“SIMPLIFY THE EQUATION HERE,” Alice says, pointing to my computer screen. “We don’t need to calculate for mass under these conditions.”
I nod, grabbing a stack of sticky notes from my desk drawer. “Makes sense.”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you basic stuff like this,” she adds, because of course she needs to get a jab in.
I school my expression into something approaching neutral, even though I want to snap at her, and scribble her feedback onto a sticky note. I slap it on the edge of my computer with way more force than necessary. It wouldn’t kill her to stop with the negative comments. Every day it’s something else.
Professor Santoro is away at a conference, but before she left, she reviewed the program so far, and Alice and I have spent most of the morning picking our way through her thoughts. It’s times like these when I’m the most energized; when I’m filled with so much love for what I’m doing, the challenges I’m facing, that my heart races as I try to keep up with the thoughts crowding my mind. This feeling, shining with possibility, heady with what feels close to magic, is why I can’t give up on this career. Not now, not in the future, not ever. Not even if every other comment that comes out of Alice’s mouth is condescending and rude.
She jots down something too. “This is marginally better than the last model you showed me.”
Gee, thanks.
“You’ll be able to make the changes by the time she gets back, right? She’s thinking that we’ll be able to—”
My phone starts ringing. I glance at it as she keeps talking. “Sorry. It’s my sister. Do you mind if I take this?”
She tucks her pencil behind her ear as she shuts her notebook. “I guess I can give you a minute.”
“I have that lunch thing in a bit, too.”
She sighs, giving me a look.
“I’ll be able to make the changes in time. I promise.” I accept the call, pressing the phone to my ear. I settle in my chair, crossing my legs. “Giana?”
“Mi-Mi,” she says. “Guess what?”
I frown. I know that tone of voice—it means she has something to share that she’s convinced everyone else will love too. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah. I was talking to my friend April; you know the one who teaches middle school science? She’s going to a science pedagogy conference day and thinks she can get you one of the student spots. It’s not even that far from Moorbridge, I checked for you. Want me to send her info to you?”
I clean my glasses with the hem of my t-shirt. I called that one right. Crap. “Um—”
“It would be such a good networking opportunity.”
“Definitely,” I say. “Let me just… sure. Send it to me.”
I’ll just have to be mysteriously busy on that day, and it’ll only be half a lie, because I am busy. Just not with a teaching assignment. Professor Santoro’s symposium is inching closer, along with her latest journal deadline. Alice dumps new work in my lap every day. When I’m doing this lab work on top of classes in the fall, I’ll barely have time to breathe.
“This is so great,” she says. “I am so excited about the barbecue, by the way. Mom wants to go all out with the menu. The order she placed at the butcher is probably enough to feed the neighborhood and then an army.”
“You know how she likes to send people home with leftovers.”
“What else is up with you? I’ve barely heard anything about the high schoolers.”
“Oh, it’s been good. Just busy. I definitely want to get certified for high school.” I hate every word of the lie that comes out of my mouth. I know I need to come clean eventually, but the thought of confessing that to Giana—and the rest of my family—is almost worse than teaching in the first place. “I… I started dating someone, too.”
Giana gasps so loudly I have to hold the phone away from my ear. “No way. Who? If they’re a girl, don’t worry, I’ve got your back. Nana won’t understand, but Mom and Daddy will come around.”
I swallow as a rush of emotion goes through me. Mom and Dad found out about my sexuality by accident my senior year of high school, but I told Giana on purpose. I was sixteen, just figuring it out myself, and I didn’t have a close enough friend to confide in, so I chose her. I remember three things about that day: the snow on the windowsill, the royal icing smeared on her face because we were in the middle of decorating Christmas cookies, and the way she hugged me, so tightly I nearly suffocated. I was terrified that she wouldn’t understand, that I made a miscalculation, but she told me she loved me and promised to keep it a secret until I was ready to share with everyone else.
She kept that promise, and helped Mom and Dad understand—kind of—when they caught me kissing Chloe McDonald behind the bleachers on the softball field after a game. They mostly pretend I never said anything in the first place, but it’s better than it could have been, thanks to her. We were closer back then, before she met Peter and gave up law school and started siding with Mom on almost everything.
I shouldn’t be lying to her about what I want for my career, but she’s not the same Giana who hugged me that day in the kitchen. I can’t be sure she wouldn’t turn around and tell the rest of our family, bringing a maelstrom of shit into my life.
“Thanks,” I say thickly. “His name is Sebastian, though. He’s Penny’s boyfriend’s brother.”
“Oh my gosh,” she says. “That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Does he play hockey too?”
“Baseball, actually.”
“Daddy will love him. You should bring him to the barbecue.”
“Maybe. It’s almost the end of the season, he’s super busy.”
“Do it,” she urges. “Bring Penny and Cooper too, goodness knows we’ll have more than enough food.”
“I guess so.” I set my feet back on the floor with a thud. Out of the corner of my eye, I see orange. Penny is at the door, waving wildly. “Penny is here to pick me up for lunch. I’ll see you soon.”
“I can’t wait to hear more about him.” Giana sighs happily. “I’m so proud of you, Mi-Mi.”
I grab my things, text Alice to let her know I’m running out, and meet Penny at the door. “How did you know which lab to go to?”
“I just picked the nerdiest one.” She hugs me. “I may have accidentally interrupted someone working with a scary-looking microscope first. Who were you talking to?”
I bump my shoulder against hers. “Giana.”
She leads the way down the staircase. “How is she?”
“She wants me to bring Sebastian to the barbecue.”
“Still want me to come?”
I push open the double doors at the bottom of the steps. It’s been raining on and off all day. “Yeah. I don’t think that I can get out of it at this point. Where do you want to go to lunch?”
“There’s this new place near the movie theater that does açai bowls.” She sidesteps a puddle. “Do they still think you’re going to be a teacher?”
I aim for Cooper’s truck, parked haphazardly in the lot ahead. “Yep.”
Penny worries her lip. “I thought I was going to die when I told my dad I was failing half my classes, but it ended up being fine.”
“There’s a distinct difference here,” I say. “Your dad is cool.”
She snorts out a laugh, skipping ahead to the driver’s side of the truck. “Hardly.”
“He never threatened to disown you. That qualifies as cool in my book.”
Penny waits until we’re in the cab of the truck—just in time, because it’s spitting rain again—before she replies, “I love you.”
“Pen—”
“Just thought you deserved to hear that from someone today.” She reaches over and hugs me. I keep still for a moment, but then I wriggle my arms out of her grip and hug her back.
“I’m surprised that Cooper is letting you use his truck.”
“Very reluctantly, believe me.” She turns it on, peering into the rearview mirror. “It’s not the driving, it’s the parking. This stupid thing is a tank. And yet watching him do the one-handed wheel thing while he’s parallel parking it is so hot, I guess I have to live with it.”
I crane my neck around as she backs out of the space. “You’re good.”
She changes gears and swings out of the lot. “He feels bad for what he said to you, you know. He’s going to apologize.”
I pull my hair out of its ponytail and run my fingers through it. What he said was shitty, yeah, and I hate how he goaded Sebastian, but I can’t blame him. In that moment, he helped clarify everything; I needed to give in or give up. I chose the former, and I have no idea if I’ll be able to make it work, but I want to try. One way or another, Sebastian has stolen part of my heart, and I don’t want him to give it back.
“It’s okay,” I say. “He was right.”
Penny glances at me. “Sebastian told me pretty much the same thing when I started hooking up with Cooper. Don’t fuck with my brother.”
I snort at the way she mimics Sebastian’s voice. It’s not half-bad.
“Callahan protectiveness is unmatched,” she adds.
“Fantastic,” I say dryly.
She drums her fingers on the steering wheel. “So, how’s the sex?”
Heat erupts on my face like a blast from a fireball. “Penny!”
