Lori leaves right after helping me conceal my hickeys and bite marks. It’s nearing eight at night. Two more hours left on my shift and Violet Redd was still sleeping. I checked on her, walking by her room, glancing at her almost every twenty to thirty minutes.
Danny texted me earlier letting me know he would be waiting in the lobby for me after my shift was over. Another female nurse would be taking over. He said he had a surprise for me and I truly wondered how romantic it could possibly be. We’re literally on an military post in a Warzone. There’s no way we would be going on a dinner date tonight in a romantic restaurant. But then I thought, maybe romance isn’t even in Danny’s bones. He doesn’t seem the type.
The feelings I have towards Danny are completely different than I’ve ever felt. The way I felt for Danny… It felt like a dream I didn’t want to wake up from. Tangled up in his demons was… world-shattering.
He isn’t soft but he’s smooth and he burns. Just like whiskey.
The shift was going smoothly. I didn’t have to worry about any other patients but Violet. I was walking the halls again, checking on Violet. Doctor Diaz had me only assigned to her.
I’m staring at my watch when I run into a man in the hallway, bumping into him, our bodies colliding snapping me out of my thoughts. I was passing by Violet’s room again, taking a glance at my watch, and wasn’t looking ahead of me.
‘Oh my gosh I’m so sorry…’ I apologize, both of us holding onto each other’s shoulders for balance. My eyes circle when I realize it’s Kane. His long black hair is slicked back, as always. His eyes are worried but he looks excited to see me.
‘Ari Alvarez. My favorite nurse.’ He chuckles, looking at me, his grip on my shoulders tightening before he lets me go. He loves addressing me by my full name for some reason. Kane’s tall and massive like the others on his team. Still, Danny was the tallest.
Were all Navy SEALS this monstrous in size?
‘Hey, Mr. Slaughter, what are you doing here?’ I ask, politely.
‘Come on, Ari. It’s Kane. We’ve been over this. You don’t have to keep addressing me by my last name.’ He smirks.
There’s no denying how handsome Kane Slaughter is. His blue eyes are darker than Danny’s. A blue shade that reminds me of a deep blue, sea. The darkness in his eyes doesn’t match his personality though. Kane was always so sweet in each interaction we’ve had. So when he asked me on a date, I was sort of expecting it but definitely not expecting the moment he chose to do it. Every time he would check on my mom and me, I never paid him any mind. I was hurting. I was jealous of all of Paul’s friends that got to come home but my brother would never again.
I couldn’t help but imagine the possibility of saying yes to Kane. Maybe… it would make everything so much easier for me to be drawn to him, instead of Danny. But it would be based on a lie. My heart wants something else… someone else.
The longer I look at Kane I notice there’s something more behind his devilish smile. It’s a need. And I can’t give it to him. The way he sweet-talks me says it all. But a small part of me… does want to give in.
‘Sorry, ‘I say softly.
‘But yeah, to answer your question I came to check on Rooker. Fucker didn’t tell me that he left for Germany, I could’ve been getting some extra rest then. We’re heading out again in the morning.’
‘Yes… he’ll most likely get to Germany then he’ll be transferred to the States when he’s more stable.’ I nod, awkwardly.
I still haven’t given him an answer to his question. Kane had asked me if he could take me to the USO to see a movie, on one of his breaks from work and I didn’t know what to say. It was a maybe at first but now… a definite no. I could not do this to myself or to them. To see Kane and Danny at the same time would not sit well with me. Right now, I only had my heart set on one of these crazy Navy SEALS.
‘So, have you thought about what I asked you? I know the USO isn’t much but it’s what I’ve got to work with here.’ Kane sighs.
‘I have and I just… can’t. I’m—’
I’m sleeping with Danny.
But I don’t say it, instead, I purse my lips together and rock myself on my heels, looking down at the floor. I’m so bad at this.
‘Seeing someone?’ Kane tries finishing off my sentence.
‘No!’ I cut him off, almost shouting. Kane’s taken aback by my response, studying me.
Am I seeing someone?
I mean technically… yes? But I didn’t want to make myself look like I was taken when I wasn’t sure. I needed confirmation of that. Although, Danny’s words were tattooed into my brain. No other cock would be entering my body, so it’s safe to assume he doesn’t want me to be with anyone else.
‘I mean… maybe? I don’t know.’ I look at him apologetically. Kane’s jaw clenches and his lips curve into a small, forceful half-smile. It pains me to have this awkward conversation. I couldn’t deny the attraction I feel towards Kane but it didn’t feel right to chase that feeling.
‘I get it. Say no more.’ Kane releases the clench on his jaw, leaning down towards my face, and placing a soft kiss on my cheek. I close my eyes as his lips brush against me and my whole body grows warm. Kane does that to me. I feel the warmth just being close to him. I look up at him but he’s already looking past me.
‘Whoever he is… he’s a lucky man.’
He forces a smile and looks deep into my eyes. Something inside of me twitches with his shocking admission. I open my mouth to respond but I’m stopped.
Suddenly, a woman screaming erupts the entire building. Everyone including the staff around us stops in their tracks and I know where it’s coming from. Violet’s room. She’s awake.
‘I’ve gotta go. Goodnight Kane.’ I rush out my words before starting to quickly jog towards Violet’s room. Kane looks wary but accepts my farewell, turns, and walks away from where we were standing.
I was already close to Violet’s room, my sneakers squeaking as I stopped mid-run and it didn’t take me long before I’m facing the glass doors. She’s thrashing and I hadn’t noticed it before but she was restrained to the hospital bed.
Lori mentioned that before but I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes yet. My heart is racing, unsure of what to do or say. I’m sure being restrained to the bed is only making her more anxious and scared. We only restrain patients when they’re a danger to others or themselves.
Doctor Diaz also rushes next to me. He’s by my side and we’re both looking at Violet through the glass doors to her room. He whispers into my ear, still looking at Violet.
‘Go to her, I’ll be outside ready with a sedative but if you can talk to her, comfort her, let her know that we’re here to help and that she’s in a safe place, that would be better.’ Doctor Diaz encourages, with a needle in his hand, ready to administer. His tired eyes look at me and await my response.
‘Of course. I’ll do what I can doctor.’
Violet is still screaming and crying. I walk into the room slowly, heading towards a night lamp in her room in the corner. I turn it on giving the room some light. Her IV and vitals monitor are on the right side of her and I’m now on her left, still in the corner across from her. Her beaten face is swollen with fear. I want to cry when all the dark thoughts of what she must have gone through creep into me but I control my emotions and face. We are trained to refrain from showing our concern as it doesn’t do the patient any good.
Her long hair is a beautiful shade of brown and red. It’s tangled and tussled, around her shoulder. She looks underweight and she has markings around her arms as well.
Every time she thrashes, she’s stressing out her vein that has the IV connected to it. She’s about to rip it out and I cringe internally.
‘Violet, it’s okay, you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re in a military hospital in Iraq. You can trust me.’ I plead with my hands, walking closer to her, anxiety fueling my veins and I feel helpless but I try my best to console her. I’m sure she knows where she is but I’m hoping it would help to remind her that she’s safe.
She stops screaming when she hears my voice and her vision locks into mine. Tears fall down on each side of her cheeks and I grab tissues from the nightstand that’s on her left.
‘I’m a nurse. My name is Ari Alvarez.’ I tread my steps slowly, grabbing the Kleenex tissues out of the box and leaving my hand out for her to take it on her free will. I wanted to make sure she knew that every decision from now on, is of her free will, nobody will ever force her to do anything she’s not comfortable with.
Violet is hesitant at first but takes the Kleenex and plays with it in her hands. I watch her silently and frozen. She then puts it to her face, dabbing the tissues to her cheek carefully against her bruising. She still has broken blood vessels surrounding her hazel-green eyes. Probably resulting from her broken nose.
‘You’re safe. I’m just going to make sure your IV is still on your wrist okay? Is that alright with you?’ I smile at her.
Again, she’s studying me. She hesitates, looking at her surroundings. She stops looking at me and looks around the room instead. She looks towards the hallway through the glass doors then returns back to me and nods.
I walk over to her right wrist to ensure the IV hasn’t been taken out when she woke up screaming. If that were to happen, blood would be spilling out of her wrist everywhere and I would have to re-insert her IV in a different vein which I wanted to avoid poking her again if I could. Inserting IVs was very routine at this point but I didn’t want to poke her if it was unnecessary. I silently prayed that it was still connected.
As I reach over to her, Violet flinches and moves away from me on her bed. I stop in my tracks and give her a minute before I would continue. I freeze in my tracks with my hands by my chest. I stop before I can get a close look and touch her wrist. Internally, I brace myself for her to spit on me or thrash again but she doesn’t move. Her breathing heightens and she’s studying me again.
‘It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to make sure your IV didn’t get pulled out.’ She’s looking at me and I can’t tell what’s going through her head. She’s so scared and frightened.
‘Cause that would really suck.’ I joke, light-heartedly. I let out a soft laugh before I shut my mouth closed, my teeth clicking together.
I look down at the floor before looking back at her. She’s stony-faced but then her lips move into a very, very small smile.
‘Can I?’ I motion towards her wrist that’s strapped down to the handles of the bed. Violet nods again.
I walk closer and her whole body relaxes. She gets closer to me, shifting her body to my side, allowing me to treat her. I grab her wrist softly and to my dismay, the IV is still intact. Thank God. My blood pressure can drop now. I want to hug her, I want to help her in more ways than I can, medically wise. I want to tell her everything will be okay but how do you say that to someone who has been through hell?
‘Yay, it’s still going strong.’ I cheerfully say as I retreat back into the corner, across from her. Her heart rate was elevated and now it starts to hit an even pace. I let out a sigh of relief knowing I wouldn’t need the sedative medication that Doctor Diaz had prepared. At least not yet.
‘Is there anything you need? Water? Snacks?’ Violet eyes dry up and she’s no longer crying and in tachycardia. Violet shakes her head and rests back on the pillow.
After minutes of silence, she grabs the remote to the television that was on her nightstand and turns it on. I just stand there in the corner, watching her, ready to step in if she needs anything.
Sometimes, after something traumatic has happened, all someone needs is just someone there. Their presence alone can make it all the better. So that’s what I was trying to do for Violet. I truly didn’t want to pressure her into talking if she wasn’t ready.
I stood there watching her flip through the channels until she lands on a comedy show, Parks and Recreation. She keeps it there, dropping the remote to her side. Amy Poehler was seriously the best. I turned my head facing the TV, this was one of my favorite episodes.
‘I love Parks and Recreation. It’s my favorite comedy show.’ I say, grabbing a chair and sliding it out of the corner. Comedy shows are my safe haven nowadays. Every day has been full of stress and darkness these past few months and the only thing that keeps a constant smile on my face was my favorite TV show.
I sit down next to Violet on her left. Making sure to keep some distance between her and me, unsure of how she’s going to react. Still, she’s quiet and I’m understanding. If I had gone through half of what she went through, I’d probably lose the ability to ever talk again. We’re watching Leslie Knope in silence when suddenly, Violet speaks.
‘Is Damon okay? Has he been rescued?’ Her question confuses me and I’m unsure of how to answer. She’s frantic and demanding. I change my gaze from the tv to her. Her eyebrows are furrowed and worried. I glance at the monitor and her heart rate is rising again.
Oh, no. What do I do?
Who’s Damon?
‘I’m sorry Violet. I don’t know who that is. Who is he?’
‘He was with me! We were together, kidnapped together! Please tell me he’s okay, please.’ She rasps at me, angry. Her fear quickly turns into anger and I’m completely thrown off by her mood change.
‘I’m sorry I’ll try and get some information about him. Is that okay?’ I ask, standing up from my chair.
‘Please. He was with me… he… he was with me.’ Her voice trembles and I know she’s about to start crying. She looks down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers.
I nod and take off towards the ER desk. My steps are fast and heavy. They purposefully placed Violet in an ICU room in front of the nurses’ station desk where most of the staff hung around most of the time.
There were two hostages? Where was he? And why wasn’t he here?
Doctor Diaz is sitting in a chair, studying his computer monitor, most likely reviewing lab or radiology results. He takes one quick glance at me and he’s so deep into his work, I know he doesn’t have time to talk. Doctor Diaz is extremely passionate about his job. Once he was in this mode of concentration, there was no interrupting him.
He reaches for the sedative medication that was sitting by his keyboard and hands it to me. I shake my head at him.
‘No, it’s not that. She’s been calm… it’s just that she’s mentioned a name. Damon. She says he was with her, together. Do you know who that is by any chance? Or where he is?’ I ask, tip-toeing over the ER desk.
It seems like my questions snap Doctor Diaz out of his concentration and looks over to me like I said something familiar. He sighs.
‘Yes. I do actually. One of the Navy SEALS filled me in on the current situation since Violet was a wreck when she came in. And when I say that, I mean she kept mentioning someone named Damon. We were all confused so Mr. Rider disclosed it with limited staff members. Rider’s team saved Violet. The same mission that almost got Mr. Rooker killed. Damon was taken hostage along with her. Unfortunately, he’s still out there. She was the only one they were able to rescue. A group of special operations personnel is still working on getting him back. But that’s all I know. These missions are super sensitive so… please keep your discretion.’ Doctor Diaz finishes, rubbing his temples.
I gasp. Holding my hand to my mouth. Doctor Diaz nods to me, frowning, before returning to the computer screen. Pure shock gnawing at my body.
Danny was on that mission? Is that how he got his gruesome injury on his back? Is that where he was going next?
He saved Violet.
The thought of him leaving on the same mission that almost got Rooker killed shakes me to my core. I feel tethered to him knowing he’s my first… he’s a jerk but he’s my jerk. Why does he consider himself a villain? Danny saved this woman’s life.
But now that he’s cleared, he’s leaving again.
A thousand questions come flooding into my head and I’m slowly digesting my feelings. The stress I was feeling in that moment, all I could do was close my eyes, tight. If this is the way they had left Violet, I can’t imagine how they have Damon. I don’t want to imagine.
I have to go back into that room and let Violet know what I was told and I wasn’t sure how she was going to take it. I take a deep breath, throw my head back, and look at the ceiling.
I was already falling so hard for Danny. Knowing now… what he was doing, I was painting horrible pictures in my head about what his missions were like. This was his reality. The thought of him leaving tomorrow was making me sick to my stomach.
I tried my best to relax before going back into the room with Violet. Rocking on my heels, taking deep breaths, attempting to think positively about the rest of my shift. Before I went back into the room I thought of the one thing I could probably do at this moment to make her feel better. To try and distract her from her dark thoughts along with mine. It was not much at all but I had to do something. I walk to the supplies closet and get a hair brush. There were always some hygiene tools around. I close the supply closet door that’s seconds away from the nurse’s station and head back toward Violet’s room. It was a slow night in the ICU so I have time. I can’t bring back Damon for her. I can’t magically heal her trauma and make her forget about the sinister evil she went through, but I can do this. I can brush her hair.
I walk back into the room, slowly, and start removing the restraints from Violet. I want her to know that I trust her to not hurt me and she could trust me as well.
‘Wh— what are you doing?’ Violet asks me. As soon as the first restraint lets loose, she holds her wrist to her chest, massaging it.
I go over to her other side, doing the same. I look at her, my bottom lip twitching out of sorrow.
‘Damon is still out there. I know you don’t want to hear this, Violet. I wish I had more of a positive update and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to endure such terrible things.’ I study her, holding the hairbrush to my side, standing. She’s looking back at me and her eyes get glossy.
I let her sit with her thoughts silently. She holds her knees to her chest, looking back at the TV. I start gnawing at the inside of my cheek.
‘May I?’ I plead, lifting the hairbrush in the air next to my chin.
She looks at me, pausing. I could feel her pain with just the look she was giving me. Then, she nods. I walk to her, getting behind her so she could keep watching the TV show. I part her hair in two and start with one side, brushing ever so gently. Her hair was so badly knotted.
‘How old are you?’ I ask.
‘Twenty-five.’ She whispers.
‘Ah. I’m twenty-two. I’ll be twenty-three this December.’
I keep brushing her hair and I’m able to get almost all of the knots out on one side without pulling her scalp so hard.
Violet doesn’t respond. We sit there in silence for a good few minutes. Watching Andy Dwyer and April Ludgate be an iconic couple. They were polar opposites yet they absolutely adored each other and balanced one another out.
‘He reminds me of Damon… Andy does.”
My heart skips a beat and I realize she’s opening up to me. Internally, I was thanking God that she was feeling comfortable enough around me to do so.
‘How so?’ I ask, untangling another knot. Glancing from the TV and back to her hair.
‘He’s funny, always saying positive shit in fucked up situations…’ She looks down at her hands, I stop brushing when she moves, avoiding pulling any hair.
‘Damon… Damon’s my lover, I guess. We never put a title to what we were but we acted like we were together. We had been seeing each other for six months and everything was going well. We’re in the same unit so we got deployed… together. More time to see each other without getting separated as the military life likes to do… And then this shit happens.’ I hear her teeth grind together.
“All of our friends died in the Humvee crash. But we didn’t. At first, we thought we were the lucky ones… I was dead wrong.”
I choke up. I need to figure out a way to stop myself from crying. I keep brushing her hair as she pauses.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t. Cry.
‘He saved my life one night while being tortured.’ Her voice chokes up. I stand there silently, giving her the space she needs to tell her story.
‘One man would hold me down and the other raped me in front of Damon. They wanted him to hear my screams. They wanted to break him and I down, to give them information about our unit and our military posts… so they would rape me. Beat us, starve us, until we were on the brink of death. One day… the creeps demanded information again from him and I but we didn’t budge, as always. So…’
She pauses, readjusting herself, holding her knees tight. And I’m internally breaking. I don’t want her to go on. I don’t want to hear about all the horror she went through. But if I could be that person for her right now, I would listen clearly.
‘They stripped me naked in front of Damon making him watch.’ Violet starts sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for air I stop brushing her hair and I hold her shoulders, gently, trying to comfort her.
‘You don’t have to continue, Violet. I—’ Violet cuts me off.
‘No! Let me get this out. I can’t keep this in my head. Let me get this out, please! I don’t want all of this to be trapped in my head… please!’ Violet whips her head towards me, looking up at me, pleading and I want to so badly hug her like she was my sister. A big sister that I never had. A tear falls out of my eye and I nod.
‘They stripped me down naked. They lit a fire on a fucking piece of wood, holding it to my thigh. I start screaming and Damon’s shaking in his chair. I’m looking at him while I’m being burned and these fucking evil pieces of shit, laugh at me. They were too busy torturing me, they couldn’t see that Damon was breaking his hands to get out of his restraints. I couldn’t stand the burning… the pain of my skin getting burnt off… so, I spit on the man’s face. The one holding the wood.’ She scoffs.
‘He didn’t like that.’ She smiles, wickedly.
‘It got him to stop burning me but it didn’t stop him from wanting to kill me for it. It sent him into a full-blown rage. He dropped the wood and grabbed a machete instead. The other creep tried his best to stop his friend, he tried to talk him out of it but the man was charging for my throat. Then Damon gets free and tackles him to the ground, knocking the machete out of his hand.’
She starts to sob again uncontrollably.
And I’m crying. I’ve lost it. I’m balling my eyes silently behind her, my body trembling and I feel like I don’t know this world I live in after all. The evil that lives in this world is starting to hit me like a train and I want to flee. The world Danny so badly wants to protect me from. The stories he doesn’t want me to hear. I get it now. I fucking get it.
‘They both tussle but it’s two versus one and… and they beat him so bad. He goes unconscious for a day… he saved my life. And… and I was angry. Angry at him for not letting them just kill me. For getting himself beaten so badly.’
She’s crying, her face in the palm of her hands and her heart rate goes up. Her blood pressure reflects that it’s dangerously high. The stress of her telling her story was causing her vitals to jump all over the place and I stood there frozen. Unsure of what to do. I hesitate. I finally make a move. I hug her from behind, softly. I hold her from behind hoping she can feel that she’s not alone anymore.
‘You’re not alone Miss. Redd. You’re here, now. You don’t have to heal by yourself. You’ll be with family and friends soon and if you want, I’ll give you my personal phone number whenever you need to talk. I’m here for you.’
Violet sniffles, wiping away her tears.
‘They have to get him back,’ Violet whispers. The tears are falling off my face and I do my best to wipe them away with the back of my hand.
‘They have to get him back so I can yell at him. Fight with him. Hug him. So I can tell him that I love him. I never got to fucking tell him that. We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months and I don’t care what anyone thinks… but I know. I know that I’ve loved him since the first day we met. I fucking love him.’ Her voice is muffled, by her hands but I can still hear her words clearly.
‘He knows, Miss Redd, he knows,’ I say, clearing my throat, as I straighten myself, going back to brushing her hair. I don’t know much about Damon but I know for damn sure he must have known that she loved him by the way she talks about him. And I know that he feels the same way about her.
“I’m forever thankful to the men that saved me. Navy SEALS Rider, Rooker, Slaughter will always have a special place in my heart. Even Zeke.”
When she mentions the man that infuriates me to my core, I have to force my smile away.
As I brush her hair, her vitals go back to normal and she’s resting on her side that doesn’t have broken ribs. She continues to tell me more about Damon as the Parks and Recreation marathon continues. She says it makes her feel better. She opens up about how they met, what he looks like, and her time in the military. She manages to laugh when she talks about him and I’m content knowing this is helping her heal.
‘Please call me Violet, by the way…’ She stares at Andy and April on the TV screen. ‘Have you ever felt that?’ Violet asks.
‘Felt what?’
‘Love at first sight?’
Her question hits me like a hurricane. I finish braiding her hair and tie it off at the end. The night I first met Danny pops into my head. The mysterious man that read my emotions so easily. The smell of cigarettes and whiskey floods my senses, and butterflies are swirling inside my stomach.
I chuckle.
‘I’m only twenty-two.’ I shrug.
‘So?’
