We’re four beers deep when Stella pulls me into the kitchen with her. It’s been awkward as hell, but the alcohol has definitely been helping me feel a little more comfortable. Although, I can’t shake the way it makes me feel when Sterling looks at me. And his gaze has been practically glued to me all night long.
“Okay, Liv,” Stella starts, her words slurring a little as she leans against the counter. Sterling, Simon, and Vaughn were playing some video game when Stella offered to get more beers and then dragged me along with her. Except she has me here for an interrogation. “What’s going on with you and my brother?”
The air leaves my lungs in a rush and it feels like the rug has successfully been pulled out from underneath me. My breathing falters, my heart hammering away in my chest like it’s going to break free through my rib cage. “What do you mean?”
I could slap myself in the forehead for the stupid response I just gave her. The guilt is written all over my face as I stare at her with my eyes wide.
“Liv, it’s cool,” Stella says dismissively, drastically waving her hand at me. “I mean, it’s kind of a shock, but I’ll get over it. Is he the reason why you’re not yourself right now?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell her, shifting my weight nervously on my feet. I’ve never been a good liar, but I can’t help but try and deny everything. It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?
Stella rolls her eyes. “I love you, girl, but you’re a shit liar. It’s obvious. Something is going on with you and him. I’m not mad, I promise. But, tell me what that asshole did that has you upset.”
“I’m fine, Stella,” I answer, attempting to be dismissive, even though my voice catches in my throat. Stella doesn’t miss a damn beat, her eyes narrowing as they fill with sympathy.
“You can tell me, Liv,” she assures me, her voice soft and gentle as she steps toward me. She sways slightly and her hands are clammy as she wraps them around mine. “He did something to hurt you and I’m going to cut off his testicles and hand-feed them to him. But first, I want to know what he did.”
I’ve been trying so hard to hold this all in and I can’t help the tears as they begin to fall from my eyes. “I messed up, Stella. I let myself fall for him and then everything got all messed up. You remember Noah, the guy I told you about? Sterling told me I needed to get rid of him, even though we weren’t dating or anything. I didn’t and Sterling did.”
“Ew.” Stella’s face scrunches up. “How fucking toxic can he be? Does he not know what boundaries are?” Her expression softens and she squeezes my hands lightly. “None of his behavior is excusable, but I’m honestly not surprised when it comes to you.”
“What do you mean?”
Stella gives me a knowing look. “He’s always been protective of you, Liv. Even when we were kids and you and I got into fights, he always took your side. I didn’t want to put much weight on it then but as we got older, I could see how he looked at you.”
My heart pounds erratically in my chest as I listen to her recount the way she’s observed her brother around me. The way that she saw our relationship developing from the outside, many years ago.
“What he did was fucked up,” she says, shaking her head in disappointment toward him. “He needs to learn some boundaries and how that kind of shit doesn’t fly. We don’t put up with that kind of toxic shit from anyone, you feel me?”
I nod. “I went with Noah to one of Sterling’s games and he didn’t know we were going to be there. Hell, I didn’t even know until Noah picked me up. I should have just told him then that we couldn’t be more than friends, but I didn’t know how to. I led him on and then pissed Sterling off. And then everything just blew up in my face.”
“Sterling always has had a little bit of a jealous side. And especially after a game when his emotions and adrenaline are flowing.” She pauses for a moment, pursing her lips. “What he did was unacceptable, but do you feel like it was unforgivable? Like, in your eyes, is there any coming back from this?”
I stare back at her for a moment. “How are you talking to me like this, as if it’s any other guy when it’s your brother?”
Stella shrugs, a lopsided, drunken grin on her face. “I’m trying to not picture the two of you in bed, okay?” She pauses, a look of disgust on her face instantly. “Oh god, I shouldn’t have said it out loud because now the thought is in my mind. Okay, quick. Abort. Answer my question and distract my stupid brain.”
I can’t fight the soft laughter that falls from my lips. This is what I love about my best friend. She’s one of my safety nets, even when it might be a difficult conversation. And she always knows how to break up the mood and make it lighter, when it has felt so damn heavy.
“No, it’s not unforgivable,” I tell her after running through the thoughts in my mind. “I guess I just need the assurance that it won’t happen again. I won’t have someone tell me who I can and can’t be friends with, regardless of whether they’re a guy or a girl. I’m not going to let someone else control me.”
“Yes, girl, exactly!” she exclaims, releasing my hands as she claps. “You need to tell him all of this. Get him to pull his stubborn head out of his ass and come to his senses. Either that or he needs to let go of the grip he has on you so you can move on. It’s a shame he went and fucked up your chances with Noah… although, he sounded as exciting as a cardboard box.”
“Cardboard boxes can be fun sometimes,” I retort, wincing at the mention of his name.
Stella raises an eyebrow at me. “Yeah, if you’re like five years old.” She takes a step away from me, her gaze filled with a look that I don’t like. The look Stella gets when she’s about to stir shit up. She’s slowly moving her feet, inching toward the doorway that leads to where her brother is.
“Stella, don’t,” I tell her, my voice low with warning.
A mischievous grin tugs on the corners of her lips. They part wide and she yells for her brother and I swear to God, I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Sterling appears in the doorway, looking back and forth between the two of us with worry in his eyes.
“Is everything okay? Why’d you yell?”
“No, everything is not okay.” Stella looks at her brother, her eyes slicing through him. “You’re a goddamn idiot and you need to make things right with Olivia.”
My stomach sinks and I tilt my head back to look up at the ceiling. This is not how I wanted to confront my problems, but leave it to Stella. She just had to intervene. She couldn’t talk to him in private and let us hash it out. Nope. It has to be handled, right here, right now. I don’t know if I blame her or the beer that she chugged more.
“I’m going to leave the two of you to it, but I don’t want either of you coming out of this room until you kiss and make up.”
Stella blows me a kiss and winks before she disappears through the doorway, leaving Sterling and I staring at each other from across the room. I feel completely exposed under his gaze and my lips part slightly as I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. What the hell is supposed to happen now?
“Olivia,” Sterling’s voice is soft and gentle, caressing my name as he takes a step toward me. He closes the distance between us, stopping as his toes meet mine. I tilt my head back to look up at him. “I should have told you a long time ago… I’m in love with you.”
