“What’s up, Delores?” Conner shifts his chair back, giving the nurse room to get to me.
“I’m all the better for seeing your face, young man. I was starting to think your fan club had given up on you.” She winks at me.
My brow rises at Conner, who rubs his jaw. “Fan club, hey? You didn’t tell me Cole had been around to see me.”
“Hmm, yeah. He came by a couple of times when you were asleep.”
We both know I wasn’t asleep, but that’s what Conner likes to call it. Since I woke up three days ago, he’s been by every day.
It’s strange.
Before everything happened, there was a lot of tension between us. He’d tried to warn me off Ace, and I’d told him he should have more faith in his brother.
It sucked to be wrong.
“Well, you tell Cole I said hello,” the nurse goes on. “Always did fancy myself a young man with plenty of ink… and that brow pierc—”
“Okay, Delores,” Conner jumps up, “I think we can take it from here.” He ushers her out of the room.
“Conner…” I say, seeing right through his cover.
“Princess…” A smirk tugs the corner of his mouth despite the guilt shining in his eyes.
“He was here?”
He lets out a weary sigh, sinking back in the chair. “Shit, Remi, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.”
“The truth might be a good start.”
Everyone has been so determined to protect me, but I’m tired of it.
“Yeah, Ace has been here.”
A small gasp leaves my lips. It shouldn’t matter, not after what he did. But he was here…
Ace was here.
“Why?”
“Why d’ya think? The girl he…” He stops himself, shaking his head a little. “Sometimes it takes almost losing what you had to realize you ever had it in the first place.”
“That ship has long sailed,” I say, forcing myself to look at the ceiling.
“I know he hurt you, Remi, but you don’t know what he’s been through. What we’ve all been through. When you’ve had to fight to survive the way Ace has, it’s not easy to let people in.”
I make a garbled sound as my eyes cut to Conner’s. “I gave him my…”
“I know. Fuck, I know.” He grimaces. “Trust me, I wish I didn’t. Want to know what I think?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway.” I roll my eyes.
“You scare Ace. You make him feel. Everyone in our lives—parents, teachers, social workers—they all gave up or walked away. But you’re different. You stood up for him. And he doesn’t know how the fuck to deal with that.”
Conner’s words weigh heavily on my heart. I want to believe he’s right—to believe that Ace only did what he did because he’s scared. But I can’t forget what he said.
“I was just a pawn in his sick game to get back at your uncle.”
“I think that’s what he tried telling himself, yeah.” Conner offers me a weak smile. “Look, I’m not trying to tell you to give him another chance. I wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to his sorry ass again. I’m just saying we all make mistakes, especially those of us who were never taught any better.”
“You’re a good brother, Conner,” I say, because it’s easier than acknowledging anything he just said.
Ace didn’t just hurt me the night of my birthday. He destroyed a tiny part of my soul. And I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that.
“So, you’ve been coming around and Ace has been sneaking in. What about that twin brother of yours?”
“You know Cole,” he says around a knowing smile. “Besides, he never did like hospitals.”
Two days later, I’m finally allowed to go home. Mom and James insist on wheeling me out of the hospital in a chair, as if it’s my legs I’ve hurt and not my head.
“I can walk,” I say for the third time.
“We know that, sweetheart, but the doctor said—”
“He said I have to take it easy for a few days, Mom. He didn’t say I can’t walk to the car.”
But the second the hospital doors slide open, I realize we won’t be walking anyway. James’ familiar town car is right outside. His driver, William, jumps out and comes around to the passenger side. “Mr. Jagger. Ms. Tanner.” He gives them a swift nod and looks at me. “It’s good to see you back on your feet, Miss Tanner.”
“I would be on my feet if these two would let me.” I push out of the chair and stand. Apart from a slight ache to my muscles from underuse, I feel fine. “And please, call me Remi.”
“Very well, Remi.” He opens the door for me, and I climb inside. Mom and James follow.
“I’m so happy you’re coming home,” she says, swiping a tear from her eye.
There’s been a lot of those over the last few days, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of what awaits me.
“Can I have my cell phone back now?” I ask.
She blanches, looking to James for help, something else I’ve been accustomed to over the last few days.
“The doctor—”
“Did not say I couldn’t check my cell phone, Mom. So unless you’re ready to tell me what’s really going on, I’d like it back now.”
“Sarah,” James says, looping his arm around her waist. “Maybe it’s time.”
Mom inhales a shuddering breath and my heart ratchets. “The night of your party… right before the fight broke out and you were hurt, I’d planned to show a video. ‘Eighteen years of Remi Tanner.’” She smiles, but it’s sad.
My brows furrow. It doesn’t sound that scandalous.
“But somebody,” she clears her throat, “must have tampered with the laptop, because when I pressed play it wasn’t my video.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad, Mom.” I smile, but they’re not smiling back. In fact, Mom has tears slipping down her face again.
“Remi.” James comforts my mom. “It was a tape of you and Ace… together.”
“I don’t understand… There isn’t any tapes of me and A—”
No.
I gasp.
“H-he filmed us?”
“It would seem my sorry excuse of a nephew thought he would use you to get to me.” James’ words barely register as I replay that night in my head.
After my birthday, Ace had disappeared. I’d been out of my mind with worry, so when he texted me to say he wanted to see me after Cole’s first game, I hadn’t stopped to think he might be setting me up. Why would I?
I trusted him.
I wanted him.
I wanted him so damn much.
And I thought he felt the same.
Bile rushes up my throat as the truth falls down around me.
Ace used me.
He took something that was supposed to be special and turned it into something ugly.
But that isn’t the worst of it.
He knew how I felt about the kids at school. He knew what I’d endured, and he used that to his advantage.
“Stop the car,” I rush out, lunging for the handle. The car grinds to a halt and I shoulder open the door just in time to puke all over the side of the road.
“Oh God, James,” Mom cries. “We should have waited, we should—“
“I’m fine,” I say, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Remi, Ace assures me he was never going to play that tape. He was angry and hurting and he wanted to get back at me.” James sounds almost regretful, as if he buys his nephew’s lies.
But it doesn’t matter.
None of it does.
I’m already closing down. I feel my walls reinforce around me. Especially the one around my heart.
“I’m ready to go now,” I say, my voice detached.
“Remi, sweetheart, we need to talk about this. We’ve already spoken with Principle Vager, and he assured us that when you’re ready to return to school you’ll be—”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does. It’s your senior year.” She keeps saying that as if it means something. As if this year should be any better than the last four I’ve endured.
“I know Hadley is desperate to have you back, and Bexley. He’s been worried—”
“Really, Mom?” I grit out. “You think I want anything to do with Bexley after what he did?”
She rears back as if my words are a physical slap. “He didn’t… it was an accident.”
“An accident that caused me to wake up in this nightmare,” I grumble. “Although I guess I should thank him. At least while I was lying unconscious on the ground I avoided my sex tape premiere.”
Shame and anger swell inside me until I feel like I might explode. Mom sobs while James sits there, staring at me with pity.
“Let’s talk about it when we get to the house,” James says.
I don’t reply.
What’s the point?
Everyone at the party saw a sex tape of me giving it up to Ace. I remember how turned on I’d been, how desperate I was to feel him inside me.
Christ.
The things I’d said.
The things we’d done.
I thought we were sharing something special—only to discover he planned on sharing it with the kids in our class.
You fucking idiot. My fists press hard against my leg. I want to scream. I want to grab the nearest fragile thing and break it, hear it shatter.
But as we approach my house, I realize it’s too late for that.
I’m already broken.
My heart is already shattered.
And I’m not sure anything will fix me this time.
The second we got home, I went up to my room and stayed there for the rest of the day. I didn’t want to talk or share or pretend everything was okay.
Everything is not fucking okay.
Somewhere around an hour ago, Mom gave up trying to talk to me.
I need space.
I need to figure out how the hell I’m going to live this down.
A sex tape.
I bet Michaela loved that.
“Agh.” I stuff a pillow to my face, drowning out the guttural scream that rips from my lungs.
“Remi?” Mom calls.
“I’m fine,” I shout back.
Grabbing my cell phone, I contemplate calling Hadley. When I finally switched the thing on, I had three texts from her—one welcoming me home, one apologizing for not telling me sooner, and the last one instructing me not to go snooping for things I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t text back, but I did delete all my social media apps. Nothing good can come from me obsessing over what the kids at school are saying about me. Besides, I’ll get to hear it all in person soon enough.
“Remi, you have a visitor,” Mom calls a few minutes later.
My heart beats wildly in my chest as I sit up and try and tame my tear-soaked curls off my face.
There’s no way in hell she’d let Ace visit, so when Conner’s head appears around the door, I should be relieved. But I can’t deny the twinge of disappointment I feel.
Jesus, I’m a mess.
He hurt me.
Ace hurt me in the worst possible way, and I still want him to prove me—and everyone else—wrong.
I want him to do the right thing and fix this.
But some things are just too broken to be fixed. I need to remember that.
“Looking good, Princess,” Conner says around a grin. “Can I come in?”
“Are you going to lie to my face again?” My brow rises.
“Ah, about that…” He slips into the room and closes the door behind him. “They made us promise not to say anything to you. The doctors agreed it was probably for the best.”
“Oh my God, is there anyone who doesn’t know about it?” I can’t bring myself to say the words.
“If it makes you feel any better, your old man is out for Ace’s blood. He already went head to head with James over it.”
“He did?”
“Well, yeah, he’s your dad. It’s kind of his God-given right to defend his daughter’s honor.”
I scoff. “He hasn’t exactly rushed to do so in the past.”
“Well, he came to the house ready to throw down with Ace. I was kind of disappointed my brother wasn’t around to get a beating from him. I hear there’s quite the line forming.”
“I’m glad you find this all so amusing.” I purse my lips.
“Come on, you have to admit, it is kinda funny.”
“Tell me that again when it’s your sex tape playing to the entire senior class and your parents.”
A dark expression crosses his face. “Well, I for one didn’t look. Okay,” he smirks, “I might have looked for a few seconds. But then I got freaked out because I realized watching my brother and future sister-in-law go at it probably makes me a weird-ass motherfucker.”
“Oh my God, what is wrong with you?”
“Ha, you didn’t shoot me down about the sister-in—”
“Conner!”
“What?” He gets comfy on my desk chair, kicking off his sneakers and putting his feet on the edge of the bed.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to see how you are.”
“But why?”
“Because we’re friends.”
“We’re not friends.”
“Family, then?”
Disbelief washes over me, and I let out a heavy sigh. “We’re not family, Conner.”
Part of me hoped we never would be. Because if my mom and James took their relationship to the next level, I could find myself unable to escape Ace.
He pouts, but I see the flash of regret in his eyes. “He did a real shitty thing, Remi, I get it. But you haven’t seen him. You haven’t—”
“Conner,” I say firmly. I need to be stronger around these brothers. I can’t show even an ounce of weakness, because they’ll latch onto it and use it against me.
I realize that now.
“Did Ace ask you to come?”
“Well, not exactly, but I know—”
“You can go now.”
“Oh, Princess, come on. Don’t be like that. I came to check on you.”
“Goodbye, Conner,” I say, folding my arms across my chest. He narrows his eyes, studying me, and then lets out a defeated sigh.
“Fine. But I’m not going to let you hide away up here for long. Take a day, take two days, but then you pull up your big girl panties and get your shit together. You’re stronger than this, Princess.” He puts his sneakers back on.
“Finished?” I ask drolly.
“For now.”
“Good, then don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.”
He gives his head a little shake as he walks to the door.
“Oh, and Conner?”
“Yeah?” Hope lights up his face.
“Don’t call me Princess again.”
His amused chuckle stays with me long after he’s gone.
But it barely touches the ice around my heart.
