a baseball game with my dad. Though I couldn’t have been more than four or five and had no clue what the game was about. I just liked spending time with my dad. My brother had no interest in games or TV in general, so I’ve never watched or played baseball since my parents died.
That’s why when I got home last night, the first thing I did was research the game. Since they were nice enough to invite me, I wanted to know at least the basics.
Since this game party was happening at her friend Jana’s house, I picked up Hope and we both came over together. The girls left not too long after the guys. Mostly, we’re eating before the game starts and they’re talking about work. They do seem curious about my life up on the mountain and have asked me a few questions. How I do this or how I do that? Do I have things like internet, or a phone and what I do during the winter? Those sorts of things are the questions I get. I don’t mind answering, as I find people that are generally curious. Even around here, I know how I live is not the normal way of life.
I make sure to try Jana’s taco dip since I remember Alex mentioning it yesterday. It’s really good and I can see why he insisted on having it for the party today. Before I forget, I pull out my phone and text Hope. Since I have Internet up at the cabin, she’s been working on the texting with me. Although we can text and call with my phone, I don’t have service on the mountain. So if I’m not in my cabin it’s pointless. Unless like today when I’m in town and being that I can reach out to her like this, I’m finding it very useful.
Me: I just tried Jana’s taco dip, and it’s really good. You should see if she’s willing to give you the recipe.
Hope: I have the recipe. She gave it to me not too long ago. Are you having fun?
That seems like a trick question. I’m not having fun. But everyone seems to be talking to everyone else and I’m just a new guy so while they have tried to include me, I’m still not really part of their group. Though I want Hope to have fun too and don’t want her to worry about me.
Me: Yeah, the guys are nice. The game hasn’t started yet though. We’re just eating. Are you guys having fun?
Hope: Yes, we’re about to put on a movie.
When everyone sits down like the game is about to start, I follow into the living room. Jana promised to take Hope home since we’re not sure how long the game is going to last. I would like to agree, but I’ve been uneasy since the festival yesterday.
Several times, I felt like we were being watched. It may be my first town function and I know people were watching us and staring, but this was different. Actually, it felt almost malicious, but I never saw anything, so I kind of chalked it up to me just being uncomfortable in a large crowd. Though I kept thinking about it when we were sitting down eating. Then Hope looked around, almost like she felt it too, and looked scared for just a brief moment before it passed. Right now, I keep telling myself I was probably overreacting.
‘Do you know anything about baseball?’ the guy beside me asks. I think his name was Dan.
‘I know the basics of how the game works.’ I decided not to give him too much detail, but he’s nice and answers my questions and explains things as we go. Everyone seems to be in a really good mood for the first inning, but during the first commercial break after the second inning the guys all start complaining about their girlfriends.
One guy grumbles about how his girl wants a weekly date night. Another one grouses about how much she hates him playing video games. They all jump in on that one. Since I’ve never really had a need or want to play video games, I just stay quiet. But they all calm down when the game starts up again.
During the next commercial break, it’s Jana’s boyfriend Alex turn to complain.
‘Man, do you have any idea how much time Jana expects me to spend with her family? I live on the other side of Helena, so it’s an hour and a half just to get to them and she expects to spend all day there and then drive home that night. Worse yet, she wants to do this every weekend. When I suggested that the least she could do was give me a blowjob or some road head on the way, we got into a huge argument,’ Alex whines.
The other guys all join in about how their girls want them to do this or that and they won’t even give them a blow job or sex.
Before I can open my mouth, the game starts back up and decide to drop it for now. Hope wants to be friends with these guys’ girlfriends, so it’s probably best to not stir the pot. The game goes on and everyone is really into it yelling and screaming at the TV and I start to get into the game too. Actually, it’s fun to watch. At least everybody in the room is voting for the same team. While I have no team preference, I decided to that I would root for the same team as everyone else.
Dan continues to answer my questions, making sure I understand the game. During the next commercial break, everyone restocks their drinks and food before sitting back down to not miss the game. Just as I think that I’m about to start having fun with these guys and that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to hang out with them, the next commercial break hits, then once again, they start complaining about their girlfriends.
‘Why are you with these girls if all you do is complain about them?’ I ask, finally frustrated at their behavior. The guy’s kind of look around the room at each other before Alex answers me.
‘To get laid, why else?’ Alex says. Everyone smiles and snickers, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
‘Come on, man. Even you have to admit the best part of relationship is the sex,’ Alex says.
I don’t say anything because I think he’s only looking for me to agree with him. Though sex with Hope is great, it’s not the best part of our relationship, at least not for me. In general I enjoy her company and her as a person.
I think Dan, the guy beside me begins to realize that I don’t agree.
‘Think about it. There are things about Hope that you don’t like, but you put up with it for the things that you do like,’ Dan says.
Even as the game starts back up, they seem to stay focused on me and what my answer is going to be. While I know no matter what I say, they’re not going to like it, I refuse to lie and devalue my relationship with Hope either.
‘I’m with Hope because I like her as a person. She’s great company and I enjoy talking to her. I don’t just put up with her to get sex and I sure as hell am not going to sit around complaining about spending time with her family or the things that she wants me to do. Mostly because she puts up with a whole hell of a lot for me, just like your girls put up a whole hell of a lot from you guys, especially if this is how you act and this is how you treat them.’
With that, I stand up and don’t say another word. Then I walk out to my truck and leave. Is this really how guys act when they get together? Is this what Hope and her friends are doing? Are they complaining about us?
As I drive home, the more I think about it, the angrier I get. Why did Hope to want me to spend time with these guys? Did she really think that we’d be able to be friends? Does she even know what these guys are like? My sweet, beautiful Hope couldn’t possibly want to fit in with these people, but yet the closer I get to home, the madder I get about the whole evening. If this is what she considers fun, then maybe we aren’t as suitable for each other as I had once thought.
Before bed, I check on my animals, but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to disrupt Hope because I do want her to have a good time. She was really excited about spending time with Jana, but we need to talk. For sure, I definitely don’t want to talk to her when I’m feeling like this. I don’t think I could handle it if she says that this is what normal people do when they get together with their friends. But I can’t think about losing her and going back to being isolated and alone with the exception of my friends at the shop.
I end up turning my phone off, as I don’t know what to say or do. Even though I want to try to clear my head and think this through, all I can seem to think about is the comments the guys made. My parents are gone and Hope isn’t close with her mom, but I don’t know anything about her dad. If I was in Alex’s shoes and Hope wanted me to spend time with her parents every weekend, I’d be more than happy to. At least I think I would as long as I got along with her family. Really, I’d be happy to have some kind of family figure back in my life.
Tossing and turning all night, I run things that were said in my head over and over. I keep thinking about how I could have handled things differently. Will Hope be upset about how I handled things? Do I even tell her? Is she trying to change me? Maybe she’d rather I live in town and I’ve read her all wrong.
Maybe in the morning I’ll reach out to Axel and Emelie. Emelie always seems to know what to do in these situations and it would certainly be nice to have someone to talk to before I talk to Hope.
I just pray this isn’t a normal relationship thing, or how Hope acts because I don’t want to lose her, but I refuse to stay with her just for sex and complain about everything else like those other guys.
I’m not ready to go back to my solitude, but I don’t think I can stay with her feeling like this either.
