Fiona
Alexander was in the shower when I woke in the morning. I stretched out under our silk sheets, feeling relaxed in my body. Finally, some of my strength and energy was coming back. But my mind was not as calm.
I thought about what I would do with my renewed energy today, frowning when I considered I had no plans to look forward to. No plans today, or tomorrow, or the day after that…
For years, my life had been a busy schedule of work and pack business. But I had quit my job. Left the Red Moon Pack. Left all my stake in the family business to my father. I had signed all my rights over to him in an act of protest, one I did not regret but still wished had not been necessary.
High-pressure environments were where I truly thrived. This idleness in the palace was becoming painful.
Alexander emerged from the bathroom in a towel, looking steamy and perfect as always.
“Morning,” he said, standing in the doorway and running a second towel through his hair and beard. His eyes were serious as they looked me over, clearly trying to assess my physical condition.
“Good morning.”
His golden hair, wet and pushed back behind his ears, was getting long, and his beard looked extra shaggy. Wherever it was that he had been this week, he had been skipping his grooming routine.
It was not my place, though, to ask where he had been, or why he’d left me here alone. And apparently, we were not going to continue our conversation from before. He strode into his dressing room, dropping his towel to the floor. I took the opportunity to slip into the bathroom and close myself inside.
I ran the bath water and sat on the edge of the tub as it filled, staring at the wall and trying to put a name to the way I was feeling.
It was good that Alexander was back. But I guess I had been hoping for some closure after our argument, and it felt now like I was not going to get that.
A wall had gone up between us. Whatever it was that Alexander might have been feeling for me, it seemed like it was now suddenly gone.
I almost let the tub overflow, catching sight of it at the last second and scrambling to turn the water off. I plunged my hand down into the water to lift the drain plug, hardly noticing at first that the water was scalding hot. I ripped my arm back when the pain finally reached the front of my mind. The skin was bright red and steaming.
Alexander noticed something was wrong when I came out of the bathroom later in a daze.
“Let me take you to get some breakfast,” he said. “Get dressed.”
I wasn’t in a mood to take my time with getting ready, so I pulled my hair back quickly, slipped into a comfortable dress, and followed my fiancé to the dining room. As we walked, he kept stealing glances at me. But we maintained an uncomfortable silence the whole way.
I hardly knew how to start speaking to him again. It felt like he needed to be the one to begin.
The dining room smelled of fresh breads, sweet and spicy baked goods, and other delicious aromas. We sat across from each other at one end of a big table, upon which a tremendous spread of breakfast foods had already been arranged on tiered golden trays and platters. Alexander asked for a pot of coffee, and a steaming golden teapot arrived a moment later. He insisted on pouring his own cup, though, waving away an over-eager maid.
“Are you still having trouble eating?” he asked once we were alone.
I nodded, starting to fill my plate with a few little items. Everything smelled so good, but still a lump in my throat kept me from hunger.
Alexander reached across the table and touched my hand. I hadn’t even realized I was feeling cold until his warm hand was wrapped around mine, pressing heat into it.
I looked up at him and couldn’t help but smile. I saw a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth too, but he resisted it, blinking hard and turning his face away.
He cleared his throat, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb. “I’m… I’m going to do better,” he finally said, his eyes still gazing down the length of the table at nothing. “I’ll be here with you more, if that’s what you need.”
“It’s not just about what I need,” I replied. He looked at me then, understanding immediately what I meant, his eyes dropping a moment later to my abdomen. “I understand that you have responsibilities and other places to be. But didn’t you move me here so that I could at least sleep beside you at night? For the health of our child, as well as my own?”
Alexander nodded, his countenance dropping. He bowed his head and squeezed my hand tightly before releasing it and moving both his hands to his face.
“You’re right.” He sniffed a heavy inhale through his nose and straightened his spine, all of a sudden gathering his composure. It was an interesting scene to witness… a brief, fleeting moment of sincere emotion, and a quick recoil into coldness.
My next thought almost made me laugh aloud. I was not one to judge – I had been perfecting my own mask of cold indifference for as long as I could remember. I was a Luna. Control and composure made me good at what I was born to do.
I had to admire Alexander, too, for the way he inhabited his role. He was a true Alpha. Savage when he had to be, but honorable when it mattered.
“There’s something else,” I said.
Alexander nodded, giving me his full attention.
“It’s not all about our time together. I’m also having trouble adjusting to my new lifestyle here.” I looked around the dining room where we were seated. It was basically decorated in a theme of overindulgence in luxury, decked out in white and gold linens, with opulent chandeliers, gold-framed mirrors, and bouquets of roses everywhere.
He followed my eyes around the room but did not appear to see what I saw. Did not know what I was saying.
“I’m used to being active. Here, I have no purpose. I’m good at the work that I do, but now I’m unemployed and I just feel… adrift.”
Alexander met my eyes. His expression was blank, or at least unreadable. “Did you really resign from your father’s business?”
I nodded, making an effort to keep my face as neutral as his own. “I signed my shares over to him, as well. He would have fought me for them anyway if all I did was quit. And I just wanted to be done with dealing with him altogether.”
My fiancé nodded, keeping his eyes locked on mine. “So, are you looking for something new?”
“Yes. I haven’t started looking yet because I feel behind. I need to update my resume.” I sighed, suddenly realizing I was not going to be able to provide references for past employers.
I flashed back to being plunged underwater in my parent’s bathtub with a rough hand palming the back of my head and then ripping me back out. Going deaf and dizzy as my father’s voice called out, demanding I pledge loyalty to him, as I gasped for air and choked water out of my lungs.
A dry chuckle escaped my lips, making Alexander raise a questioning eyebrow at me.
“I just… feel like I don’t even know where to begin,” I told him.
It was not the reason I was laughing at myself, but it was true.
