Kim and I walk through the hall as she tells me about her latest Korean soap opera.
I nod along, but I’m not hearing a word she’s saying. Since my appointment with Dr Khan yesterday, I’ve been in this haze of my own making.
Last night, I relived the same memory. When I woke up, I found myself still trapped in the nightmare. It took me a few fake wake-up cycles to come back to the world of the living.
I had to watch that dark figure drowning the child version of me over and over again.
I had to listen to her gurgles and cries for help.
I drowned with her, too.
Black water swallowed me whole and I couldn’t scream or come out, no matter how much I tried to.
It was like my own custom hell.
For some reason, I didn’t scream when I finally opened my eyes to find myself sweating in my bed.
I didn’t wake Aunt and Uncle. I just washed my hands over and over. At that moment, when I looked in the mirror, I contemplated breaking it to pieces.
It took everything in me not to confront Aunt and Uncle and ask them what the hell they’re hiding from me.
This is my life. Mine. How can they keep me in the dark about it?
I stopped myself because if I raise any red flags with them and they figure out my secret therapy plan with Dr Khan, they’d put an end to it. He’s sworn to patient confidentiality, but I’m still seventeen. As my guardians, Aunt and Uncle could — and would — ruin the progress I’ve been making in my therapy.
Maybe it’s because of the endless nightmares, or what I’ve seen in said nightmares, but today, I’m exhausted, lethargic and… numb.
“It’s going to be so much fun.”
My attention snaps back to Kim. “What?”
“A party at Ronan’s.”
I groan. “Not again.”
“Yes, again! We’re totally breaking some records this year.”
“I’m in no mood to break any records.”
“Ellie?” Kim stops and makes me stop, too. We’re standing near our class as she watches me too intently, it’s almost creepy. “Are you okay?”
“Huh?”
“You’re not, are you?” She asks slowly, appearing on the verge of panicking.
Shit. I forgot that Kim, Aunt, and Uncle have been keeping a close watch on me since the pool incident.
Aunt and Uncle think I don’t know, but I heard them talking to the principal on the phone.
Their exact words were: Please contact us if anything out of the ordinary happens to Elsa at school.
“I’m okay, Kim, really.”
She rubs the side of my arm. “You know I’m here if you need someone to talk to, right?”
I nod once.
One day, I’ll tell her everything, but not until I figure it out myself.
It’s a blur now.
The images in my subconscious are even more complicated than the nightmares. I feel like I need to gather the pieces one by each bloody one before I can begin to put them back together again.
That’s why I’m willing to do the painful sessions with Dr Khan. I don’t care if I wake up screaming or crying.
My cowardice left me in the dark for years. It’s because of my cowardice that Aiden is in the know and I’m not.
Although indirectly, it’s my cowardice that allowed him to lure and trap me.
“Morning, ladies.” Knox joins us on the way to class.
“Morning.” Kim and I greet back.
“You’re so unlucky, Knox,” Kim tells him. “You transferred when we have a math test.”
“I don’t mind. I love math.”
I grin. “Me, too.”
He lifts a brow. “I bet you can’t get a perfect score like me.”
“You’re on.”
“Ugh. You shouldn’t challenge her like that.” Kim rolls her eyes. “Now her nerdy mode is on.”
Knox laughs, the sound easy and contagious. “How about a bet?”
“What do you have in mind?” I ask.
“If you win, I owe you one and vice versa.”
I shake his hand. “Deal.”
At that exact moment, Cole and Aiden appear down the hall, heading to our class from the opposite direction.
My throat dries and my lungs burn with the lack of air.
I can’t breathe properly.
Breathe, you idiot. Breathe.
The uniform glues to his tall frame like a second skin. It’s like he was born to wear RES’s uniform. The jacket is thrown over his shoulder like he couldn’t bother to wear it.
As I watch him, my mind crowds with images from the other night.
The way he tied me up, leaving me helpless at his mercy — or the lack thereof.
His shadowed face in the dark as he wrenched that orgasm out of me.
His touch as he licked my tears.
Those images won’t leave me the hell alone.
Aiden stops at the classroom’s entrance, forcing Cole to slow down, too.
He spares a fleeting glance at Knox then at his hand shaking mine. Aiden’s attention slides back to my face slowly.
Too slowly.
I stop breathing at the crazed look in his metal eyes.
It’s like demons possessed him.
It’s so reminiscent of the time he used to glare at me from afar like he wants to kill me with his bare hands.
He wants revenge, doesn’t he? So, of course, he thought about killing me. He must’ve been thinking about it for two years.
But why?
I just can’t understand why he stayed away for two years and decided to screw me over now.
Is it all a part of a grand plan?
A psychological mindfuck?
Aiden glares at me for a few seconds, but it seems like years and decades.
The air crackles with stifling tension that flows in my blood.
I can fight it all I like, but when he looks at me, everything and everyone disappears.
It’s only him and I in the middle of the hallway.
The world surrounding us is merely an accessory to our battlefield.
He glares and I glare back. He’s challenging me and I’m pushing his buttons in return.
True, he scared me that night, but he also pulled out a part of me I thought didn’t exist.
Yes, he terrified me, but he also pleased me like he never did before.
He made me feel defective for liking it the way I did.
But if he thinks that will break me then he has a long way to go. It takes more than that to bring me to my knees.
Besides, it’s his time to burn, not mine.
“Ellie!” Ronan slams into Kim and I from behind, breaking the tension. I release Knox’s hand and inwardly shake myself.
“Repeat it.”
I cut eye contact with Aiden and meet Ronan’s playful stare. “Repeat what?”
He pulls quotation marks. “Stop acting like an annoying, clingy ex. Say it again. I need to catch it on camera and show it to King’s grandkids.”
I smile despite myself and throw a glance at Aiden to gauge his reaction.
The place where he used to stand is empty.
How could he disappear so fast?
Not that I care.
Nope. Not one bit.
Kim and Knox go into class, chatting amongst each other.
I’m left with Ronan punching the air and telling me that it’s the quote of the century.
“Be quiet for a second, Astor,” Cole cuts off his animated speech.
“Seriously, Captain. Stop killing my vibe.”
Cole ignores him and meets my gaze with eyes so icy, they’re more chilling than the outside air. “I’ll tell you something to think very carefully about.”
I swallow and nod. Cole was never threatening. Hell, he was always the one I felt more comfortable around.
The change of attitude is disturbing, to say the least.
“King’s silence is worse than his words.” He pauses. “You don’t want him silent.”
“I second that,” Ronan says in a semi-serious tone. “If King’s silent then it means he’s trapped in that fucked up head of his.”
My spine jerks upright as if someone tugged on it.
I kind of knew that, but hearing it from Aiden’s closest friends makes it an immediate reality.
Ronan and Cole walk with me towards the class. I pause at the entrance and search for Aiden.
He’s sitting by the window, staring into the distance, appearing to have cut connection with his immediate environment.
Lost in his own world.
What’s on your mind?
Why is no one allowed in there?
“Isn’t it Frozen?” An annoying voice smashes through my thoughts.
“Cut it out, Silver,” Cole grits out at his bitchy step-sister.
She doesn’t even spare him a glance and levels me with a haughty glare. “I heard you almost drowned. Who was your knight in shining armour?”
I meet her with maliciousness of my own. “Was it you?”
“Was I what?”
I narrow my eyes on her. She was talking with Jonathan at the time, so she couldn’t have pushed me, but I lost sense of time from the car park to the pool. It could’ve been minutes. It could’ve been more. She could’ve had the perfect time to push me into the pool.
She leans in to whisper, “The whole show at the party was pathetic, by the way. King was never yours to dump.”
“Screw you, Silver.”
“Oh, I’ll be doing more than screwing now that you’re out of the picture.” She straightens and flips her golden locks of hair over her shoulder. “Thanks but no thanks.”
She pushes past Cole and waltzes to her seat like a queen to her throne.
My blood boils and my fists clench on either side of me.
The thought of Silver having Aiden all to herself shouldn’t bother me.
After all, I’m the one who pushed him away.
Still, a green monster rears his head out.
It’s like a compulsion under my skin.
A prisoner that needs to be set free.
I want to pull Silver by that perfect hair and bash her head to the ground as she kicks and screams — before she finally grows silent.
That’s… a scary thought.
A compelling awareness snaps my eyes to the side.
Aiden was watching the window a second ago. Now, his grey clouds bore into me, watching my heating face and my clenching fist.
Then, slowly, too slowly, a smirk tilts his lips.
Oh, fuck.
