Danny’s aggression shocks me when he pins me down to his bed by hovering over me, caging me in with his strong arms. The bed is cold without him here. His eyes spark with something I’ve never seen before. Pure darkness and hatred.
‘Danny, stop it. Let me sleep.’ I cry out. Fear bellowing inside of me. I’m still trying to escape the deep slumber I was in. His unfamiliar touch breaks me out of my tired mind and I’m determined to confront him.
‘You know what you were getting yourself into Ari. You know this is the way I am. I fucking warned you and you didn’t listen.’ He snarls. He lets me go and stands up towering his massive, muscular frame over me.
He begins to unbuckle his belt and I’m forcing myself up on my elbows. I’m completely naked like he asked me to be, vulnerable. My eyes squint as I try and adjust my vision to study his face.
He looks like he’s feral, impulsive, and impatient. He’s angry and drunk. The Danny I’ve fallen for is replaced by something else.
‘We’re not doing this right now. We need to talk. I won’t let you distract me anymore with sex.’ I demand, pulling the blankets back over me.
When I cover up my body, it seems to piss him off.
He rips the blankets off of me and I back away from him. I flinch as the air blows into my face. He grabs my jaw firmly but not hard enough to cause me pain.
‘Oh Cherry, but we are doing this right now.’ He demands harshly.
My pussy throbs even though his harsh treatment internally hurts me. I want to let him fuck me. I want to let him drown his sadness in me like I always do, but I can’t anymore.
It sends me into a rage and I’m determined to finally get my answers about Paul’s death. His drunken state snaps me out of the trance he usually puts me in.
I crawl underneath his grasp and I stomp over to my clothes. I throw one of Danny’s oversized white shirts on my body. It’s so big on me that it goes all the way down, covering my ass and front. My nipples are hardened with arousal, poking through his shirt, the cold temperature in his house doesn’t help.
Danny hasn’t faced me yet. He still stares at the bed where my body used to be. Every single muscle in him stiffens. I can see all the muscles in his back and it sends my clit throbbing. A grim reaper looks back at me sending shivers down my spine and I’m tempted to look away but I stand my ground.
‘Tell me how Paul died,’ I shout. My voice is cold and hard.
He turns his head towards me and his eyebrows are furrowed. I get a good look at his side profile view and I swallow.
‘Now.’ I demand.
He sucks in a deep angry breath.
He finally faces me. His blue eyes darken and his breathing quickens. His abs flex with each breath he takes. The muscles contract on his abdomen as his lungs expand. The v-cut that goes down his torso almost makes me want to give into his drunken lust but I stay strong.
He storms over to me and I back up, getting closer to the wall. His hand collides with the wall behind me and I flinch. It takes me back to my first time in Iraq.
‘You wanna know what happened Ari?’ He shouts into my ear and I jump at how loud his voice is. I turn my head to the side and I scrunch my face, afraid.
‘I. Killed. Him.’ He hisses. His voice is so dark, it scares me.
I snapped my head towards him confused. I purse my lips, glaring at him. He looks so terrifyingly out of control. He grinds his teeth causing his jaw to clench and his nostrils are flaring.
‘Keep going.’
He backs away from me and brushes his hand through his beard. Instead of anger, his face carries a painful expression.
‘Fuck, Ari! Why? It doesn’t fucking matter anymore he’s gone! He’s not coming back. And it’s my fucking fault.’ He roars.
‘Tell me damn it! Talk to me! Nothing is ever that simple Danny.’ I plead.
He lets out a deep frustrated breath. My heart pounds inside my chest and I’m scared to know the answer but not enough to cower away. Not this time.
“No!” His voice sends shivers down my entire body. His wrath gets to me and I want to run.
“You’re right nothing’s fucking simple. Nothing is fucking simple about you getting knocked up. Everything is moving so fucking fast. Why did you have to make this so complicated?’ He shouts, his teeth grinding, flashing his sharp incisors. He’s loud and indignant.
“I made it complicated? I did?”
‘I never wanted to be a father, Ari. And yes, I drink! Do you know why I drink? Huh? Do you? I drink because it’s the only time anything and everything makes sense.”
“Enough is enough! I will not put up with this. I will not let you bury your guilt inside of me anymore. I will not be this woman that waits for her partner to come home drunk.” I yell. “Talk to me. Or I’m gone. I will raise this baby by myself. I will not watch you drown yourself in whiskey.” My words spit out of me like fire. This was a different side of me that I wasn’t familiar with. I was never confrontational but that side of me has changed. Danny was bringing this new brave era out of me, forcing it.
I look at him and he’s breathing heavily. He softens as my threat jolts him, sobering him up. Moments of dreadful silence pass by before he finally opens his mouth.
‘We were on a mission. A joint mission with his team and mine. Paul and I were both leaders of our own teams. We were supposed to pull security on an area. A safe area, where we were tasked to eliminate a terrorist leader. We had our snipers ready to engage with them from a distance. This leader was number one on the most wanted list. This fucker was hard to find and finally, we were able to track him down.’
My eyebrows are furrowed and I never move my eyes from Danny. His body begins to tremble.
‘Paul… he’s my brother. I trust him with my life and he trusts me with his. Some of the guys he was in charge of, didn’t trust him.” He sighs. “The only problem was, nobody could agree on a safe area. He thought we could get the perfect shot from some other place in the woods. And he was right. It would have made the most precise shot. But, it wasn’t a good idea. Deep down inside me, I knew it was a bad idea. The area was too good to be true but he really believed in his own plan.’ Danny sits down on his bed, resting his elbows on his lap, staring at the floor.
‘An argument erupts between both teams. The vote was pretty much split down the middle of what to do and everyone was at each other’s throats… except me. I stayed quiet the entire time everyone was arguing, trying to figure everything out in my head. Trying to make a calculated decision without having anyone interrupting. I was trying my best to see both sides. Paul got frustrated and everyone looked towards me for answers. Rooker has the most experience but I have the most polished record out of everyone there which leads them all to demand me to take charge.’
Danny lets out a shaky breath and he moves his neck to the side, popping it. I’m starting to grow fearful. I know I said I wanted the answers to his death but now I want to scream. I don’t want to picture my brother dying now that I’m getting the details.
I want to just tell him to forget about it and cover my ears with my hand. I don’t think I’m strong enough to hear about the details of my brother’s death. Shit, this was a mistake.
‘And I can’t bring myself to disagree with Paul. My instincts were telling me otherwise but I just couldn’t do it. I had faith that Paul was making the right choice, so… ‘ He swallows. ‘I order everyone to follow Paul’s lead. I warned Paul that this could be bad but he was sure of himself.”
He looks up at me. Guilt in his demeanor. His eyes are bloodshot and I hold my arms into place.
‘Sure enough, on our way towards the safe area, Paul gets hit in the fucking neck. Then the chest and then his leg that makes him take a spin and he hits the ground hard.’ Danny points to his own neck, chest, and leg as he explains everything to me. He’s here with me but I can tell his mind is trapped in the dreadful memory. I’ve never seen Danny like this before. He’s full of remorse.
‘We all take cover and hit the ground. We don’t leave our men behind and for sure as hell, I wasn’t going to leave my best friend. I run towards him, God only knows how but I dodge every single bullet that sprays in my direction.’ He lets out a breath and I’m biting my lip, wanting him to stop recounting the memories.
‘He’s in my fucking arms Ari, choking on his own blood. I’m trying my hardest to stop the bleeding but it’s too much. It’s too much blood. And he dies in seconds.’ He stands up infuriated, his hands curling into fists and he storms towards me again.
‘If I would have just followed my instincts he would still be here Ari. I’m the reason you don’t have a brother, Ari. I made the call. I did. I made the final decision that ended Paul’s life.” His deep husky, voice starts to shake and my breathing hitches.
Survivors’ guilt.
‘Stop it!’ I don’t want to hear the details anymore I can’t take it. I thought I could take it but I can’t.
‘You fucked your brother’s murderer. How do you feel about that?’ He keeps going and I can’t take it.
“When the hurricane hit, you wanted to know how I got all my scars. Do you still want to know little Angel? Do you still want to know all the little details of how I almost died every single time? Or how other other men had to die each time for others to live?”
“Please… stop.” I beg. “Stop blaming yourself. You’re not a monster. You’re not Grim Reaper. Just be Danny. Be My Danny.‘
I grab his face and I pull his lips towards mine. I crash my lips against him and he doesn’t respond. I need him to feel something. Something, good. Anything.
After a few seconds of pressing myself hard against him, I let him go.
“This was a horrible accident Danny, it’s not your fault. It’s not. You need to let that go, you hear me? Despite what you think, you have to let him go. He made his choice. I know that for a fact.’
‘I could have stopped him. It’s my fault your mother had to bury her own son. And now?’ He pauses, hatred spewing off his tongue. ‘Another mother that gets to mourn her son. Death claimed another soul because we were too late.” Then he finally makes eye contact with me and I’m bracing myself for what comes next. ‘I don’t want ever to want to see you in a Warzone again. Seeing all this shit will catch up to you Ari. And I don’t want that for you.”
Tears start to fall down my cheeks as I blink them away. Danny doesn’t move, he looks completely broken and I’m in shock at how he still manages not to let himself fall apart. Even in his lowest, darkest moments, he’s still trying to figure out ways to protect me.
It doesn’t take me long to realize he’s talking about the other hostage. Violet’s lover. Damon. My heart breaks and I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do. It all makes sense. Violet stopped returning my calls and texts, she’s grieving.
All this stress and trauma is taking a toll on Danny, and I need to figure out a way to help him. Help him realize that things just happen and it’s out of his control, despite what he believes. It breaks me knowing he puts so much blame and death on himself.
He’s been trying to kill himself slowly since his addiction started with alcohol. His career defines him. His need to always win and save people that need saving… it’s drowning him.
‘You have to let this go. Stop drinking yourself to death.’ I grab his hand and hold his palm onto my stomach.
‘This baby needs you. They need all of you. I need you.’
He looks away from me, his hand retreating.
“I loved my brother but he died because it was his fate!” I cry out. “I know my brother and he wouldn’t want this to be yours. To drink yourself to the point there’s nothing left.” I murmur.
I don’t want to lose Danny. I’m praying to God that my words are getting through to him because I don’t know what else will… if our baby and I aren’t enough for him to change, I will let him go. I will let him go and never look back.
Danny looks around the room and he’s lost in thought. He’s fighting with himself. The horrible temptations. I reach out toward his face wanting to brush my hands against his cheek, but he stops me.
He picks me up, forcing me to straddle him and a sharp, harsh breath leaves my lips.
He lays me down gently onto his bed and he hovers over me, ensuring he doesn’t push any of his weight on top of me.
‘Ari, you should be running far away from me.” He pauses and brushes my hair from my face. His expression is emotionless and rigid.
‘But even if you choose to leave, you will always be mine. Even if you decide to run, your soul is trapped within me and I’m never giving it back.” His eyes are glazing with demons.
I’ve never seen this side of him. He’s gentle with my body and finally opening up to me… something I wasn’t accustomed to. Tears are still falling out of my eyes, desperately trying to help him while I’m processing everything.
