It’s just past midnight when I get home, and not a light is on in the house. After what I learned this afternoon from Mason, I’m not surprised that Vivian didn’t come tonight as I asked. I now have a better understanding of where her fight-or-flight instincts come from. Vivian spun the tale she wanted me to see at the Serra Estate. One that filled in enough details that background searches I know she’s more than aware I’ve pulled didn’t provide.
Don’t get me wrong; I could see the discomfort and pain in her eyes as she recounted her loneliness, but there was more in her eyes. I could see it. And in hindsight, I think she knew I could see it. It’s why she didn’t tell me about her finances. That nugget of information would be yet another layer she could hide behind. Another false wall to trick you into believing she’s handing over everything, when in reality, she’s still hiding.
She told me about her loveless childhood and being passed between houses. Her father’s grudge that was borderline certifiable. The man had a deep-seated hate for reasons I don’t understand. She told me about her room and how there was nothing in it, and how while she was at his house, most of her time was spent in there. It was a better alternative to being subjected to his malevolence, but the detail she failed to disclose is that her choice to stay in her room was not her own.
Her father locked her in there as a form of punishment. There was no choice involved. She was locked in it for the entirety of the time she spent on his watch. Meals were delivered, and the door was locked. She had an ensuite to bathe and use the restroom, and one window where she would sit and stare out for hours. It faced the backyard, and because her father is a spineless prick, I’m sure that was intentional. There wasn’t a party, gathering, or afternoon spent where she didn’t watch life happen as though she didn’t exist at all.
Solitary confinement is one of the worst punishments a person can endure. The lasting effects are every bit as harmful and scarring as physical abuse. Humans are naturally social beings. The loss, exclusion, and rejection alone lead many to take their own lives. I’ve always known Vivian is a force. Her grit and moxie are unmatched. Now I know why. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to leave Mason’s office and charter a flight to St. Louis to beat the living shit out of her father.
I’ve never understood how some people can be so cruel. My own parents were shit; I’m no stranger to cold-hearted, unfeeling bastards, but for fuck’s sake, at some point, these people have to pay for their sins. The only reason I never went after my own parents for their treatment of us was that I whole-heartedly believed they were living in their own personal hell anyway, one that they ultimately burned alive in.
However, Julian Fiori is still very much alive. Mason said Vivian’s father is a controlling, egotistical tyrant. He told me I didn’t need to worry about retribution because Vivian would ultimately put the nail in his coffin. Julian thought he was breaking her, but instead, he was building her. Either way, I intend to ensure he answers for his transgressions.
Knowing the true depth of Vivian’s scars explains her tendency to disguise her discomfort with witty banter or avoid the cause of her distress altogether. Understanding that running is ingrained into her DNA because of her childhood trauma, as fucked up as it sounds, calms my nerves. For now, Vivian is still living in my penthouse and driving my cars. Yes, she’s avoiding me, but ultimately, she’s still here. If I wasn’t what Vivian wanted, she would leave. But now that I know why she’s back, her stubbornness makes sense. However, if I’m being honest, that obstinate, strong-willed, stubborn attitude is what draws me to her in the first place. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like having to work for her attention.
I don’t bother flicking on the lights as I loosen my tie and head to my room. It’s been a long day, and I just want to shower and crash. These are all things I will do right after I pull up the app on my phone to see where she is tonight. If I had to guess, it would be Blush—I know she slept there one night last week—but as I open the door to my bedroom, a vision in white catches my eye. Vivian is curled up on my bed wearing a white sleep dress. Her perfect tits are almost on display as the covers have slipped down and the loose-fitting material has shifted. I slip off my shoes, leaving them at the door as I undress and walk toward the bed. A shower can wait until morning. I asked my girl to come to my bed tonight, and here she is.
Once I’ve stripped down to my boxers, I lift the covers to my side of the bed and slide in behind her. As I scoot in closer, her heat envelops me. I can’t help but pull her into a spooning position and inhale her sweet scent. This woman never ceases to amaze me. I am left in awe of the woman I adore and her strength. But I’m done allowing her to push me away. She’s mine.
With my head propped up on one arm, I lean in and watch her sleep while I casually drag my fingers up the soft skin of her arm. Even in her sleep, my touch makes her tremble. I watch her nipples stiffen into hard peaks beneath her sheer nightgown, and I can’t help but wrap my arm around her to cup her breast and lightly tweak her pert nipple. A low moan escapes her lips, and my eyes flash up to hers to see if I have woken her, but I haven’t. I had no plans to wake her. Watching her sleep is one of my favorite things, but I need her.
I slowly slip the strap of her nightie off her shoulder so her breast is fully exposed to me. She showed me the marks my brother left on her earlier today, but with her bra removed, I can see the full extent of how hard he bit her. He was too damn rough. Sebastian has done a great job of fucking off since he did this to her, as he should. I have zero plans of letting this slide. He’s acting out because I have something he wants, something he technically had first, and he doesn’t want to share. The problem is, he hasn’t discovered it’s the only way.
Sebastian wants to conquer her and make her submit to his will, but he hasn’t realized that he will dim her light in doing so. She would no longer be the girl he wanted. I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but I have my limits. Whether people realize they are there or not is another story.
Slowly, I push her onto her back, careful not to wake her. I need to see the things she tries to keep from me so that I can earn her heart. Pulling back the covers, I slowly lift her dress. I’m relieved when I don’t find any more marks. Straddling her, I lean down and press feather-light kisses to all the marks on her chest, even the deep, gnarly bite Sebastian left on her shoulder. That mark grates me as much as it inspires me to stay the course. These marks were not made with the intent of pure malice. He wanted to mark her because he wanted her, but where he thought they’d dissuade me and make me desire her less, they don’t. I want him to like her. When we both took her on the lounge by the pool, I’d never felt so damn complete. I had my girl and my brother. I had my family. I want that forever.
As I make my way down her stomach, she starts to stir in the cool air from being uncovered, threatening to wake her from her peaceful slumber. I slowly part her thick thighs, exposing her bare pussy. I fucking love that she sleeps with no panties. Unable to help myself, I run my index finger between her soft lips teasingly, and her legs automatically spread for me. I position myself between her thighs and inhale deep before licking her straight up her center. Fuck, she has the best pussy I’ve ever tasted. I groan deeply as I go in for another pass and hear her gasp. My girl is awake. I lift her thighs, draping them over my shoulders as I pull her closer for my feast.
‘Ellis,’ she whimpers as I spear her tight hole with my tongue. I feel her weight shift and look up to find her dark brown eyes pinned on me and her perfect tits, now both exposed. Fuck, she’s so damn beautiful. Under her watchful gaze, I lick her deep before closing my mouth over her clit and sucking hard as I push two fingers inside.
‘Oh, fuck,’ she pants before falling back against the pillows. I know every inch of this pussy and how to make her come hard, and that’s what I intend to do. I need her to see that nothing has changed for me, despite everything. I still want it all. With one last stroke, I curl my fingers and hit that spot I know will make her detonate, and just like that, she’s soaking my fingers and grinding against my face. I lick up every last drop as I pump her through the aftershocks of her orgasm before reaching down to free my cock from my boxers.
Withdrawing my fingers, I kiss her lips and slowly make my way up her body, trailing a line of open-mouthed kisses over her hip bones and up her stomach until I reach the peaks of her breasts, where I gently suck each one, ensuring her eyes are on me as I do. I want there to be no mistake that I’ve seen the damage and I want her anyway. Once her nipples are thoroughly stimulated and her eyes return to mine, I widen my knees, spreading her thighs and nudging my tip at her entrance. I know she won’t deny me, but I give her a second regardless because it’s who I am.
Her hand brushes my arm, giving it a light squeeze, and I know I have it. Coming down onto my elbows, I push in slow because this, tonight, is different. Vivian and I have fucked countless times, but I’ve never taken her slowly. I’ve never given her this side of me. I go slow for the first few pumps, watching her pussy stretch around my width as my cock disappears inside her before finally finding the courage to meet her gaze.
The one thing I can count on with her is minimal eye contact. Like me, emotions scare the fuck out of her, but I’m done pretending she isn’t everything I want and more. When our eyes lock, I know she feels it, because my name breathlessly falls from her beautiful mouth. ‘Ellis.’ It’s a plea and confession all at once.
I know she’s scared, because my own heart is racing, sharing this with her, but I want what’s on the other side more than I want to hold onto my fear, so I say, ‘I love you, Vivian Fiori.’
Her hands come up to cradle my face, and she pulls my lips to hers in what has to be one of the most passionate kisses we’ve ever shared. It’s not rushed. We’re not fighting for dominance, but instead sharing our hearts in a way neither of us has words for. I can feel it. She wants every moment of this, and when I pull away and see her eyes filled with tears, my heart stumbles. I worry my words were too much until she starts, ‘But—’
I quickly find her mouth and kiss her slow and deep to silence her objections. We haven’t talked; I know she has questions, but they can wait. ‘There are no ‘buts,’ Vivian. I have no reservations. There is nothing you could do that would change my mind. Now, let me make love to you, baby,’ I say as I move to pull her calf up and around my waist, allowing me to slide in deeper.
‘Mmm,’ she draws out on a moan as I hit her g-spot deep, dragging my tip over it repeatedly with long strokes that make her legs tremble. Her pussy starts to choke my cock, and her shallow breaths tell me she’s close. I bring my forehead to hers and stare into her eyes for the first time, pushing her outside of her comfort zone.
I don’t expect her to say she loves me back, but she will bear witness to every second of the raw devotion in my confession. Her hands wind into the hairs at the base of my neck, making my back break out in goosebumps from the intimacy behind her touch and our locked eyes. When her plump lips slightly part, I am expecting a delicious moan, but instead, she squeezes my neck hard and says, ‘I loved you first.’
I want to refute her claims and scold her for saying it out of obligation, but her pussy clenches my dick hard as her orgasm takes root, and I steal the moment for myself, accepting the words as truth, if only for a second, as I pump in hard and deep one last time, losing myself inside of her. My head falls into the crook of her neck as her nails dig into my back, and she holds me close, wrapping both of her legs around my back as if she doesn’t want to let me go.
As our racing hearts calm and our ragged breaths ease, she asks, ‘Did you really mean it? Because I swear, I meant every word.’
My heart threatens to beat out of my chest one more time from her confession. I believe every word I doubted only seconds ago, because she’s holding me tight, scared of letting me go. And I know it has nothing to do with actually releasing me and everything to do with making eye contact. The second our eyes meet, it’s done. She is mine, and I am hers. Regardless of what is to come, she will be mine forever.
I kiss the side of her neck before saying, ‘You are my person, Vivian. I promise I will never hurt you.’ Her grip around my torso loosens slightly, allowing me to meet her eyes, and I see her fear and her truth—but what’s more, I see her heart. ‘It’s done, baby. No more walls. You are mine, and I am yours.’
When I look back at the last few months, and I replay her words, ‘I loved you first,’ everything seems so clear. Sometimes you meet someone, and there’s this instant connection. They make you feel everything, and it scares the living shit out of you. How can it be real? You start to question everything and do one of two things: run because you are scared or tear it apart because there’s no way the other person could possibly feel a shred of the same intensity you do. That’s how people end up settling. It was the right person but the wrong time. She was the girl I should have married, but I was too scared of everything she made me feel.
I’m not letting that happen to us. What we have has been intense and all-consuming from day one, but it’s real and goes both ways.
I want to take her again. I can feel myself hardening inside of her, but I also know we have words that are long overdue. Without them, she will not feel settled. I kiss her lips gently before pulling out and rolling off her, only to pull her with me. I drape her leg over mine and pull her arm across my chest, determined to keep her close.
We lay there in silence for a few long moments, my fingers trailing up and down her arm while hers run over the patch of hair on my chest that she loves. I relish this moment’s silence and completeness as I soak in the fleeting seconds we have left before we share all the words we need to say. I feel the rise and fall of her chest as she releases a stuttered breath and wait for her to start, because though I’ve tried, I can’t read her mind.
‘Ellis, we never talked about what happened, and I’m not even sure where to start, but we need to talk about us and what this is, especially after tonight.’
‘I told you I wasn’t going to make you choose. That’s still true.’
Her head rises from my chest as she props herself up on her elbow and meets my gaze. ‘But what does that mean? Are you suggesting an open relationship?’
I shake my head before answering, ‘No, I don’t want anyone else, Vivian. You are the only woman I ever want. I haven’t even considered taking another since we met.’
Her eyes search mine, waiting to see if I’ll give her more, and while I could rush ahead of all her questions and give her all my thoughts, I want to give her time to process my words. I’m asking a lot. I’m asking her to dig deep, see what I see, and embrace something within herself that she doesn’t like.
‘Okay…’ she draws out before adding, ‘So I’m it for you, and you don’t want to sleep with anyone else, but I can sleep with whoever I want. Ellis, who says that?’
I grab her hand to calm the nerves I know are rising within her. Our joined fingers give her eyes something to focus on while I give her my next words, ones that I need her to not only hear, but feel and accept.
‘No, Vivian. That is not at all what I am saying. I know you have feelings for two other men, one of them being my brother.’ I quickly bring my finger to her lips, ensuring she doesn’t refute my words until I am done giving them. ‘If your heart wants them, I want that too, as long as a piece belongs to me.’ My thumb traces her bottom lip before I drop my hand to let her speak.
For once, she doesn’t immediately talk back, and I’m hopeful that means she’s at least acknowledging that some of what I said is true. ‘Can you help me understand it?’
I’m not positive if she’s asking me to explain how I personally got to this point or why I believe it’s what she needs, but the answer is the same for both, so I ask, ‘Tell me what scared you about me?’
‘What do you mean, Ellis? You don’t scare me.’
I reach for her hand again, claiming it in mine, unsure how she’ll react to my words. ‘Aren’t you, though? You ran. Why did you run?’
Her eyes leave mine and focus once again on our joined fingers as she laces and unlaces them while deep in thought. I learned a lot, visiting Mason today. My girl is exactly the woman I thought she was and more. So fucking strong. I wait to see if her response will include that other truth, but will be grateful for any she shares, all the same. Small steps.
‘This scares me. There is no way I could possibly be good at a relationship. I’ve never seen a successful one. My parents never had any type of love for each other, at least not while I’ve been alive, and even when they moved on to other relationships, those were just as empty. But it’s more than that, Ellis; they didn’t love me. I was forgotten, an afterthought, a fucking daily reminder for each of them of the person they hated the most. I don’t ever want to be like them. However, in my heart, I feel like it’s what’s in my cards. It’s in my blood, because here’s the thing: I love you, Ellis. I do, and I want that to be enough…’
She pauses, and I know it’s not because she can’t find her words, but rather because she doesn’t want to say the ones on the tip of her tongue, so I say them for her. ‘But it’s not.’ She tries to pull away, but I stop her retreat. ‘Vivian, look at me.’ Her teeth are dug firmly into her bottom lip to keep it from trembling as her eyes well with tears.
‘Don’t you dare cry for me, baby. Our love looks different. You asked me to help you understand, and that’s what this is. Just like your upbringing shaped you and your beliefs, my life has defined mine, but unlike you, I don’t have any preconceived notions of what love should look like. I’ve never had it, but I know what it’s like to love you, and that’s something I never want to lose. I think it’s the same for you. You love me, Vivian, and I love you. We get to choose what that looks like.’
The unshed tears finally fall, but she blinks them away and nods. ‘I want to try. I want to try with you, but I need you to promise me something. Promise me we will always be honest, even when we think it will hurt. I do not agree to anything without that, Ellis.’
‘Always,’ falls from my lips without hesitation. While we’re discussing things that scare us, I ask a very obvious one. ‘While we’re talking about things that hurt, would you care to tell me where my car is, beautiful?’
She breaks eye contact, which displeases me, but before I can balk, she moves to mount me, and I feel the mix of our joint arousal leak out of her and onto my stomach. Fuck, why is that so hot? ‘It’s at Blush.’ She answers casually as she moves to pull her night dress off, once again distracting me with her nakedness, but her antics are not lost on me.
I see this tactic for what it is. She’s trying to distract me, and it’s working, but we’re not doing this. For any of this to work, she has to be open and honest. So, in an attempt to get her to own the name I already believe I know, I say, ‘I want a name, Vivian. Who brought you home?’
She slowly sits down so that her wet pussy is now covering my length before saying, ‘You already have it.’ Something in her tone puts me on alert. This is more, but before I can question, she adds, ‘But tell me, Ellis. Why does Tatum Carroway believe you are a bad man?’
Her comment puts me on alert. I immediately grip her hips hard, stilling her movements and earning her eyes, ensuring I have her attention when I say, ‘Vivian, I will never refuse you, but don’t try to manipulate me with sex. If you have something to say, say it.’
‘Okay. What don’t I know?’
‘I could ask you the same,’ I say in return.
Vivian is the one holding all the secrets. Still, because I haven’t verbally discussed aspects of my life that I know she’s already very much aware of from having had conversations with Charlie, who is my sister for all intents and purposes, she believes I’m keeping things from her. I haven’t brought up my past because it’s not a place I care to visit. It holds no bearing on the now and what I have with her, but I know that detail is what’s casting doubt in her mind now, so I say, ‘You know my past, Vivian. While you haven’t heard the details from my mouth, it doesn’t make them any less true. I grew up poor, raised by abusive addicts. At age eighteen, I ran away and took a scared little boy with me. Within a few weeks of moving here, I ran into Nico Serra, who extended his home to Sebastian and me. That’s it. Nico has guided me and provided me with resources I never imagined I would have, but I have paid him back for every cent. As for why Tatum Carroway is telling you I’m a bad man, I truly have no idea, but my gut tells me it probably has nothing to do with my true character and more to do with a girl he’s set on claiming for his own.’
Her eyes hold mine, and for a moment, it feels like she’s peering into my soul and seeing me for the first time. And maybe she is. There is power in words, and hearing her verbal confessions of things I already knew coming from her lips bridged a gap. Suddenly I felt like she cared enough to share pieces of herself that she didn’t show to the world. She trusted me with her heart, and that was priceless. So while her face is void of any emotion, I can’t help but feel like her mind and heart are anything but.
Leaning down, she kisses my chest over my heart before hovering above my mouth and saying, ‘I believe you.’ Out of all the words she could have chosen, she landed on those. Not ‘thank you for sharing with me’ or ‘I’m so sorry,’ but ‘I believe you,’ and those words couldn’t have fit more. That’s all I need, her trust to know that I will always protect her heart.
As her soft lips brush over mine, I take her mouth in a kiss that feels like forever. This new path we are charting will take trust and faith, so having her believe my truth now gives me confidence that we can weather the storms I am sure will come tomorrow.
