Stop!’ a voice in obvious distress pulls me from sleep.
I’m ready to interfere and protect the woman who needs help until I realize she’s lying in bed next to me. Jana is having a nightmare, and from the sounds of it, it’s about her ordeal at the cabin.
I turn over and gently rub her arm.
‘Jana, you’re safe. You’re not there anymore. You’re safe with me.’ I repeat the words as I gently try to wake her up.
Her eyelids flutter, and when she opens her eyes, they’re full of confusion. ‘Cole?’
‘Yeah. You were having a nightmare.’
She groans and turns to face me. She plasters herself to my side, resting her head on my shoulder and tangling her legs with mine while wrapping her arm over my chest.
I tense. Sharing a bed with Jana was already outside my comfort zone, but she didn’t want to be left alone and refused to let me sleep on the couch. My bed is big enough that I’d have been fine if we each stayed to our sides. But having her wrapped around me like this is a little too much.
‘Let me get you a glass of water,’ I say, trying to get out of bed.
‘No!’ She sounds almost panicked as she clings to me tighter.
She’s panicked at the thought of me leaving. If her nightmare took her back to that cabin, being inside might be the last thing she needs right now.
‘OK, then you’ll come with me.’ I don’t give her time to respond. I wrap the blanket around her and scoop her up in my arms.
I take her to the kitchen and set her on the counter while I get her a glass of water. Then I scoop her up again and head out to the back porch. I sit in one of the Adirondack styles chairs I built and arrange her on my lap.
‘The sun should be coming up. We’ll sit out here as long as you want,’ I tell her.
‘Thank you, Cole.’ She rests her head on my shoulder and snuggles into me as she slowly relaxes.
‘After everything I saw in the military, I’d wake up many nights, and it would take me minutes to realize where I was. Sitting here watching the sunrise over the mountains was a great reminder that I was safe,’ I confess. As uncomfortable as I am sharing, I know it’s what she needs.
She tried earlier to get me to open up before she shut down. I don’t like her shutting down. I want to know every little detail about her, but I get the feeling she won’t share with me if I don’t open up to her.
‘This is perfect,’ she says.
Neither of us moves as we watch the first hints of the sun peek over the mountain tops. With any luck, the sky will burst into beautiful colors for her to enjoy up here. It’s usually pinks and purples and some reds during sunrise.
‘I’m not… it’s not easy to talk about myself. I haven’t had to for many years,’ I admit, breaking the silence.
‘It’s okay. I understand. You moved out here for a reason, and it wasn’t because you wanted a social life.’
She gets me. If that isn’t even more reason to at least try for her, I don’t know what is.
‘I want to tell you. Not everything because there are things from my military time that don’t need to touch you, but I want you to know me,’ I admit.
She sits up and looks at me like she did in the bathroom. She looks at me, not at my scar, making me feel seen.
‘After I was injured in the military, I went to a place called Oakside. It’s a military rehab facility that helps injured veterans transfer into civilian life and heal after their time in the hospital.’ I start slowly as she snuggles back into me. She doesn’t push but lets me tell her at my own pace.
‘Noah and his wife, Lexi, run the place. During his time in the military, he was badly injured with burns on one side of his body, including his face. It made it easier knowing I wasn’t the only one permanently scarred. But it didn’t make it any less noticeable.’
I try to shut down all the old feelings so I can tell her my story, at least part of it.
‘It didn’t stop the stares and the questions. Most people wouldn’t say anything. They knew my scars were militarily related. But they stared, and people looked at me differently, especially the visitors who came to visit their loved ones. A few kids cried when they saw me. Eventually, I stopped trying and moved out here. It was easier, and I felt safer out here.’
‘If people looked at you differently, that’s their problem, not yours, and you shouldn’t alter your life because of them,’ she says, sounding upset about the whole situation.
‘You and the other mountain men are the first people who haven’t looked at me differently in years,’ I tell her.
She for my hand. Something about her small hand in my big one pulls my heartstrings. Then it hits me. Now she’s all fixed up, she might want to go home. With the help of crutches, she could get around on her own and go back to work. But I’m not ready for her to leave.
If I have to guess, tonight won’t be her last nightmare. Which gives me an idea.
‘With everything you’ve been through in the last few days, I think it’s best you’re not left alone. You should stay here where I can monitor your ankle and tend to your cut to make sure there are no infections, at least until the stitches are ready to come out,’ I say, hopeful she won’t push the issue. Hopefully, she’ll understand I don’t want her to go.
‘I think that’s for the best. I’m not in any rush to be alone anyway,’ she says.
We sit in silence and watch the sun finish rising.
‘Do you like blueberry muffins?’ I ask her once the sun is finally filling the sky.
‘Yes, they’re my go-to breakfast in the mornings when I work at the café.’
I tuck that piece of valuable information away, knowing it’ll be important later. I want to know everything about her, so the more she feels comfortable telling me, the better.
‘There are some blueberry bushes in the tree line over there. There should be enough ripe ones ready to be picked. Wait here, and I’ll get some and make us breakfast.’ I stand and place her back in the chair.
Jana nods but watches my every move. I head inside for a moment to put my shoes on, and as I walk to the tree line, I can feel her eyes on my back.
Usually, the feeling of someone watching me makes me extremely uneasy and puts me on edge, but knowing her eyes are on me is comforting. I like knowing she’s there waiting for me, and I get to take care of her.
I get to the tree line and start checking the bushes. It’s not peak picking time yet, but there’s plenty ripe to make enough muffins for breakfast. I start picking, all my thoughts focused on the fact that I got her to agree to stay at least for a few days.
I want to show her about life out here. Heck, she’s friends with Cash and his girl, so she has to know a bit about life out here. Has she thought about living out here herself? Maybe I can get her to spend some time with me and see that she could fit in here because I hate the thought of her leaving.
When I have enough blueberries, I turn to head back and realize I’m out of eyesight of her. As I emerge into the clearing from the woods, I can tell something is wrong.
I take off and run straight to her to find her having what looks like a panic attack.
‘Jana. I’m right here. Take a deep breath in, slow and steady.’
Her eyes lock on mine, and she does as I ask.
‘Now breathe out. Slowly in through your nose, count to five, then slowly breathe out through your mouth, counting to five. Focus on me.’ I try to distract her and get her to slow her breathing.
After a few rounds of counting each breath, she seems to be back in control.
‘I… I couldn’t…’ she takes another deep breath in and out. ‘I couldn’t see you… then I couldn’t breathe,’ she says before trying to take another deep breath.
After everything that she’s been through, panic attacks aren’t surprising. I’m beyond ecstatic that she sees me as safe, even if I hate that she has to deal with this.
‘I promise not to leave your side again.’ My protective instinct kicks in now to protect her from anything and everything, even if it means she’s glued to my side until she feels safe again.
