I’ve never wanted to murder anyone as much as I do now, staring at the mirror. Such a fucking moron!
‘Dude, you okay?’ Jamie asks as he enters our tent.
‘Just hit me. I deserve it,’ I tell him.
‘Okay, normally I’d gladly take you up on the offer but considering you look like shit, I feel obliged to ask what happened.’
‘I didn’t kiss her. Well, that’s not the dumb part. I almost kissed her, that’s the problem. It’s not like I didn’t want to. Damn, I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone more but she seemed so sad and she’s tired and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I wanted to settle on a hug but got carried away and I was so close to finally giving in to that stupid urge. Instead, my dumbass decided to leave. I just got up and left without a word, Jamie. What kind of jerk does that? Ugh! She must be so freaking confused now. Worst case scenario I made her feel bad.’
I wonder if this is what Florence feels like whenever she rambles. I hope not since this sucks.
‘Wow. I have no idea what to say to that other than that you should just go back and explain,’ my friend tells me. Why couldn’t he just make a dumb joke the one time I need him to? Nope, of course, this is when he decides to be wise or whatever.
‘I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say and I don’t think she wants to see me right now. Can you check up on her for me? I’ll stay outside the tent and decide how badly I fucked up after hearing her speak,’ I ask my friend. That seems like a solid plan, right?
‘I could do that, I guess. What’s my excuse to bother her?’ Jamie replies. Thank god for friends.
‘Just ask her if she wants to hang out.’
‘Yeah, good enough. Now get your sorry ass out of that sleeping bag and follow me to her tent.’
Our tent’s not far from Florence’s so it takes us mere minutes to reach it. Jamie uselessly knocks on the fabric of the tent before entering while I stay outside, trying not to look like a creep.
‘Hey, Flower girl,’ I hear Jamie say.
‘I’m sorry, Jamie, but I’m kind of tired right now.’ It feels like a knife twisting in my gut hearing how genuinely sad the girl sounds. I’m not even sure if she’s wearing one of her façades which says a lot.
‘I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?’ Jamie goes on, making me wish he’d just take the hint and leave.
‘I think I’ll just sleep,’ Florence replies tiredly.
‘Come on! I’m sure you’ll feel better once you get some fresh air. You’ve been holed up in here for hours.’ If I could, I’d pull Jamie out of there myself. I know I asked him to check up on her but she’s made it clear she doesn’t feel like talking.
‘Just leave, Jamie. I mean it. Please.’ The girl’s voice breaks softly and the knife twists further. I didn’t kiss her to prevent any further confusion and possible regret but hearing how beaten she sounds right now makes me seriously question my choice.
What’s going on in that overactive head of hers? What explanation for my sudden exit did she come up with? I have a feeling I wouldn’t like whatever it is. Probably couldn’t be further from the truth.
‘Right. Sweet dreams, then. See you at breakfast,’ Jamie says, failing at hiding his disappointment but still aiming for a cheery voice. He and Florence are similar in that way, I guess.
When my friend comes out of the girl’s tent, he starts off by pulling me back to our own. There, we just sit in silence for as long as I can take it.
‘So what do I do now?’ I finally ask.
‘I don’t think there’s much to do. She’s probably disappointed right now but she’ll sleep it off. If something still seems wrong tomorrow, you’ll figure something out. For now, we respect her wishes and leave her alone,’ my friend replies. I nod. Sounds reasonable, right?
‘Don’t beat yourself up over it,’ Jamie adds, sounding more serious than I’ve heard him in some time.
‘Right, thanks for your help.’
‘Sure thing. Now, let’s go meet the guys in the woods. They must be wondering where we are.’ I don’t feel like hanging out right now but hanging out with my friends might be just what I need. A little distraction has never hurt anyone.
Since Benji apparently demanded Jamie got him some skittles, my friend and I get to walk through the whole campsite. Halfway on our way to the vending machine two girls corner us. Well, they didn’t corner us but it kind of felt like an attack with the way they were eying us.
‘Hey, I’m joe. You’re Elija, right? I heard you won the race today,’ one of the girls says. Honestly, I’m surprised they approached us since that usually only happens when Marcus is with us. They probably want to use me as a way to get closer to him, come to think about it.
‘Yeah. It was nice meeting you, Joe,’ I tell her, hoping that’s the end of it. I don’t feel like wasting more time here instead of going to my friends.
‘Of course. I imagine you are really busy. Where are you guys going?’ Joe asks, not taking the hint. Her friend is too busy ogling Jamie to even engage in the conversation. Poor girl doesn’t know how hopeless that chase is.
‘Vending machine,’ I tell her a little more rudely. I might feel bad if I weren’t so tired but the whole day has been exhausting.
‘That’s where we’re heading too. We don’t have any plans for later though, do you know if anything fun is happening around here?’ Joe keeps pushing while she follows me towards the vending machine.
‘Nope.’
‘Oh, come on, Eli! Don’t be so mean! We’re hanging out with our friends but you could tag along, I guess. Nothing wild, just some music,’ Jamie interjects, making me groan inwardly. No one’s supposed to know of our little hangout-hideout. These girls will probably tell all their friends where to find Marcus now, forcing us to find a new place.
‘Sounds good. You’re sure we’re not intruding?’ Joe’s friend asks. She seems genuine so I decide I like her more than her friend. At least she’s not practically undressing me with her eyes.
‘Yeah, absolutely. Though, from an outsider’s view, you probably shouldn’t follow two guys out into the middle of the woods. At night. To meet more guys. You’ve never talked to. Oh, yes, that sounds really bad,’ Jamie thinks out loud. The girls don’t seem put off by it, making me consider two reasons. They’re either stupidly trusting and might’ve heard of us before or they’re really stupid and don’t value their lives.
I hope it’s the first one.
Never mind that, I hope they change their minds and decide it’s not worth the risk.
‘What’s life without a little adventure?’ Joe asks right as we reach the vending machine. I get Benji’s skittles before leading our little group toward the forest. Now, don’t confuse me walking ahead as a sign of enthusiasm when it’s really just me trying to distance myself from the blonde girl behind me.
‘Fancy seeing you alive. Where’s Flo? And who are those?’ Benji asks as we finally reach them.
‘Flo’s tired but these are Joe and Miley,’ Jamie says. I guess he got to know them a bit better when I was running away. I hope he managed to mention he’s not into girls before Miley gets her hopes up.
She’s more like Benji’s type anyways, with those almond eyes and her beautiful dark skin. Yeah, she could have him kneeling in a heartbeat if she fluttered those long eyelashes in his direction.
To my surprise- and dismay- Joe doesn’t ditch me to talk to Marcus. Instead, she plops down on the grass to my right and stares at me.
‘Why do I get the feeling you don’t like me?’ I look at her, glad to see she seems curious and isn’t eye-fucking me anymore.
‘I’m sorry. I’m just a bit stressed right now but I shouldn’t take it out on you,’ I finally say. I know I’d feel like a douchbag if I didn’t say anything like this so in the name of not having later regrets, here we are.
‘It’s fine. I’m sorry if I came onto you a bit too strong. I just heard things about you all day, how you won the race with Marcus. You’re kind of the talk of the camp if I’m being honest. Plus, it probably didn’t help that I read some smut right before Miley and I saw you guys. Either way, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’ Guess I was wrong about her. She doesn’t seem half bad.
‘It’s alright. I’m just letting you know now that I’m not looking for a relationship or anything more than a platonic friendship, though,’ I tell her. It’s only fair.
‘That’s fine. We can still hang out tonight though, right? Promise I’ll be on my best behavior,’ she asks and I find myself agreeing. After all, a new friend never hurts and I think I was clear enough about what I wanted.
No matter how hard I try though, half my mind just stays with the brown-haired girl in her tent.
