It was hard saying goodbye to everyone the following morning. We were all going our separate ways and heading home for Christmas. I hated that I wouldn’t see the girls for more than a week, and despite our breakup, I also found I was sad to leave Wes. We might not be together anymore, but he was still one of the people I was closest to. He gave me a warm hug goodbye, and I knew I was going to miss him over the holidays.
It was quite a long trip home, and it was late afternoon by the time Matthew’s plane touched down at the private airport outside of Rapid Bay. I was exhausted because I’d barely slept all night, but my fatigue completely disappeared the moment I saw my mom. She was waiting by her car and grinned from ear to ear when she saw me emerge from the plane. I ran to meet her, needing a hug from her more than I needed air to breathe. She caught me up in her arms and laughed when I squeezed her extra tight.
“Miss me, huh?” she asked.
“You have no idea.” I finally released her and went to load my bag in the car.
“How was the ski trip?”
“Well, I suck at skiing, and Wes and I broke up last night, so it probably could have been better.”
She touched my arm to stop me. “You broke up?”
“Yeah.” I let out a sigh. “But seeing as I’m not a devastated mess right now, it makes me wonder if perhaps it was for the best.”
“You’re not upset?”
“I mean, I am, but it just feels like the right thing to do for both of us.”
“It sounds like you’re being very mature about it,” Mom said. “But this doesn’t have anything to do with Noah, does it?”
It took me a moment to gather my thoughts. “Noah definitely didn’t help the situation,” I said. “But I think it’s more that Wes and I rushed into our relationship when neither of us were ready, and it was starting to show. I thought about it a lot last night, and I think because we’ve broken things off now, we might have a chance at still being friends”
“Is that something you want?”
“It might be hard at first,” I said. “But I definitely still want him in my life.”
Mom smothered me with another hug. “How did I create such a grown-up young woman?”
I laughed and shrugged out of her hug. “Mom.”
She shot me a wink and got in the car.
“How’s the café?” I asked as she drove us home.
“Same as usual.”
“So, quiet?”
“Yeah.” Mom gave me a tight smile. “It’s been slow the last few weeks, but it’s picked up since the winter break started and people began filtering back into town.” The more she talked during the car trip, the more I noticed how hoarse her voice was sounding.
“Mom, are you feeling okay?”
“Fine, why?”
“Your voice is scratchy, and I’m trying to figure out whether you went to a heavy metal concert on the weekend without telling me or you’ve picked up a cold and are going to be sick for Christmas. Neither answer is acceptable.”
She waved off my concern with a laugh. “You worry too much. I feel perfectly fine. I probably just stayed up too late last night.”
“I hope you weren’t up watching Downton Abbey without me. You know we always watch it over Christmas together.”
“Of course not, I would never start our yearly Downton binge without you.” Mom smiled. “I mostly couldn’t sleep because I was too excited about you getting home today.”
“I’ve been pretty excited to get back too,” I admitted. “It’ll be nice to spend some time at home.”
“It will. It’s not the same here without you.”
“Nowhere’s the same without you, Mom.”
She reached across the car and took my hand. The way her eyes brightened at my words made me feel like she’d been truly touched by them.
“Now, tell me more about your trip,” she said.
“Well, you’ll be glad to hear I finally managed to drive without freaking out…” I launched into the story of my emergency dash to the hospital with Noah. Mom seemed more hung up on the way I spoke about Noah than my driving success though, and she kept sending me knowing looks. I decided not to tell her that he’d told me he loved me again. She’d want to know how I felt, and not even I knew the answer to that.
We arrived at the café in time for a late dinner, and I was pleased when mom told me Norma was finishing her shift early to join us. Frank also came, and it was so sweet to see how well he and Norma were getting along. They were so cute together, and it gave me hope that one day my love life might actually fall into place.
I didn’t bother unpacking after dinner. It was growing late, and I knew I’d have time to put my things away come morning. Mom and I were going to start our annual Downton Abbey tradition anyway. I put on a pair of cozy sweatpants and went to brush my teeth while Mom set up the TV. I couldn’t seem to find the toothpaste though.
“Mom, are you out of toothpaste?” I called out.
“I finished it this morning,” she shouted. “There’s a new tube in the cabinet above the sink. Maybe try the top shelf.”
I’d had a quick look in the cabinet before, but clearly, I’d been too tired because, when I checked again, the toothpaste was sitting right where she’d said. I went to grab the tube, but as I did, my attention snagged on a little white container sitting on the shelf beside it.
I normally would have ignored the bottle completely, but my father’s surname was written in large letters across the side of it. Why on earth would my mom have medicine made by The LaFleur Corporation?
I took the bottle off the shelf and turned it over in my hand. My mom’s name was on the prescription label along with instructions to take one tablet daily. It didn’t say what the tablets were for, but my stomach plummeted because my father didn’t produce run-of-the-mill pharmaceuticals. The focus of his treatments was cancer.
I rushed from the room, still clutching the little white bottle.
“Did you find it?” Mom asked. She was sitting in front of the TV, getting Downton Abbey up on screen.
“Mom, what are these?”
She turned to look at me, and the easy smile on her face dropped. She stood up and hurried over to me, snatching the container from my hand and shoving it in her pocket. “You weren’t supposed to see those.”
“Weren’t supposed to see? Mom, what are they?” It was hard to keep the fear and confusion from my voice.
‘It’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“It’s not nothing. I know the kind of drugs Matthew manufactures. Why do you have tablets that treat cancer?”
Her expression was torn, and when she didn’t answer immediately, my mind went straight to a very dark place. I knew something bad was coming, and I started to tremble. “Mom?”
“You better sit down…” She went to touch my arm, but I shook her off.
“I don’t want to sit down. I want you to explain.”
“Okay, okay.” She slowly blew out a breath. “I just want to start by saying you really don’t need to worry.”
I sank down onto the couch, no longer sure I could stand even if I wanted to. Her telling me there was nothing to be concerned about only made me more apprehensive.
“I’m fine,” she continued. “And I’m going to keep being fine.”
She wasn’t making me feel any better. Fine was the word you used when you were pretending everything was okay but it most definitely wasn’t. The word you used when you were in total denial. I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Just tell me what’s wrong,” I said. Her cautious explanation was only making me fear the worst.
She took a deep breath and sat on the couch beside me before gathering my hands in hers. “I have thyroid cancer.”
Her words paralyzed me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. As soon as I’d seen those pills on her shelf, I’d suspected this was something bad. But it was one thing to speculate and another to have it confirmed.
Mom’s grasp on my hands tightened as she gave a reassuring squeeze. My body didn’t feel like my own right now though, and I could barely register the sensation.
“You have cancer?” I needed to hear it again. I felt like I was under water and her words were brushing over the surface. I wasn’t sure I’d understood her correctly. This didn’t feel real. How could it be true?
“I do, but it’s not the most serious kind of cancer,” she explained. “And we caught it early. My chances of a full recovery are high, and the treatment I’m on isn’t invasive. I’m going to live a long, healthy life, I promise.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Even if this cancer was less serious, it was still cancer, and despite what Mom said, that word felt like a death sentence. Perhaps she’d survive it now, but what about in the future? What if it came back? I was jumping ahead of myself though. I needed to focus on how she would get through it now.
“What treatment are you on?” I asked. “What exactly are your survival chances? Who’s your doctor? Can I talk to them?”
My mom gave me a soft smile. “I know you have a lot of questions,” she said. “And we can make an appointment to chat with my doctor if that will make you feel better.”
“It would,” I said, but it only felt slightly true. It didn’t change the fact I felt terrible she’d been dealing with this all on her own. She’d seemed tired for months now, but I’d assumed she’d been overworking herself. Had I gotten so caught up in my new life I’d failed to notice she was struggling for another reason? How could I have missed this?
She seemed to have a positive outlook, but I couldn’t imagine coping with something like this without the support of my family. How she’d handled the mental and physical load without me.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you’d just broken up with Levi at the time, and you were devastated. I couldn’t dump this on you too.”
‘I could have handled it.”
But she shook her head. “And then you were due to head off to Weybridge Academy, and I knew you would never go if you knew the truth.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have,” I agreed. “Because this is the kind of thing you deal with as a family. Because you deserved to have some support, and I deserved to know. You should have told me.”
She shrugged. “Like I said, I’m fine. I feel good, and we’re monitoring it closely. Your father has been working with my doctor to make sure his treatment is working for me, and if things keep tracking the way they are, I might never need surgery.”
“Matthew knows?”
She grimaced.
“You could tell my estranged father but not your daughter?” It was hard to ignore the hurt that flashed through me. My mom trusted Matthew with this over me. And Matthew had kept it from me too. It’s not like they hadn’t had the opportunity to tell me.
My mom glanced away as she gathered her thoughts, and the way she refused to look at me made me anxious. I thought we shared everything, but could she really be keeping another secret?
“Mom, is there something you’re not telling me?”
She swallowed and slowly returned her gaze to meet mine. “So, here’s the thing…” She glanced down at her hands, and I could see she was struggling with whatever it was she had to say. She released a breath and looked at me once more. “Matthew never found my letter in his father’s safe.”
Her response surprised me, and it took me a moment to realize she was talking about the letter she had sent Matthew before I was born. The one in which she’d told him about me. The only reason he knew I existed was because he’d discovered the letter after his father died.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What’s that got to do with your diagnosis?”
“Because that letter isn’t the reason your father came back into your life,” she said. “He never saw it. Matthew suspects his parents destroyed it before they sent me the hush money. The truth is, Matthew didn’t know you existed until I reached out to him earlier this year.”
“Wait? You reached out to him?”
She nodded. “I’d just received my diagnosis, and I was terrified. So, I decided to get in touch with him.”
“Of course, you were terrified. Mom, you should have said something to me.”
She shook her head though. “I wasn’t terrified for me. I was terrified for you. Hearing about the cancer made me realize that I’m not always going to be here. That something might happen to me, and you would be left all alone. I didn’t want to be the only family you had, so I contacted Matthew. I told him about you. And I told him I was sick.”
She quickly lifted a hand to her eye to stop a tear from escaping before she continued. “I hoped that maybe he’d changed his mind in the years since you were born and that maybe he would want to be in your life. To my shock, I discovered that he’d never even known about you. But from the very first moment he found out he had a daughter, he wanted to be a father to you.”
The blood rushed from my skin as I tried to understand what she was saying. They had both lied to me about this?
“Matthew kept all this from me too?”
“I asked him to,” my mom said. “I told him to tell you he found the letter and contacted me because of it. I wasn’t ready to tell you about the cancer. And when he offered to send you to one of the best schools in the country, I knew I needed to keep the truth from you a while longer. You deserved this incredible opportunity, and I wanted to make sure you went to Weybridge Academy and set yourself up for a future without me.”
My body started to shake as she hinted at a world where she didn’t exist. I stood from the couch and paced away from her. I couldn’t believe she’d kept this all from me. That she’d had to plan for life after she died. But most of all, I couldn’t believe she’d gone through this alone—and the guilt I felt was crippling.
“Isobel…” My mom moved to follow me off the couch, but I lifted a hand, gesturing for her to keep back. This was one thing too much for me right now. I hadn’t even begun to accept my mom had cancer. How was I supposed to come to terms with the fact my parents had both been lying and the reason my father was finally in my life was because of the cancer too.
“I just… I can’t… I need a minute.”
“Take all the time you need,” she said.
I went to my room without responding, closing the door firmly behind me. As it closed, tears started to flow down my cheeks. Apparently, the reason I hadn’t cried over Wes was because my body somehow knew this moment was coming and needed to be ready.
I knew I was probably dealing with this all the wrong way. I was supposed to be out there hugging my mom and telling her it was all going to be okay. But instead, I was in here crying. Crying because I was scared for her. Crying because she’d lied. I was crying because she’d let me leave when she’d needed me here all this time.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found myself calling the last person I expected.
Noah answered on the second ring. “Isobel?”
I wasn’t sure why I’d called him. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He wasn’t even really my friend. But for some reason, he was the one person whose voice I wanted to hear right now.
I tried to come up with a response but a croaky sob was all I managed.
Noah swore. “Isobel, are you okay? What’s happened?”
Again, I couldn’t seem to muster the words to respond.
“Is this about Wes? I heard you two broke up.”
“Not Wes.” Finally, I found my voice. “I’m not crying about Wes.”
“Then what the hell is wrong?” He sounded somewhat panicked, but it was hardly surprising given I’d called him late at night sobbing without any explanation.
“It’s my mom…” I whispered. “She’s sick. She says she’s going to be okay, but it’s cancer, so how can she be sure?”
Noah swore again, and there was a brief pause before he spoke. “I’m coming to Rapid Bay.”
“What? No, you don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do. I might not have access to my grandfather’s jet anymore, but I’ll find a way.”
“Noah, that’s crazy.”
His voice became muffled, and it sounded as though he was talking to someone else, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. When he came on the line again, I tried to dissuade him once more.
“You can’t just fly here because I’m crying,” I said.
“Yes, I can. I’ll be there as soon as possible. Okay?”
I didn’t have the energy to fight him. And if I was being honest with myself, I knew I wanted him here. “Okay. Thank you.” I glanced at the door behind me, knowing I should be out there with my mom. “I need to go.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
I hung up the phone and stared at it for several long moments. I wasn’t really sure what had just happened, but a part of me was relieved. This burden felt like too much for me to bear alone, and knowing Noah was coming, that he was going to be here, made it a little easier to breathe.
When I went back out to my mom, she was pacing the living room, chewing her nails. She went completely still when she saw I’d returned.
“I’m sorry for running out like that,” I said before I walked over and gathered her in a hug. She relaxed into my arms, and I held her even tighter. “I’m scared.”
“You don’t need to be,” she replied. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right from the start. I just didn’t want to worry you, and you had so much going on. I just wanted you to be happy. To fulfill your potential. To have an amazing life even if I might not be in it.”
“Mom, please don’t talk like that. I don’t care what’s happening in my life; you should always tell me this stuff. Always.” I shook my head. “But don’t worry about that now. How are you feeling?”
“I’m good,” she said. “The symptoms from the treatment have been mild. I probably wouldn’t even know I was sick if the doctor hadn’t noticed the lump on my throat at a regular checkup.”
I stared into my hands. “I can’t believe you went through all of this without me. That you reunited me with my father after all this time because you were scared you were going to die.”
Mom didn’t look the least bit guilty, and I got the feeling she’d do the same all over again if she had to.
“So, what is this trial? What are the drugs he’s got you on?”
“Look, why don’t we talk about this tomorrow,” Mom said. “You’ve had a really big day of travel, you broke up with your boyfriend, and now this. Matthew is getting here in the morning. It might help if he’s here to answer your questions too.”
I did feel exhausted, but I wasn’t sure if I could sleep. Not when I’d just learned my mom had been keeping a cancer diagnosis from me for months. If I went to bed right now, I knew I’d be up all night googling her symptoms and probably scaring the hell out of myself with whatever I found.
“Or we could watch more Downton Abbey together…” I suggested.
Mom wrapped an arm around my shoulder and guided me toward the couch. “That sounds perfect.”
Downton might not have the answers I was looking for, but it provided one relief: sweet distraction.
