TWO YEARS LATER
EZRA WAS CRANKY AS HELL, and I was done. A long day followed by an even longer evening had me exhausted and needing to put my feet up like nobody’s business. But my son was covered in paint and dirt and I didn’t even want to know what else. He needed a bath, no matter how bad my back hurt and how good the damn couch was looking.
Sometimes parenting was pure bullshit.
I loved Ezra with everything I had and everything I was, but yeah, pure bullshit.
“I hate baths!” My sweet angel turned overtired demon wailed at the top of his lungs. Luckily, the condo we’d moved into last year had walls made of cement so our neighbors couldn’t hear his screams. They definitely would have thought a child was being murdered if they had.
Jenny missed us living with her, and she never said it, but I was pretty certain she was enjoying her empty nest and living the single life again.
I tried to bend down to lift Ezra from the floor, but my back twinged sharply on the way, and I gasped. A warm, wide hand gripped my bicep, pulling me upright. Stormy blue eyes were on my face.
“What are you doin’?” Callum asked, not quite happy with me.
“Trying to get Ezra in the bath. Obviously.”
“Attitude, Little Bird.” He pushed his thumb between my pinched brows to smooth them out. “Go sit down. I’m on Ez duty. From now on, baths are mine.”
“No bath!” Ezra kicked his feet up and let them fall heavily to the floor. “I’m clean. I don’t need a bath.”
Callum crouched and scooped Ezra off the floor like a little doll. Ezra didn’t stop whimpering, but he immediately went limp in Callum’s arms, whining but not trying to get free. That was because being in Callum’s arms was one of the top three places in the universe.
Callum pressed his nose in Ezra’s curls and made a face. “Wow, little man, you’re smelly. I think we should get you in the tub. You can do some scrubbin’, and I’ll be the music man.”
“‘I Shot the Sheriff’?” Ez sniffled.
“You pick the songs, I play them. Deal?” Callum and Ez walked off together, leaving me with a warm chest and a tingling nose.
I’d been getting those kinds of feelings over and over for the past two years. Callum didn’t joke around about wanting a life with me. Six weeks after the incident with Chrys and Rasc, we were engaged. Two months later, we got married in the park near Jenny’s house.
The ceremony was small and simple. Perfect for us. The Seasons Change were in attendance, as were a few friends, including Adelaide and Natalie, and some people from the neighborhood. Mr. Sulaimani brought his family. His mother sobbed when she met Callum and didn’t stop thanking him for a good five minutes. Jackie helped me pick my dress. Jenny walked me down the aisle. Ez was happy to be there and annoyed with his suit, but damn, had he looked cute.
Instead of sitting down, I went to the fireplace where there was a picture of the three of us from the wedding. Callum had one arm around my shoulders, and he held Ezra in his other arm. He’d worn a suit too, and damn, had he looked handsome. I still got butterflies when I looked at this picture.
The one next to it made me smile in a whole different way. With a tour bus as the background, Ez and I were at the center. Callum was on one side, looking at us instead of the camera. Rodrigo had his face scrunched up, cracking Ezra up. Adam gave the camera bedroom eyes. Iris was tucked tight in Ronan’s arms. That summer tour was one of the best times in my life. Iris’s sister, June, had come along to nanny for Ezra when I needed it, giving me the chance to go to most of the shows while Ezra was tucked away sleeping on the bus. We’d traveled, and I’d gotten to go to places I’d always wanted to. We’d had fun, and bonded, and laughed more than I’d ever had.
Callum had made it good, just like he’d promised. He’d kept all his promises, taking care of Ez and me in every way. Callum understood on a visceral level what it meant for a child to have a safe, secure home, and he gave my son that in spades. He gave it to me too.
And so, it shouldn’t have been a surprise when Ezra started calling Callum daddy. It had been, and I hadn’t quite known how to react except run to my closet and burst into tears.
Callum found me hiding. “What’s that about?”
My arm flailed in the direction of the door. “He called you daddy.”
He wrapped me up and held me against his chest. “Yeah. I heard that. Fuckin’ cool.”
“He’s got Brian. I don’t even know if he’s allowed to call you daddy.”
“Brian’s his dad. He’s also a piece of shit. If he wasn’t, Ez wouldn’t be callin’ me daddy.”
I choked back a sob. “You are his daddy, you know.”
He dipped down and kissed my head. “Know it, Little Bird. He’s my boy.”
Brian had been miffed for half a second when Ezra referred to Callum as daddy on one of their calls. The calls that had begun to fade and fade. And a year ago, when I approached Brian about allowing Callum to adopt Ez, his hesitation had lasted even less time than he’d been miffed.
Now, Callum really was Ezra’s daddy, and Ezra really was his boy. It had already been true, but now, it was official. We were the Roses. I liked to call us The Stable Roses. Callum laughed when I said it, so I thought he liked it too.
My boys had moved from bath time to bedtime. A lot had changed over the last two years, but Ezra still loved his stories. And Callum, my Callum, was a master at it. These days, I’d been downgraded to spectator. I didn’t even mind, because that meant I got to watch them together.
By the time I made it back to Ezra’s bedroom, story time was in full swing. I stood in the hall, giving them their time, just the two of them. Callum was telling him a story about an old married couple who’d adopted a million cats. It made Ez laugh, and from the inflection in Callum’s voice, I could tell he was smiling.
At the end of the story, Ezra was quiet for a beat, then he started talking. “Are you and Mommy going to get old?”
“One day, a long, long time from now, yeah. That’s the plan.”
“Then you’ll die?” he asked.
My heart stopped. Five-year-olds asked questions about every damn thing. Sometimes they were funny, and sometimes they made me want to curl into a ball because I wasn’t wise enough to know how to answer.
“That’s right. That’s called the circle of life.”
I peeked in the room. Callum was stretched out on his side next to Ezra. My son had grown like a weed, but he still looked so tiny next to his dad.
Ezra reached out and picked up a piece of Callum’s long hair. He toyed with it between his fingers, then tipped his head back. “Are you scared of that?”
Callum shook his head. “No. Not at all. You don’t need to be either.”
“What happens after you die, Daddy?” Ezra didn’t sound worried, only curious.
Callum hummed and rubbed his scruffy chin. “Some people believe in a thing called heaven. I’m not too sure about that. I’ll tell you what I wish could happen.”
“Okay.” Oh, this boy was entranced. So was I.
“In a long, long time, Mama and I are gonna get old and die. And then, we’ll turn into trees, standin’ side by side ’cause you know I couldn’t get by without bein’ next to Mama.”
Ezra giggled. “I know!”
“You know Mama always gets cold so she bundles up. Well, when it becomes fall and it’s time to drop our leaves, I’ll hold on to mine as long as I can to keep her warm. And when it’s windy, I’ll use my branches to shield her. When it gets too hot, I’ll be her shade. In the spring, I hope I’ll blossom first so I can give them to her. But we both know her blossoms are gonna be the most beautiful. That’s what I want to happen when we die.”
“Yeah. I want to be a tree too.”
“One day, a long, long, long time from now, you can be a tree with us. And in an even longer time, us Roses will make a whole forest.”
“Can the baby be with us too?” Ez asked.
“In a very long time, far, far in the future, yeah, the baby will be there too.”
Callum caught my eye and motioned for me to come to them. I crossed the room, emotion choking me. Ezra reached for me, trying to hug my belly but getting nowhere because it was just too damn big now. So, he gave his sister a kiss instead.
“You’re gonna be a tree, baby.”
I combed my fingers through his damp curls. “I love that idea, baby buddy. How about let’s enjoy life right now, though?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
We tucked him in and said good night. Callum followed me to the bedroom. His arms were already out when I flung myself at him. He knew what he’d done to me, the monster.
He took me to bed, making me lie down alongside him. He cupped my belly and stared into my eyes. I stared back, blinking away the tears. I would’ve cried over the tree story even if I hadn’t been pregnant, but damn, it’d hit me like a Mack truck with the addition of my daughter growing inside me.
“What’s my tree going to do for you?” I asked.
“Exist.” No hesitation. That was his answer.
“Your tree’s going to protect mine, shade it, shield it, keep it warm, and mine’s just going to exist?”
His hands were so warm as they worked their way under my shirt to touch my stomach. I was due in a month, and Callum had only grown more obsessed with my pregnant body the bigger I became. Not just sexually—although there was a hell of a lot of that—but he loved feeling the life he’d help plant in me. He whispered secrets to our daughter and sang her songs. He loved her big and openly, just like he loved me and Ezra. God, I was lucky. And fortunately, this pregnancy had been much, much smoother than Ezra’s.
“There’s no ‘just’ to your existence. In this life, you’ve given me The Stable Roses. You’ve given me a son, and soon, a daughter. I’m awake because of you. I’m loved without strings. I’m understood and taken care of. You’ve given me purpose and a home. And one day, when we’re trees, our roots are gonna be so entwined, I couldn’t live without your existence. So, when I say exist, that’s what I mean.”
“Okay,” I rasped.
He kept staring at me and stroking my belly. Our baby kicked and rolled under her daddy’s hand. We smiled at each other. And I got it. I understood what he meant because I felt it too. Our roots were already entwined. This home, this family, this love, this life, we’d given it to each other.
And it was beautiful.
So, one day, we’d be trees. If we were lucky, it would be a long, long way away.
