After paying for the repairs to the door James smashed in, I hide out in my shitty motel room for another two days. Only once I get word from the nurses at the hospital that Remi is being discharged do I decide that if she’s heading home, maybe I should as well.
So, under the cover of darkness, I leave behind the empty bottles of vodka and take my ass back to the pool house. My brother’s bedroom lights are on, and the temptation to go up and announce my arrival is strong. I’ve seen Conner almost on a daily basis, but Cole has been suspiciously absent. Conner said he’s been busy with practice or some shit. He was lying though, I could see it in his eyes.
Cole’s angry. Really fucking angry. And when Cole is angry, shit gets fucked up.
He’s not like me or Conner. He doesn’t go flying into a situation all guns blazing. He sits back. He thinks. He plans. And nobody sees him coming.
It’s unnerving as fuck.
He’s never shown any feelings toward Remi. I knew Conner liked her. I didn’t need to learn that he’d warned her off me to know he was worried about what was growing between us. But Cole’s just Cole. Cold and detached at all times. I fear, though, that she might have just weaseled her way under his skin too, and by doing her wrong, I’ve really pissed him off.
With my few belongings, I make my way to the back of the yard and slip into the pool house.
“Motherfucker,” I grunt the second I take my first breath. It still smells like her.
How is that even possible?
I dump my stuff and go straight for the shower. The one in the motel was fucking shit. Standing under the spray, I let my mind wander to the handful of good times I’ve had in this town.
All of them involve her.
Every single fucking one.
Once I’m done, I dry off and lie naked on top of the sheets, staring at the ceiling. The last time I was here, the video was safely in my possession. I was going to destroy that memory card. I wasn’t even going to watch it.
But I got distracted, and I don’t even remember what I did with it. I remember taking it out of the camera, and then nothing. The next thing I know, her breathy moans are playing out for our entire class and our families to witness.
No one should have seen that.
No one except me should know the noises she makes as she’s about to come. Only I should know just how her back arches when pleasure races through her.
Fuck. The images of that night have my cock rock hard.
Ignoring the need building inside me, I dig out the last of the weed from my discarded pants and light up. I don’t deserve anything fucking good in my life after the shit I pulled, and I don’t care how impossible it might be right now; I make a promise to myself that the next time I come, it’s going to be because of Remi, not my right hand.
I groan, knowing that there’s a very good chance she’ll never talk to me again, let alone touch me.
I live inconspicuously in the pool house for three days. I only leave when it’s dark to sneak into the main house and silently raid the kitchen for supplies.
I’m assuming the rest of the household don’t know I’m back, otherwise I’m sure Conner would have come down by now and forced me to hang out—or worse, leave.
“Oh my God,” the loud squeal has me sitting bolt upright in bed.
Ellen’s eyes are wide in fright as I scramble to pull the sheets over myself. “Jesus Christ, Ace. You nearly gave me a goddamn heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mutter, pulling myself up so I’m resting back against the headboard, now fully covered.
“How long have you been back?” She lowers herself to the chair in the corner of the room. I guess she’s hanging out for a bit, then.
“A few days,” I admit.
“If I’d have known—”
“I’d have told you… Don’t feel bad because you feel the need to help. I appreciate that you do, but I needed space.”
She nods. “Your brothers are concerned about you.”
“I’m sure they’ll get over it.”
“James is too.”
I raise a brow. That’s un-fucking-likely. All he cares about is Remi and his reputation.
“Okay, he’s mostly just angry,” she concedes. “I’ve been worried though. Conner told me everything that happened.”
“Of course he did,” I mutter.
“Don’t be mad at him. I bribed him with food.”
I can’t help the smile pulling at my lips at the image she paints.
“He said you changed your mind about playing the video.”
I nod, not really up for having this conversation. “It was stupid. I knew the moment I filmed it that I wouldn’t go through with it. I just wish I’d destroyed it sooner.”
“And what do you want now?” she asks.
Ellen is the first person to do so. Everyone else has been so focused on me fucking up and making sure Remi is okay that they haven’t even thought it, let alone ask it. Not that I blame them. I’m not the victim here, Remi is. And all because of me.
My fist clenches. “I want to erase everyone’s fucking memories, so they haven’t seen my girl like that.” I know my mistake the second the words fall from my lips. She’s not mine anymore and probably never will be again.
“Okay, that’s impossible. What’s the second thing on your list?”
“Make her hear me out. Make her believe I didn’t mean all the things I said and did. Prove to her that I didn’t want anyone to see her like that.”
A small smile curls at Ellen’s lips. “Good. Now stop hiding in here like a little bitch and get out there and make it happen.” She stands, throwing the curtains open, letting the beaming sun stream in. It’s the first time I’ve seen it in days, and it burns my eyes. “You’re way too late for breakfast, but once you’re dressed, come up to the house and I’ll make you lunch.”
“But—”
“No one else is here. James is at work and the boys are at school.”
I nod, the thought of good food, too much to refuse. She leaves, opening every curtain and window as she goes. I can only assume the place stinks after my three-day lock-in.
When I get up to the house, I discover she’s not just made me lunch but a full-on meal. My stomach groans right on cue as she places a huge plate down in front of me.
I can’t lie. Things do feel a little lighter with a stomach full of Ellen’s food.
“I don’t know whether you want to know this or not, but Remi is going back to school tomorrow.”
I sit back and allow her words to flow through me. Fuck. The thought of her walking down the hallways with everyone laughing and joking at her expense has red hot fury exploding within me. Blood boils in my veins as I stand from the table.
“Ace?”
“Thank you for this, Ellen. I really appreciate it.”
I take off running from the house. Since I can’t fix things right now, I need to do something—anything—to burn off the vortex of emotion swirling inside me. I hit the beach and run until my legs won’t hold me up any longer and my lungs burn with every ragged breath I take. I need a plan. I need to figure out a way to make things better for her, but no matter how many miles I cover, my mind is still blank.
Remi hates that school as it is. Turning up after starring in her how own sex tape isn’t going to make her life any easier.
“Motherfucker,” I shout into the silence around me.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
Once I feel like my legs will carry me again, I climb to my feet and make the long journey home. I’m walking up the street toward James’ house when I pull my cell from my pocket and send the message I probably should have sent days ago.
Ace: Meet me in the pool house.
It only takes me three minutes tops to be pushing through the door to the living area of my home, but both Conner and Cole are already making themselves comfortable in their usual seats.
“What the hell?” I ask, not expecting them to be here already.
“We’ve been waiting for you, motherfucker.”
“You knew I was out here?”
“Uh… yeah,” Conner says like I’m an idiot.
“We thought we’d just let you wallow in misery alone. We figured you’d appear at some point.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, plus Ellen filled us in about you flashing her and giving her the thrill of her life.”
“Fuck off.”
“Said she’s never seen such a small one.”
“What the fuck do you two want?” I ask, falling down onto the couch and resisting the urge to break Conner’s nose.
“Us? If I remember rightly, you were the one who summoned us.”
“And you were already here, so you clearly wanted something first.”
“We know you already know, but Remi is starting back at school tomorrow, and we want to know if you’re planning on killing anyone or…”
“Or coming back?” I finish for him.
“Yeah, or that.”
“Yeah, I’ll fucking be there.” I’d not really made any plans about returning to school, much to James’ frustration, but there’s no fucking way I’ll allow her to go back without keeping an eye on her.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Conner asks, concern lacing his voice.
“You mean, is it a good idea to send her in without me watching her back? Those fucking vultures will eat her for lunch. They were bad enough when she was just the kid who didn’t belong. Now they’ve got some real ammunition.”
“No thanks to you,” Conner mutters.
“How is that helpful? Trust me, I won’t forget that all of this is my fucking fault anytime soon.”
“Good, it might stop you from doing something so fucked-up again.”
“What were you even thinking?” Cole asks, shooting up off the beanbag. It’s the first words he’s said to me in weeks.
“I wasn’t, clearly.” Even now, I’m not ready to tell them what I know about James. There are still too many unknowns. He might know that I’m aware he tried to kill our father, but I still don’t know why. And, most importantly, I still don’t understand why he wants us here.
“She has every right never to forgive you for this, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least try,” Conner mutters.
“Why are you so for this all of a sudden? It was only five minutes ago you were warning her off me.”
He shrugs. “Because despite all this bullshit, she was the best thing that’s ever happened to you. When you were together, you were… different.”
“Different?”
“Yeah, she softened your harsh edges. At times you even looked… happy, I guess.”
“I’m always fucking happy.”
“Oh really?” He balks. “This is you happy?”
“Fuck off. This isn’t important. We need to think about tomorrow and how to make this better for Remi.”
“This is your fuck-up. Why should we have to get involved?”
“Because whether you want to admit it or not, you care about her.” I look between the two of them. “And because I’m your big brother and you do as you’re told.”
They both roll their eyes. “What makes you think we haven’t been running interference while you’ve been gone?”
My chin drops, but I can’t find any words. Is all of this pointless? Was my afternoon attempting to plan how to make her life easier a waste of time? Have these two motherfuckers already been doing it?
“Well? Have you?” I ask when I eventually find my voice.
“Of course we fucking have. No one will say anything to Remi tomorrow, or they’re going to have us to deal with.”
Conner and Cole both sit forward. They don’t scare me, they’re still my annoying little brothers, but I can see why the assholes in that stuck-up school would be.
A smile curls at my lips as my eyes bounce between the two of them. I nod, sitting back on the couch, knowing that no matter what, these two idiots have my back.
I can see in their eyes that they’re not happy about what went down between Remi and me, but at the end of the day, we’re a team.
And we always stick together.
Istand in my Sterling Prep uniform the next morning. It feels like months since I put this on, not almost three weeks.
James tried to convince me to go back after he found me in the motel, but I refused. I wasn’t stepping foot in that place until Remi did. And now that it’s happening, it’s because of my need to keep an eye out for her. It’s got fuck all to do with my own education.
Remi has a real shot at a future, at college. I refuse to let my fucked-up decisions put an end to that for her.
Meeting Cole and Conner at the front of the house, I watch as they pile into their car and wait for them to pull out of the driveway. Then I start up my bike and follow them down the long driveway, but they head off in a different direction than me.
They’ve got a passenger to collect.
The second I pull into the parking lot, all eyes turn my way. I couldn’t give a fuck, they can stare at me all they like. What I don’t want is for them to do the same when Remi turns up with Conner and Cole in a few minutes.
I was desperate to ride with them, to see her before getting to this place and seeing the motherfuckers who roam the hallways, just waiting to make her life a misery. But I knew I couldn’t.
I need to bide my time.
For now.
