I wake up on Sunday morning, finding the wonderful king-size bed empty of Dani but smelling bacon. I think back to yesterday. How things could have gotten so messed up. How I need to do my own thing and not try to fit in. I’ve never tried to before. I’ve always tried to stand out with my talent. With my work ethic. And I shouldn’t have to party with my teammates to get them to like me.
I take in the room. The wall behind the padded headboard is painted a moody, deep teal color and highlighted by big squares of trim to make it stand out. There are floor-to-ceiling windows offering views of the Haymarket District but are currently closed with just a little light streaming in around the edges of the blinds.
Dani jumped for literal joy when she saw the walk-in closet, filled with some of her clothes and shoes from home. We explored all of the comfortably decorated units. Checked out the large gathering spaces. Made some food. And spent the rest of the day naked.
A robe is lying at the end of the bed. I toss it on since there’s a chill in the air and follow my nose out to the big kitchen in the shared space.
It’s then that I see Dani.
She’s got a mug in her hand, sitting sideways in a chair, legs dangling over the edge.
And there’s something about the sight of it. Of her. It’s like my past, present, and future are inexplicably tied together.
And that’s when it hits me with such force that I walk over to her and drop down on both knees in front of her. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I catch her gaze and say, “Do you want to get married?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You do realize that you are down on two knees. It’s supposed to be one knee,” she says with a laugh.
I take her coffee cup and set it on the table beside her, then take her hands in mine. “Devaney, I want to marry you more than anything. I want to be with you all the time. Wake up with you like this every day. The idea that we have to live on campus in separate dorms is so antiquated.”
“You’ve been busy, Chase. We both have.”
“Maybe we should get un-busy,” I suggest.
“How do we do that?” she asks sincerely.
“One, a new mindset for me. I need to try to start treating football like what it is—a job.”
“Except it’s not just that. It’s your passion. That’s why you’re so good at it.”
“Yeah, but I feel like I have no life. I’ve always been able to juggle football and still have time to live. I miss you. I miss us.”
I feel desperate, I want to say, but I don’t.
“Things have been a little different than I expected.” She says this while absentmindedly playing with a strand of her hair.
And this worries me. “Different how?”
“Well, when you were still back in KC, I’d come home for the weekends, and we’d make up for lost time. I guess I just expected it to be more—”
“Perfect. Yesterday, here, was perfect. Thus, my sentiment.”
She grins at me. “Oh. Are you talking about the proposal that’s not a proposal?”
“Yeah. Like, what if it were? What would you say?” I ask her, my heart in my throat.
She taps a slender finger against her chin. “Are we talking now or a few years in the future, like after graduation sort of thing?”
“Now. Today if you want. We’re both eighteen. We could just go to the courthouse.”
She holds her hand up in the air. “You can stop right there.”
I can’t help but flinch when she says that. I thought we’d cleared the air about everything yesterday. “I take it, the courthouse is a no?”
“Chase, how many times have we already gotten married?”
I think back to our childhood, to us pretending. “Numerous.”
“And in all those times, was it ever just us? At a courthouse?”
I purse my lips, then break out into a smile. “No. There were many dolls and stuffed animals in attendance as well as your brother and my dog, Angel.”
“Angel was my flower girl. What else?”
“You’d decorate. I remember, sometimes, you’d put streamers in the tree in the backyard. And if we were inside, you’d gather either my mom’s candlesticks or a bunch of potted plants. But your favorite time of the year was when we could pick daisies first. For your hair.”
“Right. So, my answer to your question is, if you could conjure up my dream wedding today, yes, I would marry you.”
I lean in and kiss her. Like I would at our wedding. It’s passionate but soft, full of hope, love, and meaning.
“I love you,” I tell her.
“I love you, too, Chase. And I was thinking, if you can’t whip up a wedding”—she leans her head toward the bedroom—“how about instead of pretending to get married—because let’s face it, we’ve had plenty of practice—we work on practicing for our honeymoon?”
I don’t say anything. I don’t have to. I just pick her up and carry her into the room. The bacon can wait.
We’re lying in bed, all tangled up, when she lets out a contented sigh.
“I really do want to marry you, Chase,” she says. “What made you bring it up?”
“Just the way you were sitting there with your coffee. I swear, I could see you at thirty, forty, seventy in that same moment, and every time, I’d think just how in love with you I still was.”
“You’re sweet,” she says, ruffling my hair.
“Your brother told me I was drunk on love in the Ozarks. Right now, I feel like I have the perfect buzz.”
“I feel that way, too, Chase. We’re lucky.”
“We’ll be luckier if we are together for a long time,” I say, kissing her forehead and giving her a squeeze.
“Like forever, forever?” she says, catching my gaze.
“Exactly like that,” I tell her seriously.
She lets out another sigh. “I wish we could just live here permanently. Together.”
“It’s our love cave.”
“And it’s certainly a heck of a lot better, sleeping with you in a king-size bed and not having to constantly hurry. That is a bit challenging.”
“Oh, I don’t know. It is exciting. And when we do lie down together in a twin, it just means I get to be closer to you. And that’s never been a bad thing.”
“True,” she says, snuggling up to me, her head on my chest.
She is quiet for a few moments. And I let her be. I’m sure she’s thinking about all I said.
But then I notice her breathing deeply and know that she’s fallen asleep.
And that makes me happy. I know she’s not freaking out over everything I said. She’s good with it. But it shocks me a little because sleep is about the last thing I can do right now. My mind is going a million miles a minute. Because I’m thinking about the frustration we both feel over our living situation.
I mean, when you know you want to be with someone all the time, why should you wait? And honestly, maybe, just maybe, we don’t have to.
I let her sleep and go make myself a protein shake, thinking everything through. I make up a tray of food and take it into the bedroom. When I sit down on the bed, she stirs.
“Sorry I fell back asleep. That looks good.”
“I have a question. I know that the rules state that freshmen have to live on campus. Does that mean they have to stay there?”
“What do you mean?” She takes a piece of toast, butters it, then layers bacon and avocado on it, making a sandwich.
“I mean, we have housing on campus, but is there any rule that says we actually have to live there?”
She scrunches up her nose, thinking. “Now that you mention it, no one checks on us.”
“Right. So, I think we should stay here but keep some stuff there to make it look like we live there.”
She starts to take a bite but stops. “But we live here? Now?” she asks, her eyes going wide with excitement.
“Yeah.”
“Oh my gosh, Chase, wouldn’t that be amazing?”
“It would be. But it’s also a big step, right? Living together?”
She gives me a sneaky grin. “Technically, you have your own condo in this building. We’d be sharing the common space.”
“Meaning we actually have two king beds at our disposal. One for sleeping. One for sex.”
She lets out a laugh. “That’s not what I meant. What I meant was, from a parental standpoint, we would be living in the same condo building. Not living together.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t what I was referring to though. We could continue the way we are, both living at our dorms and just coming here for a break. Or you could stay here mostly full-time, and I could stay in my dorm and spend as much time here as you’d like. Or we could both stay here mostly full-time, but live next door to each other, like we did as kids. Or if we decide we want more commitment than that, then we could actually live together. Here.”
“If we did that, we couldn’t tell anyone it was official. I think to be in my sorority, I’m supposed to be single.”
“But some of the upperclassmen are engaged.”
“Honestly, I don’t know the answer.”
“Embarrassed of me?” I say with a smirk.
“Totally,” she says. But then the smile fades from her face, and she says, “I’m very proud of our relationship, Chase. I just don’t want us to get in trouble with school or with your coaches. I say we spend a lot of time here but keep it on the down-low.”
“And what about the living situation?” I press her for more.
“I think we should move into our own condos, here. I want the advantages of living together, but not all the time. Like, I want to date still, too.”
“Dani, I want to date you for our whole lives. My dad says dating is what helps keep the magic alive.”
“The magic? Like the sex?”
“I actually asked him that, and he said no. Dating means you talk about things without being interrupted by kids or laundry or daily chores. You take time out to continue to get to know each other. He says he and Mom aren’t the same people they were when they were young. That dating helps them grow together. To spend time on just their relationship.”
Dani smiles. “I like that. And I’d like to have a date with you tonight. One that specifically ends with me in your bed.”
“I think I can handle that. I’m going to leave you now as a matter of fact. I’ll go shower at my place, and you can get ready here. I’ll pick you up in the common room in an hour. We’ll go shopping in some of your favorite stores, then get you some voodoo chicken,” I tell her, referring to her favorite spicy meal at her favorite restaurant in town. “Then maybe I’ll see if I can talk you into coming back to my place.”
“That sounds fun,” she says with a laugh.
