I wake up, stilling feeling crappy, but I don’t puke! I’m thinking, Thank you, God, but where is Mother Nature when you need her?
Still no period, and I’m starting to think I might be pregnant.
As I watch Phillip unpack, the thought actually crosses my mind that it might be cool if I was pregnant. I know the timing is not right, but Phillip is so amazing, so sweet, and so good to me. It seems kind of selfish of me to want to hog all that love and keep it for myself. He’s going to be a great dad, and he’s a wonderful husband—of that, I have no doubt.
And, at lunchtime, when he drives twenty-two miles to get me what Danny dubs as the best chicken noodle soup in Kansas City, I almost want to cry because I feel so lucky and loved.
We sit at the kitchen island, eating soft dinner rolls and the amazing chicken soup together.
I know I look like crap. I haven’t showered or brushed my hair in two days, but Phillip doesn’t seem to care. He still looks at me like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.
I’m seriously so lucky.
I also seriously have to pee.
It is at this point in my life that I realize Mother Nature has a very warped sense of humor.
My period has arrived.
And I should be relieved. I should be jumping-with-joy happy.
I should go out screaming, Phillip, it’s okay! My period is here! Let’s celebrate!
But that’s not how I’m feeling.
I feel … well, I’m still trying to wrap my head around how I’m feeling. Because the way I’m feeling is a shock, even to myself. I’m feeling, um, well, I’m feeling quite sad actually.
I’m feeling let down.
And I have no idea why.
I walk back out to the living room and tell Phillip quietly, “I just got my period.”
He looks kind of crushed, and I just start bawling.
I can’t believe it, but I think I’m sad that I’m not pregnant.
And I can see disappointment written all over Phillip’s face. He looks like he could cry.
I start blubbering, “I’m sorry, Phillip. I know you wanted me to be, and I wasn’t sure, and now, I’m, like, so sad that I’m not, and I love you, and blabber, blabber, blabber.” I don’t even know what I’m saying.
Phillip holds me tight and just listens. When I’m done blathering on, he says, “It’s okay, but I will admit, I got a little excited about the possibility. Maybe we’ve learned something?”
“Like what?” I sob.
“That maybe we don’t need to wait? Like maybe we’re ready?”
“Yeah, maybe we are.”
“So, no more pill?”
I kiss that sweet boy and say, “Deal. We’re not trying, but if it happens, we’ll be excited.”
“Deal.” Phillip holds my chin in his hand and adoringly looks at me.
Lori and Danny choose this exact moment to walk in our front door.
Phillip backs away from me, slightly in surprise.
And, really, you’ve got to love our friends. They don’t hold anything back.
Danny’s first words are, “You look like crap. Do you feel any better?”
“I’m feeling a little better. Danny, you were right; the chicken soup was amazing. Phillip even thought it was worth the drive.”
Lori blurts out, “So, did you take the pregnancy test yet or what?”
“No.” I get the stupid tears in my eyes again and bite my lower lip. I’m unable to look her in the eye when I tell her, “I didn’t need to. I got my period.”
She looks at me and gets tears in her own eyes as realization hits her. “Jade, are you sad you got it?”
“Yeah, kinda.” I nod my head as little tears start falling out of my eyes.
She runs over and hugs me. She doesn’t need to say anything. Her tight hug says it all.
I’m really going to start watching my language for her.
Later, when Phillip and Danny work out, Lori and I go to her house, so she can show me the nursery that was painted while we were on our honeymoon.
“So, are you going to start trying to get pregnant?” she asks.
“I guess. I mean, I’m still kinda getting over the shock that I was sad I wasn’t. What do I need to know? How do you go about getting pregnant? All I’ve ever thought about was how not to.”
“Well, first thing is, going off the pill. And they say you shouldn’t have sex very often.”
“I would think, if you were trying to get pregnant, you’d want to do it all the time, which should make it easy because we already do.”
“Do what?”
“Have a lot of sex.”
“But you shouldn’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“You need to chart your ovulation cycle,” she explains. “Then, when you are most likely to be fertile, you’ll want to do it. If you haven’t done it as much, he’ll have stored-up sperm and be more potent.”
“That sounds sort of gross. Wouldn’t I be better off just getting him drunk? Have some wild, carefree sex? I thought, if you tried too hard, it put pressure on you, which then had the opposite effect?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Jadyn, you want your baby to be conceived in the best possible environment. That means, you shouldn’t be drinking. You should be taking vitamins and eating healthy. You should have sex regularly, but not too often.”
“What’s too often?”
“During ovulation, you’ll want to have sex once a day.”
“Just once? And I thought trying would be fun.”
“It is fun. You get to have sex every day.”
“We just got back from our honeymoon, Lori. Once a day would be a bit of a letdown.”
She laughs. “Danny and I had a lot of sex on our honeymoon, too.” She rubs her belly.
“How far along are you now?”
“Twenty-seven weeks.”
“Are you happy you’re pregnant?”
“Of course I am!”
“No, I just mean, are you happy you got pregnant when you did? So soon after you got married?”
She frowns. “Like, if I could do it again, would I so soon?”
“Yeah.”
“I think so. Maybe. I don’t know. Being pregnant can be, um, challenging. Your body is changing. Your hormones are changing. You have the strangest thoughts.”
“Like what?”
“When I was throwing up all the time, I sort of blamed Danny.”
“Because he got you pregnant?”
“Yes. They say it’s normal though. To sort of hate your husband.”
“You hate him?”
“No! Gosh, it’s hard to explain. And don’t you dare breathe a word of this to him.”
“I won’t.”
“It’s just that, sometimes, you don’t feel good. And it doesn’t seem fair that you are having his baby, and he doesn’t have to go through any of it. He can do anything he wants, and you have all these restrictions. It’s a weird combination of precious time and worst nightmare.”
“Your morning sickness is subsiding though, right?”
“Yes, that helps. During the second trimester, most women feel pretty good.”
“Do you?”
She sighs. “I feel better. I wouldn’t say great.” She pats her belly again. “The baby is kicking a lot, which is both amazing and slightly terrifying. I’d say that’s how pregnancy has been for me. Conflicting opposites. It’s like you’re overwhelmed with joy that a baby is growing inside you. You feel an incredible sense of wonder. But then you also feel out of control. You look down and wonder how you have a baby growing inside you. You’re shocked at how much your stomach can stretch. It’s the most natural thing and also weird as can be.”
“In a few more months, you’ll be holding your baby in your arms.”
“And it will all have been worth it,” she says. “So, back to getting pregnant. They say, if you want a girl, you should be on top, and if you want a boy, the man should be. But that contradicts other things they tell you. Some say, after sex, you should put a pillow under your butt. This tilts your pelvis in a way that gravity helps the sperm swim toward the egg.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for all that yet. We’ll just continue to have fun, and if it happens, it happens.”
“Speaking of happens, you never did tell me what happened before the wedding. When you and Phillip broke up.”
“When my parents died, I locked up my feelings and put them away. Granted, my personality tends to be of the act-first, think-later side, but I told myself that being reckless and having the you only live once mindset would make my parents proud. But it was an excuse to do whatever I wanted. I’m lucky I lived with Phillip and Danny in college. Otherwise, I think I would have been wilder. I kissed a lot of guys, but I didn’t sleep with very many because I didn’t want to bring them home.”
“The boys aren’t around. Who all did you sleep with anyway? You’ve never told me.”
“Well, Matt Fuller was my first. Freshman year in college. Then, after he broke up with me, I revenge-dated his best friend. Then, Bradley.”
“The smoking-hot bartender,” Lori adds.
“Who I was supposed to have my first one-night stand with. But I guess I’m lucky I met Bradley, too. Instead of a bunch of random one-night stands, he became all my one-night stands. I went home with him a lot, but that’s all it ever was. Just hot sex.”
“And a shot named in your honor.” She smirks.
“I’m not very proud of that night.”
“We thought you should postpone the wedding,” she admits.
“You did. Why?”
“Because of what happened at the bar. We only heard about it from Nick, but it was obvious that things were unraveling.”
“They were.”
“What made you give Phillip the ring back? I was afraid to ask before.”
“I thought we failed couples counseling. I almost drove down here that day. Thought you and I could drink margaritas and bash boys.”
“Except I can’t drink.”
“Ha. I forgot about that!”
“Was that the tick, tick, boom?” she asks gently.
“Danny tells you everything, huh?”
She nods. “So, where did you go? Phillip was really worried because he couldn’t find you.”
“I went to our old elementary school. Sat in the car for a long time, just staring at the swings.”
“That’s where it all started,” Danny says, interrupting us.
“Where’s Phillip?” I ask.
“He went home to shower.”
“Where what started?” Lori wants to know.
“Don’t you remember when we got engaged and I told the story of how Phillip kissed me on the swings in fourth grade and told me that he wanted to marry me someday? I think I was just getting through life, waiting for that day. Waiting until the time was right. After Richie Rich—guy number four, if you’re still keeping track—I thought maybe. Phillip and I had gone to two formals together, but we never kissed. Then, there was the disaster known as your wedding.”
“Hey.” Lori slaps me on the arm. “Our wedding was perfect.”
“For you. Not for me.”
“So then, the drummer,” they both say.
“Guitar player. Number five. And then Phillip. My number six and hopefully last.”
“So, the swings?” Lori says.
“I hooked my charm bracelet to the swing and left it there. It felt like the right place to bury our relationship.” I look at Danny. “Then, I went to visit my parents’ grave.”
Danny’s eyes get big. “You said you’d never go there.”
“I know, but I went anyway. Lay in the snow and cried. I felt really ashamed. Here all I wanted to do was make them proud by being strong, but …” Tears threaten, so I shake my head.
“It’s okay,” Danny says. “They’re proud of you now.”
“I know. It just took me a while to get here. And then I was remembering how Phillip was with me when they died. I went to touch the cross charm on my bracelet, and I freaked when it was gone. When I went back to get it, Phillip was there. So, I told him everything—how I’ve always loved him being the most important thing. He told me his original plan was to propose at the swings. Then, he said that he was going to do it right. He dropped to one knee and proposed. I said yes. Then, I was fine.”
“So, the honeymoon was fun?” Danny asks with a smirk.
“It was amazing.”
“Did you like our XXX honeymoon gift?”
I laugh. “Your gift. Yes. Although we didn’t know what to do with half of it.”
“Phillip said the same thing,” Danny says. “I’m gonna go shower.” He kisses Lori and heads toward their bedroom.
“And I think I’ll go home and see if I can catch a peek of my husband in the shower,” I tell Lori.
