“It’s me,” Conner shouts through the motel room door—the one I’ve locked myself behind since being forced to walk away from the hospital that night.
No one wanted me there. I didn’t need their words to tell me that; it was in their eyes. It didn’t matter that it was Bexley’s fist that started the chain of events that led to me diving in the pool to save Remi. To them, I was the guilty one. It may as well have been my punch she was on the receiving end of.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
Who am I kidding?
All of this was my fault.
My fucked-up revenge plan.
My fucking games.
I wanted to hurt James for manipulating our lives and trying to act like the innocent man trying to do right by us. Well, doing right by us would have meant we grew up with two parents instead of a mom who cared more about her next fix than her three sons. Instead, he took all of that away from us and ultimately landed us here.
All of this is his fault.
We never belonged here. If he’d just left us alone, we could have continued with our lives perfectly fine without him.
But you wouldn’t have met her. I force that thought down. She didn’t deserve to meet me. All I’ve done is make her already difficult life worse.
I pull the door open and let my brother in.
“She’s awake again. Hadley is with her,” he says, slipping inside. I look out at the parking lot beyond, but there’s no sign of anyone. Exactly as I like it.
I know James is looking for me. I wouldn’t expect anything less. I almost killed his precious Remi. I have no doubt he’s going to have something to say about that.
Maybe he’s already put a hit on me, just like he did our father. I guess I can only hope that they’re still as shit as they were back then, because it seems they did a stellar job of getting rid of him.
“That’s good.” I fall back down on the bed when the spinning gets a little too much.
Conner paces about, pulling the curtains open; I hide under my arm to block out the light. “You need to get a fucking grip, man.” The empty bottles of vodka littering the place start clanking as he tidies up after me.
“Fucking leave it,” I bark.
“Ace. You can’t keep this up. She’ll be coming home soon. What are you going to do then? Camp out in her fucking garden so you can continue stalking her?”
“Fuck. Off.”
“You’re going to have to deal eventually.”
“Whatever. Did you bring more vodka?”
“No. No, I fucking didn’t.”
“Weed?” I ask on the off chance.
“No. I’m not bringing you anything anymore. You need to sort your ass out. Man the fuck up and come home.”
“I don’t have a home,” I bellow at him. “None of us do.”
“You need to pull your head out of your fucking ass. We have a better home right now than we’ve ever had in our lives. So Mom or Dad aren’t there. So it might not be where we chose. But do you know what? It’s pretty fucking awesome. And if you don’t start making the best of it and figure out what it is you want to do with your life instead of spending it in fucking prison, then you’re going to regret it.”
“What if I want to regret it? It’s better than letting that cunt buy me with his fancy fucking school and ideas of Ivy League colleges.”
“This is fucking pointless,” he hisses. “I’m done. I’ll see you, if and when you decide to come home and start living again.”
“I can’t go back there.” My words stop his retreat to the door.
“You fucked up, Ace. So what? You’ve done it before, and no doubt you’ll do it again. Own it. Apologize where needs be and get the fuck on with it. This isn’t you. Wallowing isn’t you. Go and fuck some shit up, and then get the fuck over it.”
“I—”
“No, you’re done. I’m done with your poor excuses. Do you think Remi is going to want you in this state?”
“Want me? She’s not going to want me in any fucking state after what I did.” Self-hatred courses through my veins like acid.
“That girl’s a legend for putting up with your ass in the first place. She fucking loves you, man. Fuck knows why, but she does. Now, how about you attempt to be the man she deserves and not just the fucking waste-of-space Heighter everyone expects you to be.”
He flies through the door, and the force of the slam that follows makes the building shake around me.
Love me?
Remi doesn’t love me. It’s not possible.
“Jesus, fuck,” I mutter, my hand curling into a tight fist. I just got a new one ripped by my baby brother. When did he get so fucking sensible?
Pushing from the bed, I shove my feet into my boots. If he won’t bring me what I need, then I’ll have to go myself. I haven’t left this room in fifteen fucking days, and I really don’t feel like doing so now, but needs, musts and all that.
I pocket my cell and wallet before taking a step to the door. An almighty crash has me jumping back in shock. When I look up, I find James wearing his standard three-piece suit, but instead of the soft expression he tries to show the world, he looks fucking murderous.
“Gotcha,” he says with a smirk as he attempts to put the door back into place, despite it hanging from its top hinge.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
He stares at me and takes a step closer. “I think it’s time we had a little chat, don’t you?”
“Not particularly. I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
He laughs, but he’s far from amused. “That’s a real shame, Ace, because I’ve got a-fucking-lot that I want to say to you.”
I roll my eyes at him, and he flies at me. Leaving my hands at my sides, I let him take what he thinks will make this situation better. His fist tightens in my shirt as he pushes me up against the motel room wall and gets in my face. A warm rush of air skates over my skin, but I keep my expression neutral. He doesn’t need to know that there’s an inferno raging underneath.
“You’re a fucking Jagger, boy. We don’t hide,” he seethes. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them, and for a moment, it’s not my uncle staring back at me but my dad.
“Who said I’m hiding?”
“It’s taken me two weeks to find you. I’d say that’s hiding.”
“If I were hiding, you’d never have found me. I’m just… chilling.”
“In the closest motel to the hospital Remi just so happens to be in?” My chest aches at the mere mention of her name. “Don’t even pretend like you don’t visit her when we’ve all left. I know you do.”
“So what?”
“So what? I want to know why. I get why you want to hurt me—”
“Do you?” I grit out. “Do you really?”
“You hate that I’ve dragged you here and you’re trying to throw your weight around. Trying to prove that I don’t hold the power.”
Lifting my hands, I push at his shoulders. To my surprise, he allows me the space and steps back. “Is that right?”
“Yes,” he sighs. “Now you need to do the right thing and own up to your mistakes.”
“That’s what Jaggers do, is it? Admit to their mistakes?”
“If you’ve done something wrong, yes.”
“So were you ever going to apologize for having our father killed?”
All the blood drains from his face. “W-what?” he chokes out.
“Oh, you thought I didn’t know.” My lip curls with disgust. “That I naively thought he randomly died all those years ago, just like my brothers do?”
He opens his mouth to respond, but no words come out.
“Well, it seems you’re not the only one with secrets, does it, Uncle.” I narrow my eyes at him. “So you tell me… tell me why you thought it was such a good idea to leave us short of one parent and then abandon us when the other fell apart at the seams?”
“He wasn’t the man you thought he was, Ace.” His voice is barely a whisper.
“No? So he didn’t put food on the table and look after us?”
“No, he was a liar and an abusive motherfucker.” Anger etches into his expression once more. “Do you have any idea what he used to do to your mother? Did you ever wonder why she turned to drink and drugs in the first place?”
“Do you have any idea what it was like for all of us after he was gone?” I spit. “When she fell apart and we had to fend for ourselves? Where were you then, huh? If you were so set on helping and getting rid of him, why couldn’t you help us then?” I roar.
Images of my brothers curled up under their dirty, threadbare sheets race through my mind, shivering cold because not only had they not had a warm meal inside them, but we had no money to heat the shithole trailer we were forced to live in.
“I tried, Ace. I fucking tried.”
“There were so many things you could have done to help. But you didn’t. You fucked back off to your privileged life and left us to drown.”
“She wouldn’t let me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, feeling like I’ve just been slapped.
“I tried,” he repeats more clearly this time. “She wouldn’t let me.”
“She was a fucking junkie, James. What kind of power could she have possibly had over you?”
He opens his mouth to confess but closes it almost as quickly.
“Oh no, you don’t come storming in here and not give me everything. This is my fucking life, I deserve the truth. If it weren’t for me, those two would have fucking starved to death along with her in that trailer. How could you have possibly made it any worse?”
“You could all be fucking dead.” His voice is a low rumble, a stark contrast to a few seconds ago. “I did everything I could. Am I happy that I had to leave you there? About not being able to do more? No, no I’m not. But I couldn’t risk the alternative.”
“This is fucked up.” I fist my hair, dragging my fingers against my scalp.
“You think I don’t know that? This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out, for any of us. But you’ve got to trust me when I tell you that I did all I could. I did what I thought was the only way to keep everyone safe.”
There’s more. I can see it in his eyes. But he’s hiding it, and it’s fucked-up, but I don’t push him for answers. There’s clearly a reason he’s keeping it close, and a part of me is grateful. I’m not sure I have the head space to deal with anything else right now. Plus, I’m yet to tell him the man he thought he had sentenced to death is still out there somewhere, living and breathing the same air as us. Fuck, for all I know he’s in this town. He could be watching us right now, plotting his own revenge.
The silence that settles around us is heavy with secrets. We both stare at each other, our eyes narrowed and breathing ragged as we try to fight our own battles and keep control. It’s the first time I see any kind of similarity between the two of us.
Maybe there’s more to the rich, pretentious asshole than I previously thought. Or maybe he’s just trying to make me think that. He’s the master of manipulation, after all. Everything he just told me could be total bullshit, for all I know.
“You need to come home, Ace,” he says much more softly than anything else since he forced his way into my little hideout.
“Really? You want me there after everything?”
He shrugs. “I took you in knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy. If I was going to let you fuck up and run away, then I wouldn’t have agreed to it.”
“I filmed Remi as I took…” I trail off, not able to even say it, as regret floods me.
“Did you intend for it to be seen by everyone?” he asks coldly, disappointment glittering in his eyes.
“At first, yes, that was the plan. But—”
“But?”
“I changed my mind. I wanted to hurt you, not her. The kids at that school already look at her like she’s a piece of shit on their shoe.” His chin drops in shock like this is actually news to him.
Do him and Sarah not listen to a word she says?
“Why, Ace? Why did you change your mind?”
“Because she didn’t deserve it.”
“I couldn’t agree more. But why? You don’t usually give a shit about what people deserve. You wouldn’t have been working for Donny Lopez all these years if you did.” My eyes widen that he knows that little fact about me. He’s never even hinted before that he knew about my connection with him or what I did.
“Because I care about her, okay? Happy now?”
“Far from it, Ace. Far fucking from it.” Lifting his hands to his hair, he tugs. “I know you’ve been going to see her, and I appreciate that you’ve kept your distance. It’s what she needs. She’ll be home in a few days, and I suggest you continue to stay away. Remi’s still got a long way to go until she’s as good as new. But at some point in the near future, you are going to put this right. You are going to tell her the truth. You are going to apologize on your fucking knees if you have to, because I will not have a war between the two of you under my roof. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” I mutter.
I don’t have a clue how I’m going to deal with things once she’s been discharged, but there was never any doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t see her.
That video was never meant to be played. I need her to know that.
“But before any of that,” James says, pulling me from my thoughts. His voice is cold and void of any emotion. “You need to pull your head out of your ass and do the right thing. I mean it, Ace. Figure out a way to fix this, and fast.”
