The next morning, I’m buzzed awake by my phone, and I hear Phillip’s sexy voice say, “Hey, Princess, you awake?”
“Kinda. Why are you up? Are you just getting in? Are you sick?”
“Nah, I got in around four, and why would I be sick?”
“Last night was your bachelor party. Aren’t you supposed to be puking this morning? Or did you last night?”
“You know I don’t like to get that drunk. There was a lot of shot-drinking though, and it was pretty wild. But you know Danny and, well, the rest of the crew, too.”
“Define pretty wild.”
Phillip chuckles. “The groom had lots of fun drinking and being stupid. He even greatly enjoyed the strip club, mostly because he was laughing so hard at Dillon and Cooper. But, mostly, he was thinking about how much he missed his Princess. Did you and the girls have fun? Are you hanging?”
“Maybe a little.”
“I figured. I miss you.”
“I miss you more.”
Danny texts me around ten thirty.
Danny: Our suite, 11 a.m. An appropriate outfit is being delivered to your room. There will be other girls dressed similarly, so don’t freak.
There’s a knock at my door. I open it, and a concierge hands me a little gift bag. I set it on my bed and pull the outfit out.
What there is of it.
Me: OMG!!! Seriously? I can’t wear that!
Danny: Oh, come on. He’s gonna love it.
Me: Are you still drunk?
Danny: Maybe. We haven’t stopped drinking. In fact, right now, I’m a doctor.
Me: Let me guess … all you prescribe is cranberry and vodka?
Danny: Yes’m! I’m drinking one right now! YUMMY!
Me: I’m gonna need some liquid courage to even put this thing on!
Danny: Go do two shots. Then, I have a confession.
Me: Did Phillip sleep with a stripper???
Danny: No!!!
Me: Did you?
Danny: No. Shots and then answers.
Me: Fine.
I go to the bar in our suite, pour myself a shot, say a prayer that Danny’s brilliant idea doesn’t backfire, and then toss the shot back. I do another one and then decide to make myself a screwdriver. Those always taste good in the morning even if you have a slight wine hangover.
Me: Shots fired, Captain. Time for answers.
Danny: You know how you keep telling me I’m a professional quarterback, so I need to get rid of the old Tahoe?
Me: Yeah.
Danny: After quite a few shots, things got a little crazy, and I kinda did.
Me: Danny! OMG! Did you go to the Ferrari dealership downstairs?
Danny: Maybe.
Me: Lori is gonna freak!!! I’m so excited for you! Which one did you get?
Danny: Red F430 Spider. 🙂
Me: OMG! That’s awesome, Danny. I can’t wait to see it! Ride in it! Drive it!
Danny: That means you’ll help me tell her?
Me: Yeshhh.
Danny: Put on the outfit and send me a pic.
I put on the outfit. A minuscule black leather bustier, an even smaller thong, black fishnet thigh highs, and a matching leather mask to cover my eyes. I add a pair of black stripper heels I brought to wear to the club tonight.
Me: I’m NOT sending a picture! You’re all about to see WAY more of me than you should! I can’t believe you talked me into this! You do realize, this could backfire horribly!
Danny: How could it backfire?
Me: What if I see Phillip doing something with one of the stripper girls? What if he’s not attracted to me? It could break us up. I don’t think the bride belongs at the bachelor party.
Danny: This isn’t the bachelor party. This is just a little fun. If Phillip wanted someone else, he had plenty of opportunities last night. Girls like him. I was a little jealous.
Me: What did he do? No, wait, I don’t wanna know.
Danny: He did the same thing I did. Enjoyed girls flirting with him and looked but didn’t touch. I can’t say that for the rest of the crew though.
Me: Really? OMG, that makes me so happy.
Danny: Do another shot. I’m having one. Do one with me. Like, right now.
Me: Okay.
Danny: Here’s to happy endings. Hopefully, Phillip’s.
Me: You’re so bad. Cheers.
Danny: Get your skinny ass down here. The other girls are waiting in the hallway for you.
I put on a coat and walk to their suite. As Danny said, there are three other girls dressed similarly to me. The problem is, they look way better than me. They have big boobs, great, curvy hips, and sexy, lush red lips. I remembered to put on some tinted lip gloss, but then I drank most of the screwdriver. My lips are probably orange and pulpy.
I wipe the corners of them just in case.
When the four of us girls walk in, it’s going to be like that game they used to have on TV when I was little. There was some song … like, Which one of these things doesn’t belong?
That would be me.
“So, you’re the bride, huh? It’s pretty cool you’re doing this,” one of the dancers says.
“You think so? I was just thinking it could backfire. Like, if he likes me but doesn’t know it’s me, he’s in trouble. If he doesn’t think I’m sexy like you guys are, he’s in trouble. If he likes one of you, he’s in trouble. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Come on, he’ll love it. When the time’s right, just tell him. Or take off your mask. He’ll be shocked, but he’ll love it.”
“What am I even supposed to do? I’m not that good of a dancer.”
“Just go straight to him, shimmy in front of him a little, and then do a lap dance.”
I mentally thank Lori for buying the stripper’s workout. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have a clue.
We go into the suite. The boys are trying to act cool.
Well, except for Joey and Dillon, who are chanting, “Take it off.”
I move in front of Phillip. He’s so adorable, and, well, I’m in a mask. I might as well have some fun with him. I sit on his lap, straddling him. Run my hands through his hair the way I always do. He has a grin on his face, but he’s not touching me. He sorta has his hands limply down by his sides. I grind into his lap, then get up, and decide to dance in front of him.
I do what is probably the stupidest circle-twirl thing ever seen. Why didn’t my mom make me take dance lessons? Why did she let me play soccer? Didn’t she know every girl needed to know how to dance at some point in her life?
When I turn back around to face Phillip, his eyes roll down my body.
I hear Nick from behind me yell, “Come on, Mac, show her what ya got!”
Phillip squints his eyes at me, flashes a big grin, gives Nick a thumbs-up, and then pulls me onto his lap. Then, he puts his hands firmly across my ass and pulls me in even closer!
I swear, I’m going to kill him.
The boys think it’s awesome.
Neil hoots, “Way to go, Mac!”
Joey goes, “Ah, yeah, baby!”
I’m super conflicted. Part of me wants to rip this mask off and scream at Phillip and all his stupid friends, You assholes! The other part of me wants to stay in character just to see how far he’ll take this. I choose the latter.
I wrap my arms around his neck and nuzzle my boobs into his face.
I figure that’ll be a good test. Surely, he’ll pull his face away!
But he doesn’t! He tightens his grip on my ass and starts kissing and licking my cleavage!
Nick screams out, “That’s what I’m talking about!”
Oh my God! That’s it!
I’m going to kill him, and then I’m gonna break up with him.
He licks up the side of my neck with his tongue.
The guys are going crazy, cheering him on. When his tongue touches my ear, I’m about to blow.
He whispers, “That’s a pretty sexy tattoo you have there, miss.”
He’s referring to the little angel wings I have tattooed on my hip. He and Danny have matching ones on their ankles.
I forgot about that. It’s clearly visible.
He continues, “You know, this is my bachelor party.”
I try to answer in a different voice, “I heard.”
“I’m supposed to have, like, random sex with hot girls at my bachelor party. So, I was thinking …”
“I don’t think it’s your brain that’s thinking.”
“Wanna go to my room?”
I smile at him. I love this boy, and I’m more than willing to play along. “Lead the way, baby.” I start to get up, but then I stop. “Um, you do know that I charge five hundred dollars for that?”
Phillip holds out his hands. “I don’t have any cash.”
I get off his lap and lean my boobs down into his face. “Oh, that’s really too bad. There are these shoes I want, but my boyfriend gets mad at me when I buy shoes, so this is how I earn my shoe money.”
He studies my masked face and then slowly runs his eyes down my body. “Don’t move.”
He strides over to Danny and says a few words to him.
Danny gets his wallet out. I hear Danny mutter, “That’s a bargain compared to last night.”
Phillip comes back with a handful of ones and five crisp hundred-dollar bills. I reach out to grab the money, but he pulls it back fast.
“Oh, not so fast. You have to earn it first.”
As the boys cheer, I take his hand, follow him into his room, and earn myself a new pair of shoes.
Danny and I are the first ones down at the bar. He’s struggling with buyer’s remorse.
“Jay, should I feel guilty?”
“Not at all,” I tell him. “Hey, can we go see it?”
“Yeah, if you’ll tell me why I shouldn’t feel guilty on the way.”
As we walk down the brightly decorated hall, I say, “Danny, it’s okay to buy yourself just one thing as a reward for all your hard work. Now, if you start buying a whole fleet of whips, I’m gonna have to whip you with my XXX wedding favors.”
Danny laughs heartily.
I wrap my arm around his shoulders, which causes me to get jealous looks from all the women walking by. “Danny, you’ve worked your ass off for years to get to this point. You really should enjoy it a little. Speaking of enjoying it …” I reach into my purse, grab the five hundred dollars Phillip paid me, and hand it to him. “Here’s your money back.”
He laughs at me. “You probably don’t have a fallback career as a stripper. I’m just saying.”
“Shut up!”
“I guess you’re right though. The only thing I’ve spent money on is the house. Speaking of that, did Lori tell you the house next door to us is getting ready to go on the market?”
“No, she didn’t.”
“I think you and Phillip should buy it.”
“It’d be fun to be neighbors again.”
We get to the Ferrari dealership. The place is like Disneyland for boys with cash. Danny walks in and is greeted like the superstar he is. He and the sales guy lead me to an incredibly sleek and gorgeous bright red car.
“Wow, Danny. I wouldn’t need to get tipsy to buy this car. Can I have one, too?”
Danny laughs as he opens the door and lets me slide behind the wheel. “You look good in it. You should buy one for yourself.”
“I can’t talk Phillip into spending money on a house. He’d have a cow if I brought home a freaking Ferrari! Plus, I’m not a professional quarterback.”
“Jay, when it comes down to it, it’s your money. You can spend it however you want.”
Sitting behind the wheel of this car, I feel like I could have anything I want.
“Phillip said to me, ‘I have a good job. I don’t need a handout from my wife to buy a house.’ And I’m not sure what to do. He won’t listen to me about it. It’s like a closed subject. Every time I bring it up, he gets pissy with me, and Phillip is never pissy with me. That’s your job.” I give him a smirk. “Plus, ultimately, I have to get your dad to agree. Why did you tell me to put the money back in my trust? I wouldn’t have had to go through stupid couples counseling.”
“Because my dad was afraid we’d blow it on a car like this.” He studies me and the car. “You look hot in this car. You should do what you want.”
“I’m not buying a car like this, but anytime you want me to drive this for you, you let me know.” I stick my hand out and do my best rap-star imitation. “I’m in my whip. I’m in my ride.” I laugh. “You know, I totally should’ve been a rap star.”
Danny laughs, crosses his arms in front of his chest, and does a rap-star pose. “Dude, me, too.”
“We’re gonna need to buy you some gold chains or something first. You’re a little too clean-cut-looking.”
“I think you’re trying to distract me. Back to the subject at hand. Do you know how cool it would be for our kids to be neighbors and for us to be able to hang out like our parents always did? In fact, speaking of that, you need to hurry up and get pregnant.”
“No way.”
“We want you pregnant soon.”
“You sound like Phillip’s mom. I wanna be able to drink on my honeymoon.”
Danny takes my hand and helps me out of the car. “Go off the pill now, and maybe you can kill two birds with one stone. You can go on your babymoon and your honeymoon at the same time. That would save Phillip money, so he can buy the house next door. You’ll love it, Jay! They just finished remodeling it, and the kitchen is so cool. The basement looks like a sports bar. It’s awesome.”
Danny throws his arm across my shoulders and leads me over to a matching fly yellow Ferrari. “We wouldn’t have to match exactly.”
The sales guy, who’s been following us around, says to me, “This car looks like you.”
I’m not sure if looking like a fast, expensive car is a compliment or not, so I ignore him. “A babymoon is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. What are you celebrating? That your baby isn’t there yet? The soon-to-be death of your romantic and sex lives? I want some time to enjoy it being just Phillip and me. Like you and Lori did. You had romance.”
“We still have romance.”
“Danny, I’ve dated Phillip for three months. That’s it. I wanna date him for a while. I want it to be just the two of us.”
“Having a baby is romantic.”
“It doesn’t seem like it. Seems stressful, and once the baby is born, it’s a lot of hard work.”
“So, how long does Phillip wanna wait?”
“I don’t know. We really haven’t talked about it, but I’m sure he wants to wait, too.”
“Come on. Just think, our kids could grow up together, play football together.” He gives me a big smirk. “Your daughter could beg my son to teach her how to kiss.”
“I did not beg you. I wanted a simple two-minute demonstration. I didn’t expect you were going to teach me for hours.”
I hear the sales guy chuckle.
“You know me. I just wanted you to be perfect.”
“And, besides, you’re a year older than me, so I have some time.”
“You need to start trying now.”
“My luck, I’d get pregnant and be puking through my wedding.”
“Fine. After the honeymoon. You have a goal now. Visualize yourself being fertile, fruitful.”
“Danny, jeez. Yuck.”
Danny looks at the sales guy and says, “This car is really tight. She’ll take it.” Then, he grins at me. “Just think, Jay, when you’re trying to get pregnant, you have to do a lot of trying.”
“Danny, okay, enough. If it’s supposed to happen, it will.” I look at the sales guy. “I will not be taking it. We need to get back to the bar.”
“Fine.” Danny pouts.
“You know, you kinda pout when you don’t get your way.”
“I do with you.”
“Why?”
“’Cause it usually works. Shall I give you my grin, too?”
I smack his shoulder, which doesn’t affect him in the least. Danny gives the sales guy a high five on the way out.
“We need to get Phillip over this nonsense and make him buy the house.”
“I don’t think it’ll work. He thinks he wears the pants.”
“Tell him you insist. You know, it’s funny that the girl who’s been giving me a hard time about not rewarding myself can’t take her own advice.”
“Danny, this is different. I didn’t earn this money. I didn’t work for it. I got it because my parents died. I’m afraid, if I spend it, it’s like I’m glad they’re dead.”
“You’re so dumb, and your parents would have been so disappointed. They wanted to take care of you if something happened. That’s why they were well insured. They wanted to be able to give you something if they weren’t here to give it to you themselves. So, why was it okay to spend it on college, but it’s not okay to spend it on a house?”
“I’m okay with spending some of it on a house! Phillip is the one who isn’t. And I’ve only spent it on things they would’ve spent it on. Like, they insisted I go to college, so I was okay with it. They would’ve paid for my wedding, so I’m okay with that. But I’m pretty sure they never would have bought me a Ferrari, Danny.”
“True. But don’t you think your parents would have loved the idea of you living by us, of our kids growing up together, just like we did?”
“Yeah, they probably would have, but it’s not me you have to convince; it’s Phillip.”
“So, once again, tell him you insist. Tell him it’s what your parents would have wanted, and just buy it!”
“I don’t think he’ll let me. He’s stubborn.”
“Then, you have two options. Use your feminine wiles on him or make him feel guilty. Tell him you strongly believe it’s what your parents would have wanted, and you feel like, if you don’t, you’ll be letting them down.”
“You’re devious, Danny.”
“Yeah, well, that’s why we get along so good.”
After a great dinner, we’re all sitting around the curved hotel bar, laughing, joking, and reminiscing. As we learned last night, one thing about being friends with people practically your whole lives is that they never seem to forget anything.
So, of course, the topic turns to Phillip and me.
Blake goes to Phillip, “So, now that you’re engaged, you can finally tell us the truth. All those nights the two of you went home to watch movies or just chill, you were hitting it, right? I mean, we all knew it even though you were always like, ‘We’re just friends.’”
Nick joins in. “Yeah, why the big secret? It was so obvious to all of us. Every time you looked at Phillip, it seemed intimate.”
My mind flashes back to coming home from hanging out with Nick, Chelsea, and some other friends. Phillip hadn’t gone because he had a big test to study for. Phillip is a perfectionist. He likes to do his best at everything he does.
That night, I came home and found his big body sprawled across my bed. I asked why he was in my room. He told me it smelled good and that it helped him relax. I quizzed him for a bit. Then, he laid his head on the pillow next to me and buried his face in my chest. I could tell he was stressed, so I ran my hands through his hair. Sometimes, I rubbed it hard, like they do at the salon when they shampoo you. Other times, I was soft and gentle.
I moved down to his neck, which was a mass of knotted-up muscles. I figured his back was tense, too, so I offered to rub it. I’d rubbed his back and shoulders many times before, but he always had his shirt on. He sorta shocked me when he sat up and pulled it off. I will admit, I didn’t really mind rubbing his naked skin. I rubbed his back the same way I had rubbed his hair. Sometimes hard and massaging. Sometimes soft little caresses. Other times, I barely touched his skin with my fingertips. It was slightly hypnotic.
I woke up later, wrapped in his arms, books still lying all around us. I didn’t bother to wake him up. I told myself that I wanted him to sleep well before his test, but truthfully, I liked being in his arms.
Nick is right. We were intimate. We just didn’t have sex.
Nick continues, “You have this connection. I don’t understand why you acted like it wasn’t happening.”
“Because it wasn’t!” I exclaim.
Lori says, “Guys, it’s true. Sad but true.”
“Damn, Phillip,” Logan says. “You must’ve been really in love with her to spend all that time with her and do nothing!”
Everyone laughs.
“So, basically, you all lived together for three years, and nobody was getting any?” Blake asks.
“Not from each other anyway,” I stupidly say.
“That’s so disappointing.” Logan sighs. “Jay baby, you should’ve come to Loggie. Oh, wait, you did.” He flashes me a cheesy grin.
“Shut up, Logan. I didn’t do anything with you either.”
“I wouldn’t call it anything.”
“Fine. I made out with some of Phillip’s fraternity brothers, but seriously, that’s all I ever did.”
“Uh, Matt Fuller,” Logan reminds me.
“Well, yeah, I dated him for four months. After he dumped me and pissed me off, I revenge-dated his best friend because it drove him nuts. Those were the only two boys from your frat I slept with. I just … I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep with Phillip’s friends.”
“You didn’t have any problem sleeping with my friends,” Danny teases.
Nick jokes, “You just have a thing for hot football players, like me.”
I turn my head and ask Danny, “Is a kicker considered a real player?” Then, I give Nick a smirk.
“Actually, kickers are definitely real players. Think of how many times a kick wins a game.”
“True,” everyone says, agreeing with Danny.
“Lori, how many football players did I sleep with?”
She holds up her hand, which is forming a big, fat zero.
Danny looks at me in surprise. “Really? Is that true?”
“Yeah, sadly.”
Nick says, “Why does that surprise you, Danny? You’re the one who told every guy on the team that we could look but not touch.”
“YOU TOLD THEM THAT? Danny! That was so not fair!”
Danny and Phillip laugh.
“I never really thought it would work,” Danny says. “Glad to know it did.”
“Well, it certainly explains a lot. It didn’t matter though. Mostly, I did just fine, finding boys without the two of you. And I preferred it that way.”
“Yeah, you were sneaky,” Danny says.
“I had to be! Here everyone thought it was all hot, wild sex going on, but the truth is, it was like I lived with two FATHERS!”
Danny says, “Please. We used to get into trouble together. I never acted like your father.”
“You did if I was getting into trouble with anyone but you.”
Nick says to Danny, “Like when you guys used to make out at the bar?”
Phillip and Lori both look at us.
Crap. I’m pretty sure neither one of them knew about that.
Danny ignores Nick. “I’ve always watched out for Jay. Phillip and me both.”
“And she’s always needed it,” Phillip says adorably.
He pulls me into a sweet kiss.
Phillip’s kisses are so amazing. I think that’s why it was never a big deal to kiss Danny. It didn’t really mean anything. It was more like an adventure. I’m pretty sure, somewhere in the dark and scary recesses of my mind, I knew, if I kissed Phillip, it would’ve meant something more. Something important.
Dillon laughs and goes, “Remember that baseball game when JJ supposedly by accident mixed up the Gatorade bottles with Danny’s special Gatorade-vodka mixes?”
Joey is like, “That was messed up, girl.”
Phillip laughs. “Joey, you were the one who was messed up.” He tells everyone else, “He got drunk during the game and was goofy and stumbling around.”
“Everyone thought he had heat exhaustion and was delirious,” Danny says.
“Hey, it was an honest mistake. I didn’t see the special mark on the top. But I have to say, it was worth it. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun at a baseball game.”
“I don’t even remember it,” Joey says.
Neil clutches Danny’s arm like he just remembered something super important. “Danny, dude, remember that chick from Park City who was all into you? She’d sit up in the bleachers in that little miniskirt with nothing on underneath? I got hit in the face with a pop fly one time when she uncrossed her legs.”
Katie asks, “She was the one who had a boyfriend, right?”
Phillip laughs and says, “We all know how Danny felt about that.”
All the guys say in unison, “‘Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score.’”
We all laugh and giggle.
Joey is like, “Oh, guys, have you been out to Westown lately? They got a new convenience store. It’s called the Kum and Go. I was seriously pumping my gas and laughing my ass off. Because pumping?”
“I know!” Neil says. “I get gas there every time I see my parents. I always feel bad though when I pump and don’t go inside to buy anything. Like, I did her, but I didn’t stay to snuggle.”
Lisa giggles. “I wondered why all the men were lined up outside. Coming and going is like their dream.”
Lori quips, “Why? They can do that by themselves at home.”
“A man totally named that store,” I say. “Can’t you see a bunch of high-ass frat boys lying around, making up names for their future convenience stores and laughing their asses off?”
“We need to go there, Logan,” Blake says. “We should try and plank on top of their sign.”
Logan high-fives Blake and says, “That’d be so awesome.”
I look at Phillip and think it’s time we go dancing. I can’t wait to grind all over him and actually have the ability to back it up. I wanna drive him crazy. The kind of crazy that will make him want to take me back to my suite and drive me crazy.
“You guys ready to go dance the night away?” I ask.
