“Damn it, fuck, fuck, fuck.” A constant stream of curse words flowed from my mouth.
I had no idea where Allan would go. I hadn’t been into town with him except to the hardware store. He had liked the ability to explore on his own and have a home base to come back to.
Honestly, he didn’t go out much. As far as I knew, he enjoyed going to the grocery store because it gave him the challenge of what to cook. I thought he had really found what Colonel Manning would have called ‘making his soul happy’.
Only now, after the incident with the knife, and now this, I didn’t know what Allan’s future held for him. I was damn well going to make sure he had one. For lack of a better idea, I went to the Burger Jeff first, just in case he went in search of Mac.
God, I hoped he wasn’t doing that. I pulled the gun out from where it was digging into my back and put it in the console under my elbow. I gave myself a time limit. If I couldn’t locate Allan on my own, I would get the police involved and surrender that weapon.
I drove too fast through the small town. Maybe that would be how I found Allan, just listen for sirens and a car chase. I lowered the windows and then laughed at myself. I didn’t have a police scanner to listen in on their radio communications, and I sure as hell didn’t have any kind of superhero hearing, just the opposite. What was I lowering the windows for? It wasn’t as if I would hear anything.
Not seeing Allan’s car after circling the lot at the Burger Jeff, I went and cruised through the lot at the grocery store. I checked out the lot for every single grocery store in Flat Rock and in Shasta. I didn’t think Allan would have gone to Redding.
Hell, he could have gotten on I-5 and headed to Oregon for all I knew. I needed him to stay where I could find him. I wasn’t a praying man. I’d seen too many horrors in my service to believe in the power of prayer, but damn if I wasn’t praying to whatever would listen to me. I needed to find Allan first before he could do anything to himself or anyone else.
The sun set and I was still cruising up and down the streets of Flat Rock racking my brain for places I might find him. My deadline for going to the police for assistance was long past. I couldn’t take the time to stop and explain everything to them, not when Allan was in crisis and every second counted.
I reviewed every conversation I could remember. Had Allan said he wanted to go anywhere, see anything?
The truck started the incessant chiming that indicated I needed gas.
“Well, fuck me.” Allan was leaning against his car staring at the gas pump as I pulled alongside one of the other pumps.
As calmly as I could, even with my heart racing, I strode up to him.
“Soldier?”
“Oh, hi, Major.” His confused gaze didn’t leave the pump. “My car needs gas, but I don’t seem to have any money with me, and this won’t work unless I put money in it.”
His voice was calm, quiet. He wasn’t quite back to reality, but he was no longer in the same place he had been that afternoon.
“Come with me.” I took his arm and led him into the convenience store. I parked him in the candy and chips aisle. “Pick out some snacks for a road trip. I’ll get your car taken care of.”
“Are we going somewhere?” he asked.
“Yeah, Allan, we’re going somewhere.” I crossed the store and asked the lady at the counter if she was the manager.
“Not me, you need to talk to Marylin. I’ll get her for you.”
I watched Allan as I waited.
“You needed to see me? What’s wrong?” An older lady came out from the back.
“Ma’am, “I started. I pulled out my id and explained who I was. “I desperately need to get my soldier to Sacramento. But his car is at one of your pumps. If I give you the keys and my credit card number, can you get it towed back to my place?”
She looked at my ID that I held out for her and over my shoulder at Allan.
“Is he okay?”
“No, ma’am, he is not. That’s why I need to get him to the VA hospital there. They have facilities that can handle his situation.”
“Get me his keys, and I’ll do you one better. I’ll drive it back to your place at no charge. My son was in the service. I understand doing what’s necessary to keep those young people healthy when they get home.”
I could have hugged her. Instead, I gave her ten bucks to put gas in his car.
“Major, I got snacks,” Allan said, walking up with his arms full of chips and candy.
I paid for everything and told Allan to give the lady his keys. He was a little confused, but when I explained she would gas up his car and he was leaving with me, he shrugged and handed over the keys.
I thanked Marylin one more time and led Allan back to the truck. I made sure he was comfortably in the back seat and buckled in. I then locked the console with the gun. I should have done that first, but he didn’t know it was there, and I wasn’t going to tell him. We were on the road and headed toward Sacramento after I filled the tank.
It was almost midnight before I got to the VA hospital. I pulled into the emergency parking.
“What are we doing here, Major?” Allan asked from the back. He had fallen asleep for most of the drive. “I’m not doing well, am I? I fucked up everything, didn’t I?”
“You didn’t fuck up anything, Allan. You need some help, more than I’m qualified to give. These people will be able to help you.”
He sighed. I went around to his side of the truck and opened the door for him. He hadn’t even complained that I had the child safety locks on in the back for him. He carried a bag of chips with him, hugging them like a security blanket. Getting him checked in was not unlike the time I took Ruby into the ER after she broke her wrist. Damn it, I owed that kid a phone and an explanation of what happened.
“You’re gonna stay with me?” He sounded scared. He had opened the chips and was eating them meticulously, one chip at a time.
“Of course I am.” I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the baseball. “I think you need to hold onto this for a while.”
“A baseball? Oh, shit, is this Huntington’s?” He handed me the chips as he took the ball.
I nodded. “Calvin isn’t around to toss that damned ball around anymore. It’s up to us to give that ball life. I’ve held onto it because—”
“Huntington was always tossing this up in the air.” Allan huffed a pained laugh. “It was so fucking annoying, you know?”
He examined the ball before giving it a small toss. Once he started, he kept going, watching the ball go up and down. He didn’t toss it far up, less than a foot each time. But it did what I had hoped. It gave him something to focus on.
“We go on, we keep tossing the ball because Calvin wasn’t given that opportunity. You hear me, Allan? We go on to honor Huntington and the other soldiers like him.”
Allan nodded.
“I’m scared,” he said after long minutes of tossing the ball up.
“Me too,” I admitted.
When they called him back, I stood to follow.
“Sorry, Major, just him. You can’t bring that back.” The nurse pointed at the ball.
Allan’s eyes were wide with uncertainty.
I took the ball from him. “You’ll be just fine,” I said.
“Will you stay around?”
“He’ll be able to come back after a while, just not right now,” the nurse said.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I had learned my lesson with Ruby. If that person mattered, I stayed put. Allan mattered. I wasn’t going to ditch him and run.
The chairs in the waiting room were uncomfortable, but I still managed to fall asleep. The rolled-up bag of chips ended up being a very loud pillow. Dawn lightened the sky when the same nurse woke me up.
“He’s situated. He’s asleep right now, but I thought you’d want to come back.”
I nodded and yawned. “Sedated?” I asked.
She shook her head. “We gave him something to regulate, but he fell asleep on his own. He kept asking about that baseball.”
“Will I be able to leave it with him?”
“The doctor hasn’t said. Usually, the policy is no. But you can bring it every time you visit.”
Allan was asleep. He was in a hospital issue gown, and his leg was gone. I sat with him for a while and dozed a bit.
I woke up when the nurse came back to check on us. “He can’t have his leg?”
“Nothing he could harm himself with. We are waiting for orders, but he’s going to be put on a seventy-two hour hold while we find him a bed in the facility.”
“What about pants?” I asked. The man should be allowed pants, especially if he was being held for three days.
“He can have soft clothes, no drawstrings. He can’t have the cargos he came in with.”
“If I leave to get him some pants, will I be allowed back in?” I didn’t want to be blocked from returning if I left.
“Of course you will. We do insist on breaks for visiting hours, but you will be allowed back in.”
I looked over at Allan. He was deeply asleep. I didn’t want to go, but he deserved what dignity he could have in this situation.
“Let him know I went to get him something comfortable to wear. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
