Five more minutes left until this period finally ends. No offense to Mr. Hank but we’ve been discussing the camping trip for over thirty minutes and I’m about to fall asleep. Some of the students definitely are sleeping. If our teacher hadn’t asked me personally about my tent and so on then so would I be.
‘Remember, eight am in the parking lot. Whoever’s late will have to find another way to the campsite. Well then, enjoy your weekend. Class dismissed.’ Finally!
I ate lunch with the guys all week but I don’t make a move to follow them outside, seeing Elija is not moving either. When we’re alone in the room, he pulls out a container from his bag and starts eating.
Looks like leftover pizza. The homemade kind. Is it sad that my mouth waters at the sight of cold pizza? To be honest, it’s been a while since I ate something I made myself.
My parents took me out for dinner Wednesday as planned and we ordered something on Thursday but it was not the same.
I’ve probably been staring for too long since Elija looks up from his phone to meet my eyes. He pats the desk beside his as if I were a dog to call over. I should hate it more than I do. Instead, I walk towards him, holding his gaze if not a little defiantly, and sit down on the desk.
Not sure what has gotten into me but the way he’s looking up at me seems ridiculously hot. Knowing I shouldn’t feel this way, I look away to decide where to place my feet.
As if reading my mind, Elija gently grabs my calves and sets my feet down at the edge of his chair. Between his spread legs.
My cheeks heat up involuntarily, the confidence I’ve felt a moment ago gone since it’s been made clear who’s in control here. News flash; it’s not me.
Still, I don’t pull my feet away after Elija has let go. There’s a good distance between his legs and mine so this really isn’t as inappropriate as it may sound. I kind of like it.
‘Here,’ Elija says, holding out a slice of pizza.
‘No thanks. I don’t want to steal your food.’ I laugh a bit to lighten the mood.
‘Please eat. I prefer not eating by myself.’ He’s smiling so genuinely that I couldn’t possibly deny him. It feels nice to see a real smile after all the pretended ones I’m faced with at home.
‘Thanks,’ I tell him, earning a nod in return. Then we fall into a comfortable silence as we eat and listen to music individually.
‘May I?’ the guy in front of me asks after I’ve swallowed my last bite. He’s pointing at my phone, causing my heart to skip a beat. He wants to show me a song.
I unlock my phone for him, anticipating what I’ll hear next. When the first note of FRIENDS by Marshmallow registers, I burst out laughing.
‘Very funny,’ I tell Elija who’s just grinning at me. Idiot.
‘Just kidding. Here you go.’ I don’t recognize the song but it’s really great. There’s no singing but the way the guitar harmonizes with the beat is seriously impressive.
‘I love it, really. Who’s it from? Do they have any more?’ I ask. Elija’s eyes seem to shine a little brighter and I love the thought that me liking a song he showed me makes him happy. It’s what I feel whenever he tells me my music is nice.
‘Something like that,’ he tells me. I’m not sure what that means but Elija distracts me from asking anything else when he lays his arms on my knees. He places his head on top of them before I can even form a solid thought. Meanwhile, my heart is going a mile an hour and my muscles are stiff. He’s not making me uncomfortable, quite the contrary. I just don’t want to move because I’m scared he’ll go away again.
As if hearing my thoughts, the boy lifts his head slightly and smiles up at me. ‘That’s better,’ he tells me before lying back down.
‘Huh?’ I ask dumbly.
‘Your legs. They’re not bouncing anymore,’ he mumbles against his arms. I barely register his words but I am relaxing more with each passing second.
It’s surprising how easy things are between Elija and me. Of course, if you asked me what was going on between us, I couldn’t tell you but it is nice.
I usually get along well with people but that’s just me being friendly. With this guy, I’m actually comfortable. I feel like he, well maybe care is a bit of a stretch but maybe he enjoys my presence.
Or he’s just a good person and I’m his charity case, a treacherous voice whispers in my mind. After all, he seems to be genuinely nice but he never showed this much interest in me before he witnessed my panic attack.
Is it selfish of me that I don’t care? Am I ignorant for wanting moments like this to keep happening no matter his motives?
I think forward to where I’ll be in a few hours. The cold home where all the comfort I get comes from my own arms. Suddenly, I don’t care whether I’m ignorant or selfish. Spending time with Elija, with any of the guys, makes me happy. I’m not ready to give up on that just yet.
