When I wake up, I discover I still don’t have a text from Chase. Which is unusual. But he probably fell asleep the second he got home since he usually doesn’t stay out late.
Me: Hey, it’s me. I was thinking, after your morning workout—like, if you are doing a morning workout today—we should go ice skating. Sound fun?
I shower and get ready for the day and check my phone again.
Nothing.
And it’s already eleven thirty.
I’m getting ready to call him when the phone rings in my hand. And when I see his mom’s name pop up, I instantly panic. Did something happen to Chase last night?
“Is Chase okay?” is the first thing I blurt out.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Oh,” I stutter, instantly feeling ridiculous. “It’s nothing. I just—”
“Devaney, tell me why you think something might be wrong with Chase this instant,” she says, using her scary mom voice. The voice that lets me know she is absolutely serious about this.
“He went to a party with some guys on the team last night. Said he’d text me when he got home. I haven’t heard from him yet. I wasn’t worried, honestly, but he hasn’t answered my text this morning, and when you just called as I was getting ready to try to call him, I sort of panicked. Sorry.”
“It’s nearly noon,” she says, sounding worried. “Hold, please. I’m going to call him.”
I am going to ask why she thinks he would answer her call but not mine, but then it hits me. She thinks he doesn’t want to talk to me.
Why wouldn’t he want to—
No. No. No. No. No. Surely, his mother doesn’t think he’s with another girl. Would she?
She’s back in my ear, saying, “Devaney?”
“Yeah?” I say breathlessly, trying to decide if I want her to say that she spoke to him and what that might mean or that she didn’t get ahold of him and what that might mean. Either way, I’m worried.
“He didn’t answer. I tried a couple of times, thinking it might wake him up if he’s still asleep. You said he was at a party?”
“Yeah, and it started late. Like, he left my door around midnight.”
“So, he’s probably still asleep,” she says, sounding like she’s trying to convince herself. And possibly me.
“And slept through his alarm,” I offer because I know he has it set daily for the ass crack of dawn.
“I think you should go over there,” Jadyn finally says. “And please, text me and let me know that he’s okay.”
“Okay,” I tell her, but I’m thinking, Shit.
Just as I’m about to hang up, she goes, “Dani?”
“Yeah?”
“I totally forgot to tell you the real reason for my call. If you have some free time this weekend, you should go check out the condo building.”
“You told me not to go back until it’s done. Does that mean …”
“It sure does. They are totally finished. I’ve only seen videos of it, but I’d love to get your opinion on it.”
“Okay, I will.”
“Text me,” she says, then hangs up.
I put on a pair of warm boots, grab my coat and purse, and go outside. The sun is hidden behind dreary clouds, and the air is damp and chilly, looking and feeling like it could snow at any moment.
I’m not sure how I feel. I’m not sure how to react.
But I know that I shouldn’t react until I have all the facts.
When he said he would text me, I told him that he didn’t need to. I hope he was out late. I hope he had fun. But Chase is so organized, and seems to have his life together. Me? I operate on a wing and a prayer most of the time, typically in regard to my cell phone and the gas in my car. Both usually get run to practically empty before being recharged or refilled. Chase is the opposite, rarely letting either get below fifty percent.
And that’s what concerns me.
I get to his dorm, stand in front of his door, and just listen for a second.
I try to call him again.
Don’t hear his phone ring.
Take a breath and knock.
“Yeah?” a deep voice says, causing me to open the door.
I see Treyvon lying in his bed, looking disheveled and like I just woke him up.
“Have you seen Chase?” I ask him.
“Party,” he slurs.
I try to be patient. The room smells like a brewery, and it’s quite possible that Trey is still drunk.
“How long have you been home?”
“Hour? Need sleep,” he says, then rolls over, tossing the covers over his head.
I come farther into the room and study Chase’s side.
His bed is neatly made.
Which doesn’t make sense. If he made his bed this morning, he would have texted me.
Did he not sleep here?
Now, I am panicking again. I search for his phone. His wallet. His keys.
Thankfully, I find his car keys are still here.
Don’t freak out, Dani. There is a reasonable explanation. Like he got drunk, spent the night at the party house. Or …
Shit, I can’t come up with anything else reasonable.
I got really drunk once at a party when I was a freshman in high school. My dad was furious with me, but once he got over that, he shared with me why he was. Told me that when you get really drunk, you can pass out. And when you pass out, your body slows down so much that you have no gag reflex. And if you have no gag reflex, you are in danger of choking on your own vomit and dying from asphyxiation. He told me that you hear about it all the time. Kid goes to a party, drinks too much, passes out. His or her friends are also drinking and think the kid is just sleeping it off. No one notices when they puke. No one helps them when they can’t breathe. And no one notices they are dead until sometime later.
And I will admit, that picture stuck with me. It’s why I don’t ever want to drink to that point. It’s why I know I was lucky Chase came to the party that night when I was drunk.
And I pray that he’s okay.
I’m now fully scared and about to call his mom back when the door opens and he strolls into his room. His hair is wet, like he just showered, but he’s wearing last night’s clothes.
Since Trey is still fully dressed in his bed and smells like a brewery, I can understand why he’d still be in his clothes, but I doubt they were handing out showers at the party. So, where did he—
I can’t even speak. I’m about to start crying because—
I don’t want to believe it. I don’t want to believe he spent the night with someone else. But I can’t help but wonder if reality is staring me right in the face.
“Glad you’re alive. You should call your mom and let her know you’re okay,” I manage to choke out before darting out of the room.
“Dani,” Chase says, but I run. Run away.
I can’t talk to him. Can’t face what he is going to say. I’d rather not know. Be oblivious, like my dad was with my mom.
I don’t want to know.
Tears roll down my face, and the freezing air feels like it turns them into ice as I race across campus toward my dorm. But I don’t make it.
I run out of breath. I break down.
Sit on the nearest bench and sob.
I’m so glad he’s safe. Like, that’s all I wanted. What I was praying for all morning, but the second I saw him, I was pissed at him. Pissed he’d made me worry. Pissed that he had the ability to shower but not text me.
Which just doesn’t add up.
The bench next to me moves.
I can smell the person sitting next to me. There’s a strong scent of soap mixed with beer. And I feel like I want to throw up.
“Dani,” Chase says.
I turn and look into his eyes. Into the eyes of the boy I love. The boy I hope more than anything is in love with me enough to have not done the things I’m worried about. My heart doesn’t think he would, but …
“Did you call your mom?” is all I can say.
“I did not. I can’t find my phone. Why are you crying?”
“Why are you showered? And more importantly, where did you shower? And why are you in last night’s clothes?”
He narrows his eyes at me, tilts his head, then goes, “Oh.”
“Oh, what?” I half-yell.
“Do you think—”
“Just please, answer the question truthfully,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes and willing them to stop flowing.
“I showered in the locker room after I worked out.”
“And where did you sleep last night?”
“I fell asleep at the party. Woke up this morning. Went to work out. Showered there. Put my clothes from last night back on. Went back to my dorm to change and was going to come to your dorm.”
“You were?”
“Yeah, I need your phone to find mine.”
This causes the tears to completely stop. “I can find your phone with my phone?”
“Yeah, silly,” he says, wrapping an arm around me. “I knew if you were ever worried about me, you would look at your phone and know exactly where I was.”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“I showed you how over Christmas break. Don’t you remember?”
And then I feel stupid. I do remember. Vaguely. We were in bed when he did it. I was snuggled up to his chest and barely paying attention.
“I forgot,” I tell him.
“Dani,” he says, looking upset, “did you think I cheated on you? That I was coming home in last night’s clothes after showering at some girl’s house?”
“I didn’t think that until I saw you and couldn’t come up with a better excuse. I’m sorry I ran off. I was just so—”
“Hurt,” Chase finishes. “I’m sorry for how it looked. But do you not trust me?”
“Chase, it’s not that I thought you were doing anything wrong at the party. But when I didn’t hear from you, I started to get worried. Like that you’d drunk too much and died in your sleep. Or you’d been in a car accident. And just as I was about to head over to your dorm, your mom called me. And I panicked. I was afraid she was calling to give me bad news. And before she had a chance to say anything, I asked if you were okay.”
“Oh boy. Will you please text her real quick and let her know that I am?”
I pull my phone out of my pocket, my hands shaking, both from the cold and the emotions swirling around me.
“You’re shivering,” Chase says. He reaches in his coat pocket, pulls out a pair of gloves, puts each one up to his mouth, and blows in it before putting them on me.
“Why did you blow in them?” I ask him.
“To warm them up,” he replies simply.
And it makes me start crying again because I swear he is the sweetest and most thoughtful boy ever.
He takes my phone, texts his mom, telling her it’s him, that he misplaced his phone, and that he’s sorry if he made her worry.
Chase puts his hand, which is somehow still warm in the cold air, under my chin so I have to look up at him. “I love you, Dani. And I’m sorry I made you worry, too.”
I don’t say anything, just nod.
“We should probably talk about this,” he says. “Do you trust me?”
“I do. Honestly, you being with another girl didn’t even cross my mind. Until your mom said she was going to call you. And I assumed she was doing that because she thought you weren’t answering because I was calling. And then when you walked in, showered—”
“And in last night’s clothes. Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. Really, I am. That I made you think that for even a minute. I did drink too much last night, but you go to frat parties all the time. And are surrounded by guys. Don’t you think that’s hard for me?”
“Are you saying that last night wasn’t a party for just the football guys?”
He nods.
“I see.”
Chase puts his face in his hands, looking stressed. “Look, I’m just trying to fit in. Be part of the team. You don’t know how hard it is.”
And when he looks up at me, his eyes are teary. I swallow hard, trying to prepare myself for what he’s about to tell me. Because I know Chase, and the look on his face tells me something is wrong.
Be strong, Devaney.
I reach out and take his hand in mine. Whenever he holds my hand, I feel like I can conquer the world, so maybe I can help him feel that way if I hold his. If he knows I’m in this with him.
Is there doubt slipping into my mind? Yes. Am I worried he’s going to tell me he hooked up with some random girl to look cool? Yes. But everything in my being tells me that’s not Chase. At least, not the one I have known my whole life.
“Tell me, Chase,” I say to him, realizing I don’t want to be oblivious. “Let me share the burden with you.”
“They’ve been calling me Hype.”
“Why?”
“Because they say I’m all hype. That just because I’ve been on ESPN and set high school records and all that, it doesn’t mean I can just come here and think I’m going to start. That half the guys on the team were also standouts in high school. That there are three quarterbacks in front of me, all with more experience. They say it’s a different level and that I won’t make it.”
“Why in the world would they say that? And even more importantly, why in the world would you want to hang out with guys like that? And you don’t drink, really, Chase. You work too hard.”
“And I feel like shit. About all of it. This isn’t who I am, Dani.”
I rub my finger across the top of his hand. “Believe it or not, Chase, I sort of know how you feel. I chose my sorority because I wanted to make friends. And I love the stuff we do for charity and all that, but there are a lot of times that I have felt pressured. Pressured to drink. Pressured to hook up. I thought maybe it was just because I was new. But I felt the same way at the last frat party I went to. Like, it wasn’t a mixer where you actually try to get to know each other.”
“They challenged me to beer pong,” he says.
“But you’re really good at beer pong,” I say with a laugh. “We used to play it with sodas when we were kids. Did you kick their butts?”
“I did, but they still scored, and the glasses weren’t filled with beer, but liquor.”
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah.”
“You know what I think you need, Chase?”
“You not to be mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you, Chase. I love you. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”
“Where are we going?”
I pull a key out of my purse. “Your mom gave this to me before we left home. I’ve been going over to the condo building every so often to check on the progress for her. She’s even let me make some design choices when a few things were out of stock. But then she told me not to go back until it was finished. That she wanted to surprise us. She called me this morning to tell me it was done and I should go check it out, make sure it looks good. And knowing your mom, it’s fully furnished, and the refrigerator is stocked.”
“I need to find my phone.”
“You’re not going to need your phone for a while,” I say with a smile.
He looks down at himself. “Clothes?”
“Definitely not going to be needing them either.”
I take his hand and lead him off campus. When we get to the building, I let him do the honors.
He puts the key in the lock, turns the handle, then shocks me by sweeping me off my feet and carrying me inside and into the elevator.
When the doors slide open, we both go, “Wow.”
“I don’t know what exactly I expected. Everything your mom designs is amazing, but this is …”
“So cool,” he says, setting me on my feet.
