Sitting at my desk checking on equipment ETAs, my head is in the damn clouds. Last night, Ellis and I confessed we loved each other—and not just once. It was like a dam had broken, and each of us said all the words we never heard and spoke all the sentiments we had refused to feel. I couldn’t tell you how many orgasms he gave me until the wee hours of the morning, worshiping my body in ways that no one ever has, whispering sweet words of praise over every inch as he took me long and slow. I’ve never felt more cherished, and to think it was after he discussed sharing me with other men.
So, as much as I hated my alarm for going off this morning, I was grateful to have a job I needed to get to, not because I was running but because I just needed some time to reflect. You’d think being alone would trigger me. For a long time it did, until finally it became a choice. I haven’t been in any real relationship my entire life, and I couldn’t begin to tell you what a successful one should look like, but I believe having your own time and space is essential. It’s healthy to spend time apart, hear your own voice, and ground yourself.
I’ve been holed up in my office all morning, and Tate hasn’t stopped in so far. That’s the only caveat to running away to work. Technically, I’m getting away from one man only to be hounded by another, but in two weeks’ time, that won’t be the case anymore. Blush will be a man-free zone aside from the few instructors I’ll bring on for classes I feel a man is better suited to teach.
Speak of the fucking devil; just as I swallow my last drop of coffee, Tate opens the door, and his steely gray gaze that’s just a tad bluer than Ellis’s, locks on mine, momentarily stealing my breath.
Of course, he notices. Nothing gets past my shadow. Last night, he didn’t come right out and admit to following me to the beach, but it was implied when he said he’s always watching. Running into him on the corner outside Blush on my first day, his tardiness in the parking garage the same day I came back after being locked up, and his overall job at my gym have me questioning how much, if any, of our time spent together has genuinely been coincidental. And while I know stalking is no joking matter, I’m also not your usual prey. I’m well aware of the appeal the entire notion has to someone with a past like mine.
His eyebrow rises in question as if the glaring amount of time I’ve spent thinking about him is now suddenly obvious, and I’m simply the last to realize what’s been in front of me all along. Hell, maybe I am, because while I may have been all too willing to let him fuck me with my dildo, he didn’t take my breath away then like he is now. In my mind, I wanted to get off. Tatum was kind to me, I am attracted to him, and he was there. But after last night’s revelations, it would seem Ellis was right. My heart wants him, but before I can give that admittance any more thought, in strolls Charlie Croft, the savior I didn’t know I needed. Perfect. Now I know I won’t be distracted for at least another hour.
Charlie is anything but brief. The girl can talk. It has to be because she spent a decade living with one man, unable to have any sort of social life outside of him, but hey, I’m not complaining. I’m thankful for the distraction.
But I don’t miss the way her and Tate’s eyes nervously clash at each other or the perplexed frown she attempts to wipe off her face as he closes the door behind her before she turns to greet me.
Getting up from my desk, I stretch my legs and walk around to give her a hug and ask, ‘What brings you by? I thought you said you didn’t have any free time in your schedule this week.’
I’ll get pleasantries out of the way before I grill her on that look. Were it not for the flash of recognition I saw on Tate’s face, I could pass the entire exchange off as mistaken identity—but the stirring in my gut tells me that’s not it, and my instincts are never wrong.
Pulling out of our hug, she rolls her eyes and plops herself into one of my guest chairs. ‘Mason,’ she exhales his name on a breath of annoyance before pinning me with a perturbed stare that momentarily brings me peace. Yes, that’s fucked up, but hey, at least it’s her drama and not mine.
‘Oh yeah? What did the fucker do now that has your panties in a bunch?’ I take my seat and put my hands up. ‘Wait, wait, wait. Don’t tell me. Let me guess; did he take over your waxing appointment, convinced you’d leave him for Ida?’ I slap my hands down on the desk as I bust out into hysterics. ‘That woman kills me. I don’t understand how you can be a professional waxer, but have one-inch-long chin hairs.’
All my slapstick commentary earns me is a semi-amused lip quirk. Great, this must be serious. I come down from my fit of laughter—one that I apparently needed, because it cracked me up way more than it should have—but before the small wave of ease that laughter brought me can settle, Charlie delivers her reason for stopping by unannounced.
‘Ellis visited Mason yesterday at his office.’
Damn it. It figures her appearance would be related to my chaos and not her own.
‘Mason felt it was important to have this conversation in person and not over the phone, which is why he sent me.’ She shakes her head, and I can tell she’s just as aggravated as I have no doubt I am about to be when she delivers the news. ‘He had to leave for Paris late last night to deal with some business overseas. But let me preface this conversation by saying that while I don’t exactly support what he did, I understand why he did it.’
I sit back in my chair with my hands folded over my stomach, my mind a million miles away, going over what Mason possibly could have done to betray my trust. Last night, I finally confided in Ellis about my trust fund and how I walked away to cut all ties with my family, and while I didn’t think Ellis would believe I was with him for his money, it does change things. With money, I was his equal, the girl who didn’t need him but wanted him. I didn’t want him to think I was suddenly latching onto him because I didn’t have any of my own. I’m not exactly poor, but I will need Blush to turn profits in order to pay my bills. I was scared to lose that mask, but after hearing his confessions, I felt safe. However, looking back, my admission didn’t seem to surprise him, and now I know why. He already knew.
Charlie clears her throat, and it’s then I realize she’s waiting for some type of cue from me to start. ‘Just get on with it.’ I am not trying to be rude, but my chest is somewhat tight as I let the thought that one of the only men I’ve ever trusted somehow betrayed me. I never had parents to talk with or run to for guidance. I had my childhood girlfriend and Mason. That was it.
She rolls her lips nervously. ‘He told Ellis why you went back to St. Louis. Ellis knows that you walked away from your inheritance and that all your savings went into Blush.’
I let out a long melancholic sigh as I spin in my chair. Am I hurt? Maybe a little but the anger I thought I’d feel isn’t there, and that’s huge. ‘Is there anything else?’ I ask, my tone harsher than intended. When my eyes find hers, I know without words there is more. Fuck.
She gives me an apologetic smile before saying, ‘He told him everything. Ellis is aware of the meeting you had with your father when you forfeited your inheritance and…’ She pauses, her eyes breaking away from mine and finding the floor before adding, ‘And the trauma you suffered at his hands as a young child.’
Now that I wasn’t expecting. Not from Mason. I blanketly stare at Charlie, utterly speechless. Mason only knows how my father tormented me because he came looking for me. It was our sophomore year, and he just got his license. Mason knew I alternated between my parents’ houses. Every other week I stayed with my father, and I would go radio silent when I was at his house. One night Mason got bored and frustrated that he couldn’t get ahold of me, so he decided to try and pick me up to hang out. Little did he know that wasn’t an option with Julian Fiori. When he came to the front door, my father’s girlfriend told him I wasn’t available and that he’d have to wait until Monday to see me at school. He didn’t like that answer and decided to sneak around the property until he found my window. The man literally climbed the side of the house and skirted the roof to get to me like some knight and shining armor out of a fairytale. It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. It made me feel seen. That night I shared my truths, but I didn’t dare defy Julian and attempt to sneak out. My father made my life hell enough for just existing. I didn’t want to know what life would be like if I had actually done something besides breathe to incite him. Mason knows I haven’t shared that part of my life with anyone outside of my therapist, and it hurts knowing he broke his vow of confidence.
Charlie must notice my distress because she holds her hands up and says, ‘Vivi, I don’t know anything aside from those words I just gave you. Believe it or not, Mason didn’t tell me anything. He said, ‘if she wants to tell you, she will.”
‘As if that makes it any better.’ I retort sarcastically before adding rather tersely, ‘He told another man, and not just any man, but the man I love. I don’t want his pity, Charlie. I don’t need to be fixed.’
She’s quiet as she considers my words and contemplates her own. ‘I know my husband, Vivian, and while you are hurting, I know you do as well. He would never do anything that could even remotely harm someone he cares about. The man is loyal to a fault and has never been a fan of Ellis, so the fact that he gave him something incredibly personal about you speaks volumes to whatever words they shared that would lead him to jeopardize your faith in him.’
After all the things Ellis and I shared last night, I suppose in time, the parts of my life I’ve kept tucked away would have eventually come out, but the difference is, they would have come out on my time once I was ready to share. The talk with my dad was something I planned on holding close for a while. Mason is like a brother to me, my safe place. He’s been all I’ve had for so long that it’s hard to wrap my mind around having someone else.
‘Vivi, tell me what you’re thinking. I’m sure out of anyone you know, I more than qualify as an ear to bend.’
It’s twisted, but I can’t help but harrumph at her words. She is right. The two of us could be poster children for daddy issues. ‘My past has always made me feel weak. I’ve always felt my problems were inconsequential in comparison to those of others. So what? I had a mentally abusive father and an absent mother. I survived—’
‘Stop right there,’ she holds up her hand, cutting me off. ‘You can’t keep dismissing your trauma as if it doesn’t count, as if someone else’s journey was harder just because they have scars you can see. It took me months to find myself after discovering my whole life had been a lie. It’s okay to not be okay for a little while. It doesn’t make you weak. The scars remind us that the past was real. They show us strength in the face of persecution.’
‘I hear you,’ I say as I run my hand through my hair. This conversation was not the one I planned on having when I saw Charlie walk through my door today. I know she’s not wrong. I’ve heard all this in therapy countless times, and a lot of the time, it just comes down to practicing what we preach. It’s easy to say the things we know we need to do. What’s hard is following through. But I’m not sure that’s what’s pulling at my heartstrings now. I haven’t been to therapy since moving to San Jose. Therefore I haven’t dealt with what happened when I returned home to throw my father’s money back in his face. That, coupled with everything I shared last night with Ellis, has me upset.
‘I’m sensing a but…’ Charlie adds.
‘But my dad’s affliction was his fatal attraction to my mother. I always knew my father was a callous, coldhearted, and calculated man. I just didn’t realize I was a damn pawn my entire fucking life.’
There’s no point in keeping this to myself and letting it continue to gnaw away at my sanity and poison my heart, because the truth is, what I saw is what scares me the most about Ellis’s proposition. I’ve seen firsthand the damage a sick heart can cause. It’s why I need the space from Ellis to wrap my head around everything. I am sure I love him, but love can be the most destructive force of all.
‘The love I thought didn’t exist between my parents was there all along. It was just ugly. The day I went home to sign over my shares to my inheritance, I walked into his office unannounced and found him fucking my mother on the conference table. He spent years of his life making our lives hell simply because he didn’t like the imbalance of power that having me brought to his relationship with my mother. My existence threatened him, and we suffered until he got what he wanted. Me gone.’
Her phone buzzes in her pocket. She doesn’t budge, intent on giving me her full attention, but I insist she check it. ‘It’s probably Mason making sure you’re doing his bidding.’
She rolls her eyes at my comment before snapping, ‘It’s funny that you think he doesn’t know I’m sitting in your office as we speak. If he could strap a microphone to me, he would.’ Then, as she pulls out her phone, she flashes it at me. ‘It’s Mace calling to FaceTime.’
‘Answer it, and we’ll find out if there’s a hidden microphone in the Louis Vuitton you’re toting.
‘Haha, very funny,’ she quips before answering, ‘Yes, dear,’ in a tone meant to mock.
But he ignores her completely, instead choosing to address me. ‘Vivi, I’m sorry. I don’t have time to talk. I’m walking into a meeting with the commissioners, but I saw that Charlie is still with you. I’m not sure what she’s shared with you yet, but none of it matters. I know you’re unhappy with me, and I understand that, but if you don’t hear anything today, hear this. Ellis Lykos loves you. It rivals what I have for the woman sitting in your office now.’ There are some muffled voices in the background before he says, ‘I have to go; I’ll talk to you later, baby.’
As soon as the phone clicks off, Charlie’s eyes widen, and her mouth drops open before she says, ‘Why didn’t you tell me he said, ‘I love you?’ Vivian, that’s a big deal.’
‘You’re right it is, but he said it on the heels of a conversation he had with Mason where I now know he heard my pathetic story about my parents and the lack of love I had with my own father and—’
‘Stop. You are the queen of deflection today,’ she says, holding her hand up. ‘I know exactly where you are going, and I can promise you he did not say those words to you out of pity, and I think if you dig deep, you’ll see that for yourself. The way I understand it, Ellis went to Mason because he knew you were holding back, and he didn’t want to lose you again. We both know Ellis is a man of few words. He doesn’t do well with emotions, a little like someone else I know…’ she pauses, calling me out with a wide-eyed glare before adding, ‘So I suggest you own your shit and let him love you. You can’t possibly believe that he is anything like your lunatic father. He is a sick man, Vivian. I don’t need to know about the horrors you endured. They are valid, but don’t let them steal your future the way they did your past.’
I drum my fingers on the desk as her words resonate in my heart. She’s not wrong, and while I may have cut ties and walked away from my money, I’m still letting my scars direct my future. Pulling in a deep breath, I’m letting all the toxic hate that fueled my past collect for the last time, because I’m done having a weak heart. As my lungs deflate, I let it all go and say, ‘How much do I owe you for your time today, doc?’
She laughs as we shake off the heavy conversation, but not before pointing her finger at me and saying, ‘You better not break his heart, Vi. I love you, but that man deserves the best. I might have to hate you for a while if you do.’
‘Trust me,’ I say as I pick up my empty coffee cup and lazily start spinning the paper sleeve, ‘hurting Ellis is the last thing I ever want to do, but—’
A knock at the door interrupts our conversation, and Tate pops his head in. ‘Lunch in thirty minutes?’
I stare at him with a perplexed look as my anger slowly rises. Since when does he think he can barge into my office while I have guests and demand my time? But before my anger has a chance to hit full boil, Charlie’s expression grabs my attention, and Tate dips out. Suddenly, I’m thankful for his unwelcomed interruption, because it reminded me that I have questions for Charlie.
‘Spill it, Charlie. How do you know that man?’
She quirks a brow before asking, ‘Does Ellis know about him?’
Her question takes me by surprise for two reasons. First, I have yet to tell her that I have any type of relationship with Tatum, and secondly, what does Ellis’s knowledge of him have to do with my original question? That’s when I remember what kind of company she runs with her father Nico Serra, and how Ellis technically has access to it by default, being his adoptive son.
My stomach starts to churn as I answer, ‘Yes.’ Fuck, I wasn’t expecting this type of roller coaster by accepting my feelings and acknowledging them out loud. It’s as if my ups and downs are somehow now tied to the trust I put in that man. ‘What aren’t you telling me, Charlie?’
Her eyes slightly narrow before she says, ‘I could ask you the same thing.’ She nods back toward the door before adding, ‘I saw that look. The two of you shared it not once but twice.’
I just told her I had no plans of hurting Ellis, so I don’t believe her question is an innuendo suggesting otherwise. No, Charlie knows my past. She’s asking if Tate is more. I could brush it off because, at the end of the day, it’s none of her business, and technically, Tate and I aren’t anything, but I could really use a girlfriend right now, so I say, ‘Fine, I’ll tell you mine, but Charlie, this is girl talk. No running to Mason because he’s your husband telling him everything.’
She nods in agreement eagerly as a big smile takes over her face, and she says, ‘Promise.’
Then, pointing my finger at her, I add, ‘And you will tell me what you know about Tatum Carroway.’ She purses her lips, unhappy with my addendum, but I add, ‘You spill too, or there’s no deal. Plus, I am your best friend, so it’s an unwritten rule that you must tell me.’
‘Fine,’ she answers a little bitterly. However, I don’t believe it’s because she doesn’t want to tell me. My gut tells me it’s about whatever confidentiality clauses she might be breaking by talking.
I get straight to the point because there is no good place to start. ‘I let Tatum get me off with a dildo on top of my desk before fucking Ellis and Sebastian poolside at your dad’s house.’
Her mouth drops open before she brings her hand up to cover it. Charlie is not a prude by any means. I know her reaction isn’t judgment but rather straight shock. She rubs her fingers over her lips before she says, ‘Sebastian, as in Ellis’s brother? I mean, I don’t want to assume.’
‘Fuck off. You know damn well what Sebastian I’m talking about. Now, give me your honest thoughts.’ I intentionally was straightforward in my delivery because I wanted her unfiltered opinion, not one she believes I wanted to hear based on my feelings. She knows Ellis and Sebastian better than I do, and it’s safe to assume she also knows something about Tatum Carroway.
‘My immediate thought is that’s fucking hot.’ She points her finger at me and adds, ‘You said this is girl talk, so it better not get back to Mason. Ellis is built like a Greek god.’ Pausing, her cheeks heat, and I know she’s probably thinking about her own run-in with him in the shower. She rolls her lips before saying, ‘And while Seb is a prickly motherfucker, it doesn’t change the fact that he is striking. Hell, if anything, it makes him more attractive. The allure of wanting to tame him and bend him to your will. Now, Tatum is something different altogether. He has that bad boy image down pat, covered from head to toe in tattoos, but those damn lips with their perfect cupid bow all pouty and shit. That man has one setting: slow simmer.’
I can’t help but laugh out loud at her analysis, but while she nailed their looks, it wasn’t lost on me that she didn’t mention anything about the entire dynamic. But before I can call her out, she clears her throat and says, ‘Vivian, in all seriousness, I don’t know what to make of all that. Concerning Ellis and Sebastian, neither of those men make moves that aren’t calculated, and that gives me trepidation. Not where Ellis is concerned, because if he allowed that to happen, I have no doubt he put thought into it, but Sebastian is savage. I’ve never fully understood him, but I do believe under his hard exterior is a man capable of love. Just be careful, Vi. I’d hate to see any one of you get hurt.’ She lets out a heavy sigh before adding, ‘But aside from the heavy, are you fucking kidding me? When I grow up, I want to be you.’
That makes me laugh. I’ve been so worried about what comes next that I haven’t fully embraced the now and allowed myself to enjoy what I have. ‘What I have at the moment makes monogamy more and more appealing. Playing with three dicks is fun. Managing them and their demanding personalities, not so much.’
‘Well, if anyone can bring three men to heel, it would be you, Vi.’
Her words give me a reason to reflect. Is there truly a reality where I can have all three men? Charlie didn’t say anything I don’t already know regarding Sebastian or Ellis. In the time I’ve spent away from Sebastian since we left the Estate, I’ve come to similar conclusions about his heart. Sebastian may be drenched in rage, but it’s a wall, a coping mechanism for whatever pain lurks beneath the surface, and that hurt calls to me. I’ve been drawn to him since he stepped into Ellis’s condo a week after Ellis and I had met. There was something eerily familiar about him then and now, and I’ve hated him for it. His mere existence has made me doubt all that I feel for Ellis. But I know a lot of my ire is rooted in the fact that I see myself reflected in him. I am that same angry kid unable to let go of her resentment for a past she can’t change. It’s why I haven’t been able to move past him. A part of me wants to save him because no one ever saved me.
Before I forget to ask by letting my mind focus on the one man who probably has not thought of me once in two weeks, I say, ‘Your turn. What do you know about Tatum Carroway?’
