My eyes widen as I stare back at Sterling. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. There’s no way this could possibly end well. I know how he operates and the way he goes through girls as if it’s nothing. He doesn’t form attachments with any of them. It’s always no strings attached. If there’s one person that can turn my world upside down, while shredding my heart at the same time, it’s Sterling Barrett.
And he’s standing here staring at me like he’s ready to show me the world. Before he rips the rug out from under my feet and I’m forced to face reality. I’m no different than any of the other girls. In fact, I’m probably far worse. Completely off-limits because of being best friends with his sister. There’s no way that Stella would ever approve of me doing anything with her brother. Hell, if she were here right now, she’d probably lose her shit with us holding hands.
“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Sterling questions me, turning to face me. I follow suit, the toes of our shoes touching as he continues to hold my hand. He moves his thumb back and forth, slowly stroking my cold skin.
“What about Hannah?”
I can’t stop the question as it’s falling from my lips. My mind wanders back to their interaction at the diner. It’s clear that there was something going on between them. I’m still in the dark about the details of their relationship. And I’m not about to be the one who gets involved with someone who is already taken.
Then again, I’m also kind of seeing Noah. Maybe not officially, but we’ve been spending a lot of time together. He’s kind and soft. He’s the opposite of Sterling. He’s the safer option. If I get involved with Sterling, then that all goes away.
Sterling’s eyebrows tug together as he tilts his head to the side. “What about her?”
“Aren’t the two of you together or something?”
Sterling chuckles, lifting his other hand as he brushes a piece of hair away from my face. His fingertips are soft against my skin as he tucks the lock behind my ear. “No. We were fucking around, but that was it. Plus, I ended that shit after that night at the diner.”
His words hit me deep in the chest. “You didn’t go see her even though you made plans with her?”
“Nah.” Sterling shakes his head, his fingers trailing down the side of my face and along my jawline. “I blew her off because I couldn’t get this other girl out of my head. It didn’t feel like the right thing to do.”
My heart hammers harder in my chest and it feels like it could burst through my rib cage at any given moment. The butterflies in my stomach flutter as a rush of euphoria courses through my veins.
“I don’t think you’re thinking clearly,” I whisper, not fully trusting my voice.
Sterling stares at me for a moment as he cups the side of my face. “I feel the opposite—like I’m finally seeing things clearly. Can I tell you a secret?” he asks me as his face dips down to mine. “I’ve always seen you, Olivia. You’ve always invaded my thoughts, but you’ve always been off-limits.”
“What changes things now?”
His lips lift upward into a grin. “I’m tired of playing things safe. What’s life if you’re not taking risks?”
“I like safe,” I whisper.
“Then let me be your safety net,” Sterling breathes before claiming my mouth with his own. His lips are soft and warm against mine. We’re lost in the moment and I let him sweep me away. Moving my lips with his, he slides his tongue along the seam. I let him in, his tongue moving against mine.
He tastes like strawberries and whip cream. I’ve always imagined what it would be like kissing him and this completely exceeds my expectations. He’s skilled, where I’m much more inexperienced. He kisses me like I’ve never been kissed before. Our tongues are caught in a dance to their own melody as he steals the air from my lungs.
My head swims, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. It’s cold outside, standing in the night as snow flurries swirl around us. But he warms me from the inside out. This is the old Sterling I grew to love and he’s finally let me in—the one place I always craved to be.
He pulls away, leaving me completely breathless as he leans his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry I’ve always been an asshole to you. It made it easier to resist you, to pretend that there was nothing there.”
My chest heaves with every shallow breath I take. My heart is going wild in its cage, but I feel safe with Sterling’s hand cupping the side of my face. “I don’t know what we’re doing here, Sterling.”
“We’re living, babe,” he breathes, lifting his head as he presses his lips to my forehead. “Don’t overthink any of it. Just live in the moment with me.”
“What happens after this moment ends?”
“What if it never has to?” he counters.
I swallow roughly over the emotion that wells in my throat. “I’ve been hanging out with someone else and I’m afraid that he has feelings for me.”
“Do you have feelings for him?” Sterling asks me, pulling back as his eyes desperately search mine. A shadow passes over his expression as a wave of panic passes through his irises.
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I wanted to because he’s safe and nice…” I pause for a moment and choose honesty over lying to him. “But he isn’t you.”
“Get rid of him,” Sterling says, his voice low and his tone cold. “I’m right here, Olivia. I’m showing all of my cards that I’ve been playing close to my chest for fucking years.”
“It’s not that easy,” I tell him, frowning. “We’re friends and I don’t want to ruin that.”
Sterling stares at me for a moment and I swear, it’s like he’s staring directly into my soul. Although, there’s a darkness in his eyes that I can’t quite put into words. I don’t like it, the way it sends a shiver down my spine.
“Okay,” he says quietly, nodding thoughtfully. I still don’t like the look in his eyes, almost as if he doesn’t really agree with it, but I don’t question him on it. “Let’s not talk about any of that shit and just enjoy the rest of the night.”
“What happens after tonight, though?” I question him, unable to keep the thought to myself. I need to know his answer because this moment isn’t what scares me. It’s the future and the unknown. We’re alone right now, and this is how he was when we were younger and no one else was around.
How am I to know that it won’t be the way it was before when we’re around other people?
“That’s up to you, babe,” Sterling says, his hand still in mine as he turns away from me and begins to walk down the sidewalk. I follow along with him, falling into step beside him. “Take your time and do whatever you need to do. I’m not going anywhere.”
My heart clenches. There’s something in his tone that makes me wonder if there are words he’s leaving out. He says he isn’t going anywhere, but what does that even mean? There’s too much to think about and he’s clouding my mind right now. I’m not thinking straight with him near me like this.
“Get out of your head, Liv,” he says softly as he gently squeezes my hand. “Be here with me right now and we’ll worry about the rest tomorrow.”
Will we really, though?
I don’t know if I can believe what he’s saying. He can’t guarantee me anything, but he only asked me for one thing tonight. To live life on the edge with him. That we can be anyone we want to be.
So, for tonight, I’m going to enjoy this time with him as whoever he wants me to be.
And then all I can do is hope that things don’t change when tomorrow comes.
