Our wedding day arrived and I vowed to spend the next five years of our marriage making Raife think of me in every sexual way possible. This bastard was going to beg for it—and then I was going to deny him. Let him feel the crushing rejection as I had two weeks ago to this day.
Was it mature soon-to-be queenly behavior? No.
Did I care? Nope.
If he wanted to play mind games, I’d throw his head for a spin.
Somehow Raife and I had barely spent any time together the past two weeks as I was busy planning the wedding and he was working hard at the infirmary and planning his eventual war with the queen. I couldn’t believe that in just a few short hours I would be Raife’s wife and queen of Archmere. People were traveling from all over the realm to attend the grand event. White silk tents had been erected in the palace gardens, and floral garland draped over every surface of the castle.
It was pretty magical for a fake wedding.
Standing on a podium, I sighed, lost in my thoughts while the seamstress pulled and prodded at my dress. The makeup attendant dusted my cheeks with some reflective shimmer and then brushed a rosy pink lip stain across my lips.
“My lady, you look so beautiful,” the makeup attendant said. “Are you excited?”
I looked at her and put on a fake smile. “Best day of my life,” I lied.
I couldn’t get Raife’s dismissal of me out of my head. What was wrong with him? He clearly liked me at one point, right? He’d called me pretty, told me my hair looked better down, complimented my dresses, and even got mad when he was worried about my safety. My mind chewed on what the next five years of my life would be like as we approached closer and closer to the hour of my wedding.
Another hour droned by and the seamstress, and the hair and makeup ladies finally stepped away from me, massaging their hands.
“You’re ready,” they said in unison.
I steeled myself as they walked me over to a full-length mirror.
When I saw my own reflection, I gasped. I’d never looked this beautiful in my entire life. Whatever she’d done to my eyes, the makeup made them pop and look wider. The shimmer on my cheeks accentuated my heart-shaped face, and my lips looked plump and kissable.
But the dress was the real head turner. I’d sketched out the design but Samarah had really made it come to life. The neck line was a deep V, not deep enough to be improper but enough for Raife to notice the shadow of the top of my cleavage. The sleeves were a dramatic floor-dusting length of white lace, and the dress hugged my waist in white silk before belling out and trailing behind me a good ten feet. The makeup attendant rushed forward with her little shimmer brush and dabbed it on my cleavage, giving me a wink.
I burst into laughter, tears suddenly lining my eyes as I was overcome with emotion.
I knew it was a fake agreement, but for a half second I wished my auntie could be here. Growing up without parents, my aunt was all I had, and even though it wasn’t real it might be the only wedding I ever had. No man was going to want me after the king divorced me. Sure, I might find someone to share companionship with, but exes of royalty were never to legally marry again. It was like we needed to be in mourning for the rest of our lives after we were dumped. This might be my only shot walking down the aisle and saying I do formally.
“Thank you,” I croaked, dabbing at the corner of my eyes.
They all curtsied to me, which was so weird, and then gathered their things. I sat there for another hour, reading, sweating and just generally freaking out, when a knock came at the door.
I figured it was Mrs. Tirth to come and bring me to the ballroom where the wedding would take place, but when I pulled back the door, I stopped breathing when I saw Raife.
He wore a black silk tunic that hung past his knees. It was embroidered with a shiny silver thread in a typical elvin swirl design. His hair was braided into six small braids in front, and then it was all pulled back in a thick ponytail at the nape of his neck. He looked sexier than I’d ever seen him, and I totally forgot how to speak.
I just stared at him, watching him gaze at me. Neither of us spoke.
“Umm, hi.” I finally found my words. “Do you… want to come in?”
Why was he here? We’d barely spoken the past two weeks. Was he going to call it off? My heart hammered in my chest.
Raife’s gaze ran from my face slowly down my body unabashedly as he fully checked me out. “I… don’t think I should. It’s bad luck, right?” He also seemed at a loss for words.
I laughed. “It’s bad luck to see me. Too late for that.”
He rubbed his hands together, looking up into my eyes with a depth that gave me chills.
“I just wanted to… thank you. For doing this. I know it can’t be easy for you… you’re a good friend,” he said.
A slice went through my chest. It was like with each mutter of the word “friend” he was surgically removing my heart.
“That’s me… a great friend,” I muttered. This was the worst idea I’d ever had. While he was commending my friendship I was dreaming of ripping that silk tunic off and bedding him.
He rushed forward then, taking me into his arms and pressing me to his chest. He just… held me. It was the deepest, longest hug I’d ever gotten from anyone, and it nearly brought me to tears. There was no passionate kiss, no seductive feelings coming off of him; it was all respect and loyalty, and my heart melted a little. “I’ll never forget this. What you’ve given me. A chance at justice for my family,” he whispered in my ear.
I sighed, relishing being in his arms and also hating it. I wanted so much more than he was capable of giving. It made me sad, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was an honor to help Raife get the justice he deserved for his family.
“It’s my pleasure, Raife,” I told him, and when he finally released me he was smiling.
“See ya soon, then.” He waved awkwardly and backed out of the room. When he stopped in the doorway, he looked me up and down again. “You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen,” he said, and then left.
Why did he do that? Call me a friend one second and then beautiful the next? Didn’t he know the torture it caused me?
I shut the door and then dropped my forehead against the hard wood.
Why? Why did I agree to this fake marriage? I was horrible at following directions. I’d clearly gone and fallen for him.
A light knock rapped at the door and I peeled my face away from it, yanking it backwards with hope that he’d come back to kiss me or something. When I saw Mrs. Tirth, my face fell.
“Oh, hi.”
The lead housemaid put a hand on her hip. “Oh, hi? You look beautiful! Why the long face?”
I swallowed and then gave a nervous laugh. “I’m just anxious. There will be a lot of people there,” I told her.
She nodded. “But the king will be there to get you through it. He’s used to these big events.” She reached out and clasped my hands. “Lean on him. He’s your life partner now. You two will need each other.”
I hated that I’d agreed to this. A fake marriage. It was starting to feel real. Lines were blurring and people were going to get hurt.
And by people I meant me.
I was going to get hurt and there was nothing I could do about it. Raife was going to go after the queen whether I married him or not. He’d find someone else to appease his council, and then my aunt would be stuck in a war-torn country. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let Raife down. When I’d suggested the fake marriage in the beginning, it had been out of a duty to Raife. As his assistant, I took my job seriously, but I’d never thought he would suggest me for the part.
“Ready?” Mrs. Tirth held her arm out to me and I nodded.
As we traversed the halls, I couldn’t help but feel a somber resonance settle into my bones. The dripping flowers everywhere and the magical harp music playing in the garden… I tried to just enjoy the beauty of the day, even if it wasn’t unfolding exactly how I wanted it to.
We passed the exit to the garden on our way to the main hall, and I noticed that the silk tents were already full of people.
“Overflow crowd that couldn’t fit in the ballroom. You will greet them after, before the reception,” Mrs. Tirth told me.
I nodded. I was going to be a queen now. Duty came before comfort.
When we reached the closed doors of the ballroom, my stomach clenched. This was it. There was no turning back now. If I did this, I tied my life to Raife’s forever. Long after we divorced there would be a stain on my heart. That one time I fake-married the king would be a funny story that turned too real.
“Congratulations,” Councilman Haig said behind me and I stiffened, snapping myself from my thoughts.
I swallowed hard and planted a huge smile on my face. “Thank you, sir.”
The rest of the council fanned out behind me and my heart jumped into my throat.
This was it. This moment would change everything. Sadness tried to work its way into my chest then, for the war that had yet to be won, for the heart I had not captured. But I pushed it away and nodded to Mrs. Tirth.
Raife needed me, and although he did not care for me in the way that I had grown to care for him, I wouldn’t desert him now. He’d been abandoned by his family at a young age, not willingly but abandoned nonetheless. I would not do that to him now. Even if it killed me, even if it left scars on my heart that would never heal, I would not desert Raife Lightstone. I was loyal to him to the end.
THE DOORS OPENED and the magical harp music started. An airy voice trilled throughout the space and I followed the sound to an elvin woman who stood in the corner of the room as she sang a wordless tune. Her lack of lyrics made the song all the more beautiful as I walked down the aisle of people. I recognized a few faces—Bow Men in uniform with their wives and children, castle staff, and the families of the daughters I had considered marrying Raife off to.
It had all come full circle now. Out of my periphery I could see Raife standing at the end of the aisle. I purposely did not meet his gaze; I wasn’t ready to do so yet. Smiling at those who had come, I recognized Autumn in the crowd with her sister and gave her a little wave. Before I knew it, I’d reached the end and my moment of truth was here.
You’re a good friend.
Those words would haunt me, and yet they were true. I looked up, and the expression on Raife’s face, the emotions coming off of him, they stole my breath.
His eyes were slightly hooded as he swallowed hard, and reached for me. Taking both of my hands into his, I was hit with an overwhelming sense of adoration and lust.
Raife Lightstone wanted to bed me just as much as I wanted to bed him. He’d been hiding it before but he couldn’t now, not in this moment with all eyes on me and how beautiful he thought I looked. I could feel his emotions leaking into me too strongly, and my stomach heated.
This changed everything.
My plan to be a loyal friend to the end pivoted to a plan to expose that he was hiding his feelings for me. I was going to make him admit it, to see that no matter how scared he was we would get through it together.
The music died down, and as I held his gaze his feelings of lust and romance quickly turned to fear and regret. I bit down on my cheek, hating that I had this gift to feel what others were feeling. His emotions quickly spiraled into panic as the priest began the blessing of our union, and I reached up and stroked the side of his face.
“We got this. Together,” I whispered.
It was like I’d doused a fire in water. He instantly relaxed, his stormy emotions subsiding into decisive action. In the entire one-hour union blessing, I did not break away from his gaze. I watched as he waffled between wanting to run out of here and wanting to kiss me, and I held his hands tightly, feeling the same thing.
When the priest finally placed the giant flower garland over the both of us, encircling us together, Raife’s hands relaxed in mine.
“King Lightstone, please declare publicly to all of these witnesses your intention to marry and care for your betrothed.” The priest’s voice was calm and smooth, anything but how I felt.
Raife cleared his throat, and broke my gaze for the first time since I’d entered the room. “I, Raife Lightstone, intend to marry, care for, and devote all of my time and effort into making Kailani Rose Dulane happy, healthy, and prosperous.”
Even though it was a canned phrase said for thousands of years among the elvin people who married, tears pricked the edges of my eyes nonetheless.
The priest looked at me and I stared out to the crowd. “I, Kailani Rose Dulane, intend to marry, care for, and devote all of my time and effort into making King Raife Lightstone happy, healthy and…” I paused. “More prosperous?”
The crowd erupted into laughter, and even the edges of Raife’s lip curled. I was glad for the comedic moment, because what came next had my stomach tying up into knots. Would it be a small modest peck for the crowd’s enjoyment, or an earnest kiss from his heart?
The priest raised his arms. “Do I have the blessing of the elvin council?” he asked.
I looked to the side, where the council sat in high-backed chairs, and one by one they nodded their heads.
“May the Maker bless this union for ages to come,” the priest said, and the crowd went wild. “My king, you may kiss your queen.”
I faced him, holding my breath, and watched as indecision crossed his features.
I felt it then. Tendrils of sorrow worked its way into his energy and doused us both. He was holding himself back for fear of falling for me. Watching his entire family die left a scar on his soul, one that would not allow him to love another.
Yet.
Leaning forward, he grasped the sides of my face and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss wasn’t as brief as I thought it might be, but it was still painfully short. Knowing how kissing him could be, this felt like an afterthought, and it was hard not to be saddened by it.
The crowd didn’t seem to mind, as claps and cheers rang throughout the space. Raife pulled away from me and then slipped his hand into mine, stroking my palm and raising our interlocked fingers into the air.
He looked at the council with a big smile that said, See I’m married. Now will you approve my war?
It was a double event: wedding and coronation. The priest then crowned me as queen, something I still couldn’t even process. When he set the crown on my head and I took my vow to protect Archmere and prosper it at all costs, the gathered people clapped and screamed so loudly the windows shook.
I felt slightly numb as we walked through the crowds, waving and fake smiling. All the while I just wanted the man next to me to give me something I wasn’t sure he was capable of. I clung to Raife as the throngs pressed in on us, and I picked up on all of their elated energy. Despite the overwhelming nature of it, the night was beautiful. We ate a wonderful meal that Mrs. Tirth tasted—the job was no longer mine as a queen couldn’t be food tasting for her husband; it wasn’t proper. We danced and walked for hours through the throngs of elvin people as they showered us with praise and well wishes, and before I knew it we were being ushered back into Raife’s bedroom.
Two Bow Men stood like sentinels on either side of the door. Raife gave them a nod and led me inside. It was near midnight, and I was tired, but I had completely forgotten to talk to Raife about our living arrangements. He’d briefly discussed sharing a bedroom for the first year so that the council didn’t get wind of any issues, and then sleeping apart after the war was funded and done. Now that I was confronted with sharing a room, I felt a whole host of emotions rush through me.
The last time I’d glimpsed into this place, there had been a woman streaking across it. My eyes flitted over the large four-poster bed to the left. There was a giant rug and fireplace to the right, and rows and rows of bookshelves. In front of the fireplace was a large sofa and reading chair. I noticed the room didn’t have any windows, which I assumed was for safety, but there were plenty of lights so it didn’t feel dark. As soon as Raife closed the door, he walked over to a wardrobe on the far wall and pulled a pillow and blanket from it. He brought it over to the sofa and started to make the bed.
Okay… that answered that question.
“It was a nice day. Everyone looked happy,” I said, trying to shake off the nerves I was feeling.
He nodded. “The council seems pleased, and the people feel secure in the future bloodline of the monarchy.”
It was a robotic response, one that was very much focused on the duty of the wedding and not the emotions of it all. I understood. This was a business arrangement to him, or had begun as one. I peered at my dressing gown on the bed that Mrs. Tirth must have brought over, and blushed. Looking over my shoulder, I spied the washroom door and scooped up the dressing gown.
There were about twenty bows that tied up the back of my corset, all individually knotted by my dressing maids, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach them. I walked over to Raife and cleared my throat. When he looked up at me, there was a curiosity in his gaze.
“It took about three people to get me into this dress. I need help with the back,” I told him, feeling heat rising in my cheeks.
He nodded and I spun around, giving him my back. When I felt the heat of his body behind me, my eyes fluttered closed. He laid a warm hand on my right shoulder for leverage and then one by one pulled the bows of my corset. With each undoing, my top got looser and I inhaled a deep breath. Pain for beauty was totally a thing I embraced on special occasions, and this was one of them. I was sure to have indentations on my ribs, but this dress was the most beautiful garment I owned, so it was worth it.
With Raife’s hand pressed to my shoulder, I could feel his emotions. He wasn’t making any effort to hide them. Lust, desire, respect, and fear. Always fear.
When he got halfway down my back, the sleeves slipped off and I made no effort to pull them back up. He removed his right hand, letting the fabric he’d been holding up fall. The front of my dress was suddenly at my waist and I stood topless facing the bookcase. My eyes were still closed, my heart hammering in my chest as I took a shaky breath.
I should cover myself and walk to the washroom. I should make an effort to pull my sleeves up and act shocked at my unexpected nakedness. I didn’t. Because instead of turning away, Raife pressed closer to me. His body was suddenly flush against mine, and then his breath was on my neck. Heat bloomed between my legs in anticipation. For an agonizing ten seconds he hovered over my neck just breathing, and I wanted to reach up and grasp his hair, yanking him down to kiss my flesh. But I knew I couldn’t rush him. The tumult of emotions rushing through him was something he had to figure out himself.
The underlying emotion was fear. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, his lips kissed my neck and I moaned, tipping my head back into him. His hands came around to cup my breasts and I turned my head, bringing my mouth to his.
The kiss we had that night when he was drunk was nothing compared to the one he gave me now. This kiss was hungry, aching and utterly all-consuming. Our greedy tongues caressed each other, and then all of a sudden he pulled away from me. I whimpered when he flipped me around to fully face him. I panted, out of breath and unsure what to do.
His gaze was savage in that moment. And then I felt it. A cascade of fear washed over me, coming from him.
I stepped closer to him, reaching for him.
“What are you so afraid of?”
He shook his head, placing his hand over my flittering heart, right between my naked breasts. “Falling in love with you. Losing you. Being inside you. Not being inside you. Everything about you scares me, Lani.” His words were so raw, so full of truth, I couldn’t help but respect them.
I stepped closer, cupping both sides of his jaw. “Let me love you.” I stared into his eyes, not even sure what that sentence meant, what I was really trying to say. It just tumbled out of me. I pressed myself even closer, slipping my fingers down the front of his trousers. “Let me take care of you.” I kissed his neck. “Heal you.”
I grabbed his hardness and then pressed my lips to his cheek, about to speak again, when his arms wrapped around my waist tightly and then I was lifted up into the air. I pulled my hand from his waistband and straddled him as he walked me with purpose to the bed.
When we reached it, he tossed me on the mattress and helped me shimmy out of my dress. Standing over me, he gazed down at me, all of me, and his eyes glittered. “If we consummate this marriage, it will be harder to get out of.”
I don’t want out, I wanted to say, but kept my mouth shut. “I like a challenge,” I said for his benefit. Getting too serious too quickly would only scare him off.
His eyes hooded, and then he lowered himself on top of me, showing me just what it felt like to be bedded by Raife Lightstone. Every bit of it was as mind blowing as I imagined.
Every. Single. Bit.
