As I turned the key in the ignition and the engine rumbled to life, I felt calm. The nerves I was so used to feeling when I sat in the driver’s seat remained at bay as I reversed out of the parking space and drove out of the lot.
Something had clicked when I’d been hyper focused on getting Noah to the hospital. The part of me that had been terrified of driving ever since I crashed my mom’s car was gone. Maybe it was because I’d experienced a moment of true terror when Noah was unconscious, and my anxiety about driving paled in comparison. Or perhaps Noah was right, and I’d always been a capable driver, but my overthinking and worrying had gotten in the way. Now that I knew I could do it, my doubts no longer took control and convinced me that I couldn’t.
The only time we talked as I drove us home was when Noah gave me directions to the house. I’d been trying my best not to think about the things he’d said to me in the parking lot, but they kept spinning around in my head. As we neared the end of the cul-de-sac and the houses we were staying in, I started to think about seeing Wes again.
We’d left things in such a mess when I’d stormed off earlier this afternoon. There was a huge dark question mark lingering over our relationship, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him. I didn’t want to stay confined in the car with Noah though either.
When I parked in Luther’s driveway, Noah turned to me. “I know you’re headed back to Rapid Bay tomorrow, and I’m off to New York. But please tell me you’ll think about what I said over the break.”
I stayed silent, and he took a deep breath before he continued. “I’ve been trying so hard to be patient. And I haven’t fought for you because you told me you were happy with Wes, and that’s all I want for you. But, if there’s a chance that’s changed, I don’t want you to have any doubt that I still want to be with you.”
“Noah…”
“Because when I opened my eyes after my fall today and saw the way you were looking at me, I thought I might be dreaming. For a moment, it felt like we’d slipped into a different world—a world where you cared for me as much as I care for you. And having experienced that for just a couple of seconds… Well, I want that with you so damn much.”
I hesitated. With everything that had happened today, my emotions were all over the place. I’d been so angry with Noah after we broke up and so hurt by the way he’d treated me in the aftermath. While I understood his reasons now, I’d honestly thought there was no way back for us.
But the strength of the feelings I experienced when I saw him get hurt today took me by surprise. I clearly still cared for Noah, and now that I realized how deep those feelings were, I couldn’t shake them. I could feel them rattling around inside my chest, and I wasn’t sure I could bottle them back up again. I still cared for Wes, but I felt something for Noah too.
“Just tell me you’ll think about it,” Noah asked. “Please?”
I felt completely confused and had no idea what I should do. Perhaps the best way forward was to take some time and space over the break to think, as he suggested. Try to make sense of what I was feeling. What I wanted. I gave him a small nod. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
Noah gave me a hopeful smile before he got out of the car and slowly made his way toward the house. I followed him, making sure he got to the front door safely, before I handed him his keys.
“You going to be okay?” I asked.
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “A concussion is a small price to pay to spend an afternoon with you.”
“You’re crazy,” I grumbled.
Noah grinned and went to open the front door. As the door swung inward and he started into the house, he paused and nodded toward the sweatshirt I was still wearing. “You can keep my hoodie,” he said. “It looks better on you than it does on me.”
“I—”
He didn’t give me a chance to object. “I’ll see you after break, Crash.” He winked and closed the door.
With a sigh, I turned and started back toward the twins’ house. I didn’t have my phone with me, so I had no idea what to expect when I got there. Noah had messaged Cress to let her know what happened when we got to the hospital, so I knew she would have told everyone I was okay. I didn’t know what state Wes would be in though. We’d left things so badly when I’d stormed off.
When I reached the house, I cautiously opened the front door. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. It was probably because I was still in Noah’s sweatshirt, and I knew the moment Wes saw me in it he would probably get set off again. I’d never seen him so angry before. I’d certainly never had him lash out at me that way. Would he still be mad? Or would our time apart have helped him clear his thoughts?
When I entered the living room, a part of me was relieved to find it empty. In fact, I couldn’t hear a single voice. It seemed as though no one was home. The idea left me feeling much more at ease. If I could just change my clothes, then perhaps I’d find it easier to face Wes.
When I got to my room, I found the clothes I’d left at Luther’s sitting on my bed along with my phone. I quickly changed out of Anna’s bikini and into a pair of sweats. I felt so much more comfortable now I was in my own clothes. Next, I grabbed my phone to check for messages. There were plenty of texts and missed calls from the girls. Even some from Noah and Luther. But not one from Wes. The latest message was from Cress, telling me they’d gone to grab some dinner and would be back soon.
I started to go through the other messages but jumped when I heard a noise behind me. I spun to see Wes standing in the doorway, and I braced a hand against my chest.
“Wes, I didn’t realize you were home.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to catch you by surprise.” His voice was meek and his eyes downcast. His expression didn’t reveal much about what he was feeling, but I was glad he didn’t seem angry. Still, a pit began to form in the base of my gut. I was still dreading what came next.
He slowly entered the room and stopped several feet from me. Normally he would have stepped forward and pulled me into his arms.
“So, everyone’s gone to get dinner?” I asked.
“Yeah, they’re grabbing some takeout,” he replied. “But they should be back soon. I thought I’d wait here in case you returned while they were out.”
“Ah, thanks.”
He was looking at me but struggled to meet my eyes, and as the silence stretched between us, I grew increasingly worried about what he would say when it finally broke.
“I’m sorry I got so angry earlier,” he said.
I relaxed slightly, hoping that meant he was done with his caustic tone and bitter words.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot while you’ve been gone. About how angry I felt and how on edge I’ve been about you and Noah lately. That’s not who I am. That’s not the kind of guy I want to be.”
“I know that, Wes. And I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way.”
He shook his head. “That’s the thing. You’ve done nothing wrong. I just think that after what happened with Sarah, perhaps I don’t know how to trust in a relationship anymore.”
He looked away, and as he broke eye contact, I felt like I was losing him. “Wes?”
“We both know we rushed into this relationship,” he said. “Being together made us both feel better. But I’m beginning to think that was a mistake.”
I stepped toward him. “You don’t mean that.”
He swallowed and finally looked at me again, his eyes glistening with pain. “I care about you so much, Isobel. Too much to keep you to myself when I know it will only make us both miserable.”
A part of me wanted to argue. To tell him he was wrong and that we wouldn’t be miserable. But another part of me wondered if perhaps he had a point. We’d fallen into our relationship so quickly—too quickly, perhaps. And when I thought about it, I knew he was right, and neither one of us had been ready. It didn’t stop me from caring deeply about him though, and it wasn’t easy for me to let him go.
“I can’t control the jealousy I feel when I see Noah looking at you,” he continued. “I want to lose my mind when I catch the two of you talking. And seeing you in his hoodie today? Well, it made me see red. I don’t want to be that guy in a relationship, and you sure as hell deserve better. I need time to be single. To work on properly healing my heart before I start another relationship.”
I cradled my arms around my body as I stared at him. I’d been preparing for these words all afternoon, and yet I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “So, you want to break up?”
“Yes. I think that would be better for both of us.”
I did my best to swallow down the pain those words inflicted. Wes and I had been so good together, and yet somehow, we’d ended up here. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to. I’m still here for you.”
“What? As a friend?”
“I understand if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, but yeah, I still want that for us.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t bear to meet his gaze.
Wes stepped to me and took my hand in his. “Isobel?”
I looked up at him.
“I really do think this is for the best. We were great together, but I don’t think you’ve been honest with yourself. And I think with time and space you’re going to realize that I’m not the guy you want.” He winced as he spoke, and I could see how hard it was for him to admit.
“But you’re perfect.”
“I’m not.” He released a sad laugh. “And even if I was, I don’t think I’m the perfect guy for you.” He slowly shook his head. “It’s always been Noah. Since the moment you arrived at Weybridge. I know you think you’ve moved on from him, but I can tell you haven’t even if you can’t.”
I didn’t know what to say. If Wes had told me these things just last night, I would have denied them. But this afternoon had made me realize I still held feelings for Noah, and despite what I’d believed, I’d never really gotten over him.
“I really care about you, Wes.”
“I know,” he agreed. “And I really care about you too. But I think you know I’m right about us. We’re not working together. Not as we are. Not at the moment.”
I released a breath, and with it, all the fight I had left. “Okay.” My voice sounded so small. I felt so small. I kept waiting for my heart to shatter, but maybe it had already broken too many times; maybe there was no longer any part of it left to destroy. Instead, I just felt empty and sad. Most of all, I feared I might be losing a friend as well as a boyfriend.
Wes pulled me into a hug, and I held him tightly in return. I hadn’t shed a single tear since we’d started talking, and I wondered if perhaps I was empty of those too. We stood there for five minutes. Then ten. When we finally stepped away from each other, I felt both better and worse. I didn’t want to lose Wes, but he had spoken sense. Our relationship wasn’t what it should be, and if we stayed together, it would only continue to deteriorate.
I needed time to look into my heart and work out what I wanted, and if Wes felt like he couldn’t trust in a relationship right now and needed time to heal, then that was something he deserved. It didn’t stop this from sucking though. It didn’t stop it from being hard.
“I think I might go to bed,” I said. “We’ve got an early start tomorrow.”
Wes smiled and leaned over to give me a kiss on the head. I breathed in his scent, but he stepped away all too quickly.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
I watched him leave the room and close the door behind him. Once he was gone, I climbed into bed and buried myself under the covers. I kept waiting for the tears to come, but they remained elusive, so I stared out the window at the sparkling village lit up below me and the isolated lights dotted here and there on the mountain.
When the girls returned with dinner, they came into my room and joined me in bed. They didn’t ask me for an explanation, and they didn’t try to distract me with talk of other things. They seemed to sense I wasn’t ready to say anything, and instead they got under the blanket on either side of me and rested their heads on my shoulders as we stared out at the darkened mountain view together.
My heart had been battered yet again, but at least I had Cress and Anna. Breaking up with Wes wasn’t what I’d wanted, and yet I felt at peace with the decision. I needed time on my own to sort through my emotions. I needed space to figure out my heart.
