My gaze moves from the plant I’m holding to Zane’s closed home office door, my heart thudding wildly as I battle my indecision. For two weeks now, he’s come home only to walk straight into his office, shutting me out completely. It’s clear he doesn’t know what to make of my apologies, and I’m torn between giving him space and wanting to show him my sincerity. I keep thinking about the way he looked at me when he told me he doesn’t believe I love him, and that I only want to be with him now because it’s easier. How do I convince him otherwise? How do I earn his forgiveness after everything I’ve put him through? He was right to say I destroyed us with my own two hands, and I don’t know how to make things right. I’ve never felt such debilitating regret, and there’s no one to direct my anger and helplessness at — no one but myself.
I take a deep steadying breath before pushing the door open, and he looks up, his expression shuttering closed when he notices the plant I’m holding. I pause and just take him in for a moment, deep longing settling in my chest. I’ve barely seen him in days — every time we’re in the same room, he finds a reason to leave. Even at night, he seems to wait until he thinks I’m asleep before joining me in bed, like he did in the first few weeks of our marriage.
More than once, I’ve wanted to turn around and force him to face me, but I haven’t had the heart to. The last thing I want to do is make him even more uncomfortable by cornering him late at night in our bed. I’m not after more conflict, and I won’t earn his favor by getting on his nerves.
When he can’t get out of being in the same space as me at the office, he concentrates solely on his own work, utilizing Mike to liaise between us when need be. The way he’s been avoiding me makes it so obvious he doesn’t want to speak to me, doesn’t even want to see me. He hasn’t even been returning my mother’s calls, and I’m unsure what to tell her. I know what Zane is like, and I know he needs space when he has to think things through, but I’m becoming impatient. When he looks at me like he doesn’t know what to make of me, it makes me all the more desperate to prove that I truly do still love him.
My hands tremble as I gently put the Lily of the Valley plant that I got him on the edge of his desk, and he frowns, his expression conflicted. “I wish I had the skills to plant these,” I murmur, “but I don’t, so I bought them for you. Do you remember, Zane? These were the first flowers you ever gifted me. You told me that just like us, Lily of the Valley had a long history, and it represented apologies and a fresh start when that apology is accepted.” His eyes roam over my face, and I’d give the world to find out what he’s thinking. Just before my birthday, I was certain it was love I saw in his gaze — perhaps not the same kind of love we shared in the past, but love all the same. Now, I’m not so sure. He’s become as unreadable as he was when we first got married, and the loss hits harder than ever before.
“You once told me you wouldn’t ask for my forgiveness, and that you wanted just one chance to earn it. I’m standing here now with the same request. Will you give me a chance, Zane? Just one chance to prove that I do love you, that I’m sorry beyond words, and that your worries about us are unfounded?”
Zane pushes his chair back, creating some distance between us. Pure torment dances in his eyes, and I hold my breath. “I asked for your forgiveness because I’d been a stupid child, and I’d treated you in a less than stellar way because I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings for you.”
“I know. I know this isn’t the same, but—”
“—but what?” he interrupts, rising to his feet. Zane runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Celeste, this is too little, too late. I appreciate the apology, I really do, but it doesn’t change anything.”
My heart sinks, and I walk around his desk, fueled by desperation. “Is it?” I ask, my voice trembling. I place my palm flat on his chest, and his eyes fall closed for a moment, almost like he has to remind himself to resist my touch. It gives me hope that I’m sure he didn’t intend to instill in me. “Is it truly too late?”
His eyes snap to mine when I slowly slide my hand up and around his neck. It’s something I’ve done a thousand times, yet it never ceases to enrapture him. The way he looks at me tells me I’m right to hang on to a thread of hope.
I cup his face with my free hand, keeping his eyes on mine. “I love you,” I whisper, and emotions surge in his gaze. “Please, won’t you talk to me? I’m so incredibly sorry, Zane. I just… I was so overcome with grief, and I’d felt so betrayed, and I know that isn’t an excuse, but I…”
He sighs and wraps his hand in my hair. I lean into him, needing to be closer. “Celeste, no amount of apologies will fix what’s broken. It isn’t my intention to avoid you, I just… I don’t know what to do when you’re like this. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t give you what you need.”
My heart clenches painfully, and a sense of loss washes over me. “Let me try,” I plead. “Let me try to fix this.” He looks at me, his gaze filled with doubts, like he’s scared to go down this path with me again. “Please,” I whisper.
His forehead drops to mine, and he inhales shakily, his eyes fluttering closed. Zane freezes when I lean in and brush my lips against his, once, twice, my touch hesitant for fear he’ll pull away.
Relief rushes through me when he tightens his grip on my hair moments before his mouth comes crashing down against mine, his touch rough and tinged with the same desperation I’m feeling. I moan when I taste peppermint on his tongue and steal away his candy, earning myself a deep satisfied groan.
The way he touches me tells me it’s not too late for us yet, and I deepen our kiss, wanting to lose myself in him in the only way he’ll let me. I grab his shirt, and he pulls his lips off mine, his breathing ragged. “Celestial,” he whispers, his voice pained.
I look up at him, my heart on my sleeve. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel this thing between us. You once begged me to fight for us, to believe in us. I’m here now, Zane. I’m late, but I’m here, and this time, I’m here to stay.”
