HELEN HAD GROWN UP IN A SHITHOLE. Even though she hadn’t allowed me to follow her and her little sister to their trailer, the second I pulled into the gravel parking lot, I came to that conclusion. As I waited for Helen to come back, I got out of my loaner car and wandered down the path that wound between trailers.
Rust. Trash. Broken windows. Hanging doors.
There were decent, even nice, trailer parks, and then there was The Palisades. It was so far from being nice or decent, those words didn’t exist in the same universe.
Once they unloaded their groceries in the trailer, I drove Hells and Luc to an apartment complex a few minutes away. I waited again while Helen walked her sister up to her friend’s apartment to hang out for the afternoon.
Ten minutes later, Helen reappeared, stopping in front of where I leaned against the car.
“Good deed done for the day. Let me get my board out of your trunk and you can go on your way.”
I tipped my head to the side. “Get in the car, Helen.”
“Give me my board, Theodore.”
“Nope.” Striking fast, I circled my arms under her ass, lifting her off the ground. She squealed and kicked, but not hard enough for me to believe she meant it. “I’m driving you to campus like a fucking gentleman.”
“Like a fucking psycho.”
I tossed her in the passenger seat and leaned over her to strap her in. Little pants escaped her parted lips, hitting my ear. I turned my head, bringing our noses an inch apart.
Jesus, she was pretty. There was not a spot of blemish on her masterpiece of a face. Her lips were as red as they’d been when she’d sat down for breakfast, leading me to believe there was witchcraft in her lipstick. All I could think about was how much effort it would take to make it disappear. And how enjoyable it would be finding out.
I pinched her chin between two fingers. “Stay here, Tiger.”
She swatted my hand away, and I laughed and locked her inside the car while I rounded it to the driver’s side. As I slid into my seat and hit the ignition, it hit me that I was always laughing with this girl. After an unbelievably shitty few months, it was a relief to know I still had it in me.
I turned to her. “Do you need to stop anywhere else before we hit campus?”
“No.” Her focus was anywhere but me. “Straight back to the dorm is good.”
“All right.” Nodding to the apartment building, I asked, “Think she’s good here?”
Her head twisted my way. “Yeah. I’ve met her friend and the family a few times. They’re solid. They let her hang out as much as she wants, which is a lot.”
“Is she going to be okay when she goes home?”
Helen’s breath hitched. “My mother knows the consequences if anything happens to Luc. She’s neglectful, but she won’t hurt her.”
“I could’ve used a sister like you growing up.”
“Me too,” she murmured, her head falling back on her seat. “Can we go? I need a nap.”
“Yeah.” I threw her a glance as I pulled out of the lot. “Late night?”
“Mmm.”
That was it. Stonewall Helen was back in full force, arms crossed over her chest, jaw set. So far, I’d seen her soft twice. The first, when she’d relaxed in my lap in the library. The second was with her sister. After seeing where she grew up, I got it. I carried the same hardness in me. It had taken me a solid year of living with my father and stepmom to let my guard down and feel physically safe. Helen wasn’t there. The part of me that loved to rise to a challenge really wanted to get her there.
But shit, I was no white knight. My head was barely above water as it was. I couldn’t carry her too. If I tried, she’d probably shove me under anyway.
Taking the long route, I cruised down Main Street, passing Savage Wheelz. “Last year, whenever I was down here, I peeked in the windows. Never saw you inside.”
I shouldn’t have been looking at all, not when I’d had Abby, but that one encounter with Helen had left me curious. I was still curious.
Helen glanced at the skate shop as we passed. “Yeah, I don’t work there anymore. I haven’t for over a year.”
I took that in. “Where do you work now?”
“Are you going to peek in the windows there too?”
“Don’t need to do that. I see you all the time now.”
“You needed to last year?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. I had no answer for that. Helen sighed, slumping lower in her seat. I drove through campus in silence and pulled into a spot outside Helen’s dorm. She didn’t get out right away, and I was in no rush for her to be gone.
“Thanks for being cool to Luciana.” She unbuckled her seat belt but stayed put.
My brow pinched. “That’s not something you need to thank me for. She’s a kid. A good kid at that.”
She nodded, peering out the windshield. “Yeah…well, that doesn’t mean shit to a lot of people. She’s sweet, and I try to show her the good so she’ll keep it as long as she can, you know? I lost my sweet way too young. I’m not letting that be her.”
“I’m glad she has you, but I don’t think all your sweet is gone, Tiger. I saw it when you were with your sister. And maybe I felt it a little when you were curled up in my lap reading Shakespeare.”
Twisting in my seat, I studied her profile. The straight slope of her nose. The pout of her red lips. The stubborn jut of her chin. Every one of her features was so purely Helen.
The face that launched a thousand ships. Jesus.
She turned suddenly, her gaze whipping over my face in a way that seemed accusatory. Of what, I had no idea. I never got to ask, because the next second, she lunged across the console, and her mouth landed on mine. Hard. Fierce. Her fingers balled my T-shirt while she licked at my lips until they opened from pure instinct and my tongue pushed hers back into her own mouth, twisting around it.
This wasn’t sweet. I didn’t know what it was. My mind was two steps behind, and her warm, soft lips on mine refused to let me catch up. But I wasn’t one to let things happen to me without having a say—and that included a sneak attack kiss by a girl I never saw coming.
I held her face in my hands, tipped it back, and took her deeper. She moaned, high and tremulous, and I licked the inside of her mouth, tasting that moan, swallowing it down my throat, letting it heat my chest and belly. It was pure Helen.
As suddenly as she came, she ripped away, covering her mouth with her hand. Her eyes flicked to mine for one beat of my thrashing heart, then she threw open the car door and jumped out.
“Helen.” I climbed out my side, no plan other than not letting her leave it like this. I rounded to the rear of my car and caught her arm. “Stop.”
She looked from my grip on her to the trunk. “Pop the trunk. I need my board.”
Tugging her into me, I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t get you, baby.”
Her shoulder lifted, and it infuriated me. She was not going to shrug off that fire she’d just sparked—not when it was still smoldering and my dick was about to punch a hole through my shorts.
“Nothing to get, dude. You’re cute, you were being nice, I felt like kissing you, it’s done. Now, I want my board so I can go into my dorm and take a really long nap.”
“That’s it?” Her breasts pressed flush to my chest with each heaving breath she took. No way I believed a word coming from her pretty red mouth. “That’s all it was?”
“That’s it.” She tapped on my car. “Trunk, Theo. I work tonight, so I need that nap right now.”
“Where do you work?” I volleyed back.
“Somewhere you can’t peek through the windows.” She tapped the car harder. “Trunk. Now.”
I studied her, but it did no good. That warm, soft woman who’d been sprawled across my chest only minutes ago, clinging to me like I was her favorite thing ever, had disappeared so completely, it was like it had never happened. Her lips were still red when she rubbed them together. I didn’t even manage to kiss that damn lipstick off her.
I let go of her and opened the trunk. She snatched up her board before I could reach for it, and I grabbed her arm, stopping her from sprinting away.
“You don’t have a car.”
Her eyes rolled sideways. “No kidding.”
“Then how are you getting to L.A. to see the performance next weekend?”
“Bus.”
Nope. Never happening.
“I’ll drive you.”
“I can take the bus.”
I slid my hand from her arm to the center of her back. “You can, but you won’t, because I’ll be driving you. You can keep arguing, but it’s a waste of time. As pragmatic as you are, I don’t think you’re a girl who likes wasting time. Agree to ride with me here and now so we don’t argue for a week just to come to a conclusion that’s already foregone. You’re coming in my car, not riding the bus.”
“You know,” her toe kicked mine, “I existed before you knew me. I have ridden the bus my whole life. It’s no big deal.”
My hand traveled under her hair to squeeze her nape. “Like you said, that was before I knew you. I’m here now. No more bus, Helen.”
Her head cocked. “Will you have the Bimmer back?”
“I should.”
Her eyes flitted over me, then she gave a sharp nod. “Fine. You’re right. I don’t want to argue. You can give me a ride.”
I huffed a short laugh. “Thanks for allowing me the privilege.”
Her mouth quirked. “I really like your car.”
That laugh went on longer. “Asshole.”
Her lips curved a bit higher. “Dick.” She shoved my chest. “Go away now. I need sleep.”
“All right.” I dropped my hand. “Have a good rest of your weekend, Hells.”
She gave me a mocking salute, ducked out from under my hold on her neck, and ran up the steps to her front door. Just before she disappeared inside, she turned back, gave me a long look, then let the door close behind her.
Sweat dripped into my eyes as I climbed the steps to the frat house. A couple beer cans littered the porch, but the guys chipped in for a cleaning service on top of the one provided by the university, so the place stayed pretty clean despite the filth stirred up in these walls. That was the one thing I really liked about living here.
But then, I was a non-frat guy living in a frat house. One of these things didn’t look like the others—and that thing was me. It was out of necessity. If I’d stayed on track, I’d be in the athlete’s dorm, but since I’d quit wrestling over the summer, that was out of the question. Even if I’d been allowed to live there, most of the guys from the team were pissed at me for abandoning them without warning, so it would have been untenable. My dad, being who he was, pulled some strings and got me a single room in the frat. As much as I didn’t love it, the other option was moving back home, and that really fucking wasn’t an option.
I’d put up with this living arrangement for a year. Anything was doable for a year.
“Wait up, man.”
I paused at the front door, turning back to see Daniel jogging up the steps. He clapped my shoulder. “Hey.”
He shook his head and followed me inside. “Look at you, already up and working out. Meanwhile, some of us are just getting in from last night.”
“Oh yeah?” He stayed on my heels to the kitchen where I filled a cup of water. A few other guys were in there, scrounging for food, but Daniel had been right, it was early, so the house was still pretty quiet.
“Good night?” I wasn’t really interested, but he clearly wanted me to ask.
“Fucking fantastic.” He fished the OJ out of the fridge and poured himself a glass. “Got a new dime piece I’m tagging. Sophomore transfer, fine as hell.”
Deacon staggered in, rubbing his eyes. He jabbed a finger at me. “Fuck you. You were supposed to wake me up so I could run with you.”
“I tried. You were dead to the world.” I’d knocked on his door once. Working out was my time. Deacon sometimes horned in on it when he got his ass out of bed, but I wasn’t about to put much effort into waking him since I didn’t want him there in the first place.
“Unf.” He swung around to Daniel. “I caught the tail end of your conversation. Who’s fine as hell?”
“New girl. Elena. Blonde, mouthy, fire in bed. What was it John Mayer called Jessica Simpson? ‘Sexual napalm’? That’s my girl too.” He bit his bottom lip. “Cannot get enough.”
Deacon groaned, and my stomach churned. I could’ve gone the rest of my life without witnessing Daniel bite his lip like that. Jesus.
“Does your girl have a friend?” Deacon asked.
Daniel wagged a finger. “Funny you say that. I was just getting around to that topic with my boy Theo here. Elena does have a friend or two, one of them being Miss Abigail Fitzgerald.”
I said nothing. What was there to say about Abby? We went to the same school. Our paths would cross. Friends would see her. Sightings would be reported. I didn’t want to hear it. Seeing her still didn’t feel natural or easy. And honestly, I was still pissed off enough to avoid her when I could.
I hadn’t returned her texts after our run-in at the diner. For one, she’d acted like a cunt, which I wasn’t down for. But also, I wasn’t sure there was anything to say, or if I wanted to hear anything else from her ever again. In my opinion, she’d said quite e-fucking-nough when I’d failed her ultimatum and she’d unceremoniously broken us after two years together.
So, yeah, I didn’t need to hear about Abby sightings. When I didn’t rise to Daniel’s bait, he and Deacon continued right along.
I drank my water.
Daniel slammed down his glass a couple minutes later. “Excellent weekend. Now, I have to shower the pussy off my dick and get myself to class. Jesus, I’m so behind, and it’s only week two.”
He pushed off the counter, leaving his dirty glass behind. In a move that was surprisingly responsible, Deacon placed it in the sink.
“How far did you run this morning?” he asked.
“Seven miles.”
His brows popped. “How early did you go out?”
“Six thirty. Like I said, you were dead to the world.”
He shook his head. “You know, you don’t have to keep going so hard now that you’re not wrestling.”
“My body needs it. I can’t tell it no.”
A long stare. Cluck of his tongue. Tragic headshake. Deacon judged where he had no room to be judging. “Pretty sure your body sent you a very loud and clear message in May, man. I heard it when I sat in the ER with you. No idea how you missed it.”
I froze. “We’re not talking about that.”
His head bowed. “Just giving you a reminder. You don’t need to push yourself so hard anymore.”
The scoff that came out of me was bitter. “Seven miles isn’t pushing myself. I think you know that. Don’t need a reminder anyway.” I swiped at my mouth, then my forehead. “I need to shower. I stink.”
It would probably take me a lifetime to forget the feeling of sitting in the ER with Deacon, thinking my heart was going to explode in my chest. Stress, they said. Arrhythmia, they said. Take it easy, they said. All I heard was a body I’d treated like a fucking temple had failed me.
In the shower, I felt it. The pressure mounting, tight in my chest. It still pissed me off, especially that Deacon had been there to see me like that. Scared and weak and vulnerable—and he would not let me forget it.
I still pushed myself because I was not scared or weak or vulnerable. I’d rid myself of some of the major stressors in my life. Now, my body needed to understand it wasn’t going to fail me again. That wasn’t an option.
Dry from my shower, awake from the seven miles I put in this morning, I grabbed my laptop, shoved it in my backpack, and set off to my first class.
Shit start to the week, with Deacon and Daniel getting in my face and my ex being thrust to the front of my mind. It was only Monday, though. Plenty of time to get better.
