ON THE FLOOR OF THE DRESSING ROOM AT WORK, I counted out a thick stack of bills. It looked like a lot, but it was mostly ones. The sight of the cash filled me with relief and sickness. But I kept counting. It was what I did: moved on, did what needed to be done to survive, no dwelling.
Carina sat down across from me, kicking off her platform heels. “How much, girlie?”
“I’m not done, but it looks like a little less than nine hundred,” I answered.
She whistled. “Girl, you know you’d make bank in the private rooms.”
I shook my head. “I know, but I can’t. If a dude got handsy—which we both know they do, don’t try to tell me otherwise—I’d be carted out of here in cuffs. I don’t have the disposition to let that shit slide.”
I worked at a strip club and had since the beginning of summer. Ninety-five percent of the time, I served drinks in booty shorts and a crop top. Tonight had been part of the five percent I tried not to think about.
The first time, I’d promised myself it was a one-time thing. I hated every second of taking my clothes off on stage. The jeers, the sweaty, frothing men staring at me…I felt disgusting the whole time. But I made a lot of money doing it—money I needed because of my poor excuse for a mother.
“I get that, babe. I guess I’m too good at detaching my brain from my body. It’s like it’s not even me they’re touching, you know?”
Carina was one of the few dancers I liked at Savage Beauties. The rest were catty bitches, but she was real and sweet for a tough girl. She had a kid she was raising on her own, and like me, she did what she had to do to survive. She was a bomb-ass dancer, with a fat ass and gorgeous tits, so she was rolling in green every night she worked. I liked serving in her section because her customers tended to be in happy, spendy moods.
“Tonight was desperation, C. I make enough to get by serving.” I tucked the cash in my purse and stretched my legs out in front of me. They were shiny with oil, and my toes were red from being stuffed into borrowed platforms a full size too small. “And maybe I don’t want to get to the point where I can detach from my body.”
She gave me a sad smile. “Yeah, I get that.” Then she nudged my leg. “No more blues tonight. You made some good money. You’ll be square with the scary dude. Take a victory lap.”
That made me laugh. Carina had lived through a lot of darkness and didn’t blink when I shared mine. She knew about Reno, Amir, my little sister, and my wretched mother. She’d even offered to front me the money I owed, but I couldn’t take it. Not when it was going toward building a life for her and her kid.
Besides, showing my tits and ass to a bunch of pervs didn’t kill me. It made me feel gross, but I was alive and mostly intact. I hoped like hell I could avoid a repeat performance, but I’d ride the pole again if I needed to. It was a strange comfort to know I always had that as backup.
I climbed to my sore feet and reached down to help Carina up. She took my hand, and we almost both went down when she wobbled on her sky-high heels.
“Thanks, boo.” She smacked a kiss on my cheek. “See you tomorrow night?”
“Yep.” I squeezed her bicep. “I’m out. Have a good night, love.”
It was a long bus ride home. In my suite, I scoured the oil and memories off my skin until I was raw, then climbed into Madeline’s old sheets, tucked them around me, and fell into an exhausted, dead-to-the-world sleep.
The Palisades never changed. It had been in the same state of decay for as long as I could remember. And for the most part, it was like the Hotel California—people never checked out.
I guess I should’ve said they rarely checked out. My best friend, Gabe, used to live in the trailer behind mine. He moved up and out after graduating high school, using his soccer skills to land him a full ride to college. I was happy he had no more ties to this place, even if I felt somewhat left behind. Not that I blamed him. I’d turn my back on this place in a heartbeat if Luciana weren’t here.
After dropping off the cash I owed Amir, I skated to my old neighborhood to pick up my sister. She was waiting for me outside the trailer, her own skateboard in her hands. Since she’d moved back in with our mom last summer, she’d become my mini-me. I got her a board and taught her how to skate. She stole my Supreme hat and saved her pennies for a pair of checkered Vans. I bought her a pair of black high-tops, because I liked having a mini-me a little too much.
“Luc!” I called.
Her smile was bright and wide. “Hells!”
“Come on, girlie. I’m starving.”
She ran down the two steps leading to our trailer, rushing toward me. The front door opened, and my mom stuck her head out. Once upon a time, people would smile at us and tell her I could be her twin. That was before the pills and heavy drinking had demolished her beauty. Now, she was rail thin with a bloated face, mottled skin, and sunken eyes. Victoria Ortega was a shell of her former self. Looking at her would’ve made me sad if she didn’t make me so very angry.
“Not gonna say hi to your mom, Helen Maria?” She lit a cigarette and took a long drag.
“Hi, Mom.” Luciana reached me and tucked herself into my side. “I’m taking Luc to breakfast. Want to join us?”
Luc stiffened at my invitation. Our Saturday mornings were her escape from our mom. Luc definitely didn’t want her company. But I knew our mother better than that. If Luciana wasn’t home, Mom could take a pill, shoot up, invite a guy over, and get laid in exchange for some cash or drugs…or whatever the hell she did.
“Not hungry this morning,” she answered. “Do you have the money for Reno, baby?”
I rolled my eyes. “What if I didn’t?”
She shook her cig in my direction. “Make sure you do. You don’t want him coming around here when your sister’s home, do you?”
As if she cared about Luciana’s safety. “I’ve got it, Mom. Don’t even worry about it.”
If she had something else to say, I didn’t stay and listen. I turned Luc around, and we walked down the cracked and crumbling path through the gravel parking lot to the sidewalk that led to Main Street, where the T was.
We put down our boards and skated together. For the first time in a week, I felt the tension releasing from my shoulders. I basked in the wind whipping through my hair and my sister’s random giggles. I loved that she still giggled at twelve. Luciana had maintained a childlike sweetness even though her life had been pretty tumultuous from the start. Now, it was my job to ensure she didn’t have it squeezed out of her, living where she did, seeing what she was bound to see.
The T was crowded when we walked through the door. I stood on my toes, scanning for an empty booth. Luc grabbed my free hand, so we didn’t get separated when a big group slid by us to get to the exit.
I spotted a loner taking up a whole booth when he should have been occupying a single stool at the counter, considering how busy it was. When I realized who the loner was, I tugged Luciana along with me straight to his table. When we arrived, I pushed her into the empty side and slid my ass in next to her.
“Good morning, Theodore.”
Theo had a cup of coffee and a textbook spread out in front of him, and he was grinning at me like he wasn’t surprised at all I was suddenly across from him.
“Good morning, Little Tiger. I didn’t know we had plans, but I can’t say I’m disappointed you’re here.” He was practically cooing at me in his lovely, low voice. I wanted to cover Luc’s ears so she wouldn’t succumb to it. And since the last thing he’d said to me was he regretted ever setting eyes on me, I was surprised at the coo.
“None of that.” I wagged a finger.
His grin widened, no sign of regret anywhere. “None of that? Okay, Helen. Whatever you say. What brings you to my table?”
“We’re sitting here since you’re taking up more than your fair share of the restaurant.”
He looked at me for a long time. Way too long to be socially acceptable. His stare weighed a hundred pounds, and I felt it as it slid along my skin. Then he closed his textbook and pushed it aside.
“I was under the impression you were avoiding me.”
I shrugged. His impression was correct, but I didn’t need to confirm it. “If Freddy Krueger had been sitting here, I would have joined him. It’s not personal, I’m just really hungry and didn’t want to wait for a table.”
After a long beat where he did some more staring, his attention shifted to Luc. “I know you’re not her daughter because the age difference is too close, but you look like a shrunken version of Helen. I’m going to guess you’re her sister.”
Luc bit her bottom lip and nodded. “I am. I’m Luciana. Helen calls me Luc.”
He tipped his head at her. “I’m Theo. Helen calls me Theodore. No idea why, since it’s not my name.”
She giggled. “Do you mind?”
“Not in the least. Do you mind when she calls you Luc?”
“Nope. I like it because it means she cares about me.”
Theo’s blue eyes had the audacity to twinkle at me. “Think that’s why she calls me Theodore?”
“No,” I answered for her. “Don’t get it twisted, dude.”
He guffawed. “Oh, I’ve been downgraded to dude now?”
Luc nodded. “That’s what Hells calls all her guy friends. They’re all dude or bro. She’s got a lot of guy friends. They’re all skaters. They call me Little Hells when I go to the skate park with her.”
Theo raised his eyebrows at me. “I don’t think Helen considers me her friend.”
Luc, being the sweet, innocent girl she was, tilted her head. “You’re not her friend? Then why did she want to sit with you?”
He shook his head. “Your sister is a mystery to me.”
She took her hat off and placed it on the seat next to her. “She’s not so mysterious. Helen likes skating and me. She doesn’t like bullcrap or fake people. Don’t be fake or feed her bullcrap, and she’ll like you eventually.”
Theo tapped his forehead. “I’m committing that to memory.”
The waitress stopped by and took our orders, then Theo and Luc fell into an easy conversation about her school and skateboarding. I’d made a mistake sitting here. First, she’d never let me hear the end of Theo from this point forward. But more importantly, Saturday breakfasts were a way for me to touch base and find out what our mom had been pulling during the week. So far, nothing alarming had gone down, but I spent a lot of time waiting for the other shoe to drop. It had definitely dropped on me a few times growing up, and it had always been filled with lead, leaving me bloody and broken. But Mom knew I was watching. I hadn’t had anyone watching out for me—Luc always would.
Our food arrived, and Luc tucked in. Her omelet was as big as her head, and she’d devour every last bite. I cut into my stack of pancakes. Right as I stuffed a huge bite in my mouth, two blonde girls stopped at our table, and Theo stiffened.
“Hi, The.” Blondie One reached out and squeezed his hand.
“Hey, Theo.” Blondie Two tossed her hair behind her shoulder, giving me and Luciana her back, and since I was sitting, her ass.
Nice.
He nodded at them, but no eye twinkle. “Hey.”
Luciana elbowed me, but I was too interested in the show to look at her. Blondie One was still touching Theo’s hand. Interesting.
“How are you, The?” she asked.
“Good. Fine. You?” Theo was polite but curt.
“I’m okay. I was hoping we could talk. Don’t you think we should?”
His eyes didn’t sparkle. Instead, they hardened like stone. “I don’t think we have anything to say. But you can text me, and I’ll see if I have time. Right now, I’m having breakfast with my friends.”
“Oh.” She dragged her index finger from his wrist to his fingertip, then twisted her head to glance back at Luciana and me. “I didn’t even notice you had company.”
He exhaled heavily through his nose, his cheeks tinting pink. “I’m gonna guess my company is the only reason you walked into this restaurant, Abby.”
She sucked in a breath, the sound covering my own gasp. This bitch. I’d bet my hat Blondie Two was Zadie’s other roommate from last year.
“That isn’t true. Kayleigh saw you through the window when we were on our way to the café for coffee. We had to come in and say hi,” Abby explained.
Kayleigh nodded hard enough for her hair to swish around her shoulders. “She’s right, Theo. We were just walking by. I haven’t seen you in ages, so I made Abs come in with me.” Even though I could only see her ass, I imagined she was poking her lip out in a pout. “I miss you.”
Theo moved his hand from under Abby’s to grip the edge of the table. “You’ve said hello. I’ll text you when I’m not having breakfast with friends.”
That was a dismissal if I ever heard one. These bitches had to be dense because they didn’t leave, so I was done. They could stay or go, I didn’t care. I just wanted to eat my food. I looked at Luciana. She was staring at me with wide eyes.
“Eat, boo,” I whispered. “Don’t let it get cold.”
“You too,” she said softly.
I stabbed my fork into my pancakes, holding up the bite I was about to take. “Down the hatch.”
Giggling, she followed suit, digging into her omelet. The blondes lingered, but my ears were closed to them, and I had lifted my leg onto the seat to face Luciana, giving them my back. Abby was still murmuring to Theo, but I decided not to give a damn.
“I’m sorry.” Theo tapped the table in front of my plate to get my attention. “They’re gone.”
Luciana scrunched her nose. “Those girls were so rude. One of them stuck her butt in Helen’s face, and the other one was all smoochy touchy with you, then pretended like she hadn’t even seen us sitting here. God, who were those girls?”
I snorted a laugh, peeking at Theo from under my lashes. His shoulders were shaking with silent laughter.
“Theodore has unfortunate taste in girls. The smoochy-touchy one is his ex. Although, I’m not sure she’s gotten the message that they’re broken up.”
Luciana’s gaze whipped to Theo. “That rude girl was your girlfriend? Ugh.”
He wiped his hand over his mouth, somewhat sobering. “I don’t have any idea what was up with her. Never seen her do anything like that.” His eyes flicked to me. “Considering she did the breaking, pretty sure she knows we’re through.”
Something about the knowledge that that beautiful, rude girl dumped Theo lodged in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t really explain it, except now I knew he’d still be with her if he’d had a choice.
“Didn’t look like it,” I muttered, giving my attention to my pancakes again.
“Yeah,” Luc agreed. “She was being all flirty. But that’s probably because she saw you sitting here with Helen, who’s ten times hotter than she is, and got jealous. Honestly, no one can compete with Helen, so why even try?”
“You have a point, little hell-raiser,” Theo told her.
“You just agreed Helen’s hot.” She elbowed me hard under the table, and from his huff of breath, Theo didn’t miss it.
He picked up his coffee, staring at me over the brim. “I can’t argue with facts.”
She fell back against her seat and sighed. “Wow. Just wow.”
I groaned. “Don’t fall for it, boo. Yesterday, a guy with no teeth and extremely questionable personal hygiene practices told me I was hot. It’s not the compliment you might think it is.” Not to mention the slimy assholes who’d thrown money at me while I shook my tits for them last night. But I’d really rather not think about them. Really, really.
He winced at that but didn’t argue. A man calling his girl hot was a compliment. A man calling a woman he barely knew and who’d never belong to him hot wasn’t.
When our plates were empty and we were waiting for the check, Theo checked his phone, then asked, “What’s the plan for today?”
Luc answered before I could spit out ‘None of your business.’ “Hells always takes me grocery shopping for the week because our mom is a loser and would let me starve if it was up to her. She’d let herself starve too, so it’s not like personal or anything.”
I squeezed her leg, digging my fingers into the hollow beside her knee. “You don’t need to tell Theodore our business, kid.”
She frowned at me. “It’s my business. I can tell it to whoever I want.”
Theo mimed zipping his lips. “I won’t tell anyone. I can’t say I’ll forget what you just said, because damn, little hell-raiser, I don’t think I ever will. But your business is yours, and I’m really glad you have Helen watching out for you.”
I squared my shoulders, not appreciating his rich-boy sympathy in the least. “We don’t need your pity, dude.” I slapped a twenty on the table. “This should cover us plus tip. We’re out. It’s been real.”
Grabbing my board off the floor, I slid from the booth and gestured for Luc to follow me. She was slower, more reluctant, moving at a snail’s pace. That gave Theo the opportunity to slap down another twenty on top of mine and rise to his feet. His mouth was pinched with displeasure. When he eyed our boards tucked under our arms, it became even tighter.
Outside the diner, Theo rounded on me. “You’re going to the store on your skateboards?”
“Yeah. We’re fine.”
Luc got between us. “Helen carries the bags herself. She’s so good at balancing, you wouldn’t believe it. Mom has a car, but it doesn’t run anymore. But Helen skateboards everywhere, and she can carry a lot when she’s doing it. I mean, it’d be easier if we had a car, but she’s the GOAT, I’m telling you. She doesn’t let anything stop her.”
I grabbed Luciana’s arm. “Enough telling tales. We’ve got places to go.”
Theo jerked his head toward the parking lot. “I’ve got a car and no plans. I’ll drive.”
Luc started toward him, but I held on. “No, we’re good.”
He stared me down, his features pulling into a sharp line. “I’ll drive, Helen. Don’t be obstinate.”
Luc kept tugging in my hold. “I’m going with Theo.”
Two against one, I wasn’t going to win. As stubborn as I could be, I didn’t hold a candle to my sister when she got stuck on an idea—and she was very clearly stuck on the idea of Theo being a nice guy.
“Fine.” I stomped by him, my arm going around Luciana’s shoulders. “But if you kidnap and murder us, I’m going to be pissed, Theodore.”
He laughed, not denying his homicidal intentions.
Even if he didn’t murder us, I had a feeling I was still going to walk away pissed.
