Waiting for Devaney’s mom to call me back is stressing me out. I’ve been trying to stay positive, but what I really need is someone on my side. Someone to talk to. Someone to tell me I’m not crazy.
When what I am is crazy and completely in love.
I’m just walking out of the stadium when my phone rings for a video call. And when I see her name, I immediately turn back around to go inside as I answer.
“Hey,” I say, taking a seat on a bench off by itself to have some privacy.
“I thought we could video chat so that you could see some ideas. Are you free?”
I look at my watch, knowing I’m supposed to meet Dani in about ten minutes. But I can always text her and tell her I’m running late. “Of course.”
“Let’s start with what I’m sure you’re wondering about the most. Can we pull this off?”
“Yeah, I am. What do you think?”
“I think yes, but it’s going to be hard for you to keep this from Devaney. Can you?”
“It’s important and worth it in the end, so, yes, I can.”
“We’re both going to have to fib a little to make this happen. For example,” she says, showing me a bulletin board filled with photo cutouts, “this is the most important thing we get right. It’s what she’s dreamed of. There’s going to have to be a girls’ trip over your spring break. Me, Jennifer, Jadyn, and Devaney. I know you were planning to go somewhere together, but …”
“This is more important,” I tell her, trying to study all the details. “You’ve done a lot of work already.”
“Well, your daughter only gets engaged once,” she says, but then she laughs. “Well, hopefully, just once. This list is my vision for what I think she’d want. But you two have a long history, and I know there are things you would want included. I’m going to need that list. Have you thought about details from your love story to incorporate?”
“Our love story?”
“Yes, for example, your parents had a hanging altar made of branches that reminded them of the trees they used to climb as kids.”
“Oh, I see. Actually, we just talked about that. I always kept pennies in my pocket to give her a penny for her thoughts. And then there’s daisies. We used to pretend to get married when we were kids, and she’d wear daises in her hair when they were in season. The word dream. And, of course, our cupcake dreams.”
“Cupcake dreams?” her mom asks.
“Did you see the cupcakes she and Haley made for me and Damon on signing day?”
“The ones with all the little trinkets on them?”
“Yes. She’d made one for me in the Ozarks that first summer we went.”
“The summer that was amazing and went horribly wrong when you got home?”
“You know about that?” I ask, surprised.
“She used those exact words many times. Blamed herself for everything.”
My heart feels like it falls to the pit of my stomach, and I quickly text her, telling her that I’ll be a few minutes late but that I can’t wait to see her.
“It wasn’t all her fault,” I admit. “I made mistakes that day. I was too prideful and too stubborn. And I tried to tell her what to do and wouldn’t listen to her explanation. I was hurt and blamed her for a long time. Too long.”
“And what did you learn from that, Chase?”
“That it takes being open and honest with each other—even when it’s really hard—to have a healthy relationship.”
“You two are still young. I’m going to sound like her father here, but do you feel you’re both ready for this kind of commitment?”
“We tried to be together without a commitment last semester. Thought we were being more mature about it, but it didn’t work. We needed the commitment.”
“Why did you need it?” she asks.
It’s a simple question, but it’s not easy to answer. Because it was complicated. I pause for a moment, thinking.
She laughs. “Feelings are complicated, aren’t they?”
“Yes. And in retrospect, I’d say we didn’t need the commitment. What we needed was to be on the same page about what we wanted from our relationship. With her at college and me still at home and us only seeing each other a few way-too-short weekends, we were in an awkward friend phase. She’ll always be my best friend, but at the same time, she’s always been more than that. What we needed was better communication.”
“Being on the same page in a relationship is probably one of the most important ways to keep it alive. Remember that. It took me a long time to figure it out.”
“Can I be honest with you?” I ask tentatively, not sure if I should dare say what I’m about to.
“Please.”
“When you and Uncle Danny divorced and the situation surrounding it all happened, it really devastated Dani.”
“I know it did. I’m trying to make up for that with her now.”
“And she appreciates it, but sometimes, I feel like the damage was already done. Like, it sort of shattered her romantic notions about love.”
“I’m sure it didn’t help that, for the most part, Danny and I didn’t argue in front of the kids. Which I’m sure made it even more of a shock.”
“You’re right. It probably did.”
“She seems to have rebounded though. Last time we spoke, she sounded happy and very much in love.”
“Let’s hope we can stay that way,” I say with a chuckle.
“You don’t do that with hope,” she responds seriously. “If I had shared my insecurities with Danny from the start instead of dealing with them in private, we’d probably still be married.”
“Meaning communication really is key.”
“I will say, the passion needs to be there, too. All right, on that note, I’ll let you go. You keep thinking about special things and let me know. And we have to decide on a date. Van’s family’s reunion is the end of May. The Diamond-Mackenzie one is in August.”
“Actually, I was thinking August wouldn’t work out that great this year. With Damon and I both starting fall camp.”
“Oh, that’s a good point. There has been talk about doing some kind of grand reopening in May. Maybe I can figure out how to get them to combine all three events. And I’ll talk to the girls about spring break and bring up the topic with Dani soon. If that doesn’t work out—and it’s key that it does—I say, we scrap the first option and just go with the second and third one.”
I can’t help but suck in a breath. That is not what I want.
I want it all.
But for it to all work out long-term, it has to be what we both want.
“I agree. Thank you!”
