HAKIM GAVE ME A WAVE. I nodded as I set down drinks at my table, giving my ass a little sway and dodging grabby hands faux playfully, then made my way across the floor to see what was up with the big man.
“Hey.” Hakim was nearly seven feet tall of pure muscle and very little brain. He was also sweet as sugar and took his job as bouncer at Savage Beauties seriously. No one touched his girls without their permission, and when they did, all his sweetness was left at the door. Hakim did not play when it came to his girls.
He jerked his big, bald head to the side. “Group in the Blue Room requested you.”
“I’m not stripping tonight.”
He glared at me with his deep black eyes, looking offended. “Who do you think I am, baby girl? I know all. I see all. They want you to serve them.”
I laid my hand on his sinewy forearm. “Sorry, dude. I’m cranky tonight.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I got you, boo. The boys in there are throwing green around like candy. Carina’s bag is filled. Get in there and take them for all they’re worth.”
I tossed my hair behind my shoulders and gave Hakim a bright smile. “Okay. I can be perky for cash.”
His laughter was a roll of thunder in my ears. “That’s my girl.”
The Blue Room was for private VIP parties. I’d never worked it as a stripper, but I had served drinks in there before and always came out with twice as much cash as a regular night. As soon as I stepped inside tonight, I wished I hadn’t. Seven or eight men were scattered around on chairs and benches, five girls mingling between them. I knew most of these men, if not by name, then by sight, and all of them filled me with dread.
Reno spotted me before I could back out and run for the hills. He beckoned me with a wave of his hand. My footsteps were leaden, and I kept my tray in front of me like a shield. Amir raised a brow at me as I passed him, Carina perched on his lap. He had a handful of her ass in his palm, but he was watching me walk to his brother, paying her no attention.
“Careful,” Amir murmured.
I stopped in front of Reno, who was flanked by two guys I knew to be his muscle. Reno had inherited blood money and corrupt power from his uncle, and he’d taken to the gangster life like a fish to water. He was all fine tailoring, sleek lines, diamonds in his ears, manspreading like he owned the world.
“Helen, baby,” he cooed.
“Hey. Can I get you something to drink?”
He turned to his goon and laughed. “I told you how cute she is, right?”
The goon appeared to have less brains than Hakim, but he laughed along with Reno as if there was something funny about a cocktail waitress asking for his drink order.
Reno tipped his head back to scan me long and slow. He bit his bottom lip, his eyelids growing heavy. Reno was hot, and in his nice clothes, he was sexy. He made my stomach turn.
“Vodka soda, baby. But first, we need to talk.” He patted his thigh, and I went, because I understood I didn’t have a choice. When I perched on his knee, he laughed again, but he let me stay there instead of plopping me on his dick, which was what I had expected.
“What’s up?” I peered at him from under my fake lashes, aiming for demure instead of flirty. God, I hoped I pulled it off.
“Your moms, baby. She came around, asking for another loan.” He didn’t pull me closer, but he did cup my ass and give it a squeeze. “Because I care about you, I told her I’d have to think about it.”
“She can’t pay you back,” I blurted out fast.
“This I know.” His fingers dug into my flesh hard enough to bruise. “What I wonder is, I give her the cash, can you pay me back?”
I shook my head hard. “I’m strapped. I can barely make the payments she owes now. I can’t take on more.”
“You could work just three nights a week, make double what you do now. You know that, Helen.”
“I’m not stripping, Reno. It’s not my thing.”
He stroked the flesh he’d just been pinching. “You’ve done it before, baby. Too bad I wasn’t here those nights. I would’ve enjoyed getting an up close and personal look at those pretty tits.”
I kept my lips pressed tight. There was no right answer to that.
Reno released a long exhale, then he smacked my ass hard. “All right. Get your ass up and get my drink. Send me a girl who looks like you but doesn’t think she’s too good to shove her tits in my face.”
With an aching butt cheek, I walked away from Reno. I was furious at my mother and relieved the asshole gangster who’d just been groping me hadn’t allowed her to turn my hole into a grave. Then I was pissed all over again that my mom had made me feel gratitude toward Reno.
As I passed him on the way to the bar, Amir grabbed my wrist, bringing me to a stop. Carina was grinding her ass on his crotch, swiveling her hips like the absolute pro she was.
“Yo, Helen.” Amir sounded casual, like he wasn’t a few scraps of fabric away from fucking the pretty girl in his lap. “You still with that guy?”
“Why?” There was only one guy he could be talking about, and I wasn’t about to give anything up to Amir before he gave something up to me.
His mouth curved into a smirk. “Does he ever go off on a roid rage? You have to be careful. I wouldn’t want to see you hurt.”
I canted my head, letting my hair tumble over my shoulder. “What does that mean, dude?”
His thumb stroked the inside of my wrist. The gentleness of the gesture contrasted so starkly with our surroundings and the debauchery going on around us, I nearly laughed. But there wasn’t really anything funny, so I didn’t.
“Your boy’s a juicer, Hells.”
“What are you talking about?”
Amir tapped Carina’s hips, getting her to move off him, then he rose from his seat, adjusting the bulge in his pants while he held my gaze.
“Walk with me.” He took me by the waist, stroking my bare belly with his fingertips. We left the Blue Room like that, making our way across the floor to the bar in tandem. He waited for me to place my drink orders with the bartender, all while holding on to me and pressing into my side.
“You know I’ve always liked you,” he said close to my ear.
I turned my head, but that was a mistake, since it brought my cheek to his lips. “You have?”
“Mmm. Shoulda made my move in high school.”
“I didn’t think you knew I existed.”
He bit his bottom lip. “Oh, I knew.”
“Oh,” I breathed.
Amir cocked a sexy, amused smile. “Yeah, oh. And I hate to see you getting mixed up with a guy like Theo Whitlock.” His back was to the bar, one elbow resting on top, the other arm hooked around me. “That stuff messes with your head.”
“What stuff?”
He leaned down, studying me. “You really don’t know, do you?”
I sighed, struggling between ripping away from him and settling into his warm hold. I did neither, standing straight, but allowing him to keep his hand on my middle.
“I don’t know, no.”
“I’ve been selling your boy dope for over a year.”
“Wait, Theo takes H?”
Amir chuckled. “No, no. Your boy Theo juices up with some fancy-ass anabolic steroids. I supply to a couple athletes, but up until a few months ago, he was one of my best customers.”
“How…what? Don’t they test for that?”
He tapped my nose. “How are you so naive when you come from The Palisades? It’s kinda sweet, not gonna lie.”
“Amir,” I growled. “If you’re not going to tell me, then why bring it up?”
His amusement fled, replaced by a dangerous glint. “I told you, Helen, I’ve always liked you. I see you with a rich boy who uses Daddy’s money to cheat the system, I become concerned. Now, tell me, are you still with him?”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that.”
His mouth twitched. “It sounded like that.”
“It was sex.”
“That isn’t a no.”
“It is a no. I’m not with him.”
“Then you don’t give a shit about what I’m telling you.”
I placed the drinks going to the Blue Room on my tray, then flicked my eyes to Amir. “It feels good to have the moral high ground for once.”
Amir’s chuckle sent shivers down my spine, then he moved fast, shoving my hair aside, his lips on my ear. “I understand that more than you can know, Hells Belles.”
Then, he walked me back to the Blue Room, reclaimed his seat, and placed Carina back on his dick, like he hadn’t just whispered that he’d always liked me and regretted not moving on me back in the day. I wasn’t surprised. Amir was a bad guy, and when he did bad-guy things, he was just being himself. It was the truth about Theo, the good guy doing really bad things, that threw me for a loop.
And strangely, I was disappointed in him. I didn’t know what to do with that, so I shoved it aside and got back to work, avoiding grabby hands and plastering on my brightest, red-lipped smile.
My life was a study in contrasts, but none more so than tonight.
Saturday night, I’d been in fishnets and booty shorts. Now, only two days later, I was wearing one of Madeline’s elegant dresses. It made sense for me to wear it, since I was attending a banquet in honor of her, but I felt more like I was wearing a costume now than I had been slinging drinks at Savage Beauties.
“You look stunning,” Zadie said softly.
I spun to face her, smoothing my hands down the front of my fitted dress. “Are you sure I don’t look like I’m playing dress-up?”
She shook her head. “I know that was Madeline’s dress, but it looks like it was made for you.”
Madeline McGarvey was a classic. Her clothes had been simple and expensive. Even when she got too weak to leave the house, she was always dressed to the nines. Her pajamas had been made of silk and always had to be matching sets. And when she changed her will to include me, she bequeathed me her entire wardrobe.
Most of it wasn’t me, but I saved all of it, because one day, it might be. This dress was my favorite out of everything. Floor length and long sleeved, with structured shoulders, it wrapped around my middle, cinching in my waist, and flowed loose around my hips. The emerald green wasn’t a color I would have chosen, but I liked it so very much.
“I wish I could tuck you in my pocket and take you with me tonight,” I said.
Zadie’s eyes brightened. “Does that dress have pockets?”
“Yeah, it does.” Jutting a hip out, I slipped my hands in my pockets and posed for her. This was a really good dress.
I slathered on another layer of lipstick, smoothed my hair, then fluffed it, and Zadie and I walked out to the living room, where I grabbed my phone and tucked it into the tiny evening bag I was carrying.
The door swung open, and Elena came marching in. She threw her backpack on the ground and kicked off her shoes before noticing Zadie and I in the room.
“Hey.” Her eyes landed on me. “Oh shit.”
Since my breakdown a week and a half ago, Elena hadn’t magically become an entirely different person. She was still a caustic, catty bitch, it was just most of that energy was aimed at those outside this suite. Not that we spent time braiding each other’s hair, and we definitely hadn’t done any more snuggling, but we’d maintained a fragile peace that seemed to become less fragile as the days ticked by.
“Doesn’t Helen look beautiful?” Zadie waved her arms up and down like she was a model on The Price is Right showing off the fully loaded Winnebago a lucky contestant might have a chance to win.
Elena stalked across the room and got in my face. “You look hot as hell. Now, please tell me you’re not going to some arts fundraiser banquet. Please tell me.”
I took a step back from her. I was not ready for Elena Sanderson, up close and personal like that. “I’m definitely going to an arts fundraiser banquet. Why?”
Her hand went to her mouth at the same time her shoulders slumped. “Shit.” She raked her gaze over me. “Well, you look amazing, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“I wasn’t,” I said dryly.
Zadie snapped her fingers. “Spit it out, El.”
Elena threw her arms out. “God, fine. I just came from helping Abby get ready for an arts fundraiser banquet. She borrowed a dress from me—Prada. When I wear it, I look smoking, but Abby doesn’t have enough ass to do it real justice, so you already know you look hotter than her.”
My nose scrunched. “There are going to be a lot of people at this thing. I don’t really care that she’s going to be there too.”
Elena hit her forehead, then widened her eyes. “You don’t get it. Abby spent the entire time I was with her going on about her little reunion with her ex. Theo is taking her tonight. Abby thinks they’re going to be official again ASAP.”
Now, that got my attention. It also made me feel like I was on the verge of throwing up seven hundred knives at once.
“We’re not together,” I rasped.
Elena nodded and grabbed both my hands. “I know. I get it times a thousand. But, babe, as someone who has spent a considerable amount of time with Abby, if Theo chooses to be with her instead of you, that says a shit ton more about his character than yours. Abby is decent, but she’s boring and like a walking cliché. She also has a tendency to whine, and the bitch is so literal, half my humor is lost on her, which cuts me to the quick.”
“If you’re nice to me, I might cry,” I whispered.
Elena’s eyes narrowed on me. “Your red lipstick makes you look like a whore. God, choose another color already.”
My insides untwisted. “That’s much better.”
She dropped my hands to reach around me and smack my ass. “Get out. I need to shave to prepare for some mediocre sex later.”
Zadie lifted a hand. “Thank you for the warning. I’ll go find my headphones now.” Then she gave me a quick hug. “You’ll be great. Just ignore them. You’re going for Madeline—no one else.”
Taking a deep breath, I nodded. This was for Madeline. Theo could take a long fucking hike in the desert without a drop of water, as far as I was concerned.
By the time I arrived at the event hall, my bravado had slipped. When I had been asked by the arts philanthropy chair of the Savage U alumni committee to speak tonight, I’d said yes immediately. That was months ago, when Madeline’s loss was fresh and I would have done anything for her, including standing in front of a richie rich crowd and speak publicly.
What the fuck, past-Helen? We do not engage in public speaking. Much less when our ex…whatever he is…will be present and waiting for us to slip up. Girl, what were you thinking?
One foot in front of the other. That was all I could do. Luckily, I saw a familiar face at check-in. Miranda Wellstein was a well-kept brunette of an indeterminate age, though I was pretty sure she hovered somewhere around fifty. She was the kind of wealthy that could afford to be nice to everyone, and she was.
She came straight for me with a huge, white smile, enveloping me in a warm hug.
“Helen.” She pressed her cheek to mine. “Oh, honey, I’m so pleased to see you again.”
With my hands in hers, she stepped back and scanned me from my toes to my face. Her smile had grown tight when her eyes arrived on mine.
“I remember this dress.” She sniffled and batted at her cheek. “Madeline wore it when we saw La Boheme in L.A. Oh, we had such a night, the two of us. We stayed over and had brunch celebrity style the following day. It was lovely, so very lovely. And you, Helen…look at you. She’d be so happy to see you in this dress.”
My throat went tight. All I could offer was a choked thank you. Miranda and Madeline had been good friends. During my time with Mads, she hadn’t allowed many visitors. She wouldn’t say it, but I knew it was down to pride. She didn’t want her friends and colleagues to see her near the end, when she was frail, with blue-tinged skin and next to no energy. Miranda had been one of the exceptions, but not for long, and not often. Toward the end, Mads would only talk to her by phone. I’d talked to Miranda almost daily, keeping her updated on her dear friend’s condition and spirits. We hadn’t grown close, but I guess we shared a bond since we both missed Mads something fierce.
Her hands slid to my shoulders, and she gave them a squeeze. “Now that I’m an emotional wreck, let’s go inside. I’ll introduce you to a couple people and we’ll find our table. You’re sitting with me tonight, by the way.”
“Oh, thank god,” I breathed with relief.
Miranda laughed. “I would never invite you here, then abandon you.”
She hooked her arm through mine, then we strode into the banquet hall. There were dozens of smartly dressed people milling about, many with champagne or cocktails in hand. The men were in suits, the women in fine dresses. And I realized I fit, at least on the outside. If no one spoke to me, they’d never know I didn’t belong. But shit, I was going to have to get on stage and speak to all of them.
Miranda walked me around the room, introducing me to more than a couple people while never leaving my side, as promised. Once we’d made the rounds, she walked me toward a round table big enough to seat ten. A few people had already sat down. Miranda steered me to the two open seats between an older man and a younger one.
“Here, darling.” She rotated me toward the young man. “Let me introduce you to my stepson and his…friend. This is Theo Whitlock and Abby Fitzgerald.”
The world rocked under my feet, and I grabbed onto the back of the chair to steady myself. Theo rose with a practiced smile, one I’d never seen on him but recognized for what it was. In that moment, I was glad Elena had warned me Theo would be here tonight. Otherwise, I might have toppled over at the sight of him.
Theo Whitlock, in a finely tailored suit with a blue tie that matched his eyes, was a sight to behold. I would have never known he hadn’t grown up in this world because he wore it so well.
Miranda leaned around me, clutching Theo’s forearm. “Theo, this is Helen Ortega, my special guest.”
All of him froze, except for his eyes, which darted to mine in wide-eyed shock. I supposed I was the last person he expected to see tonight when he reunited with his girlfriend. A million thoughts raced around my skull, of what I could say, how I could act. I decided to go with the simplest course of action: the truth.
“Hey, Theo.” I twisted my neck to smile at Miranda. “Theo and I are in a Shakespeare class together. We’re actually working with another classmate, Lachlan, on a midterm project.”
Theo let out something between a bark and a cough. Attention returned to him. “I’m speechless. I had no idea you knew Miranda.”
I dipped my chin. “Just as I had no idea Miranda was your stepmom.”
Miranda clapped her hands. “Oh my, what a small world. Well, obviously it’s small here, since you both attend Savage, but it truly never occurred to me you might share a class. This is just perfect.”
The beautiful blonde at Theo’s side stood from her seat and draped herself on his shoulder. “Hi, I’m Abby.”
Theo was stiff, but Abby took no notice. She rested her chin on his shoulder and pressed herself into his arm. My skin felt bathed in acid. He could move on, he didn’t owe me anything, but seeing it up close and personal really wasn’t fair. But that was life. Shit hurt.
I tilted my head. “We’ve met…at the T.” I looked her up and down. “Elena is my roommate too. The Prada looks great on you.”
“Thanks.” She smoothed a hand over her hip. “I remember now. You were with a little kid, weren’t you?”
“Mmhmm. That was my sister, Luciana. I would have introduced you, but you were all about The that day.” I used her stupid-ass nickname, which did not escape her, based on the way she curled her pretty pink lip at me.
Miranda pressed her hand on my back, turning me the other way. “This is my husband, Andrew.” The older man, who was unmistakably Theo’s father, got to his feet and offered me his hand.
“Helen, Miranda hasn’t stopped talking about you for a solid year. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His handshake was warm, firm, and sincere. His smile too. His eyes didn’t twinkle as much as Theo’s did, but I saw where he got it.
“It’s nice to meet you, sir.”
He waved me off. “None of that formal stuff. Andrew is fine. Are you sitting with us tonight?”
“Yeah. I mean…yes. I think I am.”
He pulled out the empty chair beside his. “Come, sit by me. Miranda and I see each other all the time. I haven’t had the chance to get to know you.”
Miranda patted my shoulder. “You’ll sit between us so we don’t have to fight over you, darling. This way I can talk to my darling Theo too.”
My eyes flicked to Theo, who had been watching my interaction with his dad carefully.
“Lucky you.”
I took my seat beside Andrew Whitlock and tipped my head back to make eye contact with Theo one more time. He grimaced like he was vastly uncomfortable with my presence. I wasn’t having the time of my life either.
But he’d made his choice.
He’d put us here, and I had zero desire to make tonight any easier for him.
