The house is quiet when we get back. Both Flynn and Knox’s doors are closed, and all the lights are out. The only sound is soft music coming from Flynn’s room. He sleeps with it on, at a much more reasonable volume than he keeps it at during the day.
I follow Jane into my bedroom. She didn’t say a word on the drive back. Neither did I. There’s too much to say and not enough words.
She kicks off her shoes and then falls onto the mattress and curls into herself on top of the covers.
“Do you want me to grab something for you to change into?” I ask, hovering in the doorway.
“There are two of you.” She stares up at me through half-closed lids. “Is your twin nicer?”
Despite everything that’s happened tonight, I find myself chuckling. “No, he’s an asshole just like me.”
“You’re not really an asshole.” Her lashes flutter closed. “I wish you were. I’d like you a lot less.”
“I’ll let you get changed. I’m going to grab some water and Advil.”
Brogan and Archer are coming in as I fill a glass for Jane.
“Hey,” Archer says, a drunk smile on his face. He goes to the fridge and pulls out two beers. “Want one?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Come on. Have one beer with us?” Arch sets one beer on the counter in front of me, then gets another from the fridge and takes both into the living room for him and Brogan.
“It’s late and I gotta get this to Jane before she passes out.”
Brogan gives me a thumbs down as he lifts the bottle to his lips.
I slip back into my room and then freeze. My heart tries to climb up my throat and heat swirls in my gut. Jane’s dress is lying at the end of the bed and she’s passed out mostly naked.
I do my best not to look at all her tempting skin splayed out over my navy comforter. I set the water and meds on the nightstand, then open my dresser and grab one of my T-shirts for her.
Coming back to the bed, I sit on the edge of the mattress. “Sit up for me.”
She does with a groan. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I lift my shirt and pull it down over her blonde hair. She struggles to get her arms through, but then flops back onto the pillow wearing my old Huskies football shirt. It’s too big for her, but it’s bunched up around her waist, leaving her tiny black panties in plain view.
“Tonight. Cam. Everything.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You were right, it’s none of my business.”
She flinches at my words. “Well either way, tonight was really great for a while. I forgot about everything and was able to just have fun. I didn’t realize how much I needed that, so thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I get the Advil and water and wait while she downs the medicine.
She hands the glass back to me looking so unsettled that all I can think about is wrapping my arms around her. I’m still pissed about Cam, even if I have no right to be.
I start to stand. “Night, Jane. If you need anything, I’ll be in the living room.”
“Wait.” She reaches out and grabs my forearm. “Don’t leave. I mean, you don’t need to keep sleeping on the couch. We can build a pillow wall.” She takes two pillows and puts them down the middle of the bed.
“It’s fine. The couch isn’t so bad.”
“I don’t like being alone anymore,” she says quietly.
My chest is tight. “I won’t be far.”
She nods and turns back to her side to sleep. By the time I pull the comforter up over her bare legs, her breathing has evened out. I shut the light off and slip back into the living room.
I go straight for the beer still sitting on the counter, twist off the top and take a long drink.
After I swallow, I let out a long sigh and take a seat in a chair across from Brogan and Archer.
“Hard day at the office?” Brogan asks as he brings the bottle back to his lips.
Archer snorts, then takes off his hearing aids and sets them on the coffee table. I wonder what it’s like for the world to be silent. He stands and asks, “Another?”
Brogan nods. I do the same.
“Yeah, why not?” Maybe it’ll distract me from the half-naked woman sleeping in my bed.
My brother comes back with three more beers.
“Thanks,” Brogan says and signs the word. He’s always been the most considerate of Archer’s hearing loss.
We all know ASL, but rarely need to use it since Archer learned to read lips instead of relying on signing himself. He was ten when he had the accident that caused him to lose his hearing, so I don’t blame him for wanting to keep as much of his life the same as possible, but sometimes I wonder if he’s accommodated us too much instead of the other way around.
The hearing aids help, but they don’t give him perfect hearing. He told me once wearing them made the world feel more alive around him, but that sometimes he preferred the silence because it was exhausting trying to keep up with conversations when it sounds like everyone is whispering around you.
I sign thank you as he takes a seat across from me.
“So . . .” Brogan starts, eyeing me in a way that makes me already dread the next words. “Jane and Cam Payton looked cozy tonight.”
“I don’t see it.” Archer scoffs. “Jane could do way better.”
Brogan shrugs. “Girls dig him though. He’s hooked up with at least half the female population of Valley U.”
I take another long drink instead of adding my thoughts on the situation, but Arch shoots his beer cap between his thumb and ring finger at me. It hits me in the center of my chest. When I meet his gaze, he lifts one brow. “Are you gonna do something about it?”
“I had Logan look into him. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a threat.”
Brogan and Archer share a look, then the latter says, “That’s it?”
“It’s not any of my business who she hooks up with or dates.” Not my business, but it still makes my skin crawl.
They let it drop at that, and the three of us make small talk while we finish our beers. After they go to bed, I sit in the living room a few minutes longer trying to decide what to do.
I should sleep on the couch like I’ve done the past few nights. That’s the smart thing, no question.
My thumb taps against the side of the empty bottle in my hand. Fuck it. It isn’t like I’m going to be able to sleep anyway. Might as well lie awake in there if that makes her feel safer.
I stalk quietly into the room with that indifferent attitude, but all it takes is seeing Jane curled up, hugging one of the pillows to her chest, for all that indifference to turn to longing.
I want to be near her, and she wants to not be alone. For tonight, we can both have what we want.
I change into sweats and get into bed on the other side of the pillow wall she erected. They’re on top of the comforter, so once I’m underneath they aren’t really doing anything to keep us apart. Still, I stay well on my side.
Jane turns toward me and flings an arm out until she feels me, then pulls back like she was just checking if I was next to her.
“I’m here,” I say softly. “Go back to sleep.”
“Okay.” A second later, she’s tossing both pillows between us onto the floor and then scooting closer to me.
My body stills as she cuddles up next to me. She lodges herself so close that her boobs sandwich my bicep, and her silky panties rub against my hip.
“What are . . .” I don’t get the question out before her hand begins to stroke along my stomach. Her long fingernails lightly glide up and then back down, sending heat racing through my body.
“Jane?” My voice is low and husky, and drowned out by the little moan that escapes her lips as she wriggles herself half on top of me.
I don’t move a muscle. I don’t even breathe.
“I want to kiss you again. It’s all I’ve thought about since it happened.”
She lays on me, fitting so perfectly in all the right places. My dick doesn’t have the same good intentions that I do. I’m hard so fast I don’t even have time to fight off my body’s reaction.
“Do you want to kiss me again?” she asks, staring at me with those big green eyes.
“We can’t,” I say, finally finding my voice. I move my hands to her hips to lift her off me, but for some reason I don’t do that. My palms rest against her smooth skin. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I know what I’m saying. I just asked if you wanted to kiss me. And then I said I know what I’m saying.” She flashes a sexy drunk smile at me. “So, do you? If not, I’ll scoot back over and go to sleep, but I think maybe you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” I find the strength to move her back to the bed next to me and sit up.
She mirrors me, sitting up and facing me. “You really believe that, don’t you? How come everyone else gets what they want, except you?”
I swallow thickly. “What I want and what’s best are rarely in sync.”
She climbs into my lap. This time I don’t stop her and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because she hit on something I’ve thought about a lot. What the hell do I want? I’m not even sure I know anymore. I’ve spent the better part of my adult life making decisions that I thought were best for my brothers, but now that I’m back I’m not sure if they were or not.
“In this case I think you’re wrong.” She shifts so her core grinds against my hard length. Lust shoots up my spine.
“Not tonight, Jane. You’re drunk.”
But she doesn’t back down. Her arms wrap around my neck, and she brings her mouth close to mine. She looks up at me through thick, black lashes. “Fine. It can’t happen, but first admit it. Admit that you want to kiss me again, and I’ll go back to sleep.”
“I want to kiss you again more than I want my next breath,” I say the words with as little emotion as possible, but the air still crackles with tension between us.
The admission makes her bolder.
“What else do you want?” she whispers, holding my gaze as she inches closer. Her lips brush against mine in a soft kiss, teasing me, before pulling back.
Something about the way she’s always so honest about what she wants makes it hard to sit here and pretend I’m unaffected.
“I want you on your knees with that soft mouth wrapped around my cock.”
I bring one hand up to rest at the side of her neck. She lets out a little groan as I run my thumb along her pulse point.
“I want to bury myself so deep inside of you that you can’t remember your name. I want to bury myself so deep inside of you that I can’t remember my own name.” I nip at her bottom lip. “I want a lot of things, Jane. So be real sure that’s what you want before you make your next move.”
I get up quickly, sending her falling backward on the mattress. My dick throbs as I stomp out to the couch. Fuck, fuck, fuck. As usual, what I want is in direct opposition of what’s right.
And now there’s absolutely no freaking way I’m falling asleep.
