It’s three a.m. I’m not sure what woke me up, but I can’t seem to fall back asleep.
Things have been crazy. I’ve been planning the wedding, going to showers, getting ready to move, designing a building, and getting ready for Christmas.
I have a lot on my plate, but I know it’s the wedding that’s keeping me awake.
I have my dream wedding pretty well planned out. I’m lying here, looking at my dream guy. I know Phillip’s the one. I can feel it in my heart, my soul, and my bones.
I don’t doubt it for a second.
But, at the same time, I’m a little nervous.
I’m clearly not going back to sleep, so I pop on Facebook and see Danny has just posted Can’t sleep as his status.
I gently slide out of bed, so I don’t wake Phillip. I go in the living room and give Danny a call. “Hey, I can’t sleep either. Why can’t you sleep?”
Danny gives me a huge sigh. Like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders.
“Do you think I’m gonna be a good father? After last week at the hospital, the baby seems so real. Before, it didn’t seem so real.”
“Danny, you’re gonna be an awesome dad, but I get what you’re feeling. I think I’m having the exact same thoughts, only concerning my wedding. It’s a bit surreal. I’m afraid I’m gonna suck as a wife, and Phillip will wonder why he married me.”
“I think Lori wonders sometimes why she married me. And who could blame her? I wasn’t that supportive of her when she was feeling bad. I got kinda tired of it.”
“Sometimes, I feel like I’m ticking and ticking. I don’t know when I’ll explode, but when I do, I’m afraid I’ll ruin my relationship with Phillip. It’s a lot of pressure.”
“I feel that way, too. Like I’m trying to make an offensive game plan when I have no idea what the defense is gonna do. They’re an unknown. There’s no film, no scouting reports. I’m gonna have to adjust on the field, on the fly. And that’s not easy to do. I have no control.”
“That’s why, sometimes, I’m afraid to marry Phillip. I feel out of control.”
“Love makes you feel out of control. I think that’s how you know it’s right.”
“I can’t imagine how that will be magnified when you have a baby, Danny. I can see why you can’t sleep.”
“You’re a big help,” he says sarcastically.
“Danny, knowing what you know now, having been married, if you had a do-over, would you make the same play again? Would you marry her again?”
“Definitely, yes. Honestly, I can’t imagine my life without her. But it’s still hard.”
“Uh, speaking of hard. Is it bad that Phillip’s gone from being my BFF and wanting to sit around and talk to me all the time to wanting nothing but sex from me?”
Danny chuckles. “Now, that’s the one thing that is normal.”
“So, seriously, should I marry him?”
“Yeah, I think you should. You have to know he’s crazy about you.”
“Maybe, but these counseling sessions are freaking me out, Danny. Phillip and I are failing! We don’t handle conflict right. We don’t talk about money, and we spend way too much time together. I think we’re doing great. But, when we go there, I feel like a big, fat failure!”
“You and Phillip aren’t going to fail. You’re good together. He’s always been good for you.”
“I know that, but am I good for him?”
“That’s exactly what I wanna know! Am I going to be a good dad? Am I going to be good for them? No bullshit, Jay. Do you think I’ll be a good dad?”
“You’ll be the best dad, Danny. Seriously. Think about it. You stand on the field, calmly waiting for a receiver to get open while three-hundred-pound men come rushing after you. I think you can handle a little eight-pound baby.”
“Well, when you put it that way, true.”
“I just realized something. You’re confident about everything you do. I don’t know anyone with more confidence than you. In fact, you being scared makes me feel more normal. Maybe being scared is normal.”
“I think you’re right. Get to sleep.”
“Okay. You, too.”
I sneak back into bed. I’m so glad I got to talk to Danny. I feel so much better.
Everything will be fine.
