Ethan braced one hand over the back of the chair, gripping the handle tight. “I was eighteen and fucked up,” he reminded them. “Do you think I knew what I was doing back then?” Not that it was an excuse and they all knew it.
“Apparently not since you got our parents killed,” Dare joined in with a lethal blow.
Shooting pain seared through both Ethan’s head and heart. It was one thing to blame himself, another to hear his youngest brother say it out loud. To know his siblings held him responsible was a hell of a lot worse than to merely fear it, and Ethan felt a ten-ton weight settle on his chest.
He could barely catch his breath. “They were killed by a drunk driver,” he managed to say, repeating the logic he’d heard over the years. The same logic the army shrink had tried on him when nightmares drove him to seek help. It hadn’t helped him then and it sure as shit wouldn’t smooth things over now.
“And you were the reason they were out on that goddamn road.” Dare stepped forward, spine straight, face red. “And even then, you couldn’t step up and be a man. You ran.” Dare’s voice filled with disgust while Nash gripped his younger brother by the shoulder.
Holding him back or comforting him, Ethan didn’t know. Didn’t care. He had no excuses, no words to make it better. He’d thought the same things over the years, hating himself and the kid he’d been. But his brothers’ loathing and disgust ripped him in two.
“I made a mistake,” he said through clenched teeth.
“A decade-long mistake,” Nash said. “You never called. You never came back. You just blew out of town and disappeared from our lives without a goddamn thought about what might happen to your brothers.”
Ethan couldn’t deny Nash spoke the truth, and his heart threatened to pound out of his chest. Holding his ground, he knew all he could do was to somehow hang on to the shreds of pride he had, though at this point there wasn’t much left. “I’m sorry,” he said.
But it seemed they wanted more. They wanted blood and damned if they didn’t deserve it, he thought, now clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Tell me something,” Nash said. “Did you ever wonder what the hell kind of life you abandoned us to?”
Ethan didn’t answer. Didn’t have to. They’d tell him anyway. Knowing he’d spent nights beating himself up, wondering the same thing wouldn’t make a difference to either of them. And Ethan needed to hear about the past from their mouths.
“We were split up,” Nash finally said. “Separated. No one would take us together.” His brother gripped his hands together, twisting them in an obvious effort to contain his anger.
Ethan couldn’t even swallow.
“I went to the Rossmans, a good family on the right side of town,” Nash said, no pleasure in his words. “They could have afforded to take in both of us, but they only wanted one son—to replace the one they’d lost to a drug overdose a few years before, and I happened to be the same age as their kid when he’d died.”
Nash paused for air.
Dare glared at Ethan, who couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“And Dare?” Nash asked. Finally ready to go on, he gestured to their youngest sibling. “He went to the shittiest foster home you can imagine. Remember the Garcias?” This time he waited for Ethan to process the name and reply.
It didn’t take long. Ethan recalled the family who’d always taken in more kids than they had room for, happy for the state checks. He had a vivid recollection of the Garcias’ foster children with clothes that didn’t fit, sitting alone because nobody would hang with them. Other kids would rather abuse them than befriend them.
Nausea filled him. He folded his arms across his chest, but he couldn’t deflect the internal blow. “I remember.”
Nash’s eyes, normally their mother’s medium blue, darkened in anger. “He was only fifteen.” He gripped his brother’s shoulder once more. “I snuck him food and I brought him my old clothes. Where the hell were you?” Stepping forward, Nash poked Ethan in the chest, deliberately pushing him.
“I was in the army.”
No surprise flickered in either brother’s gaze.
Ethan had no doubt Nash and Dare had done their research on him. Afraid of what he’d find, Ethan hadn’t let himself do the same for them.
“So here we are,” Nash said. “We’ll show up for Tess. We’ll make sure she has what she needs, but don’t ask us to do anything for you.” His middle brother made their current position perfectly clear.
Nash’s words rang in Ethan’s ears. He distantly heard the alarm beeps and the door slam, but the noise barely registered.
“Do we understand each other?” Nash asked.
“Perfectly,” Ethan said, his hands digging into the seat back.
“So what does Tess need from us?” Dare asked.
Ethan couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Even speaking was beyond him. But he managed to remind himself that a teenage girl needed him to act like an adult. And as much as he wanted to run far and fast, he stood firm. Because running was what his brothers expected of him, and for that reason alone, he managed to look them in the eye now.
“Tess needs to feel she’s part of a solid unit, and we’re the best she’s got.” Ethan let out a wry, sarcastic laugh because their best was pretty damn pathetic. “We need to set a good example of behavior, and the doctor suggested we implement rules so we all know what we can and can’t expect from one another.”
“Fucking swell,” Dare muttered.
Ethan narrowed his gaze. “You may not like me, but right now we’re in this together. You treat me like shit in front of Tess and she’ll think it’s okay to do the same. And vice versa.”
“Is that shrink talk, or are you coming to these brilliant conclusions on your own?” Nash asked.
Ethan set his jaw and silently counted to five. “Both. I’ve been the adult in her life for the last three weeks or so. It’s time to pull together on this.”
“What did you have in mind?” Nash asked, in a more conciliatory tone.
Ethan’s ears were still ringing with their words, anger, truths. Yet he had to keep them together like the doctor said. “I was hoping we could eat dinner as a family a few nights a week. Let her know she can expect us and count on us. You two up for that?” Ethan asked.
To his surprise, they both nodded.
“Too many kids come into the station and the center with no stable family unit. Just name the days and I’ll be there,” Dare said.
Ethan barely let out a breath, realizing that Dare knew just what it felt like not to have that same family unit. Ethan’s mouth grew dry. “Rosalita’s off Mondays. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays work for you?” he managed to ask.
“Yeah,” Nash said.
“Me too,” Dare added.
“I can take her to work one day next week. Give her a tour of the county jail, let her see what juvie’s like,” Dare offered. He paused. “Unless you want to give her an insider’s tour?” As soon as the words were out, he shook his head, his dark head bowing. “It’ll take time to get used to not knocking you with every breath,” he muttered.
Ethan ignored that. He was already raw and bruised inside. A few more hits couldn’t do any more damage. “I’ll get Tess’s community center schedule from Kate and we’ll coordinate with yours.”
Dare nodded. “Fine.”
Nash raised a hand. “I can take her to the sidewalk fair tomorrow night and she can stay for dinner. And maybe I can get her working filing some papers in the office to keep her busy when she’s not at the center.”
Ethan was grateful for their suggestions, not that he’d say so. They didn’t care how he felt about anything. “It’s a good idea for her to get to know you one on one.” He kept the focus on Tess.
“She can stay over,” Nash said, and Dare nodded, indicating the same.
“Let’s see what she’s comfortable with, but it’s fine with me,” Ethan said carefully.
And so it went as they awkwardly hammered out a schedule, each writing down dates and times and agreeing to revisit the schedule in a few weeks. As for school, Kate had already promised to explain how and when Tess would need to be registered. By the middle to end of August, her sister, Kelly, would return, and the four of them could discuss the future.
Right now, the brothers had accomplished all they could. In fact, they’d had more of each other than any of them could handle. Or stand, Ethan thought.
Long after they were gone, Ethan stood in the center of the kitchen, more alone, lost, and disgusted with himself than he’d been since he’d left home at eighteen.
“Mr. Ethan, Miss Tess, she’s gone!” Rosalita came running into the room, her large body heaving. “I thought she was in her room, but she’s not there!”
Ethan ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Did you check outside?” he asked, recalling where he’d found Tess last time, smoking a joint.
Rosalita nodded. “She’s not out back or on the front porch.”
Ethan recalled hearing the door beep earlier but thought it was Rosalita. “Was that you who went out while we were in the kitchen?” he asked her.
She shook her head. “I make myself scarce in the laundry room.”
Ethan groaned. Tess must have walked out. Probably after hearing the yelling and accusations in the kitchen. Ethan’s cell phone rang suddenly and he yanked it out of his back jeans pocket, pausing to glance at the number.
Faith.
An hour ago, he’d have been thrilled to hear from her. Now? He couldn’t stand his own company. He wouldn’t be subjecting her to his.
“Maybe she knows where Miss Tess is,” Rosalita said.
He pressed send. “Hello?”
“Ethan, it’s Faith.” Her soft voice was a soothing balm to his senses, one he didn’t deserve. And she definitely deserved better than him. “I have Tess,” she said quickly.
He let out the breath he hadn’t been aware of holding and nodded at Rosalita. “She’s with Faith,” he told his housekeeper, who immediately crossed herself.
“She came to you?” he asked.
“Not exactly. I went outside to throw out the trash, glanced over the railing, and she was outside. Making out with a boy in a corner of the empty parking lot,” she said, her voice now a whisper.
“I’ll be right there.”
Faith let Tess watch TV while they waited for Ethan to pick her up. The teenager had already given Faith an earful about what went on in the house and why she’d run off, and Faith’s stomach churned at the accusations Dare and Nash had thrown at Ethan. At first she’d been surprised the teen was talking in full sentences, but clearly Tess wanted to share the discoveries she’d made about her new family.
And Faith knew Ethan well enough by now to realize he already blamed himself for the deaths of his parents, and his brothers hadn’t cut him any slack. None at all.
When her doorbell rang and she let Ethan inside, one look at his dark, tormented eyes told her all she needed to know. Nash and Dare had done serious damage to his psyche.
“Hey,” she said gently. “Come on in.”
He stepped inside and his gaze immediately snagged on Tess. “Let’s go.”
The teenager didn’t shift her gaze from the television screen and the MTV Cribs show she was watching.
“Why don’t you come sit down and we’ll talk?” Faith asked.
He needed to calm down before he took his mood out on Tess. And he looked like he needed someone to be there for him. As much as she’d tried to pull away these past few weeks and focus on herself and her business, he’d never been far from her mind. Sleeping with him wasn’t something she could forget.
“It’s not a good time,” he said coldly, then looked past her to Tess. “Tess, I said move it!” he barked.
There was no warmth, no vestiges of the man who, while intense, had always shown interest in Faith whenever they as much as breathed the same air. She didn’t take it personally, but she was really worried about how deeply he’d drawn into himself.
“Chill,” the teen muttered, taking her time rising to her feet.
“I don’t think you’re in a position to be calling the shots,” he said to his sister.
“Ethan . . .” Faith reached out and touched his shoulder.
He flinched and pulled away. “You don’t want to be near me right now.” His dark tone was a warning she ought to heed.
Tess strode up to her brother, her bravado not faltering. “It’s not my fault you screwed your brothers over,” she said, then stormed past him and headed out the door.
Ouch, Faith thought. The kid needed to learn when to back off.
“Out of the mouths of babes,” he said under his breath.
“You weren’t much more of one yourself,” she reminded him. “Don’t let Nash and Dare get under your skin. You’re here now.”
His startled gaze met hers. “Tess overheard the fight?” he asked as if his worst fear was confirmed.
Faith nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“And she took great pleasure in filling you in,” he said flatly.
“Actually I think she feels bad for you. She just doesn’t know how to express her feelings. Cut her some slack now and maybe she’ll do the same.” Faith didn’t know anything about raising a teenager, but she sensed something in Tess that was desperate to reach out to her brother.
He raised an eyebrow. “Just because Tess decided to open her big mouth doesn’t make any of this your business.”
Faith bit the inside of her cheek. Though she knew why he was lashing out at her, she wasn’t about to take it. “I wouldn’t be so quick to alienate me. You don’t have many people on your side.”
“Obviously that’s the way I like it. You should have gone with your gut instinct and stayed far away from me.” He pulled his car keys from his pocket and stormed out the door.
Faith stood watching out the window as they climbed into the car and Ethan tore out of the parking lot, obviously thinking he’d made a clean escape. The problem was, she couldn’t let him go.
Ethan had taken a beating no man deserved, especially not one who was already punishing himself for mistakes he’d made in the past. Tess needed Ethan, but he needed someone too. He couldn’t be alone tonight, angry and brooding.
Heaven help her, she was the only one who could get through to him now.
Ethan gripped the steering wheel hard, not trusting himself to speak to his sister just yet. The bruising his brothers had given him was still fresh. And seeing Faith in her gray sweatpants, loose T-shirt, and high ponytail, like she’d just rolled out of bed, with those soft, caring eyes, he was barely holding it together. He wasn’t in the mood to spar with the mouthy teen.
“Man, you really were a screwup, weren’t you? Guess we have something in common after all,” Tess said, sounding pleased with herself and him.
He bit the inside of his cheek. “Does that mean you’ll give me a break and behave from now on?”
“Hell, no.” She burst out laughing, taking him off guard.
He slid a glance her way before returning his attention to the road. With her unexpected smile and light in her eyes, he realized she was actually a cute kid. Pretty, even. He knew better than to mention it.
“Fine,” he muttered. “Then how about a truce for just one night? We’ll discuss your behavior in the morning.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Only if we can talk about what I overheard too.”
He gripped the wheel harder. “This isn’t a democracy,” he told her.
“No, it’s a fucking dictatorship.” She shifted her entire body ninety degrees and faced out the window, turning her back to him.
He opened his mouth to tell her to watch her language, then shut it again.
He was done for the night.
They returned home. Rosalita was still cleaning and informed him she would stay until she’d finished some extra laundry she’d thrown into the machine. He appreciated her more than she could imagine or was able to express at the moment.
Without another word, he and Tess went to their separate rooms.
An hour later, Tess had finally stopped blasting heavy metal music, and the light went out beneath her door. He’d looked out at least five times, checking on her. He already knew he didn’t have to worry about her escaping through the window. It was a straight drop from the second floor to the ground below.
He returned to his bedroom, washed up, tossed his shirt into the hamper, and unbuttoned his jeans, his bed beckoning. It had been a long day he couldn’t wait to put behind him.
The beep beep of the door told him Rosalita had left for the night and he was finally alone in his house. He sat down on his bed and ran a hand through his hair. When his bedroom door cracked open slowly, he couldn’t have been more surprised.
“Come in, Tess,” he called out.
“It’s not Tess.” To his shock, Faith, dressed as she’d been earlier, which he for some reason found sexier than a string bikini, stepped inside. “Rosalita let me in on her way out.”
His heart staggered inside his chest. Putting up emotional distance was hard but necessary. “Why bother?” he asked coldly.
Faith shut the door to his bedroom and turned the lock, leaning against the closed door. “I was worried about you.”
He admired her courage. At his darkest, he wasn’t someone to mess with. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. Your eyes are flat. Dead.” She stepped closer, slowly making her way across the room. Toward him. “There’s no life, no twinkle,” she went on.
And she obviously thought she could put it back. A few hours ago, maybe she could have. Right now, he was back where he’d been ten years ago. Nobody could save him. Not even Uncle Sam.
“Your brothers aren’t being fair. People change. I’ve seen how you talk about wanting a relationship with them. You’re here. They’ll come to realize that.”
“Don’t psychoanalyze me or my family. You don’t know anything about us.”
“True. And you knew nothing about me and my father, but that didn’t stop you from giving me advice.” She stood toe-to-toe with him.
He smelled her fresh scent, teasing him, tempting him, making him want to lose himself inside her until he couldn’t think about who he was.
But he felt the anger at Nash and Dare simmering inside him and he knew he wouldn’t be gentle with her. He couldn’t. Didn’t have it in him to think about her when it was all he could do to put one foot in front of the other and get through the night to face Tess tomorrow. And his brothers the day after that.
So if Faith pushed him now, yeah, he’d take her up on what she was offering—but it would be sex. And she wouldn’t like him much afterward. He wouldn’t like himself either, but that was pretty much a given.
She reached out and stroked his cheek with her delicate fingers.
Fire licked across his skin.
“Someone has to look out for you,” she said.
He cocked his head to one side. “And you want that someone to be you? For the last three weeks you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
Something deeper flickered in her golden gaze. “There’s no way you want to have this conversation now.”
“You’re right. I don’t.”
Her fingers still touched his face and she cupped his jaw. “Talking’s overrated anyway.” She leaned in, pressed her lips against his, soft and willing. Giving him the escape he desperately needed.
He deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth. She moaned, her hands coming to his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin as she kissed him back, easing her body closer until her breasts crushed against his chest. Her thin T-shirt might as well have been nonexistent. He felt the rasp of her nipples and his body hardened. She sighed and climbed on top of him, bracketing him with her thighs, straddling him in heat.
Thrusting his hand into the back of her hair, he pulled her head back till he looked into her eyes. “Be sure, Faith.” Because this was going to be no gentle lovemaking.
“You need me,” she said simply.
He didn’t argue.
She pulled her shirt over her head, baring her braless breasts. With a groan, he cupped them in his hands, dipped his head, and curved his lips around one distended nipple. Nipping, laving, losing himself in tormenting her. Her cries of pleasure aroused him beyond reason and he switched breasts and repeated the process, drinking in her taste and scent.
She slipped her hands to the waistband of his jeans and impatiently tugged at the zipper. “Help me,” she said, frustrated.
He gripped her around the waist and lifted her off him so he could yank her sweats down, gratified when her underwear went with them. Faith kicked the clothes into a heap while he rid himself of his jeans. With an eager smile, she wrapped her arms around his neck, clearly ready to climb back on top of him.
Instead, he turned her around and sealed his body against hers. His front against her back, he soaked in her heat from behind, his erection a hard ridge between them and he thrust his hips forward, immediately feeling her body tense.
“Relax for me, princess.” He slid his arm around her waist, letting his hand trail down her smooth flat stomach to her slippery heat. He eased one finger into her dampness, finding her pulsing center.
She whimpered and tried to turn in his arms.
“Uh-huh.” He brushed her hair off to one side, kissing her neck, dampening her skin, grazing her flesh lightly with his teeth.
Ethan couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to be inside her.
Now.
“Bend over,” he said gruffly. Intentionally rough.
She hesitated.
He waited.
He wanted to shock her and he was sure he had, certain her ex-husband and past high-society lovers had never pushed her for anything that made her uncomfortable. He hoped like hell she’d comply because as much as he wanted her, he refused to give himself the pleasure of looking into her beautiful face while he lost himself inside her. He wanted release but refused to accept anything more.
She’d always been his shining star, the ultimate representation of all that was good. He didn’t deserve her and had been deluding himself in thinking it didn’t matter. Tonight with his brothers had proven otherwise, putting him back in his place. So here he was with Faith, pushing her boundaries, hoping she would run and prove to him he was the bastard he thought he was.
To his surprise, she suddenly bent over, holding on to the bed with both hands—taking his breath and humbling him at the same time.
With everything inside him, he knew he should run far and fast because even without seeing her face, he knew he was in trouble. She was offering herself to him, giving him what he needed.
A better man would call a stop. He’d never been that man, he thought, gripping her hips and thrusting into her feminine heat. From this angle, he was tighter, deeper, than he’d been before. He felt everything she was, everything she was giving him.
Unable not to move, he slid out, then pushed back into her, out and in, only to find her immediately picking up his rhythm, her gasps and moans telling him she was building to a fast and furious climax. She wasn’t alone. He pumped into her, doing as he wanted, as he needed, losing himself and the painful memories as he found heaven inside her willing body.
She clenched her inner walls tighter around him, milking him for all he was worth as he came in one last, powerful thrust. And though she followed him over, she continued to shudder in his arms, and he kept up the tempo of their joining until he was certain he’d wrung every last contraction out of her body.
When it was over, he didn’t allow himself to remain inside her or find pleasure or comfort after. He separated them, his earlier gut-wrenching pain returning, multiplied tenfold, eating a hole in his chest.
She’d come to him, but he’d accepted, planning only to use her body to find meaningless release. Instead, he’d discovered that with Faith, there was no such thing.
