AERIS
It’s been two days. And they’ve been the worst forty-eight hours of my life.
No contact with the outside world, no contact with the guys, no contact with Hayes. I lied to my boss about getting the flu so I wouldn’t have to focus on work—and she thankfully believed me. I don’t remember the last time I saw the sun or breathed fresh air. I also don’t remember the last time I didn’t smell like two skunks fornicated in a sewer drain.
I’ve been sleeping fourteen hours because it’s easier for me to be unconscious than to have to think about everything Hayes put me through. But this is the day that sleeping cycle apparently ends.
Lila yanks back the curtains on my window, showering me in harsh sunlight.
I groan, pulling the covers up over my head, wishing she would just leave me to rot in my bed.
“Aer-Bear, you need to get up. And eat. And shower,” she says, gently pulling back my comforter. The pity in her voice extends to burdened eyes, and she sits down next to me, brushing my hair out of my face.
“Leave me alone, Lila.”
A frown catches the corner of her lips. “As your designated best friend, I can’t leave you alone. Not when you’re this miserable.”
A slew of tears begins to mutilate my vision, and I’m too late to stop the water from dancing down my cheeks. “I can’t do this. It hurts so much. Everything hurts. I—I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t think about anything other than him. And the worst part of it all is that I still love him. I love him so much.”
“Oh, love,” Lila murmurs, making me look up at her. “That kind of love doesn’t just disappear overnight. It’s okay that you still feel that way about him. Your love is your strength.”
I want to pull away from her, but I don’t. “But it’s not. It’s what got me into this mess in the first place.”
“Do you know how lucky Hayes is to have someone like you who loves him?”
“I—” My heart splinters as my retort dies in my mouth.
Arguing with Lila is an inevitable loss, and I don’t have the strength to argue right now. The damage has already been done.
I don’t know how Hayes is doing. Does a twisted part of me hope that he’s just as miserable? Yes. But does the part of me that still loves him hope he’s moving on with his life? Yes.
“Come on,” Lila coos, taking my hand in hers and helping me to my feet.
I have a wicked cramp from lying down all day, and I move so slowly that it feels like my legs are stuck in molasses. My mind’s reached the summit of the anxiety rollercoaster, and now the fifty-foot drop is making my head ache and my eyes strain.
I let Lila drag me into the kitchen as she heats up some leftover Chinese takeout. The mouthwatering smell awakens the beast in my stomach, reminding me just how long it’s been since I’ve eaten.
She’s watching me with those eagle eyes of hers, her arms pinned over her chest.
“Do you think I’m being too harsh on him?” I ask, swallowing a cumbersome noodle lump.
“Frankly, I don’t think you were harsh enough. I mean, if you weren’t still madly in love with him, I’d pop all the segments of his spine out like pieces of Pez.”
“That’s…disturbingly specific.”
Lila laughs, and it’s the first great sound I’ve heard in a while. “You know how protective I am over you,” she replies, bending over to give me a much-needed hug. She smells like fresh jasmine, and her hands are soft as they rove my back. But as much as I love Lila’s hugs, I can’t stop thinking about being in Hayes’ arms instead.
Come on, Aeris. Have some respect for yourself. He lied to you. He played you.
But he also loved you when you couldn’t love yourself.
I push my food away. “Do you think I should forgive him?”
His phantom presence continues to be a thorn in my side, one that I don’t want to remove despite the pain.
“I think you need to worry about your own heart for once. I think you’ll know when you’ve had some time to heal. You’ve always ever worried about others. Now it’s time to put yourself first.”
Lila’s right. I’ve never put myself first. I’ve never shown myself the kindness that I know I deserve. As much as it hurts, I made the right decision—the decision that’ll protect me from further heartache in the future.
