Age 23:
From: [email protected]
Shiny, I have had the craziest week ever.
I got this INCREDIBLE job opportunity. The interview is today, and I could throw up just thinking about it. I have no clue what to wear or say, and I know you’ll probably say something like “Just be yourself,” but I would like to remind you that my true self is a force to be reckoned with. So it’s a little scary.
Also something a little weird happened with my roommate this weekend, but I can’t even go into all that since I’m still processing it.
Maybe we can go over it all on our ten-year anniversary? Still need to figure out what we’re doing there. Maybe people watching at an airport? It’s fun watching all the dads run.
Hope you and that girl are doing well! I haven’t heard any updates about her lately. Did you end up actually burning her? I can help hide the body. (For legal reasons, that was a joke.)
Love you and miss you,
Lil
***
My life was now broken up into two eras: BTK (before the kiss) and ATK (after the kiss).
Before the kiss, the perfect, mind-blowing, eye-opening kiss, life was full of grays and beiges. After the kiss, I could confirm that my life was full of rainbows, butterflies, and puppies that stayed tiny forever. Well, kind of. I still had to wait in traffic for thirty minutes and then pay for my fast-food breakfast with quarters, but I felt like a whole new being. I was Aretha Franklin singing about being a natural woman. I was ready to go skydiving. I could have gone up against a kangaroo in a boxing match and won.
After Nathan turned away from our kiss and left me in the hall, I stared at his closed door for several minutes. My brain felt like microwaved mush. Eventually, I went to bed, but I lay there for hours, replaying the way he’d grabbed me so ferociously. My eyes glazed over as I stared up at the circling ceiling fan above me.
Years ago, Shiny had told me that one day I would have a kiss so passionate it would erase all other kisses.
That was exactly what Nathan had done. Erased every pathetic kiss that I’d had up until that point.
“In that moment, he was a starving man, and I was a perfectly seasoned medium-rare steak.” I leaned back into the booth with a sigh, reliving the memory for the one hundredth time.
“Nathan? Really?” Marigold’s eyes were wide as she sipped her lemonade.
When I woke up this morning, Nathan was already gone, but there was a note on the counter that said Good luck at your interview. You’re going to kill it with a little bag of coffee grounds next to it for my plants.
I texted him immediately.
Me: Thank you for the note. And the coffee grounds. I think I might pass out before I get there today.
Nathan: Breathe in for four, hold for four, out for four and repeat. Always works for me when I’m waiting for Stacy to pick who to give the red rose to.
And just like that, things felt normal. The two of us texting notes of encouragement, GIFs of giraffes fighting. Without a single mention of the life-altering kiss we shared yesterday. Therefore, as soon as I could, I texted Marigold, Rachel, and Layla in our group text and begged them to meet me at Romfuzzled ASAP.
Layla shrugged. “I could see it. The man got passionate over a shredder, so I could imagine him being more than a little excited to kiss you.”
With a nod, Rachel said, “He’s got that golden retriever energy. Like when someone new walks into a room, he might run in circles to get all of his energy out before approaching them.”
I laughed. “We’ve been flirting for weeks, so I thought he may like me, but I never expected him to be so…animalistic.”
They all swooned with me as I gave vivid descriptions of our shared kiss.
Marigold leaned forward, practically sprawled out on the table. “What does this mean? Are you going to be together? Has anyone told Luke?”
I sighed. “I’m still sorting through all my feelings about him, but it’s hard to think when he’s around. I swear the man walks around in these shirts that are just tight enough to show off his muscles. He’s got a swimmer’s body, without a doubt.”
The girls snickered like we were fifteen and at a sleepover, discussing boys and braiding hair. Layla piped up. “Luke has absolutely no idea. The man is clueless. I thought he’d pick up on it after you invited Nathan to dinner, but we got in the car and he literally said”—she dropped her voice to a deep monotone to mock him and puffed out her chest—“Calla’s so sweet to invite Nate for me. She must’ve known that I’d been missing him.”
Rachel scoffed. “Lay, I mean this in the best way possible, but your man doesn’t notice anything that doesn’t involve you. And even then, it took him three years to piece that whole ordeal together.”
Layla nodded, not even bothering to disagree.
Waving a hand in front of her, Marigold said, “Who cares what Luke thinks. You need to take that man to bed and show him a good time. And then tell us all about it.”
Layla smacked her arm. “Don’t tell her that.”
Marigold only shrugged. “What? I need to live vicariously through you. I’ve been single way too long. And I’m curious to see how good he is at—”
Luke busted through the door to the bar behind her.
Sitting up straight, I said, “And that’s why you should always brush a porcupine’s tail downward” a little too loudly, in hopes that she’d take the hint.
Luke rounded the bar and stopped at our table to drop a kiss to Layla’s forehead. She leaned into him and sighed like she was a cat curling up in a pile of laundry fresh out of the dryer.
Luke straightened up, rubbing small circles on Layla’s back. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Porcupines,” Rachel muttered. “Apparently.”
Luke nodded. “Nice.” He turned to Layla. “Did you tell them about the wedding plans?”
Layla’s eyes went wide, like he’d put her on the spot. “We, uh, were talking about something else that was a little more exciting first.”
Luke’s face scrunched up. “Porcupines are more exciting than our wedding?”
“Yes,” the four of us said in unison.
He held his hands up in defense. “Geez. Guess I should do some research. I feel like I’m missing out here.”
Marigold nodded. “You should.”
The front door of Romfuzzled opened, and Alex, Luke’s favorite bartender, sauntered in. Luke held one finger up to him, then turned to Layla. “I’ll be right back. Have fun discussing…porcupines.”
The second he was gone, all eyes were on Layla.
“Come on, out with the wedding details, missy,” I demanded.
Layla’s voice was soft when she said, “I wanted you to get all your Nathan talk out first so we could focus. Forgive me for being a good sister-in-law.”
Marigold dropped her elbows to the table and scooted to the edge of her seat. “Please tell me I can do your hair.”
Layla gave her a sweet smile. “Obviously. Luke and I decided that since it’s just family, and the budget is a little tight, we want to have the ceremony and reception at Liam’s house.”
I expected Marigold to protest. Being an attendant in a wedding alongside her ex-husband at her ex-husband’s house would likely be awkward. But to her credit, she didn’t even flinch.
“His yard is so beautiful, and with the pergola in the back and—”
“He has a pergola?” Marigold asked, blinking in surprise.
“Uh, yes. And the inside is so pretty now that he’s renovated. It would be perfect. Are you guys okay with that?” Layla bit her lip as if she were ashamed to even ask us to consider the idea.
“Of course, Lay. We’d be there if you wanted to get married in the middle of Alaska or in my great-uncle Randy’s trailer down in Georgia. We wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Rachel gave Marigold a pointed look, then me, and we quickly jumped on board.
“Nothing would keep us from being there,” Marigold said.
I added to that by saying, “We could even get a porcupine to be the ring bearer.”
Layla laughed and swiped the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “You girls are the best.”
The timer on my phone went off then, and I jolted up from the table. “I’ve got to get ready for my interview. Wish me luck.”
Each one offered positive sentiments as I waved goodbye. I passed by Luke on the way out and gave him a firm salute. “I’m off to my interview, boss. Hopefully I can quit soon so I won’t have to see your name on the top of my paychecks anymore.”
He chuckled as I ran out the door, ready to conquer this interview.
***
I changed my bra three times. The first one was a little too casual, not that I’d be showing it to anyone. But it was obvious my boobs did not mean business. The second one had far too much lift. The interviewer wouldn’t be able to focus on my incredible conversation skills if my cleavage was ready to poke someone in the eye. The third one was perfect. The Goldilocks choice in brassieres, if you will. The perfect amount of padding that showed I was indeed a young woman, but not so much that it said, “Look out, ladies and gents. You might catch a show if she bends over.”
But no matter how perfect my bra was, as I drove to the marketing firm, I felt ill-prepared. Like a comedian with stage fright. Like a singer who’d forgotten the lyrics as she stepped out into the arena. All the big girl words I learned in college were dissipating. This was it. I was about to walk into that building and talk like a true caveman.
Me Calla. You give me job.
Oh my gosh, what if I looked like a complete fool? What if I forgot every amazing thing about myself? I was melting into this pathetic excuse for the Blob, turning into blue mush and preparing to eat everything in my way.
I needed a slap to the face or a stern dropkick to the boob. Anything.
My brain whirred, searching hopelessly for the answer, but all it could come up with was Nathan.
I pulled into the parking lot and parked as far away from the entrance as possible, then frantically pulled Nathan’s contact up.
It rang twice before he answered. “Are you calling to tell me Bryce Harper wants you to be his roommate now that you’ve got the job? Do me a favor and tell the guy I said over my dead bod—”
“I’m freaking out.” My voice warbled, like my brain didn’t know how to control it.
Nathan didn’t skip a beat. “Take a deep breath with me.”
I followed his rhythm, breathing in as he did, holding, then letting it out when he directed.
After a second and third round, my heartbeat slowed, and my blood pressure dropped to a normal level.
We repeated it again, but my chest was still tight and my throat was closing up.
Nathan’s voice grounded me as he said, “Look around you. Tell me what you see.”
I obeyed, searching the interior of my car. Cracked paint on my dashboard. The gold bracelet that Liam gave me for Christmas a few years ago. A spaghetti stain in the passenger seat that refused to come up no matter how much I scrubbed.
But I couldn’t form the words to name those items. Instead, I said, “Uh…stuff.”
“Sweetheart, tell me what kind of stuff you see.” If I wasn’t so panicked, I would have melted at the sound of his raspy, worried voice and the way he’d called me sweetheart.
“Um, my dashboard. Other cars. Pretty landscaping. Nice flowers.” My words were less shaky this time.
“That’s it, Calla. Keep going. What kind of flowers are they? I know how much you love plants, so don’t even act like you don’t know.”
Along the walkway, yellow bulbs were surrounded by specks of white petals and green stems. Then a sunset of light pinks fading into white bulbs, with pops of orange here and there. A fountain with water danced behind them. A worn wooden bench to the side with a gold plate, likely in honor of an important person.
I puffed out a half laugh, my chest lighter by pounds. “Calla lilies. They’re calla lilies.”
As if God knew I’d need a sign to feel like I was where I belonged and planted these flowers just for me. Like he knew I’d need the reassurance.
Nathan laughed shakily. “Is that right? I’ll tell you what, you go in and nail that interview, and I’ll bring all kinds of calla lilies to lessons tonight. Just for you.”
I had forgotten about his lessons tonight in my dazed panic. He had piano lessons with three kids, one of them being a favorite of his. One he saw so much potential in.
“Tonight. Yes, I’ll be there.” I sucked in a deep breath, already feeling far more comfortable than when I’d pulled in.
Nathan reassured me again, topping off my cup. “You’re going to be amazing, Calla. And I’ll be the one who gets to take credit for that. Don’t forget it.”
I let out a laugh. “I won’t.”
I could picture him leaned back in his office chair, swiveling just a little, wearing that cocky smirk I loved. “That’s right. I’ll see you tonight, all right? Go show them all how incredible you are.”
“Thanks, Nathan.”
With far more confidence than I’d had only moments ago, I opened my car door and stepped onto the pavement in a pair of four-inch heels, trusting that I had every ability to get this job. And if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. If I didn’t, it meant I could stay with Nathan a little longer.
