My stomach sinks, falling to the floor once again when my gaze collides with Sterling’s. The bile rises up my throat as I’m overcome with dread. I can’t help but feel like I’m ready to take off out of this damn arena right now. I knew this was a mistake and I shouldn’t have come here with Noah.
Judging by the way Sterling was looking at the two of us, he was not happy at all. I already know he got the wrong impression and I can only imagine what is going through his mind right now. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s currently thinking I betrayed him.
And can we talk about how messed up it is that I would come to his game with another guy?
I know exactly how it looks, and it doesn’t look good. It’s definitely only going to create problems between the two of us and we’re just getting started. I wish I could punch myself right now for being so stupid. And I haven’t even gotten the chance to talk to Noah about what I wanted to talk with him about.
“Are you okay?” Noah questions me, his head tilting to the side with a concerned look in his eyes. “You don’t look like you’re feeling so well.”
“I don’t, actually,” I tell him, and it isn’t completely a lie. I need to get the hell out of here and it’s almost making me feel physically ill. “If you don’t mind, I think I’m going to head home.”
I glance out at the ice and I see Sterling skating back on. Instead of going to take his position, he’s power skating towards one of the players on the other team and it isn’t long before they’re throwing their gloves onto the ice.
“Olivia,” Noah says my name again, pulling my attention away from the shit show that is unfolding on the ice. “I can give you a ride back to your dorm.”
I have to get out of here. I glance back at the game and see Sterling getting pulled away from the other player. I look back at Noah.
Shaking my head at him, I raise my hand dismissively. “No, you stay. That way you can see your brother afterward. I’ll get an Uber, I don’t mind at all.”
“Are you absolutely sure?” he questions me, not letting the issue go. “I feel really terrible not giving you a ride back.”
“I’m positive, Noah,” I tell him, offering a small smile. “You stay and enjoy yourself and I’ll talk to you another time.”
I’m going to have to wait to tell him the truth, because right now all I can think about is the way Sterling was looking at the two of us. And my intense need to flee from this place right now. This is what happens when things aren’t the way I want them to be. This is why I play life safe. When it comes down to feeling uncomfortable, my flight instincts kick in and I bolt.
Just like I’m doing right now. I’m running away from Noah and from Sterling.
I don’t know what will come of this and that’s what scares me the most.
***
After waiting outside for about fifteen minutes, I’m finally sitting in the back seat of an Uber on my way back to campus. I should just text Noah and tell him the truth. I really messed up by not at least having that conversation with him. It’s going to make things worse with Sterling when he approaches me about being at the game.
And I know damn well he’s going to because this isn’t something he would easily let go.
He’s going to want answers. And I’m not going to have the ones he’s wanting to hear. I’m afraid of what he’s going to say, how he’s going to react to this. I don’t see anything good coming from this. But I’m left with no choice but to wait to hear from Sterling.
And that’s if he even bothers calling me after his game now…
By the time I get home, my stomach is in knots and I don’t know what to do with myself. I end up in my dorm room, where thankfully my roommate isn’t here again. I begin to pace, walking around the small space like a caged animal. I don’t even feel like I can be here right now.
And if I’m being honest, I don’t feel like there’s anywhere I can go and feel comfortable right now. My childhood home and my family aren’t that far away, but the last thing I want to do is go back there because I have a problem that I don’t know how to deal with.
Putting my coat back on again, I head back out of my dorm and into the frigid air of the night. It’s cold outside—too cold to be walking around—but I refuse to sit around in my dorm right now when I’m essentially waiting for a bomb to detonate.
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking around campus before I head out onto the street. There isn’t much traffic and there isn’t any foot traffic right now. I’m all alone as I walk down the sidewalk, hugging myself with my coat wrapped tightly around my body to feign off the cold.
I’m not sure I even feel it as it rattles my bones, sending shivers up my spine. My teeth chatter and I feel the burn against my cheeks, but all I can really feel right now is the anxiety that is building deep inside me.
My phone begins to vibrate in my pocket and I pull it out, my stomach sinking as I see his name on the screen. I wasn’t sure if Sterling would call me or not, but lo and behold, there he is. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face him right now, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.
Ignoring the call, I keep my phone in my hand as I continue to walk. It rings again and I still don’t answer. I’m not afraid of him, but I’m afraid of facing reality. He asked a simple thing of me and I couldn’t even do that. If anything, I’m almost more ashamed of myself.
My phone vibrates again, but this time with a text message. Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, I inhale deeply as I unlock my screen and tap on the new message.
STERLING
Answer your phone, sunshine.
I let out a ragged breath and stare down at the screen as another message comes through.
STERLING
You can’t outrun your problems, Olivia. We need to talk and I’m not going to leave you alone until we do.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and count to ten. He’s right and I know Sterling. When he has something in his mind, he’s relentless and determined. There isn’t anything that will deter him. He has respect, but when it comes to something serious, he won’t let it go. And he’s not going to let me go that easily.
Tapping on his name, I let the phone begin to ring as I hold it up to my ear. It only rings twice before I hear Sterling’s voice come through.
“Olivia,” he breathes, sounding half breathless with a touch of worry laced in his voice. “Where are you? I came to your dorm and you’re not here.”
“What are you doing there?”
“We had plans,” he says as if nothing happened tonight. “Just because you were at my game with another guy doesn’t mean I’m going to cancel those plans with you. You didn’t answer my calls so I went in to look for you. Unless you’re in there right now and you were ignoring my knocking.”
“I’m not there,” I admit, looking around to see where the hell I even walked to. “I’m on the corner of Washington Avenue and Decatur Street.”
“What the hell are you doing there? Are you by yourself?”
A sigh slips from my lips. “Yeah. I left the game early and decided to go for a walk after I got back to my dorm.”
“It’s fucking freezing outside right now,” he mutters, and I hear the purr of his engine through the phone as he turns on his car. “Stay where you are and I’ll be right there.”
“You don’t have to come get me,” I tell him, defeat hanging heavily in my voice as I sit down on a bench that is along the street. “It’s okay. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after tonight.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he demands, the frustration laced in his question. “Olivia. There’s nothing you could do that would make me not want anything to do with you.”
“But I was there with Noah after you asked me to stop hanging out with him.”
Sterling sighs. “We will talk in a minute. I’m almost there.”
“Okay,” I half whisper into the phone. I’m not so sure I want to see him right now, but he’s right. We do need to talk about this. Noah is one of my closest friends and if I can maintain that relationship with him, I would like to do that. But at the same time, I want to respect Sterling. I don’t want him to be questioning things and not trusting me.
He stays on the phone with me, even though we’re both silent, until he’s pulling his car up along the side of the street. I’m still sitting on the bench and I can feel the cold penetrating my bones at this point. Sterling hops out of his car as I rise to my feet and he meets me halfway on the sidewalk. He quickly takes off his coat and wraps it around my shoulders before ushering me over to the vehicle.
He walks me to the passenger’s side, opening the door for me before helping me into the car. I don’t need his help, but I accept it anyway. I just want to feel his closeness right now. To know that everything is going to be okay and this isn’t going to cause a divide between the two of us.
Sterling closes the door and rushes over to his side before climbing in behind the steering wheel. He cranks on the heat and turns on the heater for my seat before pulling away from the curb.
“I’m taking you back to my place, baby,” he murmurs, reaching over for my frozen hand. He laces our fingers together and slowly strokes my thumb with his own. His knuckles are bruised and battered from his fight earlier. “We need to get you warm.”
“I’m fine, Sterling,” I tell him, my teeth still chattering as I attempt to thaw out from the frigid air. “I’m sorry I was there with Noah. I didn’t know he wanted to go to the game until we were already leaving campus.”
Sterling’s jaw tics. His lip is busted open and there’s a bruise forming under his eye. “What were you doing with him? I thought you were done with him.”
“I am…” My voice trails off for a moment. “I was going to tell him tonight that I just want to be friends with him, but I didn’t get the chance to.”
“Why not?”
“Because I left the game after seeing you. I took an Uber home.”
Sterling snorts. “The asshole couldn’t even give you a ride home?”
“I told him to stay. His brother was playing on the other team and I didn’t want him to miss it on my account. I plan on telling him next time I see him.”
A harsh laugh escapes Sterling and I turn my head to look at him, my eyebrows drawn together. “Of course his brother plays on the losing team,” he laughs again, shaking his head. “You don’t have to worry about telling him. I saw him after the game and made sure he knows his place now.”
I stare at him, my eyes wide. “You did what? You had no right doing that. Do you not know what boundaries are?”
Sterling doesn’t look back at me. “I told you if you didn’t get rid of him that I would.”
This harshness is the side of Sterling that I don’t like. He’s been more positive since we’ve been spending time together and this is the side of him I prefer to avoid like the plague. He’s not necessarily being mean to me, but he isn’t nice at all when he’s like this.
“Please take me home, Sterling.”
He turns his attention back to the road. “That’s what I’m doing, baby.”
“No, not to your home. To mine. Take me back to my dorm room. I don’t want to be around you when you’re being like this.”
“Being like what?” he questions me, turning his head back to look at me as he stops at a red light. “I’m sorry for being a little pissed off at seeing you with that asshole. I thought we had an agreement and that you weren’t going to be spending time with him.”
“You’re being mean and I don’t like this side of you. You keep calling him an asshole, but it’s really you who is the asshole,” I tell him, watching his eyes widen. It isn’t often that I swear and for me to be directing my anger at him is something new too. Gone is the sunshine Olivia. Now, Sterling’s going to meet the bitchier side of me who is fed up with his little temper tantrum. “Noah is actually a really nice guy, but he’s not the one I want. Stop being an idiot and realize that you are the one I want. You have no reason to be intimidated by him.”
“I’m not intimidated by him. I just don’t appreciate another guy pining after the girl I want to be with.”
“You don’t even want me to be with you, Sterling!” I raise my voice and I catch myself off guard, but it’s too late to stop it now. “You just want me to boost your ego or feed your sick sense of doing something different. I’m the good girl you want to turn naughty. I’m not going to put up with you acting like I’m your territory.”
“Olivia, listen,” he quickly starts to backtrack as he begins to drive down the road again. “I’m sorry for overreacting. I just don’t like it because I know he has feelings for you. I would feel better about it if the two of you were just friends.”
“So, why can’t you just say that to me instead? Why do you have to be such a dick about it instead of being honest? Would it really kill you to let someone in and see the real side of you instead of putting on your asshole mask?” I pause, letting out an exasperated sigh. “Please, just take me back to my dorm. I don’t want to be with you tonight.”
Sterling’s eyes are wide as he stares at me for a moment. I watch his throat bob as he swallows nervously. “You really want me to take you back?”
“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” I snap at him. I instantly regret it, but screw him. He’s been enough of an asshole tonight and I don’t want to deal with it. I talked to him and said what I needed to. Now, I need some time to breathe that doesn’t involve breathing in the same air as him.
“Okay,” he sighs in defeat, “I’ll take you home.”
We fall into an uncomfortable silence as he turns the car around and begins to head back to campus. My heart is thick with emotions and I’m struggling to keep them back. There’s a lump lodged in my throat and it feels like a damn rock that I can’t get out. Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I’m fighting them back with all of my might.
The last thing I’m going to do is let Sterling see me cry after this.
I’m filled with emotion and even more disappointed in myself right now. It isn’t often that I lose my cool and freak out on someone, but I let my emotions get the better of me in this moment. I just wish we could both see from each other’s point of view. Or at least meet in the middle. I think Sterling realizes he was wrong, but now we’re both left feeling the regret of our behavior.
As we pull up to the dorm building, Sterling pulls his car along the curb and puts it in park before turning to face me. “I really am sorry, Olivia. I completely overreacted instead of talking to you first.” He pauses for a moment. “I shouldn’t have expected the worst and let it get the better of me.”
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted too,” I tell him, my voice quiet as I stare back at him. “I just need some space. Some time to breathe and just think.”
“I understand,” he practically whispers, his voice cracking around his words. “I just hope I didn’t ruin things between us. I don’t know. I’ll give you however much space you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod, not fully trusting my voice. As much as I want to give in and just go back to his place, I know this is what is best. I can’t let this type of behavior from either of us be rewarded. Sterling needs to learn some boundaries and I need to learn to not let him have such a hold over me.
“Goodnight, Sterling,” I whisper before climbing out of the car. I catch one last look at him before shutting the door and it practically breaks my heart. He looks like someone just ripped his heart from his chest. For some reason, goodnight feels like saying goodbye.
Inhaling deeply, it takes everything in me to walk away from him. Tears are falling from my eyes as I reach the door to the building and by the time I reach my room, I’m full-on crying.
I can’t help but feel like this may have been the end of us.
And we have no one to blame but ourselves.
