It’s over.
Not only did my escape plan fail, but I’ve also lost any sliver of freedom Adrian might have given me.
It was one thing to ask him to let me go, but acting on it is completely another. He’ll make it his mission to tighten the gilded cage around me until I eventually wither and die.
The ride back home is spent in silence. My hand trembles around Jeremy despite my attempts to steady it. I’m thankful he woke up, and I occupied myself by feeding him from the bottle. But he soon goes back to sleep, leaving me in the cruel presence of his father.
Adrian hasn’t uttered a word since he grabbed me by the elbow and ushered me inside the car. I didn’t even try to fight. What’s the point now that he’s caught me?
I wish he’d spoken, though. I wish he’d let go of his anger, because if there’s anything I’ve learned about Adrian during all this time, it’s that his emotions simmer under the surface, especially his rare anger. When he does release it, the one in his path—me—will be ruined beyond repair.
My throat fills with bile due to the sickening type of fear tugging at my stomach.
Even Yan shakes his head at me when we step out of the car. I lift my chin, although my teeth are chattering. I did what I had to do in order to protect myself and my baby. If I had the chance of a redo, I’d do it all over again. I won’t let anyone tell me I did something wrong.
Adrian grabs me by the elbow and drags me behind him up the stairs. I flinch when he unstraps the baby carrier and a sleeping Jeremy from my arms, and barks, “Stay there.”
Then he strides with his son to his nursery.
My throat constricts more by the second as I remove my backpack and coat with shaky hands. I remain in the middle of the bedroom like a prisoner waiting to be judged. Thoughts of what he’ll do to me invade my mind, magnifying by the second.
I can take his punishments, and although I will never admit it aloud, I do enjoy the depravity of them. But what if my punishment this time will surpass anything he’s done to me before?
I try arming myself with courageous thoughts, but nothing, absolutely nothing could prepare me for the dead look in Adrian’s eyes when he returns to the bedroom. The sound of the door closing slices in my chest and sends a whole body shudder through me.
He’s wearing a black cashmere coat over his white shirt, but it’s not the clothes that make him seem broader and harsher. It’s the shadow across his face and the slight twist in his lips, as if he wants to rip someone to shreds with his bare teeth.
Adrian is a tall man, huge compared to me, but now, he seems to have gained more height, filling the room and my air with his unforgiving presence. Even his handsome face looks like the devil’s right now.
When he speaks, his dark, threatening voice sends my teeth chattering again. “Now, Lia. Why don’t you tell me where you were planning to go?”
I swallow past the solid lump in my throat.
“Where the fuck were you planning to go?” His voice increases in volume.
I flinch even as I lift my chin. “Anywhere but here.”
“Anywhere but here,” he repeats, musing as he stalks toward me. I’m tempted to step back, to escape his wrath, to put as much distance between us as possible. However, my feet remain glued to the floor.
I did nothing wrong. If anything, he’s the one in the wrong by exposing me and his son to this life when he knew we’d be in constant danger.
He stops in front of me, larger than life and scarier, too. “Did you say anywhere but here?”
“We’re not safe,” I blurt. “I don’t want to raise my child in a world where he could be killed any second.”
“If I hadn’t seen you, I would’ve found your corpse tomorrow or received a ransom call. Did I or did I not tell you that the moment you step a foot outside, you’re fucking dead?!”
I jerk at the building force behind his words. I finally manage to step back, startling when I hit the solid wall.
Adrian is on me in a fraction of a second, his hands slamming on either side of me. I can breathe his rage, his merciless wrath, and it’s even scarier than if he were touching me.
“Answer me, Lia,” he grinds out.
“You did.” I hate how my voice trembles.
“Apparently you didn’t listen, or you wouldn’t have put yourself and Jeremy in fucking danger. Did you want to witness his death before they kidnap and rape you, is that it?”
“No!” The images make bile rise to my throat once more. “I just…I just wanted to protect him from…from…”
“Me?”
“From your life,” I confess slowly, staring at my feet.
He doesn’t say anything, but his arms tighten on either side of me, as if the tension will burst free from them. I think he’ll punish me now, he’ll turn my skin red, and I hope that will be the end of it.
His quiet voice fills the air. “You’ll make it a habit, won’t you? No matter what I do to make you happy and comfortable, no matter how much I try to make progress with us, you will try to escape every chance you get.”
My head snaps up and I shake it slowly. I don’t want him to think that or else he’ll take away whatever freedom I have left. “Adrian, I…won’t.”
“Liar. I can see it in your eyes, Lia. You’re scared of me and how I’ll retaliate, but you won’t stop. Not until you accomplish your goal.”
“Adrian…please…please…”
“Please what?”
“Don’t take it all away. I’ll be suffocated to death.”
“You should’ve considered that when you planned to run away.”
“Adrian…”
He wraps his hand around my jaw in a firm hold that forbids me any movement. His hands might kill and maim, but they’re usually warm and gentle whenever he touches me. Even when he punishes me, his hands are firm, but they’re never as freezing cold as right now. “Where did I go wrong, hmm? Was it by allowing you to go out? Allowing you to treat Yan as a friend? I should take care of those two things first.”
A tear slides down my cheek as I shake my head again. “Don’t…please…”
“After that, I will keep you in a room and use you as my fucking slut. Is that what you want?”
The thought stabs me deeper than his earlier threats. Adrian’s caring side is the reason I’ve been able to get through all these months. While sex has played a big part in our relationship, it isn’t what’s kept me going or reduced my nightmares. It isn’t what saved me from myself after the end of my career.
I didn’t think of it much at the time, but I liked how Adrian attentively looked out for me. I loved his aftercare and how he always made sure I was comfortable and satiated. How he held me every night and kissed me before leaving the house.
It was his way of telling me I’m more than just an object of desire to him.
But if he takes all of that away, I’ll be no different than a whore with a shiny diamond ring.
And that thought pierces the place in my heart that’s come to the realization that I love him. Despite his villainous nature, I love that he took care of me after my injury, that he continues to do so, even after I gave birth. That he devotes time to be there for me and knows my needs before I voice them. I believed he only wanted me because of Jeremy, but his attitude has never changed toward me post-birth. If anything, he’s been doing his best to take the load off me.
A fresh stream of tears fall down my cheeks. “No, Adrian, don’t do that…”
His harsh features don’t ease. Instead, they turn into granite. “I also told you not to entertain the idea of leaving, but you did it, anyway. Who do you think will win if we go down this road?”
I can’t control my tears anymore as I stand in the line of his ruthless wrath. It’s worse than if it were physical because, while Adrian can be caring, his true nature is monstrous and unforgiving. He won’t stop until he crushes everything in his path.
“You will not escape again, Lia.”
I nod frantically, even if a part of me will always want to.
“If you do, if I find out you’re so much as entertaining that idea, I will lock you up in a fucking cell and forbid you from seeing Jeremy ever again. He’ll be raised by someone else and you’ll lose all access to him.”
“No…no…” I sob. “Not that…don’t take away Jeremy. He’s my only light.”
“Then don’t fucking pull a stunt like this again.”
“Okay—I mean fine. I won’t.”
He steps back and I suck in a harsh breath, but his anger doesn’t lessen. In fact, it seems to have risen to the surface, threatening to destroy everything in his path.
“Are you…going to punish me now?”
“If I do anything in my state, I’ll break your fucking skin, so no, I won’t touch you when I’m angry, Lia.” He releases a long breath, shakes his head as if he’s disappointed, then turns and leaves.
The door closes behind him with a finality that echoes through my hollow insides.
I slide to the floor, joining the broken pieces of my heart that are lying there.
I slam a hand on my chest as if that will stop the slow disintegration of my heart. As if it will heal the gaping wound Adrian just left in my soul.
He’s always been dark, but there was at least some light when it came to me. Now, that light is gone, and all that remains is his darkness.
A sob tears from my throat, because I know, I just know that I lost a part of Adrian tonight.
The part I fell in love with.
