I couldn’t move an inch.
I didn’t dare breathe.
My body had been taken over by hormones and I was currently at the mercy of the only boy I had ever loved. His hand was between my legs, where I had put it, and he was staring at me with a heated expression.
Repressing the urge to push Gerard onto his back and mount him, something my body assured me it would very much enjoy, I remained perfectly still, with my hand covering his, and my eyes willing him to touch me.
Because the sad fact of the matter was that while I had zero experience with boys in bedrooms, this particular boy could do whatever he wanted to me, and I would gladly participate. That’s how desperately my body craved his touch.
A million different emotions flashed in his eyes as I watched him watch me until I thought I might cry out in frustration.
Finally, when I decided that all hope was lost, I released his hand and rolled onto my back, but then he came with me and flexed his fingers.
Oh God.
My breath hitched, and I felt my body grow lax when his hand slid into the waistband of my knickers. “You want this?”
I nodded eagerly, mouth falling open when his fingers trailed over my untouched skin.
“Say it,” he instructed, pulling himself up on one elbow next to me. “I need the words.”
“I want this,” I encouraged, letting my thighs fall open.
“Say it again.” Gerard’s eyes flamed with heat. “One more time.”
“I want this,” I repeated, breath hitching when his fingers trailed over me. “I want you.”
Gerard traced his bottom lip with his tongue and leaned in close so that his lips were brushing my ear. “I’ll make it good for you,” he whispered, nuzzling my cheek with his nose. “I promise.”
“I trust … ohhh … ” My entire body jolted when he pushed his finger deep inside of me. “Oh … Oh God!”
His movements were effortless to him but were wreaking havoc with my internal wiring. Every crook of his finger and every slow grinding push of his hand ignited my senses. When his thumb grazed over my tender flesh and found that spot, I felt my back bow, as tiny electric currents spiraled around inside of me, igniting a dull ache deep in my belly.
Unable to stop myself, I reached a hand between my legs and pushed against his hand, needing him to stop and keep going all in one breath. “Oh God … ” I cried out when I felt him push another finger deep inside of me. My body writhed against his hand, and I felt incredibly exposed and vulnerable. But I liked it. I wanted to be vulnerable with him. I wanted him to have me, I realized. “Gerard.”
I could feel his erection stabbing my thigh as he laid on his side facing me, propped up on his elbow like some Greek god. “Hm?”
“I love you,” he whispered, fingers still moving expertly inside me, as he evoked feelings from my body I never knew were possible.
“I love you, too.”
“Oh God!” Madness. This was utter madness, and I was reveling in every moment of it. I wanted to strip every layer of clothing from my body and lie naked beneath this beautiful boy. I wanted to feel more than just his fingers inside of me. I wanted him to be inside of me, but the fact that he still hadn’t kissed me was concerning.
“Kiss me … ” Breath hitching, I gripped at the sheets beneath me and stifled a cry as the pressure building up inside of me caused my body to tingle and jolt. “Please, Gerard … oh God … ”
“It’s okay,” he coaxed, head bowing like he was in physical pain as his fingers worked me into a frenzy. “Fuck, you’re so tight.”
Of course I was. Not even a tampon had managed to cross the fortress of my knickers in sixteen years. I held on to my virginity tighter than Johnny held on to his dreams of the pros. Problem was, when it came to Gerard Gibson, I was only too willing to veer off the path and loosen my grip.
“Gerard!” Head thrashing in pleasure, I reached blindly for him, not stopping until I was cupping the back of his neck. “Please … ”
“I’ve got you.” He rested his brow against mine, lips still not touching. “You’re safe, I promise.”
I never felt for one moment like I wasn’t. Safety was a given when I was in this boy’s arms and having him touch me in my most intimate place only solidified that fact. Because not only was my body assuring me that this boy was the boy, but my heart was in no doubt either.
And then his hand was moving faster, his fingers pushing in and out of me in a delicious, merciless rhythm that caused me to make peace with the fact that I was about to die right here in his arms.
“Gerard … ” It had to be death waiting on the other side of these full body convulsions, and I could think of no better way to go. “I don’t … ” My heart tried to beat its way out of my chest. “I can’t … ” My eyes rolled back in my head. “What’s happening … ” The dull ache had grown to such a force beyond comprehension and was now causing explosions inside of me. “To me … ”
“It’s okay, Claire-Bear,” Gerard came to my rescue and explained in a strained tone. “This is what coming feels like.”
“I-it is?” Every muscle in my body coiled tight to the point that I felt like I was spasming uncontrollably. Shuddering helplessly beneath him, I continued to hold his hand in place, not daring to move so much as my pinky finger for fear of chasing off this wondrous feeling. “Oh … g-god.”
Obliging my neediness, Gerard continued to gently crook his finger inside of me until the last of the delicious lightning bolts drained from my body. Only then did he remove his hand from between my legs and reposition my underwear back into place.
The moment he did, I suddenly felt panicked, unsure of what would happen next. But then he rolled us both into our usual sleeping position, and I felt myself relax.
Hooking an arm around my waist like he had every night since we were children, Gerard pressed a kiss to my shoulder and whispered, “Night, Claire.”
Reeling in the darkness, I clutched his forearm, holding on for dear life, and strangled out the words, “Night, Gerard.”
