, my executive assistant asked, through the intercom. “I heard you yelling.”
Everything was not okay.
“Dropped something, didn’t mean to startle you,” I replied. Yeah, I dropped the fucking ball when it came to Gem.
The message to Gem sat there on my phone with a red exclamation mark next to it. The message had not been sent. She had no idea that I wanted to talk, to meet her child. She had no idea that I had responded. I instantly hit ‘try again.’
Immediately I called her office. It went to voicemail. I called Maggie.
“Is she back yet?” I demanded to know.
“Gem? No. I’m sorry I don’t know what happened,” Maggie replied. “I expected her back much sooner than this. I’ll be sure to let her know you are eager to get brought back up to speed.”
“Thanks,” I said before ending the call.
I punched in the extension for John’s office. “Is he in?”
“I’m sorry Mr. Campbell, Mr. Peters is out for the rest of the afternoon. Do you need me to reach out to him for you?” John’s assistant asked.
“No thanks, I’ll call his cell.”
“Very well, Mr. Campbell. Let me know if there is anything I can do to assist.”
Can you make time fly? Can you go back in time and undo my stupid mistakes? There was nothing she could help me with.
I spent the rest of my day reviewing my notes from my meetings in Europe, filling in gaps that I had missed. I handed Sandy my notes. She would compile the completed report while I worked on my review analysis to include at the end of the document. It was a struggle to keep my personal opinions regarding why I had made the trip out of the report and present the travel justification in an objective fashion.
The next morning, I bribed the door security guard to call me the second Gem walked in the building. I wasn’t going to wait in her office like some lovesick puppy waiting for her to come in. But I wanted to be there as soon as she arrived. My heart leaped to my throat the second I saw her. She did not look pleased to see me. I didn’t blame her.
Even her choice of clothing and hair style for the day were severe, unfriendly. Typically, she wore her hair down in a riot of ringlets that I always found irresistible to touch. Today the mass was coiled tight against her head, and her dress was matronly, functional grey. I wanted to reach up and pull the pins and let her hair cascade down.
“Did you get my text?” I asked.
She didn’t speak as she breezed past me and started putting bags away before she sat down. She looked at me. I couldn’t read her expression. Her continence was perfectly controlled, showing no emotion.
“I got it this morning.”
I squeezed my temples together. This was difficult without caffeine. “I sent that message a couple of days ago. There must have been a connection issue on the plane.”
“A couple of days ago? You certainly took time responding to my messages.” Her face may have been controlled, but her voice was not. Anger and the threat of tears laced her tone.
“Do we have to do this, here? Right now?” she whispered. She sounded tired.
“You’re right,” I agreed. The office wasn’t the best place for us to hash out our relationship issues. I wanted to have one with her and that’s why I was there. I reached back and swung the door closed. Her gaze followed the motion before returning to me.
“I don’t know if I want to talk to you right now. I don’t know what to do with you in here pretending like nothing happened.”
“Gem, listen,” I said.
She pointed at me. Anger and hurt were all directed at me from the point of her fingertip.
“I put myself out there. I told you the truth, knowing that this could happen, and it did. Do you have any idea how hard that was? And you wonder why I didn’t tell you immediately? And here you are, do you expect me to throw myself at you like nothing happened?” She kept her voice low, menacing.
How dare she tell me that I was acting like nothing happened? She tossed a wrench into my expectations. At the very least I was going to be surprised. My shock was an honest reaction.
“I am very aware of what happened. I don’t owe you any explanations. I don’t know why I came here this morning.” I stood and paced back in front of her office door. I wanted to charge out of there. Something in my gut prevented me from putting my hand on that door handle and ripping the door open.
“You’re right, you don’t owe me anything. You don’t owe me your time. You don’t owe me explanations. But I would think that you could treat me like a person with feelings. Come on, Chase.”
I stared at her. I didn’t know what she wanted from me. I didn’t know what I wanted from me. I turned to leave, placing my hand on the door handle.
“Chase?” she asked.
I could hear her voice quavering with emotion. I turned to look back. She swiped at tears rolling down her cheek.
“Ignore them. I’m ignoring them, they’re an anger response.”
I nodded.
“You’re right,” she continued. “You don’t owe me anything.”
But I wanted to. I wanted to be beholden to her, to tell her where I was and what I was doing. I wanted her to care and need to know. I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions battling in my body. I hadn’t felt so confused over a woman since I was nineteen. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.
Neither of us said anything. We stared. It was a show-down of wills, and neither of us gave in.
It was the wrong choice.
“I think it’s best if we keep our interactions to a working arrangement. I think the term relationship is a little too loaded now,” I finally said. “You can email me the status report so that I don’t have to waste time coming down here.”
“If you say so.” She nodded curtly.
“I think that’s best.” I returned the nod and left. In the elevator, I pulled out my phone and looked at the pictures of what I could have had that I just lost. Gem with her nose pink from the snow, and a beautiful daughter I didn’t even know I wanted until it was clear I would never have.
