After a few sleepless nights, I’m practically a zombie walking through the motions of life. I’ve been giving Olivia her space, but I can’t help but feel like she’s never going to come back to me. It was a complete miscommunication and I went and fucked it up even more. I shouldn’t have intervened and approached Noah about it.
Actually, the more I think about it, we were really both in the wrong, but I did much worse than her. She’s right, I’ve been more jealous and possessive than necessary. And I know how Olivia operates. She sees that as a threat and she runs, just like she did on Saturday night.
I can’t say I blame her because I was being an unreasonable asshole, but in that moment it felt like it was a valid reason for me. I didn’t like her hanging out with Noah because I have seen the way he looks at her. He looks at her like he wants to be more than friends with her, and I don’t like that at all. If she doesn’t want to be with him, she should have let him know.
It’s not an excuse, but the tension from the game coupled with seeing the two of them together when I was under the impression she already told him they weren’t hanging out like that completely threw me off. It brought out the worst of me and it’s no one’s fault but my own. I reacted out of emotion instead of responding rationally.
I’m not stupid. I know that Olivia wants me. Hell, she gave me the most sacred part of herself. The one thing she kept from everyone else and had reserved for me. That alone should tell me enough. I just can’t help but struggle with my own insecurities. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else, so this is new uncharted territory for me.
It scares the shit out of me because she has the power to destroy me.
“Are you okay, Sterling?” Vaughn questions me as he walks into the living room. I’m lying on the couch, as I have been the past few days. I’ve been trapped in my own hell of self-loathing and there hasn’t been a single thing that has made me want to come out of it.
I haven’t missed any practices or any of my classes, but my interactions with anyone have been few and far between. Even with my own damn roommates.
“I’m good,” I lie through my teeth like I have every other time that Simon has asked me the same question in the past few days.
“Stop bullshitting me and tell me what’s up,” Vaughn retorts as he sits down on the recliner and props up his feet.
“It’s just this girl. It’s nothing, and I’ll figure it out,” I tell him dismissively, not wanting to divulge all the details.
“Wait… is it the girl you had locked away in your room on Friday night?” Simon questions me as he walks into the room and drops down onto the couch. I look over at him with my eyes wide. “Don’t look at me like that, dumbass. The walls in this house are thin. I heard the two of you in there and then when you took her home the next morning.”
I stare at him for a moment. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”
“Because it’s none of my business. You don’t question me or Vaughn when we bring girls home, but then again, I don’t act all fucking mopey afterward.” Simon stops talking, his eyes widening. “Wait… is it that girl I saw you talking to at Wyncote the other week? Isn’t that Stella’s best friend?”
Closing my eyes, I let out a shallow breath as I tip my head back. “Yes.”
“Holy shit. You’re fucking your sister’s best friend,” Vaughn says, half chuckling.
Lifting my head back up, I narrow my eyes at him. “So what? Stella wouldn’t give two shits.”
“Would she if she knew that it was more than just fucking?” Simon questions me.
My face scrunches up. “What the hell are you talking about? We fucked around and it’s done. There’s nothing more to it.”
“You’re such a fucking liar.” Simon shakes his head at me, clicking his tongue. “If it wasn’t more than that, you wouldn’t be acting like someone just killed your puppy right now. What happened? She kick your miserable ass to the curb.”
“Something like that,” I mumble.
“I’m not going to push you on the issue, dude… but you need to talk to her. You need to tell her your real feelings.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “And what do you think my real feelings are, oh wise one?”
“That you’re in love with her, bro.”
There’s a knock on the door that breaks through our conversation. I abruptly sit up, whipping my head to the side as I look in the direction of the front door. Could it possibly be her? I haven’t tried to call or text her and she hasn’t done the same to me either, but maybe she decided to just show up and see me instead?
“Are either of you expecting anyone?” Vaughn questions me as he begins to walk toward the door. I’m on my feet, hot on his heels as we both stride toward the knocking sound that starts again.
“No. You’re not?”
My heart swells and my hopes are instantly up. Maybe I didn’t fuck things up by being an asshole. Simon and I stop behind Vaughn as he unlocks the door and pulls it open. A small form bounces through the door, practically knocking both of us over.
“Big brother!” Stella exclaims loudly, throwing her arms around my neck. I’m completely caught off guard and simultaneously feel a little deflated at the same time. “Surprise!”
Stella releases me and steps over to give Simon and Vaughn each a hug too. Simon’s arms linger around her waist for an extra second and something glimmers in his eyes as he stares down at her. She looks between the two of us with a huge smile on her face. I glance behind her, noticing a suitcase that sits just outside of the front door.
“What are you doing here?” I question her, my voice void of any emotion.
“Jesus, I thought maybe you’d be excited to see me,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. Simon walks behind her, grabbing her suitcase as he brings it in and shuts the door. Vaughn makes his way back over to the couch. “I have a random week off from classes so I thought it was the perfect time to come surprise my brother and my best friend.”
My heart sinks at the mention of Olivia. Of course Stella will want to see her while she’s here. She wouldn’t just be here to see me.
“Of course I’m excited to see you,” I tell her as we all walk deeper into the house. “Just a little surprised is all. I wasn’t expecting you.”
Stella crosses her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at me slightly. “You seem grumpier than normal. What’s your deal?” She turns to look between Simon and Vaughn. “What’s wrong with him now?”
Simon shrugs and throws his hands up in innocence. “No idea. You gotta talk to him about that one.”
Vaughn snorts but he doesn’t dime me out either.
“Not right now,” she says, giving me a free pass, to which I let out a sigh of relief. “We’ll get into that later. But right now, I want to know everything that has been going on. And then I thought maybe you could take me over to see Olivia?”
I swallow hard over the lump in my throat, ignoring Simon’s gaze that is burning into the side of my head. “That sounds like a plan.”
We all file into the living room and I’m suddenly wishing that my sister would have chosen a different time to come here. Not only am I going to have to face Olivia again, but I’m probably going to end up having to tell my sister the truth…
That I’m in love with her best friend.
